Hamletmaschine
This space for rent
- Joined
- Dec 29, 2001
- Posts
- 9,011
I have this, er, friend. He's always having trouble getting girls to cyber with him. He sent me this transcript of his last attempt, in hopes that I might help him diagnose the problem. Maybe some of you have a suggestion or two I could pass along to him.
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Hamletmaschine's Friend: Hello, there, sweetheart. What do you look like?
SexyCyberSlut: I’m wearing a red silk blouse, a short black skirt, lacy stockings, and high heels. I’m 5’6”, 125 pounds. I’m well-toned from working out every day. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
HF: Hey, I weigh less than you! I wear glasses and I’ve lost most of my hair. I’m kind of tall and skinny. Have you ever seen those pictures of concentration camp survivors? Um, let’s see . . . I have on some blue sweat pants I just got at Wal-Mart and a t-shirt with a few spots of BBQ sauce on it from dinner . . . it smells funny.
SCS:: I want you. Would you like to screw me?
HF: OK
SCS: We’re in my bedroom. There’s soft music playing and candles on my dresser and night stand. I’m looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down your chest to your crotch and I touch the huge, swelling bulge.
HF: I’m gulping. I’m beginning to sweat profusely.
SCS: I’m pulling up your t-shirt and kissing your chest.
HF: Now I’m unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are shaking.
SCS: I’m moaning softly and blowing in your ear.
HF: I’m trying to slide your blouse off . . . but it seems to be caught on your watch.
SCS: I’m throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides over my warm skin, and my hand begins squeezing your bulge.
HF: My hand jerks spasmodically when you squeeze my bulge and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse. Sorry.
SCS: That’s ok, it wasn’t too expensive.
HF: I’ll pay for it.
SCS: Don’t worry about it. I’m wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling as I breathe harder and harder.
HF: I’m fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it’s stuck. Do you have any scissors?
SCS: I take your hand and kiss it softly, then I reach back, undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my breasts. When the cool air touches my nipples, they start to get erect for you.
HF: I’m picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp. How did you do that?
SCS: I’m arching my back. Oh baby, I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
HF: I drop the bra and start licking your, you know, your boobies. They’re neat!
SCS: I’m running my fingers through your hair as you lick my nipples. Now I’m nibbling your ear.
HF: I suddenly sneeze. Your boobies are covered with spit and phlegm.
SCS: What!!??
HF: I am so sorry. Really.
SCS: I’m wiping your saliva off me with the remains of my blouse.
HF: I’m taking the blouse from you and dropping it with, like, a plopping sound.
SCS: I pull your sweatpants down and start rubbing your thick, hard tool.
HF: I’m screaming like a little baby. Your hands are COLD! Yeeeeks!
SCS: I’m pulling up my skirt. Now, take off my panties.
HF: I’m pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out, nibbling and licking on your . . . ummm . . . hold on a sec.
SCS: What is it?
HF: I’ve got a pubic hair stuck in my throat. I’m choking. *cough, cough*
SCS: Are you ok?
HF: My face is turning purple.
SCS: Can I help?
HF: I’m running to the kitchen, choking and gasping for air. I’m opening your cupboard doors wildly, searching for a glass. Where do you keep your glasses?
SCS: The cupboard to the left of the sink, up above.
HF: I’m gulping down about 5 glasses of water. There, that’s better. I think I swallowed the hair. Ew!
SCS: Come back to me, lover.
HF: I’m just gonna wash the glass out first.
SCS: I’m moaning your name, wanting you desperately.
HF: I’m drying the glass now. Now I’m putting it back in the cabinet. Now I’m walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it’s dark, I’m lost. Where’s the bedroom?
SCS: Down the hallway, last door on the right.
HF: I found it.
SCS: I’m tearing your pants off you. I’m moaning in anticipation and my pussy is dripping wet I want you so badly.
HF: Ditto.
SCS: I kiss you passionately, our naked bodies pressed together.
HF: Your face is pushing my glasses into my nose really hard. It hurts.
SCS: Why don’t you take your glasses off, baby?
HF: Well, okay. But I can’t see very well without them. I put the glasses on the nightstand next to your bed.
SCS: I get on my hands and knees for you and run my fingers through my juicy pussy, waiting for you to mount me.
HF: Whew. After all that water, I think I had better pee first. I’m fumbling my way across the room toward your bathroom.
SCS: Hurry back, lover.
HF: I find the bathroom and it’s dark. I’m feeling around until I find the toilet. I lift the lid.
