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PrettyLilPussy
Guest
In honor of Father's Day- for one day only - let's hear your best cheesy dad jokes!!!
*grabby hands*
I want 'em!
*grabby hands*
I want 'em!
Pantyboy74
Flirty not Dirty.
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2017
- Posts
- 11,914
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb.
Two but I don't know how they get in there.
Pantyboy74
Flirty not Dirty.
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2017
- Posts
- 11,914
A nun is standing outside a pub...
...and a man comes round the corner, planning to grab an after-work bevy. The nun immediately points at him, and intones:
"Before you enter this den of sin and debauchery, think of your mother and father!"
The man wipes away a tear, and says "They're dead, God bless 'em. They're dead, in heaven."
"Well," says the nun, "Then think of the damage the alcohol will do to your brain!"
"What? What are you talking about?" the man asks. "Have you ever had a drink?" The nun says she has not. "Then how can you talk to me about alcohol? I'll tell you what I'll do," he continues, "I'll buy you a drink, and after you've drunk it, then you can talk to me about alcohol. What'll you have?"
"I don't know," says the nun. "What do ladies usually drink?"
"Gin," he replies.
"Oh, alright," she says. "But - but can you put it in a cup, so nobody notices." The man nods and walks into the bar, calling out to the bartender.
"Bartender! I'll have a beer, and a double gin in a cup!"
"That bloody nuns outside again, isn't she?"
...and a man comes round the corner, planning to grab an after-work bevy. The nun immediately points at him, and intones:
"Before you enter this den of sin and debauchery, think of your mother and father!"
The man wipes away a tear, and says "They're dead, God bless 'em. They're dead, in heaven."
"Well," says the nun, "Then think of the damage the alcohol will do to your brain!"
"What? What are you talking about?" the man asks. "Have you ever had a drink?" The nun says she has not. "Then how can you talk to me about alcohol? I'll tell you what I'll do," he continues, "I'll buy you a drink, and after you've drunk it, then you can talk to me about alcohol. What'll you have?"
"I don't know," says the nun. "What do ladies usually drink?"
"Gin," he replies.
"Oh, alright," she says. "But - but can you put it in a cup, so nobody notices." The man nods and walks into the bar, calling out to the bartender.
"Bartender! I'll have a beer, and a double gin in a cup!"
"That bloody nuns outside again, isn't she?"
TransportTiger
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2018
- Posts
- 262
I had a friend who was having a really bad day so I tried telling him dad jokes to cheer him up.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Pantyboy74
Flirty not Dirty.
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2017
- Posts
- 11,914
A student visits the principal’s office one day and the principal says to him, “What’s your name, son?” He replies: “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” The principal looks up and asks him, “Oh, do you have a stutter?”
The student replies, “No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was an asshole.”
The student replies, “No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was an asshole.”
Pantyboy74
Flirty not Dirty.
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2017
- Posts
- 11,914
When my dentist reminded me about my wife’s sensitive gag reflex, we laughed and laughed about it for a while...
Then I remembered...................me and my wife have different dentists…
Then I remembered...................me and my wife have different dentists…
TheOlderGuy
Purveyor of Pleasure
- Joined
- Nov 21, 2001
- Posts
- 21,960
Two older couples, after dinner, the wives in the kitchen putting things away, the two men chatting.
"We went to this great restaurant the other night."
"What's it called?"
"Hmmmmm. Let me think. What do you call those red flowers with the thorny stems?"
"A rose?"
"Yeh, yeh, that's it." Raises his voice, "Hey, Rose, what was the name of that restaurant we went to the other night?"
"We went to this great restaurant the other night."
"What's it called?"
"Hmmmmm. Let me think. What do you call those red flowers with the thorny stems?"
"A rose?"
"Yeh, yeh, that's it." Raises his voice, "Hey, Rose, what was the name of that restaurant we went to the other night?"
Pantyboy74
Flirty not Dirty.
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2017
- Posts
- 11,914
2 drunk men walk into a whorehouse
The madam tell her girls ' Just give those guys blow-up dolls. they're so wasted they'll never know the difference'
After when they're walking home the first man says 'I think mine was dead; She never moved or made a sound the whole time'
The second says 'I think Mine was a witch'
First: 'really whys that?'
Second: ''cause when i bit her ass she farted in my face and then flew out the window'
The madam tell her girls ' Just give those guys blow-up dolls. they're so wasted they'll never know the difference'
After when they're walking home the first man says 'I think mine was dead; She never moved or made a sound the whole time'
The second says 'I think Mine was a witch'
First: 'really whys that?'
Second: ''cause when i bit her ass she farted in my face and then flew out the window'
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PrettyLilPussy
Guest
Oh man, y'all got me giggling!! Keep it up!
DarkSimian
RONIN
- Joined
- Mar 26, 2011
- Posts
- 29,487
A piece of string walks into a bar, and asks for a drink.
The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind in here.", and throws him out.
So, the string twists himself around, and walks back in.
"Hey, aren't you the string I just threw out?" asks the bartender.
"No, I'm a frayed knot."
The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind in here.", and throws him out.
So, the string twists himself around, and walks back in.
"Hey, aren't you the string I just threw out?" asks the bartender.
"No, I'm a frayed knot."
Pantyboy74
Flirty not Dirty.
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2017
- Posts
- 11,914
A shipment of Viagra has been stolen
Police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.
Police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.
DarkSimian
RONIN
- Joined
- Mar 26, 2011
- Posts
- 29,487
A classic from Groucho Marx:
I shot an elephant in my pajamas last night. What an elephant was doing wearing my pajamas, I'll never know.
I shot an elephant in my pajamas last night. What an elephant was doing wearing my pajamas, I'll never know.
Pantyboy74
Flirty not Dirty.
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2017
- Posts
- 11,914
Little lad goes up to his dad and says.
"Dad I've just been in the spare bedroom, in the wardrobe is a gateway to a land with a lion and a witch. What's happening dad."
His dad replies.
"Keep out of there, it's Narnia business!"
"Dad I've just been in the spare bedroom, in the wardrobe is a gateway to a land with a lion and a witch. What's happening dad."
His dad replies.
"Keep out of there, it's Narnia business!"
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PrettyLilPussy
Guest
Ahhh the classic!!
RickTango
Dancing with words
- Joined
- Mar 14, 2012
- Posts
- 8,003
This only works if you have a Maine accent.
Q: what do you call a deer with no eyes
A: no idear
Q: what do you call a deer with no legs and no eyes
A: still no idear
Q: what do you call a deer with no legs, no reproductive parts and no eyes?
A: still no fucking idear
Q: what do you call a deer with no eyes
A: no idear
Q: what do you call a deer with no legs and no eyes
A: still no idear
Q: what do you call a deer with no legs, no reproductive parts and no eyes?
A: still no fucking idear
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PrettyLilPussy
Guest
Lol, I can totally hear it!!
TheFirmHand80
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 7, 2017
- Posts
- 1,088
What bug is very well hung?
A cockroach
A cockroach
StiffinKent
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Aug 5, 2016
- Posts
- 210
Where do generals keep their armies?
In their sleevies.
In their sleevies.
