* * * D/s & LDR's - Revisited * * *

[twysted73]

I've "read the thread" but find there to be more emotional support then practical suggestion which prompted this string here.

Don't misunderstand my intent. We need emotional support here as much as we need anything else.

My purpose here today is to provide (through your invaluable input as always) a guide for those of us interested in, engaged in or prepairing to take on the responsability of a LDR through D/s. Provided here I hope to collect ideas, suggestions, proven (and disproven) methods successful and unsucessful to enrich, diversify and add a new spice to already exciting LDR's that may be or have reached a point where an injection of excitement would be just the thing to begin a new level of intensity or to rekindle an old one.

Examples: Wearing of colors in the form of a ribbon placed on the body. Folowing instruction in R/l and reporting back as to how it was completed. Orgasm control, etc.

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[Homburg]

I found similar problems with the other thread. A technique thread would be right handy.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Voice chat through messenger has worked wonderfully. Most of the time sound quality is better than cell phone. Plus we can share pictures, video, camming etc.

Everyday, that is every single day we communicate, even if it is to trade off-line messages.

The best purchase I ever made was my little Sony cybershot camera that can do video clips. At least 3 or so times a week I send him pictures and video. Sometimes the video is sexual and sometimes it is just me talking to him. I don't do this because he has ordered me to do it, I do it to make him happy. Sometimes he will ask that I do certain types of pictures or video but most of the time I just do what I think make him smile.

Together we enjoy writing stories. Usually he will give me an outline and then I will write it and fill in the details. He will then read it and from that give me an outline for the next chapter. It is a fun way of sharing our fantasies and getting to know each other even better.

Most importantly--we both realize that LDRs can be difficult and require work. We are patient when the other has work or family issues that come up. We also make sure that we get to see each other IRL as much as possible. Even a 48hr visit can be just what we need.

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[ecstaticsub]

Emergency Contact

Something that I think is extremely important in a long distance relationship especially one that is internet based is to have an emergency contact who knows about your relationship. If something ever happens to me--car accident etc my sister has my Dom's contact information and will let him know. He has a friend that would do the same for him. If for some reason my Dom doesn't come on-line or answer his cell phone for a couple of days I don't ever want to be wondering what happened to him. If he is in the hospital or family emergency his friend will let me know.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Continuing on the cell phone path...

When in a long distance [non] relationship, I was required to keep the phone within arm's reach, at all times. Not answering the phone, was not an option (for either of us, actually). If one called the other at an inopportune time, the call was accepted, but a quick promise made to call back at X time.

I took calls while in the shower, at the post office, the grocery store, woken from a dead sleep, etc. He took calls while in a public restroom, in the middle of 6 figure wire transfers at the bank, while at the market, and stepped away to answer my call in the middle of business dinners. If you want to talk to your Lover, there is no excuse to not hear their voice [even for 30 seconds]. Period.

***


Know one another's schedules. It's not that hard. Knowing your Lover's schedule can make a phone call a welcome high point of the day, or it can make one hell of a quickie humiliation scene.

We don't have this rule for a number of reasons. The first is that I will not talk to him in front of my children and I can't always excuse myself away from them. He knows and understands this. There are also times of the day I am not allowed to call him except in case of emergency. If I am unable to take his call I will call back or get to my laptop ASAP.

 

[myinnerslut]

this is the third year that A and i are forced to be apart due to being in different schools. unfortunatly this makes me quite experienced in keeping a LDR going while maintaning the D/s.

the biggest thing id say: trust. you have to be able to trust your partner if the relationship is going to stand a chance.

some things we do to keep the D/s going are:
~orgasm control. this is big one for us. i am allowed 7 orgasms a week. thats it, whether im with him in person, on the phone, or by myself. if i was by myself, i have to e-mail him a description of what i did, any toys i used, how long it took, etc, all in "explicit detail" (his words, not mine). if i orgasm on webcam for him or on the phone with him then i do not have to e-mail him that night.

~eating control. i have orders to "eat healthy" every day. the definition of eat healthy is up to me. if i dont eat healthy then i have to do fifty sit ups. the next time it is 50 pushups. then back to sit ups etc etc.

~punishable offense e-mail. i write an e-mail every sunday of things i did wrong that past week that i considered punishable offenses.

~untill recently i took a picture for him every day to show what i was wearing. this stopped becuase after about nine months of it, he was running out of places to put the pics.

