Damn Spam

[Lisa Denton]

No, not that kind, real spam.

I used to like spam when I was a kid. No, my mother didn't hate me, she would only make it if I asked. I had some at a neighbors house once and liked it, so I would get my mom to make grilled spam and cheese on crackers.

She said don't tell nobody, not that I liked it, and in particular don't tell nobody that she made it and let me eat it.

She showed me how to open the cans and explained everything. She said how spam was made for guys in the army in a foxhole who don't have a can-opener, so they made a built-in can-opener, which of course is stupid and thats how come it breaks. But she said the guys in the army could stab it with thier bayonets to open it so they didn't mind. We used a pair of pliers. Sometimes you need a screwdriver too. Anyways she explained you break the lil key thingie loose and stick it in there and start twisting, and when it gets about here it breaks, then you get the pair of pliers and finish up, easy.

So I realized I hadn't had any spam in probably 10 years, and I wanted some. So in the store I had crackers and cheese but I couldn't find the damn spam, maybe they quit making it. I was disappointed but then I saw something called "treat" and looked at the ingredients, yup, thats the stuff, yummy, all kinds of beef parts and pork parts and stuff. I looked at the warning labels "do not eat this product if you are nursing children or ever plan to have children" yup, thats the good stuff so I bought it and went home.

Treat cans are totally different than spam cans, I had my pliers all ready and they wouldn't work. I had a screwdriver and hammer beating on this damn spam and then I noticed --- my lil dog was laffin at me.

Well, I would show him, I finally got the damn spam opened, and grilled, and made cheese and grilled spam crackers with sliced olives on top. I wasn't going to give my doggie none for laffin at me. But he put his head in my lap and gave me those eyes, yes, I could almost believe that he had been starving for months and months, even though I knew he had just ate a whole bowl of his favorite doggie food.

So I made him some, he liked it too.

Now if they just make a damn spam can that you can open with a can-opener for the people without a bayonet, then me and my dog will be happy.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

This is a teaser for a story, right?

You really should write this, Lisa. Me ma made us eat Spam from time to time when we were wee children. Can't say I didn't like it too.

JJ

 

[Lisa Denton]

This is a teaser for a story, right?

You really should write this, Lisa. Me ma made us eat Spam from time to time when we were wee children. Can't say I didn't like it too.

JJ

It did bring back memories, and I guess thats partly why I wanted some. But seriously I think they quit makin it, and that "treat" was close, but not like my mom used to make. I think we all want something we liked as kids occasionally and it never quite measures up, but heh, this was close, even with the can fiasco.

I wasn't gonna write a spam/sex story, but if you were needing a story idea you can have my spam. Just remember what my mom used to say:

"Don't tell nobody I made it and let you eat it"

 

[TE999]

SPAM was a food staple in my house when I was a kid.

Had it for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Not in the same day fortunately.

I've had it baked, fried, grilled, bbq'd and raw.

Still tastes good though.

 

[Boxlicker101]

I've eaten Spam since I was a child, fried with eggs, in sandwiches, in casseroles, or sliced from the can. I like it fine, but it will never replace prime rib or T-bone steak or fried chicken or some other things.

In the Philippines, it's considered to be something of a treat, (Not Treet. That's another, inferior brand) and we include it in packages we sent to relatives.

It comes in a pull top can now, and is very easy to open. You don't need pliers or a screw driver or knife, or anything else to open it.

 

[Lady Reiha]

Facts about that canned crap.

The deep, dark truth about Spam. Also some nifty trivia. Impress your friends and relatives!

1. Ingredients:
* Chopped pork shoulder meat with ham meat added.
* Salt (for binding, flavour, and firmness)
* Water (to help in mixing)
* Sugar (for flavour)
* Sodium Nitrite (for colour and as a preservative)
Yum yum!

2. Nutrition Information For SPAM (original style):
* Calories Per Serving: 170
* Calories Per Serving From Fat: 140
* Serving Size: 2 oz.
* Servings Per Container: 6 (large) or 3.5 (small)
* Total Fat: 16g
* Saturated Fat: 6g
* Cholesterol: 40mg
* Sodium: 750mg
* Total Carbohydrates: 0g
* Fiber: 0g
* Sugars: 0g
* Proteins: 7g
* Vitamin A: 0%
* Vitamin C: 0%
* Calcium: 0%
* Iron: 2%
Deee-licious!

