Damaging effects of religion--anyone else?

[fauconier]

Hi all,

I was raised as a Catholic, and it had terrible effects on me I'm still trying to get over. When I was 11, I had just discovered sexual feelings. I mean just barely, just enough to know how wonderful sex felt. Then the ax fell. I read in my parent's Catholic marriage manual (yes, sadly there really are such things!) that masturbation was a mortal sin. I got sick. Really sick. I stayed sick for the next 7 years. The nuns had drilled into us from first grade onward that there was no worse calamity than being in a state of mortal sin. Your soul turns black, you are far from God, and you're going to be tortured for all eternity. I was horrified, because I truly believed it. I knew that I was supposed to confess to a priest, but I was so ashamed of my body and of anything sexual that I couldn't bring myself to tell another living soul about my situation.

So for the next 7 years I banished sexuality from my life. I didn't masturbate, I didn't fantasise, I didn't even have a sexual dream that I can remember. I bargained with God: I'll give up sex forever, if only you don't send me to Hell.

I was so terrorised that I kept this up for virtually my entire adolescence and teenage years. I couldn't even hold hands with a girl I was interested in, much less kiss her; these things were 'occasions of sin' and would land me in Hell faster than I could blink an eye. I finally realised that a God who would torture a child for something as harmless as masturbation, but who allowed cancer and war and children's burn units to exist, was maybe not the be-all and the end-all of moral behaviour. Much less a role model or worthy of worship.

But the damage was done. I'm married, and at times we've had great sex. But it's not easy. How have other folks on Lit dealt with the harsh and damaging messages on sexuality that so much of organised religion deals out?

 

[DarkBee]

Luckily Protestantism isn't nearly this harsh on sexuality (in fact, I can't remember anything ever said about sex when going to church). I did, however, turn away from it, but for another reason than sexual oppression.

 

[BBC4WMILFnCPLS]

I don't do organized religion for reasons you just stated and more.

I don't like all of the brain-washing and fear-mongering and threats that go on in religion. The judgements and criticism and the belief that you are above everyone else because you suffer from a mass delusion that some space God is going to let you into a fictional paradise when you die.

Most people who are so-called Christians are the least "Christ-like" and the most judgemental.

They force their beliefs on anyone who is not one of them and go around infecting the world with this mental virus that they are spreading. They select specific passages out of their bible that fit their agenda and ignore the ones that don't. They will argue you up and down when you show them how much of a hypocrite they are and their religion is.

Especially in my community. Ever since we've been infected with "Jesus" we haven't been right. Plus their a lot of grandstanding and showboating that I just don't get down with.

Look at what the Mormons did with Prop. 8

They used their religious beliefs for political influence and took away rights from people that had been granted those rights.

Why?

Because their bible says it's wrong. But doesn't that same bible say "Judge not, lest ye be judged." and "Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone."?

Then why don't they practice it?

Because it doesn't fit their agenda. They say they believe in Jesus who in their book was the most loving, accepting, non-judgemental person in the world. They don't even honor his memory by truly living the way he did.

That's why I don't do religion.

 

[bi golly]

I discovered masturbation and thought I was going to Hell. Then I found out my anus was very sensitive to probing and was sure I was going to Hell. I went back and forth between glorious jerk off sessions where I inserted a variety of things in my anus and penitent sessions where I begged God to forgive me.

Then I got something stuck and I thought God was punishing me. After I got it out, I swore I would never put anything in my anus again.

Oops.

 

[Trinique_Fire]

My mother is a Catholic. I don't remember specific events where I was specifically told or specifically read that things like masturbation and fantasies were wrong, but I grew up feeling ashamed about my body and my sexual feelings. My mother always made a big deal about my weight and that added to the pressure and unhappiness I was already feeling. I used to write little fantasy stories and draw sexualized pictures. My friends and I had a "club" where we discussed things that were "private" and that we couldn't talk about with our parents. My parents are significantly older than those of other young women my age, and I think that in a way, I was the perfect prototype of a little girl who should have grown up "properly" in the 1950's. Everything was tamped down and kept out of sight. I struggled with years of confusion over my sexuality, hid my sister's old "Where Babies Come From" book and read it in my closet behind the clothes rack. Additionally, neither my mother or father ever talked to me about sex. I, in turn, never came to them with questions or concerns, never felt comfortable or okay with talking to them about such private matters. It all started with that stupid Catholic church. When you're a kid though, you don't have much say over religion or what kind of church you go to. Now I consider myself a UU, though not surprisingly, I still feel like anything sexual or having to do with me or my body should be kept a huge secret from anyone in my family. I'm ashamed to say that I still have body image problems and am not happy with myself. I worry that I am going to pass my bad self image and reluctance to talk about sexual matters down to my daughter, and I don't want to do that, but the worry is still there of course. I have at least a couple of years to work through all the bullshit and slough off my negative beliefs.....

