Daily Jokes

[Isolde]

Cosmetic Surgery
================

Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits
of cosmetic surgery. The first woman says, "I need to be honest
with you, I'm getting a boob job."

The second woman says "Oh that's nothing, I'm thinking of having
my asshole bleached!"

To which the first replies, "Whoa, I just can't picture your
husband as a blonde!"

 

[willywanker]

One for the southern ladies

Two delicate flowers of Southern womanhood, one
from Gerogia, the other an Alabamian, were
conversing on the porch swing of a
large white pillared mansion.

The Georgia peach said, "When my first child was
born, my husband built this beautiful mansion for
me."
The lady from Alabama commented, "Well, isn't that
nice??"

The first woman continued, "When my second child was
born, my husband bought me that fine Cadillac you
see parked in the drive."
Again, belle from Alabama commented, "Well, isn't
that nice??"

The first woman boasted, "Then, when my third child
was born, my husband bought me this exquisite
diamond bracelet."

Yet again, the second of the ladies commented,
"Well, isn't that nice??"

The first woman then asked her companion, "What did
your husband buy for you when you had your first
child?"

"My husband sent me to charm school," declared the
Bama belle.
"Charm school!" the first woman cried, "Land sakes,
child, what on Earth for?"

The Alabamian responded, "So that instead of saying
'who gives a shit,' I learned to say, 'Well, isn't
that nice?

 

[Mistress]

Laughs

 

[willywanker]

a bee in her vigina

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All
of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady
parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming
"Oh my God, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!" The husband
immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation.
The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, tricky situation. But I
have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit."?The husband
being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method
to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said "OK, what I'm
gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into
your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of
my penis I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my
penis out of your wife's vagina. The husband nodded and gave his
approval. The young lady said "Yes,?Yes, whatever, just get on with
it." So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey,
inserted it into the young lady's vagina. After a few gentle strokes,
the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet.
Perhaps I should go a bit deeper." So the doctor went deeper and
deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very
hard indeed. The young lady began to quiver with excitement. She
began to moan and groan aloud.?The doctor, concentrating very hard,
looked like he was enjoying himself, he then put his hands on the
young lady's breasts and started making loud noises.?The husband
at this point suddenly became very annoyed and shouted, "Now wait a
minute! What the Hell do you think you're doing?"?The doctor, still
concentrating, replied, "Change of plan.?I'm gonna drown the bastard!"

 

[Mistress]

OMG! That was funny...