3. Nifty Spam Trivia!
* By World War II, Hormel had sold twenty thousand tons of Spam. Then, during the wartime meat rationing, Spam got popular...
* If all the cans of Spam ever eaten were put end-to-end, they would circle the globe at least ten times.
* In the U.S. alone, 3.8 cans of Spam "are consumed every second"(assuming SPAM is eaten 24 hours a day, 365.25 days a year).
* Senator Robert Byrd of West Viginia eats a sandwich of SPAM and mayonnaise on white bread three times a week.
* Residents of Hawai'i eat an average of four cans of SPAM per person per year, more than in any other place on Earth (Elsewhere in the Universe, who knows?).
* By 1959, a billion cans of SPAM had been sold. The two billion mark was hit in 1970, followed by three billion in 1980, four billion in 1986, and five billion in 1993. That's a lot of SPAM!
* In Korea, SPAM is sold in stylish presentation gift boxes of nine cans each. SPAM stolen from army PXs can be found on the Korean black market. And there are Korean imitations called Lo-Spam, Dak, Plumrose, and Tulip, to ensure that no one need go without.
* Nikita Krushchev once credited SPAM with the survival of the WWII Russian army. ''Without SPAM, we wouldn't have been able to feed our army,'' he said.
* SPAM is sold in over 99% of U.S. grocery stores.
* The SPAM luncheon meat trademark is registered in 93 countries.
* Over 60 million people in the U.S. eat SPAM.
* SPAM is made in two U.S. locations - Austin, Minnesota, and Fremont, Nebraska - and seven other countries: England, Australia, Denmark, Phillipines, Japan, Taiwan, and South Korea.
* In 1989, the U.S. armed forces bought 3.3 million pounds of SPAM.
* Over 141 million cans of SPAM are sold worldwide each year.

Isn't that amazing? But it's all true!

 

[MrsDeathlynx]

Hubby and I occasionally get SPAM, we usually get the saltfree or low salt kind. Then we cube it and fry it and mix it in with Velveta Shells and Cheese. Or when I was a kid my mom used to put it in salads so we got some sort of meat, in which case we did it raw (I think, that has been way too long, lol).

 

[keeblercrumb]

Is this a Monty Python tribute thread?

-KC

 

[Chantilyvamp]

They do still make it yep I like it sliced and fried and put in a sandwich with cheese and tomato. The again I still have a thing for fried bologne and over here i'm hooked on kebabs. So maybe my taste in food shouldn't always be trusted.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I'm amazed anyone admits liking SPAM.

I hated it as a kid. I love it now. I dont want a lot of it, but occasionally it hits the right spot....like Pecan Pie.

 

[jomar]

I havn't eaten it in years. I now prefer it for other uses.

http://www.crunchyfrog.com/img/picSpam01.jpg

http://starbulletin.com/2000/03/22/features/art.jpg

 

[jomar]

dang dup post

 

[tickledkitty]

They do still make it yep I like it sliced and fried and put in a sandwich with cheese and tomato. The again I still have a thing for fried bologne and over here i'm hooked on kebabs. So maybe my taste in food shouldn't always be trusted.

That would be the delectable Spamburger hamburger. We loved those as kids too. Now I wouldn't touch it.

 

[tickledkitty]

I have noticed that canned meats seem to be much inferior now to what they were, say, 30 years ago.
My grandmother used to make corned beef sandwiches using the canned kind of corned beef mixed with some other stuff; chili sauce, pickle relish, I think, and I can't remember what else. She'd pile it on buns and top with swiss cheese, wrap them in foil, and heat them up in the oven until the cheese was all melty and gooey.

I had a hankering for those sandwiches a while back and bought a can of corned beef. It was disgusting. I mean, really gross. I made the sandwiches anyway, but they just weren't the same. The meat had no real consistency. It was just a gelatinous mass of yuck.

 

[Lisa Denton]

I've eaten Spam since I was a child, fried with eggs, in sandwiches, in casseroles, or sliced from the can. I like it fine, but it will never replace prime rib or T-bone steak or fried chicken or some other things.