 

[eyeball1]

My mother is a Catholic. I don't remember specific events where I was specifically told or specifically read that things like masturbation and fantasies were wrong, but I grew up feeling ashamed about my body and my sexual feelings. My mother always made a big deal about my weight and that added to the pressure and unhappiness I was already feeling. I used to write little fantasy stories and draw sexualized pictures. My friends and I had a "club" where we discussed things that were "private" and that we couldn't talk about with our parents. My parents are significantly older than those of other young women my age, and I think that in a way, I was the perfect prototype of a little girl who should have grown up "properly" in the 1950's. Everything was tamped down and kept out of sight. I struggled with years of confusion over my sexuality, hid my sister's old "Where Babies Come From" book and read it in my closet behind the clothes rack. Additionally, neither my mother or father ever talked to me about sex. I, in turn, never came to them with questions or concerns, never felt comfortable or okay with talking to them about such private matters. It all started with that stupid Catholic church. When you're a kid though, you don't have much say over religion or what kind of church you go to. Now I consider myself a UU, though not surprisingly, I still feel like anything sexual or having to do with me or my body should be kept a huge secret from anyone in my family. I'm ashamed to say that I still have body image problems and am not happy with myself. I worry that I am going to pass my bad self image and reluctance to talk about sexual matters down to my daughter, and I don't want to do that, but the worry is still there of course. I have at least a couple of years to work through all the bullshit and slough off my negative beliefs.....

Sounds like my upbringing. Don't talk about it other than x is okay but you should be quiet about it, y is bad and z sends you to hell straight away on a pitchfork.

I still sorta "think Catholic" and am fine with Catholics in general but I gave it all up as soon as I left mom and dad's house and no one was forcing it on me.
It took me years to come to grips with the fact that yes, I am attracted to transsexual women. At the same time I'm also kinky as hell and know most of what I'm into would turn both of my parents grey in an instant.
I'm getting better about accepting my "loves" every day and I like who I am and what I'm becoming.

Now would I tell my folks or my family? Nope. No way. Too many people with closed minds and it'd just open up more problems than it'd ever do any good.

 

[fauconier]

Thanks to everyone for your thoughtful responses. I don't really get why so many Christians practice condemnation and judgement rather than love, but it sure seems to be true. I had an earnest Christian friend, a woman, who told me that if her 15 year old daughter ever became pregnant, she'd throw her daughter out of the house and never speak to her again. Quite a "loving" thing to do to your daughter in a time of crisis! Having been scarred by Christianity at its cruelest, I now find Buddhism and Unitarian-Universalist beliefs to be the kindest and least judgmental teachings I've found. Best wishes to all of us in overcoming the ugliness some of us were raised with. I know it's not easy, but if we keep aware of how certain teachings and beliefs hurt us. I think we'll be way less likely to pass them on to our kids.

 

[SilkyDave]

damaged

I was raised Irish Catholic and the thought of sex with another man would not have been allowed, the guilt I carry to this day for having fantasies is over the top, probably why they remained as fantasies. Catching myself checking out another guy in a Catholic high school was enough reason to have a serious guilt trip. I wish I had been strong enough to overcome it and act on my desires as a bisexual male but I'm left with fantasies , regrets, and Literotica instead of memories of sexual exploration and great orgasms. The desires are strong but I guess due to the damaging effects of religion I have not fulfilled my desires.

 

[A_Kefka]

I was once talking to a pastor, who was married. I asked him about sex, since some hold such strict beliefs about it. He told me that anything done between a loviing, married couple that didn't hurt the other culdn't be wrong. That love was one of God's greatest gifts and any expression of it was a good thing.

