Cynicism or Apt Disbelief

[Dar~]

There's this girl I work with, and every time I run into her outside of work and even at work sometimes, she is pumping herself up to everyone. "I went to the shelter and served all three meals this Saturday...I Saved sixteen orphaned whales and built a house for habitat for humanity all on Sunday...My kid won the presidential honors award...last year I donated all this money to the United way.

I know that I sound cynical, and I want to A.) believe her, and B.) Feel proud of her, but it irks me that every time she opens her mouth it is to "prove" once again how benevolent, caring, and magnanimous she is. It's aggravating.

If she isn't proudly announcing her cure for cancer, she is belittling people who have lesser intelligence of know how than her and I get irritated.

How about you guys, what do you think of people like that? Do you know any? How do you handle it?

 

[elsol]

It's a form of my personal pet peeve; people who always have to TOP your story.

It's something teenagers and immature people do. You tell them a story and they immediately launch into a story that 'beats' your story.

At first, I thought it a form of connecting... a way a female might say 'I understood what you meant; let me show you that I understood by telling you a story of my own that is similar.

Eventually, I arrived at... "Nope, they're just trying to prove they're better than you."

 

[TE999]

There is an old expression that goes something like:

"The louder he proclaimed his honesty, the faster we counted the silverware."

Or in other words, this person sounds like they have major self-esteem problems and are overcompensating by bragging and telling everyone how wonderful they are.

I am acquainted with people like that and I either avoid them or ignore them.

Truly, they are to be more pitied than scorned. Their whole life is spent trying to gain the approval or recognition of others. It's sad, really.

 

[Dar~]

It's a form of my personal pet peeve; people who always have to TOP your story.

It's something teenagers and immature people do. You tell them a story and they immediately launch into a story that 'beats' your story.

At first, I thought it a form of connecting... a way a female might say 'I understood what you meant; let me show you that I understood by telling you a story of my own that is similar.

Eventually, I arrived at... "Nope, they're just trying to prove they're better than you."

Yeah except with her its never after you've said something, it's just the first thing that comes out of her mouth.

I understand the TOPPING thing, I was friends (for a short time )with this girl, Samantha, in high school. She did that, and it never really bothered me til I got in a major bicycling accident and almost broke my neck, shattered two knuckles, and ruptured a blood vessel in my wrist so my whole arm was bruised. She came up to me when I was talking about it with a professor (b/c my right arm was in a cast and it was an english class with lots of papers) and told the professor that her "carpel tunnel" was acting up and that she needed the typing aide to help her, and couldn't I just "take my arm out of the half cast for a bit and type my paper and rewrap it" I at least had pain pills to deal with my agony. GRRR! The professor looked at her like she was an alien (one with out carpel tunnel might I add, she just wanted the attention)

 

[Liar]

This sums up my thoughts on bragging.

 

[jomar]

Narcissism or insecurity?

 

[tickledkitty]

The Bible says something about receiving back what you give tenfold. While I'm not a religious person, I do believe that whatever good you do does really come back to you way bigger than what you gave. Most of the time we don't even realize it. However, I also believe that talking and bragging about the good that you do or doing a good deed simply to recieve some kind of
reward--be it a pat on the back or whatever--cancels it out. Anyway, just my two cents!

 

[Dar~]

I just wished that once I could see her and be happy about tt, but I know that the second she sees anyone (including me) that she's going to go on about how great she is. The thing is, everyone else agrees. They look at me oddly when I don't gush about how sweet and kind she is. GRRR!!! its all so pedantic and dull.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Tell her you performed an exorcism by letting the demonic spirit move into your body and then hit her with a 2x4.
Blame the demon.

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

. . . If she isn't proudly announcing her cure for cancer, she is belittling people who have lesser intelligence . . .

That last part is just bad character.

