Daddys girl

[hc6packranch]

[Posting Stories prohibited as per Forum Guidelines]

How is it? It's kind of random and needs work. I put in another place here so we will see lol

 

[Bramblethorn]

The forums aren't the place to post stories. What we do here is give feedback on stories that have already been submitted, moderated, and published on the Literotica site.

 

[EmotionalStorm]

I agree with bramble that this is not for the stories, but I will add the following.

Your 'story' is extremely chopped together. There is no flow to the timeline. You went from cheer practice to vacation home with no transition. Did she drive up the coast or into the mountains? Did she talk to her father last month or yesterday and is expecting you to be there?

It is incredibly difficult to read as your sentences are running together, transition to thoughts and observations with a lack of breaks. I counted at least 9 paragraphs..maybe..in the two you posted. Hard to tell as your character appears to be in ADHD seizer as she laying on the floor at the end.