 

[Trinique_Fire]

I was raised Irish Catholic and the thought of sex with another man would not have been allowed, the guilt I carry to this day for having fantasies is over the top, probably why they remained as fantasies. Catching myself checking out another guy in a Catholic high school was enough reason to have a serious guilt trip. I wish I had been strong enough to overcome it and act on my desires as a bisexual male but I'm left with fantasies , regrets, and Literotica instead of memories of sexual exploration and great orgasms. The desires are strong but I guess due to the damaging effects of religion I have not fulfilled my desires.

I wish I could offer you a hug.

 

[Trinique_Fire]

Thanks to everyone for your thoughtful responses. I don't really get why so many Christians practice condemnation and judgement rather than love, but it sure seems to be true. I had an earnest Christian friend, a woman, who told me that if her 15 year old daughter ever became pregnant, she'd throw her daughter out of the house and never speak to her again. Quite a "loving" thing to do to your daughter in a time of crisis! Having been scarred by Christianity at its cruelest, I now find Buddhism and Unitarian-Universalist beliefs to be the kindest and least judgmental teachings I've found. Best wishes to all of us in overcoming the ugliness some of us were raised with. I know it's not easy, but if we keep aware of how certain teachings and beliefs hurt us. I think we'll be way less likely to pass them on to our kids.

I worry about that myself.

 

[delugewriter]

I live in Utah but I am Pagan... The suicide rate here is HUGE... And a large portion of that is from the guilt that people feel because of religion. We also have the second largest gay population per capita in Salt Lake only second to San Fran. You would think with such a large GLBT culture, the shame would subside. Sad for all of those lost souls who kill themselves every year here who just can't bring themselves to embrace who they are or "shame their families" by coming out.

 

[Lynabo]

I live in Utah but I am Pagan... The suicide rate here is HUGE... And a large portion of that is from the guilt that people feel because of religion. We also have the second largest gay population per capita in Salt Lake only second to San Fran. You would think with such a large GLBT culture, the shame would subside. Sad for all of those lost souls who kill themselves every year here who just can't bring themselves to embrace who they are or "shame their families" by coming out.

This is certainly an interesting topic and very relavant. The whole fabric of out society is built on religion: the morals, the laws, the punishment, the very way we think and act. Religion was societies way of controlling our instincts making communities safe. What would happen if we had a do as you like rule or just no rules at all, would not the weakest go to the wall?

 

[nolaboy]

everything in moderation

especially religion! I know it's cliche but I hate "organized religion." Nothing on our planet has caused more pain and death than religion and people's adherence thereto!

 

[Wolfman1982]

I agree with all of the above, even though I believe in God. Cause I am the last person who will judge others . And when we have had these non heated forum discussions about religion and what not, then I have almost always said this.

I believe in God, I believe Jesus was a good human being (not a god), I follow the karma rules. But I am not perfect, since I curse and swear at times. But anyway I believe you can check the older GLBT news section threads, when it comes to the older postings from with all that God stuff. And what not.

 

[Desiasianchick]

For some reason religions always guilt us when it comes to sex you will burn in hell if you masterbate etc etc sexual feelings are rarely if ever discussed in a positive way sex is seen as dirty and impure
The question is why? I follow no religion for this very reason our body is a beautiful thing and shame should not exist about sex

 

[DarkBee]

If we were all created in god's image, god must be one ugly ass dude if he never wants us to expose our bodies to others or do anything pleasurable with it...

 

[mreroticlover]

Religion (Catholic) messed me over sexually!

The Catholic Church's teaching about Sex plus a Prudish Sexual family really messed me over.
It's Teaching about masturbation had me feeling guilt and shame for the first 43 years of my life.
I used to feel guilty and ashamed of myself when my secretary would lean over my desk to chat about a letter to talk about something and I would see her cleavage. I would go to early mass that my family was not at so I would not be going to communion because I had commited a "mortal sin" and turned away from God becasue I had watched my sister undress and had gone to my bedroom and masturbated. If I did go to confession (usually every Saturday) I would have to confess to the priest that I had touched myself and got pleasure from it. I had also had "bad" thoughts about the neighbor girl who lay out in her bikini sunning herself. I could go on and on and tell you how messed up the Catholic Church teachings fucked up my sexual life.

I would love to chat and respond to email mjal46 at yahoo

Mel