The problem is analogous to the one faced by women in the economic realm - society undervalues the "human capital" vested in a person who has raised children. Here, it's that, plus the contribution a person makes by just being a good and valuable person in her sphere of my own life, performing the duties and providing the emotional support that loved ones, colleagues and members of my community count on her for; being a reasonable and balanced person that may make her a source of wisdom and stability in my community. I described this in an essay here, "What can I do?"

I think you and your family have some major contributions to our community and nation to be proud of, Dar. Indeed, you are a source of wisdom and stability in this community, and I suspect that is true IRL, also.

Maybe these considerations will make that woman's braying less grating.

 

[English Lady]

Matthew 6:1-4 (The Message version)

The World Is Not a Stage
"Be especially careful when you are trying to be good so that you don't make a performance out of it. It might be good theater, but the God who made you won't be applauding. "When you do something for someone else, don't call attention to yourself. You've seen them in action, I'm sure—'playactors' I call them— treating prayer meeting and street corner alike as a stage, acting compassionate as long as someone is watching, playing to the crowds. They get applause, true, but that's all they get. When you help someone out, don't think about how it looks. Just do it—quietly and unobtrusively. That is the way your God, who conceived you in love, working behind the scenes, helps you out."


Says it all, I think.

 

[gauchecritic]

Two benign possible reasons

She is inherently proud of what she does to help others and actually likes sharing.

She is proud of what she does and needs more than just self-satisfaction for her acts.

The belittling may be truly felt sympathy.

The bad reasons have already been suggested.

Amateur psychology:
1)The only way that she could get any response from her parents (usually an off the cuff 'well done') was by doing and achieving minor miracles for her age.

2)She never received any communication from her parents and was looked after by an increasingly indifferent series of nannies.

3)At the age of 2 she was becoming aware of her body and would readily show virtual strangers her nakedness. One of the strangers took advantage, which she regretted and thereafter focused exclusively on her verbal communication skills in order to impress others.

4)Blah blah blah

5)Blah blah blah blah.

 

[amicus]

There's this girl I work with, and every time I run into her outside of work and even at work sometimes, she is pumping herself up to everyone. "I went to the shelter and served all three meals this Saturday...I Saved sixteen orphaned whales and built a house for habitat for humanity all on Sunday...My kid won the presidential honors award...last year I donated all this money to the United way.

I know that I sound cynical, and I want to A.) believe her, and B.) Feel proud of her, but it irks me that every time she opens her mouth it is to "prove" once again how benevolent, caring, and magnanimous she is. It's aggravating.

If she isn't proudly announcing her cure for cancer, she is belittling people who have lesser intelligence of know how than her and I get irritated.

