Dangers of sentimentality

bumblegrum

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Hi everyone, I'd be most grateful for any comments anyone may feel inclined to make about a story I'm in the middle of writing. If I tell you that the first sentence reads, "I held her hand as she died," it may give you some clue as to the nature of the story.

Basically, the two protagonists had a passionate affair twenty years ago, but it broke up because they both realized that they wouldn't be able to live with each other. Now, twenty years later, the woman's daughter (not his daughter) contacts the guy and tells him her mother has only six weeks to live and she wants to see him again. He rushes to her and they are reconciled. She tells him she wants him to make love to her "one last time" (the title of the story) which he does. Two weeks later, after another touching, but non-sexual scene, she dies, leaving him her engagement ring, much to the daughter's surprise because nobody knew they were engaged. He asks the daughter to make sure that her mother is buried with the engagement ring on the third finger of her left hand. Effective end of story.

My two concerns are that there is only the one episode of sexual contact, and that is very gentle and understated, and secondly, the nature of the theme is that some readers may find it too sentimental. Nevertheless, I like it (any author who tells you they don't like their own stories is borderline crazy), and it's one of these stories that sprung, almost complete, into my mind all at once.

Any comments that people may have about the nature of the story, and perhaps where it would sit will be most valuable. "Mature" perhaps - she is seven years older than him, "Romance" maybe or possibly "Non-Erotic"?

My thanks to anyone willing to give me an opinion - positive or negative. :heart:
 
Hi everyone, I'd be most grateful for any comments anyone may feel inclined to make about a story I'm in the middle of writing. If I tell you that the first sentence reads, "I held her hand as she died," it may give you some clue as to the nature of the story.

Basically, the two protagonists had a passionate affair twenty years ago, but it broke up because they both realized that they wouldn't be able to live with each other. Now, twenty years later, the woman's daughter (not his daughter) contacts the guy and tells him her mother has only six weeks to live and she wants to see him again. He rushes to her and they are reconciled. She tells him she wants him to make love to her "one last time" (the title of the story) which he does. Two weeks later, after another touching, but non-sexual scene, she dies, leaving him her engagement ring, much to the daughter's surprise because nobody knew they were engaged. He asks the daughter to make sure that her mother is buried with the engagement ring on the third finger of her left hand. Effective end of story.

My two concerns are that there is only the one episode of sexual contact, and that is very gentle and understated, and secondly, the nature of the theme is that some readers may find it too sentimental. Nevertheless, I like it (any author who tells you they don't like their own stories is borderline crazy), and it's one of these stories that sprung, almost complete, into my mind all at once.

Any comments that people may have about the nature of the story, and perhaps where it would sit will be most valuable. "Mature" perhaps - she is seven years older than him, "Romance" maybe or possibly "Non-Erotic"?

My thanks to anyone willing to give me an opinion - positive or negative. :heart:


I think it is a good story line. As a matter of fact I very much like it. I think Romance is definitely the category. The only thing is though they generally like happy endings. I think this story will be the equivalent of one of those Hollywood tear jerkers. It;s sad but enjoyable at the same time.

I think you go for it, but do not be surprised if the score is not high and you get some "I don't read erotica to be sad" comments.
 
Sounds to me like this story has grabbed you, and you're going to regret it if you don't let it free.

Non-erotic is out of the question if there's a sex scene. Seven years is a little slim for Mature, and you'd encounter the same problem with readers not giving high marks for the sad ending as in Romance.

I say post it, and go with Romance, as that's the dominant theme. Just go into it expecting a bit lower score than a HEA ending would have drawn.
 
I have one question...

What about the daughter's father? Where is he and why isn't his rings on her fingers. I'm assuming they are divorced and had a bitter break up?
 
Thanks, guys, I appreciate your comments. It's difficult (? impossible) to cover all the nuances of a story in a one paragraph precis, but the ending does have a sort of bittersweet quality about it that will mitigate some of the sadness. And the daughter's father was never a player in this story. That marriage ended over 20 years ago and he doesn't play a role now.

You're right, Darkniciad, it did grab me, and even if I hadn't got any support, I'd've almost certainly gone with the Duke of Wellington, "Publish and be damned."

Thanks again to each of you; I now have more confidence to finish and publish, and as to scores, well, I don't have any control over that so I'll just have to let happen what will happen.
 
One thing I've learned, always finish and post

I stopped writing my last story 3 times thinking no one would like it and it's did very well and I got back a lot of great feedback.

And, don't be afraid of sentiment. Almost all of my stories have a great deal of it and my highest scoring story is one of an paraplegic who writes letters to his wife while she is away. It drips with sentiment and people love it.

I like you scenario. It sounds like a great story.
 
Definitely

A story worth writing. I understand the passion you feel with the characters. I agree this sounds like a romance, or an Erotic Coupling. I think it is an excellent plot. Looking forward to seeing it!

Thank you for sharing,

M1
 
Hi everyone, I'd be most grateful for any comments anyone may feel inclined to make about a story I'm in the middle of writing. If I tell you that the first sentence reads, "I held her hand as she died," it may give you some clue as to the nature of the story.

Basically, the two protagonists had a passionate affair twenty years ago, but it broke up because they both realized that they wouldn't be able to live with each other. Now, twenty years later, the woman's daughter (not his daughter) contacts the guy and tells him her mother has only six weeks to live and she wants to see him again. He rushes to her and they are reconciled. She tells him she wants him to make love to her "one last time" (the title of the story) which he does. Two weeks later, after another touching, but non-sexual scene, she dies, leaving him her engagement ring, much to the daughter's surprise because nobody knew they were engaged. He asks the daughter to make sure that her mother is buried with the engagement ring on the third finger of her left hand. Effective end of story.

My two concerns are that there is only the one episode of sexual contact, and that is very gentle and understated, and secondly, the nature of the theme is that some readers may find it too sentimental. Nevertheless, I like it (any author who tells you they don't like their own stories is borderline crazy), and it's one of these stories that sprung, almost complete, into my mind all at once.

Any comments that people may have about the nature of the story, and perhaps where it would sit will be most valuable. "Mature" perhaps - she is seven years older than him, "Romance" maybe or possibly "Non-Erotic"?

My thanks to anyone willing to give me an opinion - positive or negative. :heart:

This is definitely a romantic theme. Understated sexuality is well within the norm for this genre. The plot you have sketched is powerful and dramatic. I look forward to reading it.
 
Indeed.

And, don't be afraid of sentiment. Almost all of my stories have a great deal of it and my highest scoring story is one of an paraplegic who writes letters to his wife while she is away. It drips with sentiment and people love it.

This ...oh this... this double hard and 3-hole-inserted.--^

I would say, for the level of sentiment you want to use, put it in Romance. If it's just a little bit or fitting to the plot, like I like to throw in and like nakdsub explained, put it in the fitting category. Where you are shooting for (unintentionally or intentionally) the readers of Romance would probably get the most from it.
 
I have always tried to bring emotion into my stories. I often like to go between strongly graphic, erotic, and "dirty" and love, caring, and emotion. It's more like real life. Everybody has two multiple facets to their personality. Sometimes it's tender and loving. Sometimes it's animal and slutty.
 
Thanks to everyone who has been kind enough to provide positive input into this story. After a minor holdup over potential copyright problems with a poem I used in the story (it's actually in the public domain), my story, "One Last Time" has now been published in the "Romance" catalogue. Should you be sufficiently interested, it's at http://www.literotica.com/one-last-time-11 :heart:
 
Lovely! I'm a sucker for romance as well...oddly enough the lovers in my story reconnect after 20 years as well. But no death scenes..LOL!!!
 
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