D/s lifestyle and children?

[Master's tink]

I am new here, not nessecarily to D/s. But, after I had my daughter I basically shoved aside and hid all submissive aspects of me that there were. Well, after trying and failing to do the whole "normal" thing.. ya know husband, kids, wife... vanilla style. One horrible bad marriage that lasted a year and almost a total of 6 years later. I am ready to regain what I pushed aside. I miss who I was and how I felt. I want again, to serve. I hope I am making sense here.

I am remarried, have a wonderful husband who is also a Dom and we have had a wonderful relationship. We have known eachother for five years and we have been married for two years. I have already asked him to train me, I've told him already I want to serve him. He is thrilled and very eager. We are both looking forward to this experiance.

Things are different now tho. We have children now. So, my question(s) is(are) Does anyone here have children and also D/s? Is it appropriate? Am I forced to keep it "Only in the bedroom" or discreet? Granted I dont wanna prance around in a posture collar and shackles. I've done several web searches to get different opinions and views but I have had many people tell me that I will just damage my children by allowing them to "witness such an unhealthy relationship". Others tell me they would see nothing wrong with "innocent" things and give tons of examples and little things that can be done without children noticing. Such as - I already like to and prefere to sit on the floor a lot. Its just me, it is who I am.

Does anyone else, here, have children and practice BDSM? What are some of the things you do? If you don't what are you views?


Thank you, tink.

 

[sphynx's dragon]

Well I don't have alot to add to this for your information. But I am very interested in this as well. For those of you who don't know I am sub and husband to my lovely Domme and Wife. While as of yet this hasn't posed a problem We are talking about it and trying to find out information also as our son is 6 weeks old. We're pretty much 24/7 and are trying to work out how to continue while our son grows up and more children follow. So far we're just taking it one day at a time but I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone in your concern and I'l be watching this thread with interest as well!

 

[Kajira Callista]

Since i seem to be search impaired i'm gonna suggest the library, this topic was discussed in a thread that was full of real good stuff. unfortunately i dont know the name of the thread.

 

[laurel-marie]

I have been married almost 17yrs and have 4 kids...one nursing. We pretty much started Dom/sub in a very low keyed way...I am wife therefore I submit, in and out of bedroom. At the time, we never knew about BDSM and the lifestyle, but it was a natural thing for us. It was a revelation to find out I had been living a submissive lifestyle with out even knowing it. What I am refering to is outside the bedroom mostly....the "kink" in the bedroom started the last 2 yrs (story not relevent to this post). Anyway, you can be a submissive in front of the kids...show your Dom the respect he deserves, my husband is put first in ALL things and the kids know it. I make sure I look my best right before he walks in the door...the kids know why mom is primping. Collars can be worn outside the bedroom...mine just happens to not be an actual collar but a silver braclet that looks like a thin band. The kids were actually present(minus the baby) when he gave it to me...they were even with him when he purchased it. He told them it was a special braclet for mom to wear that showed I was his.
Long answer shortened...yes, you can be submissive in front of family and kids. The kids will actually feel more secure because they see the respect we have for each other and the love.

 

[h_i_s]

Between the two of us, my Husband/Master & i have 5 children, 3 of them (ages 5, 7 & 12) living at home, two who are older and on their own.

We are Master and slave 24/7 (our definition of slave=i obey Him. my opinion is always given concideration, and He makes all final decisions. He asked for my submission ONCE, and in my giving it to Him, i gave it infinitely.).

We keep any play (IE: bondage, disapline & sex ) private, and behind closed doors ... in our bedroom. The D/s part of the relationship, although practiced in a most discreet fashion is evident to only us, and is something we do 24/7 where ever we may be.

Most times we are subtle in what we do in ways that no one would blink an eye or think twice. It's not always a sexual thing. Sometimes it is as simple as a look from Him that tells me to sit at His feet on the floor (either at home, or while visiting family or friends). Sometimes it is a sharper look meant to quickly stifle any thought i may have in regard to disagreeing with Him. Other times it is in how i will get up to refill His glass before He communicates that He even needs a refill. It's in the way i wait for Him to choose where we'll sit rather than decide for myself as we enter a theater. And when something needs to be done or said that can't be carried out in front of others, He doesn't hesitate to pull me into the bedroom and close the door for a quick minute or two of needed privacy when He feels it is granted.

At home in front of the kids, there are subtle ways in which i serve Him that are nothing to be concidered as abnormal. We shower together, as many couples do, so they see nothing stranage about that (even if i do serve Him by scrubbing Him from head to toe, washing His hair, and shaving Him before He exits so i can then finally tend to myself. i give Him alot of pampering that most non-D/s wives would not do ... pedicures, and facials, full body massage etc ect. The kids see this as normal too.

i'm sure my oldest (age 12) might have noticed that i am much quicker to agree with Him than any other man i've known. i'm sure she just sees the reason for that being as simple as that she has never seen her mom as happy & content and in love and cared for and loved as mom is right now.