How about you guys, what do you think of people like that? Do you know any? How do you handle it?

~~~

I suppose this will be taken as a political flame and in a way I guess that is a way to interpret this but...there is more.

Not sure the issues in bold are in fact the actual ones or if you just made up examples, but the "Habitat for Humanity", keyed a thought for me.

In the world of 'Christian' belief, altruism is a major mental illness. The theology basically says you have to sacrifice your own wants and desires for others, be 'reborn' and live your life for Christ. Individual ego, pride and self esteem are considered faults or sins that one should overcome to be a 'proper' Christian.

That religion in particular also ventures forth to 'save souls', the volunteer for missions all over the world, donate time, money and food to support Missionaries to convert the heathen.

I find a strange parallel to Christianity in the large community of Secular Liberals. I cringe every time former President Jimmy Carter tells the world how much he sacrifices building homes for the poor in the Habitat for Humanity program.

Sacrificing ones own identity to a deity is, I think, comparable to sacrificing ones identity to the collective, the greater good. All the demonstrations since the 60's about saving the whales, cruelty to animals, save trees, owls, snail darters, rain forests, charity, et cetera, et al, appears to me to reflect a 'missionary' status of the left, to in the same manner as Christians, to purge themselves of individuality, ego, pride and self esteem.

The human mind, in my conclusion, will not tolerate easily the loss of individual identity. I propose that both Christians and Liberals, in their attempts to purge themselves, need massive approval from others to convince them that they are being successful in their efforts to destroy their own individual identity and merge with the Borg, so to speak.

Dar, I would suggest that the woman you described is a 'driven' personality, an, 'Alpha' personality who would seek great personal achievements and accomplishments were it not for her quest to destroy her own identity.

As I said, not necessarily intended to be a political flame post, rather approaching the subject on a wider, more psychological level that applies to all forms of self sacrifice over the ages.

Hope this is helpful.

amicus...

 

[matriarch]

There's this girl I work with, and every time I run into her outside of work and even at work sometimes, she is pumping herself up to everyone. "I went to the shelter and served all three meals this Saturday...I Saved sixteen orphaned whales and built a house for habitat for humanity all on Sunday...My kid won the presidential honors award...last year I donated all this money to the United way.

I know that I sound cynical, and I want to A.) believe her, and B.) Feel proud of her, but it irks me that every time she opens her mouth it is to "prove" once again how benevolent, caring, and magnanimous she is. It's aggravating.

If she isn't proudly announcing her cure for cancer, she is belittling people who have lesser intelligence of know how than her and I get irritated.

How about you guys, what do you think of people like that? Do you know any? How do you handle it?

I'm a firm believer in............The most valued good deeds are those that are done in silence.

What I do is between me and my conscience.
It matters not how many people know what I did.

I would want nothing to do with anyone who felt it necessary to broadcast to the world all the 'good' things they do.

 

[Dar~]

I'm a firm believer in............The most valued good deeds are those that are done in silence.

Me too, I always have felt that it devalues the good I have done to display it.

 

[SeaCat]

LOLOL

I have one like that in work. She always has something to say that shows she is better or more intelligent than everyone else. It would be irritating if it wasn't so amusing.

When she heard about my having done some work as an E.M.T. in Boston she came over to me and informed me that she had "Run Codes" while working as an Aide in N.Y.C. I kept a straight face and asked her what was the drug she most commonly used while working these "Codes". Her reply? Benadryl. (Okay, a translation. She led a tea that did immediate response with Heart Attack Victims.)

On another occasion I was talking with my Supervisor about an animal they have located on Cape Cod. This animal is called a Fisher and is a large cousin to the Weasel. (Not to mention the little cousin to the Wolverine.) Well this Aide overheard the last bit of the conversation and stepped in. She informed us that her mother, whom she honestly calls MeeMaw, has a Fisher as a pet. She has even Litter Box Trained it and broken it to the leash.

Cat

 

[JamesSD]

How about you guys, what do you think of people like that? Do you know any? How do you handle it?

Luckily I haven't really known anyone that obnoxious since High School.

It kind of reminds me of the recurring Kristin Wiig character on Saturday Night Live who has to top everything anyone else ever says. This always results in the other characters in the sketch making increasingly ridiculous claims (such as space travel or giving birth to animals). Wiig's character can't stop herself from making her own absurd one-up claims, with hilarious results.

 

[cloudy]

Luckily I haven't really known anyone that obnoxious since High School.

It kind of reminds me of the recurring Kristin Wiig character on Saturday Night Live who has to top everything anyone else ever says. This always results in the other characters in the sketch making increasingly ridiculous claims (such as space travel or giving birth to animals). Wiig's character can't stop herself from making her own absurd one-up claims, with hilarious results.

Without having seen the character you're talking about, I was about to offer Dar that advice.

 

[WRJames]

~~~

I suppose this will be taken as a political flame and in a way I guess that is a way to interpret this but...there is more.

Not sure the issues in bold are in fact the actual ones or if you just made up examples, but the "Habitat for Humanity", keyed a thought for me.

In the world of 'Christian' belief, altruism is a major mental illness. The theology basically says you have to sacrifice your own wants and desires for others, be 'reborn' and live your life for Christ. Individual ego, pride and self esteem are considered faults or sins that one should overcome to be a 'proper' Christian.