~punishments/rewards. in a LDR ir can be difficicult to punish or reward becuase many of these acts require physical contact. rewards that we use include being allowed to sleep in my black collar or red dog collar (used for play), or verbal praise. punishments have included decreasing the number of orgasms i am allowed per week, taking them away completly for a set number of time or physical activity (like 100 extra pushups) .

i hope this is the sort of thing you were looking for. if you had any questions of LDR feel free to ask here, or pm me if you have a question and this thread is no longer active.

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[FurryFury]

I liked these best when I had some ongoing tasks to do that kept me in a certain mind space and closeness to my online Dom despite not talking constantly or even everyday. Of course too much space between the two people and even those sorts of tasks or reminders don't help.

Also I liked the tasks best when they had a bettering function. Which means he had to know me and humans well enough to require something of me that I would learn from or that would make me better at something.

I also like making the other person happy. If I feel they can't be made happy, by me, I get pretty depressed about it. I sort of feel like my function is to lift them up, give them something they probably are not getting elsewhere and so on.

When I get too down or busy, I can't stand it. I feel that I'm letting him down even if he demurs that point. I'm often too hard on myself. That can be a killer.

I have to feel like I'm giving enough. I have to feel like I'm getting enough as well. Otherwise, it just doesn't work.

I understand about the emergency info thing. If you are secure and trusting enough to give out that sort of information to a third party and your online interest that makes a lot of sense. I don't find it to be a particularly safe feeling to do either of those things though so I won't be doing that. I have a lot to protect and a few too many obsessive experiences I don't wish to repeat ever.

I don't do phone period. So that's not an option or rule I could live with.

I don't do cam either.

Basically there is no reason to have an online LDR with me, I guess.

*chuckles*

 

[callinectes]

i should probably add the disclaimer that my perspective/suggestions come from the "please God never ever ever again" school of LDRs.

I have never been involved in a LDR but my current relationship (was off, now on again) may become one due to an opportunity he has...one that he would be foolish to turn down. I must stay here for a variety of reasons (none to do with him). I really do not want to be in a LDR but neither do I want to stop seeing him. He will only be 5 hours away but that can seem like a million when you are used to him being around the corner.

Thanks for posting your thoughts, they are helpful.

 

[catalina_francisco]

We were boring, our most important thing was to communicate. We didn't cam often and when we did it didn't have sexual under or overtones, just a means of seeing each other as we talked. We also didn't do anything like physical punishments/rewards etc., or any particular rituals. We did talk online or the phone more hours of the day than not, as well as send emails back and forth. The 8 hour time difference made it interesting and tricky, and he was not reluctant to tell me to meet him online at 3am my time....he didn't see it as a problem and he did the same for me. We each wrote stories, but that was not as a special part of the relationship as much as it was what we did anyway. If there were ever misunderstandings, a phone call was used to clear it up no matter what we were doing otherwise. I also didn't have a digital in those days so there were no photos going back and forth.

Catalina

 

[LittleJade]

Something that I think is extremely important in a long distance relationship especially one that is internet based is to have an emergency contact who knows about your relationship. If something ever happens to me--car accident etc my sister has my Dom's contact information and will let him know. He has a friend that would do the same for him. If for some reason my Dom doesn't come on-line or answer his cell phone for a couple of days I don't ever want to be wondering what happened to him. If he is in the hospital or family emergency his friend will let me know.

This is an excellent idea.

I will furnish Him with information asap... and furnish a good friend of mine with His info.

 

[twysted73]

Thank You!

Awesome ideas have been left. Let's keep it going! Does anyone involve "ritualistic posturing" or " daily action in the workplace" while away from the PC?
What about items to wear or personal shave/hygine restrictions?
So much potential!

 

[LittleJade]

Awesome ideas have been left. Let's keep it going! Does anyone involve "ritualistic posturing" or " daily action in the workplace" while away from the PC?
What about items to wear or personal shave/hygine restrictions?
So much potential!

I've worn ben wa balls daily for quite some time.. it began as a task that an online Dom had me do... now I do it about five days per week for my own pleasure.

To work.

I journal for my Sir, and then email him the journals.
I am keeping a fitday journal of my foods and activities, as one of my goals is a rather large weight loss.

I've also had wardrobe choices made for me- colours, types of panties, etc... I enjoy the hell out of that. I love having such choices dictated to me.

