bumblegrum
Experienced
- Joined
- Jun 21, 2011
- Posts
- 96
Hi everyone, I'd be most grateful for any comments anyone may feel inclined to make about a story I'm in the middle of writing. If I tell you that the first sentence reads, "I held her hand as she died," it may give you some clue as to the nature of the story.
Basically, the two protagonists had a passionate affair twenty years ago, but it broke up because they both realized that they wouldn't be able to live with each other. Now, twenty years later, the woman's daughter (not his daughter) contacts the guy and tells him her mother has only six weeks to live and she wants to see him again. He rushes to her and they are reconciled. She tells him she wants him to make love to her "one last time" (the title of the story) which he does. Two weeks later, after another touching, but non-sexual scene, she dies, leaving him her engagement ring, much to the daughter's surprise because nobody knew they were engaged. He asks the daughter to make sure that her mother is buried with the engagement ring on the third finger of her left hand. Effective end of story.
My two concerns are that there is only the one episode of sexual contact, and that is very gentle and understated, and secondly, the nature of the theme is that some readers may find it too sentimental. Nevertheless, I like it (any author who tells you they don't like their own stories is borderline crazy), and it's one of these stories that sprung, almost complete, into my mind all at once.
Any comments that people may have about the nature of the story, and perhaps where it would sit will be most valuable. "Mature" perhaps - she is seven years older than him, "Romance" maybe or possibly "Non-Erotic"?
My thanks to anyone willing to give me an opinion - positive or negative.
Basically, the two protagonists had a passionate affair twenty years ago, but it broke up because they both realized that they wouldn't be able to live with each other. Now, twenty years later, the woman's daughter (not his daughter) contacts the guy and tells him her mother has only six weeks to live and she wants to see him again. He rushes to her and they are reconciled. She tells him she wants him to make love to her "one last time" (the title of the story) which he does. Two weeks later, after another touching, but non-sexual scene, she dies, leaving him her engagement ring, much to the daughter's surprise because nobody knew they were engaged. He asks the daughter to make sure that her mother is buried with the engagement ring on the third finger of her left hand. Effective end of story.
My two concerns are that there is only the one episode of sexual contact, and that is very gentle and understated, and secondly, the nature of the theme is that some readers may find it too sentimental. Nevertheless, I like it (any author who tells you they don't like their own stories is borderline crazy), and it's one of these stories that sprung, almost complete, into my mind all at once.
Any comments that people may have about the nature of the story, and perhaps where it would sit will be most valuable. "Mature" perhaps - she is seven years older than him, "Romance" maybe or possibly "Non-Erotic"?
My thanks to anyone willing to give me an opinion - positive or negative.