That religion in particular also ventures forth to 'save souls', the volunteer for missions all over the world, donate time, money and food to support Missionaries to convert the heathen.

I find a strange parallel to Christianity in the large community of Secular Liberals. I cringe every time former President Jimmy Carter tells the world how much he sacrifices building homes for the poor in the Habitat for Humanity program.

Sacrificing ones own identity to a deity is, I think, comparable to sacrificing ones identity to the collective, the greater good. All the demonstrations since the 60's about saving the whales, cruelty to animals, save trees, owls, snail darters, rain forests, charity, et cetera, et al, appears to me to reflect a 'missionary' status of the left, to in the same manner as Christians, to purge themselves of individuality, ego, pride and self esteem.

The human mind, in my conclusion, will not tolerate easily the loss of individual identity. I propose that both Christians and Liberals, in their attempts to purge themselves, need massive approval from others to convince them that they are being successful in their efforts to destroy their own individual identity and merge with the Borg, so to speak.

Dar, I would suggest that the woman you described is a 'driven' personality, an, 'Alpha' personality who would seek great personal achievements and accomplishments were it not for her quest to destroy her own identity.

As I said, not necessarily intended to be a political flame post, rather approaching the subject on a wider, more psychological level that applies to all forms of self sacrifice over the ages.

Hope this is helpful.

amicus...

Well, some people become rabid sports fans. And, have you ever been part of a corporation that was trying to whip up dedication on the part of its employees? I have, and it's a scary experience. As for altruism being a mental illness -- greed is probably more corrosive. Of course, there are all gradations of Christianity, and some of them have a cultish tinge to them. But not all.

 

[rgraham666]

Snicker. Altruism as a mental illness.

Thanks, friend. It's not often I feel good about being mentally ill.

 

[bluebell]

Playground crap

How about you guys, what do you think of people like that? Do you know any? How do you handle it?

Some situations (and people) are just annoying as fuck. Period. And there isn't a whole lot to be done about them.
I completely understand where you're coming from, Dar- I think I'd like to wallop her with a bag of Tootsie-Roll Pops or something.

Still, I can think of three courses of action (aside from claiming your own victory of single-handedly creating the perfect perpetual motion, state-of-the-art, dirty-talk vibrator with built-in after-sex snuggle arms):
1) Avoid, avoid, avoid. Re-arrange your DNA. I try all the time.
2) Set a boundary. "You know, Shana Show-off, I appreciate your story but I really have to go." Find an excuse and jet.
Most Gusties don't want to yammer to unappreciative air. They need to feel the breeze whooshing delightedly in the space between their ears.
3) Patiently listen and smile, knowing your trade-off will be the pound you'll lose off your ass later after laughing so hard.

It's a form of my personal pet peeve; people who always have to TOP your story.

The "mine's bigger than yours, so neener-neener" approach.
Floggings should be administered.

Truly, they are to be more pitied than scorned. Their whole life is spent trying to gain the approval or recognition of others. It's sad, really.

Sweet TE.
Perhaps it would help if they hired a personal assistant to whisper reassuring encouragement in their ears about how pretty their genitals are.
Then maybe they'd be quiet.

 

[CharleyH]

There's this girl I work with, and every time I run into her outside of work and even at work sometimes, she is pumping herself up to everyone.

Sounds like every day at Lit to me. *shrugs*

 

[Huckleman2000]

This really does sound, to a degree, like a Narcissistic personality. She needs the approval of people to reinforce her own self-image, and when others don't fit the reinforcement scheme, she dismisses them entirely. People like this become so desperate to fill their need that they actually have a lot of energy to expend on doing things that feed the cycle. You've known her long enough and have some experience with the dark side of it to have seen through her self-delusions, but people like this will always find followers and will always backstab anyone who doesn't fit their gameplan.

If you can, just steer as clear as you can around people like this. Don't even engage them, unless you're content to play suck-up from time to time. They're human poison.

 

[Dar~]

Sounds like every day at Lit to me. *shrugs*

I you