 

[HottieMama]

Small daily rituals that are reminders of us and our relationship.

Plenty of talk time and chat time. Even if it just a two sentence offline message, daily contact is important. (To me at least) Like ecstaticsub, due to my children and other situations we don't generally do "spur of the moment" calls, but if there was an emergency, i know to give him a quick call or shoot him a text message, no matter what.

Clearly defined rules/expectations with the appropriate follow-up if those rules/expectations are not met.

Rules/guidelines about dress/hair/makeup(including nails), grooming etc...



There are other things as well but these are the ones i am comfortable sharing.

 

[EmpressFi]

The biggest thing we do, is something that's already been said... communicate

The first thing I do when I get up is make sure YIM is logged in. If I'm home late enough, we say good morning to each other, if not, I go to work and log into Meebo so that I can access YIM. We keep that window open all workday.. constant communication ..and yes.. I also keep one open with my hubby too... then when I get home.. log into YIM and tell him that his pet is home.. and we talk until bedtime.. then most nights, he calls and we talk until time to go to sleep .. or ..unfortunately.. until I fall asleep on the phone..

No, it doesnt take the place of touch. There have been nights I've cried because hearing his voice only makes me want to be near him more. But it helps.. so much.

We dont have rituals like me wearing something that signifies my collar. I was owned by him long before I got my collar. I'm not given tasks like journaling or food or anything, but anything he did want me to do... like write a story or something, he has the YIM to tell me. For us, that's because we're pretty much in constant contact, except for commuting time to and from work and sleep.

 

[Netzach]

We mostly talk. Periodically I'll make him do something stupid or sexual, but we usually save the best ideas for our visits.

 

[cookiecat]

writing in a journal.
i'm not necessarily a journal kind of a girl....
but sometimes it put me in a more free-flowing thought process & i'd say something in the journal i thought was completely random.
he'd bring it up the next time we talked.
although we talked almost every day - if we didn't - it was a good way to review what was going on.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I wear a plain gold band that is my 'collar". I wear it inbetween my wedding ring and engagment ring. It is something I know (and my husband knows) what it means but no one else has ever asked about it.

 

[Blushing Bottom]

I have never been involved in a LDR but do find many the suggestions here intriguing but will agree with the communication thing. Without it no relationship works LDR or otherwise. Of course I like to talk and have been often been reminded that my mouth was best suited for other things.

 

[twysted73]

Wonderful suggestion A/all of you

You have my appreciation for your intimate contributions here.
For those of you in LDR's w/ D/s it would seem that the need for contact would be the only downside to it. And I can empathize with you greatly concerning this single but deeply important aspect.

Now I will go one step further by asking more of you. (always the boundries, hmm?)
I wonder if there might be a pyl/Pyl out there secetly following this string wondering if we'll touch upon ways to ease that ache of empty arms when the need for that attention is felt the most.

I know I might be requesting too much this time. Details aren't the focus of my question. Even a simple worded answer such as "hugging tightly to a plush" that was given as a gift or "a favorite pillow" often used as pelvic support during play that has a link to Him/Her.

What do YOU do?

As always.....I ask only for what can be given. Nothing more.

 

[LittleJade]

I journal. It makes me feel close to Him.

Today, Sir's asked me to wear something bright, and take a picture, to cheer him... once I'm finished my chores, I will put on my favourite fuzzy sweater and snap the photo...

and then I'll complete the second task I was given: a recording of me reading Homer in ancient Greek.

*smile*

Little things... but little things make the world go round.

 

[HottieMama]

Now I will go one step further by asking more of you. (always the boundries, hmm?)
I wonder if there might be a pyl/Pyl out there secetly following this string wondering if we'll touch upon ways to ease that ache of empty arms when the need for that attention is felt the most.

I know I might be requesting too much this time. Details aren't the focus of my question. Even a simple worded answer such as "hugging tightly to a plush" that was given as a gift or "a favorite pillow" often used as pelvic support during play that has a link to Him/Her.

What do YOU do?

As always.....I ask only for what can be given. Nothing more.

My teddy bear...not a gift but bought the day i met him. (Coincidently, but meaningful to me. [It replaced a bear that had negative associations and a lot of bad memories...much like he has for me.])

My favorite "cuddle pillow." Snuggling up with it helps me sleep.

 

[Netzach]

I go make something fabulous that he'd be proud of, and for him to be proud for me when I sell it.