In the Philippines, it's considered to be something of a treat, (Not Treet. That's another, inferior brand) and we include it in packages we sent to relatives.

It comes in a pull top can now, and is very easy to open. You don't need pliers or a screw driver or knife, or anything else to open it.

Yes Box, it was named "treet".

You mean I was eating inferior spam?

That sounds really bad.

It had a pull top can, the only easy part was how easy it broke, then 15 minutes with a screwdriver and hammer to open the damn thing, maybe they want you to work up an appetite getting it open. Maybe even the "treet" cans are inferior.

I will look again in the grocery store but its not like they have a spam ailse.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

JOMAR what cured me of fincky tastes was Vietnam. You cannot imagine how awful American troops were fed. It was so bad we stole C Rations from the army and drowned them in pepper sauce. They were preferable to Mystery Meat, Succotash, and Lime Kool Aid for every meal. I suspect Vietnam used up all the shit left over from World War II.

Coming back to America was like dying and going to Heaven.
Real food. Sheets! Real milk! Toilets not overflowing with shit.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

TREET is inferior to Dollar General generic brand. I suspect its congealed anal sphincters from Animal Control kills.

 

[Lisa Denton]

They do still make it yep I like it sliced and fried and put in a sandwich with cheese and tomato. The again I still have a thing for fried bologne and over here i'm hooked on kebabs. So maybe my taste in food shouldn't always be trusted.

My sister invited me and some friends over for what she touted as a delicious and healthy lunch, it was gosh-awful.

I like fried bologne, well, I haven't had any since last time I had spam as a kid. She had raw bologne, not just bologne, it was freakin turkey bologne, which is like adding insult to injury.

She had some kinda salt-free green potato chips, I think it was sea-weed potato chips, because thats what it tasted like.

Sweet sis never noticed the shocked faces around the table as she rambled on about how delicious and healthy this garbage was. Nobody ate more than one bite of everything, but later ravenously devoured the carrot-stick snacks because we were all starving to death. Again, everyone tried one bite of her healthy dip on the carrot-sticks, but what can you say about a totally tasteless dip.

Sis means well and wanted to share her healthy food, but as we waved goodbye, climbed in our cars and left her sub-division, the same car-loads of peoples were in line at the nearby Whataburger drive-thru in minutes.

 

[mjl2010]

Spamwich.

Wrestle can open, removed spam. Slice into thin slices. Fry in bacon grease until lightly browned.

Butter two slices of bread.
Place one slice in new pan, butter side down on medium heat.
add slices of fried Spam and slices of Velveeta cheese.
Place other slice of bread on top butter side up.

check frequently. when golden brown, flip Spamwich and cook until
second slice is golden brown.

Serve cut in half. Mmmmmmm.

MJL

 

[Lisa Denton]

Spamwich.

Wrestle can open, removed spam. Slice into thin slices. Fry in bacon grease until lightly browned.

Butter two slices of bread.
Place one slice in new pan, butter side down on medium heat.
add slices of fried Spam and slices of Velveeta cheese.
Place other slice of bread on top butter side up.

check frequently. when golden brown, flip Spamwich and cook until
second slice is golden brown.

Serve cut in half. Mmmmmmm.

MJL

OMGosh it sounds delicious.

Did you get this from a Martha Stewart cookbook recipe?

 

[jomar]

JOMAR what cured me of fincky tastes was Vietnam. You cannot imagine how awful American troops were fed. It was so bad we stole C Rations from the army and drowned them in pepper sauce. They were preferable to Mystery Meat, Succotash, and Lime Kool Aid for every meal. I suspect Vietnam used up all the shit left over from World War II.

Coming back to America was like dying and going to Heaven.
Real food. Sheets! Real milk! Toilets not overflowing with shit.

Shame they couldn't issue ketchup - covers a lot of evils.

 

[mjl2010]

OMGosh it sounds delicious.

Did you get this from a Martha Stewart cookbook recipe?

Just one of the many things my grandmother used to feed us kids as a treat if we were "good". Can't recall ever not getting the treat though.

MJL

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Before healthy eating, I remember Spam fritters - egg and milk batter and deep-ried - with fries or potato skins. It's what turned me fron dreams of cheerleader to wanting to be a celebrity cook.

Spam is good for you!! Look at the facts.