D/s & BDSM for those with children is really not so different than it is for vanillas with children, can't run around naked and having sex 24/7 right out in front of the kids in either situation. Only differences i'd guess is that with D/s .. 1) when it's time to be intimate, if not for a real good gag, and the TV volume on high they'd HEAR alot. 2) The parents sometimes have more toys than the kids. 3) There are all of those plants hanging from the bedroom ceiling with hooks far larger than needed to support plants of that size.

Most importantly, as laurel-marie has already stated ...

... you can be a submissive in front of the kids...show your Dom the respect he deserves ... The kids will actually feel more secure because they see the respect we have for each other and the love.

it's all about r-e-s-p-e-c-t.

i couldn't have said it better myself laurel-marie.

 

[Master's tink]

Thank you, laurel and sinn, your perspectives were very helpful. I did look through the library as Callista suggested, and as well as a board search. I didnt actually find anything useful. But, we've come up with our answer.
I look forward to lingering around and saying hi now and then or eventually...

 

[arctic-stranger]

Between the two of us, my Husband/Master & i have 5 children, 3 of them (ages 5, 7 & 12) living at home, two who are older and on their own.

We are Master and slave 24/7 (our definition of slave=i obey Him. my opinion is always given concideration, and He makes all final decisions. He asked for my submission ONCE, and in my giving it to Him, i gave it infinitely.).

We keep any play (IE: bondage, disapline & sex ) private, and behind closed doors ... in our bedroom. The D/s part of the relationship, although practiced in a most discreet fashion is evident to only us, and is something we do 24/7 where ever we may be.

Most times we are subtle in what we do in ways that no one would blink an eye or think twice. It's not always a sexual thing. Sometimes it is as simple as a look from Him that tells me to sit at His feet on the floor (either at home, or while visiting family or friends). Sometimes it is a sharper look meant to quickly stifle any thought i may have in regard to disagreeing with Him. Other times it is in how i will get up to refill His glass before He communicates that He even needs a refill. It's in the way i wait for Him to choose where we'll sit rather than decide for myself as we enter a theater. And when something needs to be done or said that can't be carried out in front of others, He doesn't hesitate to pull me into the bedroom and close the door for a quick minute or two of needed privacy when He feels it is granted.

At home in front of the kids, there are subtle ways in which i serve Him that are nothing to be concidered as abnormal. We shower together, as many couples do, so they see nothing stranage about that (even if i do serve Him by scrubbing Him from head to toe, washing His hair, and shaving Him before He exits so i can then finally tend to myself. i give Him alot of pampering that most non-D/s wives would not do ... pedicures, and facials, full body massage etc ect. The kids see this as normal too.

i'm sure my oldest (age 12) might have noticed that i am much quicker to agree with Him than any other man i've known. i'm sure she just sees the reason for that being as simple as that she has never seen her mom as happy & content and in love and cared for and loved as mom is right now.

D/s & BDSM for those with children is really not so different than it is for vanillas with children, can't run around naked and having sex 24/7 right out in front of the kids in either situation. Only differences i'd guess is that with D/s .. 1) when it's time to be intimate, if not for a real good gag, and the TV volume on high they'd HEAR alot. 2) The parents sometimes have more toys than the kids. 3) There are all of those plants hanging from the bedroom ceiling with hooks far larger than needed to support plants of that size.

Most importantly, as laurel-marie has already stated ...

it's all about r-e-s-p-e-c-t.

i couldn't have said it better myself laurel-marie.

Thank you for sharing this. It is very good to hear that this can be done, and in a way that is actually healthy for the kids to see. I wish you would share a little more. Thanks

 

[oddity83]

Use your head and try not to do anyting that mind warp the kids in front of them(flogging spanking etc.) other than that its all about respect one an other.

 

[laughingbadger]

For us, it begins and ends in the bedroom, always has. Now the kids are grown and on their own, we have the house to romp through, and that's nice. I am pretty obedient overall, but do not consider our relationship 24/7 by any stretch.

 

[shy slave]

Not sure this fits this thread exactly but...

every now and then issues about children come up on the boards.
There was a thread looking at whether we, as parents, have a hand in maing our children the PYL/pyls of tomorrow. I just cant find it at the moment.

Anyway I found this poem,
(Being a mother of two teenage sons I am enjoying watching them become young men)
I thought I would share it with you.

On Children

...Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.


You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but not seek to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.....

from The Prophet by Kahil Gibran

 

[petboy]

I wouldnt do it infront of the kids. Im 24 and dont have kids myself so i cant began to tell someone how to raise a child. But i think its more of an adult entertainment thing to do while the kids are away. I have seen alot of good posts where exceptions can be made, but i really wouldnt string you wife or husband up naked infront of the kids and flog them or anything like that.