SCS: I’m waiting eagerly for your return.
HF: I’m done now. I’m feeling for the handle to flush the toilet, but I can’t find it. Uh-oh!
SCS: What’s the matter now?
HF: I just peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry. I’m walking back to the bed now, with my hands out in front of me fumbling to find the way.
SCS: Mmm, yes, come here, baby.
HF: OK, now I’m going to put my . . . you know . . . thing . . . in your . . . you know . . . girl thing.
SCS: Yes! Do it! Do it, baby!
HF: I’m touching your smooth butt. It feels smooth. I kiss your neck. It feels just like a neck. Now I’m . . . well, I’m . . . I’m having a bit of trouble here, to be honest.
SCS: I’m moving underneath you, writhing in desire. I can’t stand it another minute! Put it in me! Fuck me, baby! Fuck me now!
HF: It went soft.
SCS: WTF!?
HF: Limp as a noodle. I've had trouble sustaining an erection since my head injury.
SCS: I’m looking at you incredulously. Now I’m getting up off the bed.
HF: I’m shrugging with a sad puppy dog look on my face, my wiener all floppy. I’m going to get my glasses to see what’s wrong. I’m fumbling around, trying to find the night table. I just knocked the lamp over. Sorry.
SCS: Never mind. I’m getting dressed. I’m putting on my underwear. Now I’m putting on my ripped, nasty wet blouse.
HF: I’ve found my glasses. When I put them on, I see that I knocked over a candle, too. The curtains are catching on fire. I’m pointing to it with a shocked look on my face.
SCS: GO TO HELL! I’M LOGGING OFF, LOSER!
HF: Now the carpet is on fire. Oh, noooooo!!! Arggghhhh, I’m suffering third-degree burns on my legs!!! Help! Fire! Help!
NOTE: SexyCyberSlut may not respond because she appears to be offline.
+++
Hamletmaschine's Friend: Hello, there, sweetheart. What do you look like?
SexyCyberSlut: I’m wearing a red silk blouse, a short black skirt, lacy stockings, and high heels. I’m 5’6”, 125 pounds. I’m well-toned from working out every day. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
HF: Hey, I weigh less than you! I wear glasses and I’ve lost most of my hair. I’m kind of tall and skinny. Have you ever seen those pictures of concentration camp survivors? Um, let’s see . . . I have on some blue sweat pants I just got at Wal-Mart and a t-shirt with a few spots of BBQ sauce on it from dinner . . . it smells funny.
SCS:: I want you. Would you like to screw me?
HF: OK
SCS: We’re in my bedroom. There’s soft music playing and candles on my dresser and night stand. I’m looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down your chest to your crotch and I touch the huge, swelling bulge.
HF: I’m gulping. I’m beginning to sweat profusely.
SCS: I’m pulling up your t-shirt and kissing your chest.
HF: Now I’m unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are shaking.
SCS: I’m moaning softly and blowing in your ear.
HF: I’m trying to slide your blouse off . . . but it seems to be caught on your watch.
SCS: I’m throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides over my warm skin, and my hand begins squeezing your bulge.
HF: My hand jerks spasmodically when you squeeze my bulge and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse. Sorry.
SCS: That’s ok, it wasn’t too expensive.
HF: I’ll pay for it.
SCS: Don’t worry about it. I’m wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling as I breathe harder and harder.
HF: I’m fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it’s stuck. Do you have any scissors?
SCS: I take your hand and kiss it softly, then I reach back, undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my breasts. When the cool air touches my nipples, they start to get erect for you.
HF: I’m picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp. How did you do that?
SCS: I’m arching my back. Oh baby, I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
HF: I drop the bra and start licking your, you know, your boobies. They’re neat!
SCS: I’m running my fingers through your hair as you lick my nipples. Now I’m nibbling your ear.
HF: I suddenly sneeze. Your boobies are covered with spit and phlegm.
SCS: What!!??
HF: I am so sorry. Really.
SCS: I’m wiping your saliva off me with the remains of my blouse.
HF: I’m taking the blouse from you and dropping it with, like, a plopping sound.
SCS: I pull your sweatpants down and start rubbing your thick, hard tool.
HF: I’m screaming like a little baby. Your hands are COLD! Yeeeeks!
SCS: I’m pulling up my skirt. Now, take off my panties.
HF: I’m pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out, nibbling and licking on your . . . ummm . . . hold on a sec.
SCS: What is it?
HF: I’ve got a pubic hair stuck in my throat. I’m choking. *cough, cough*
SCS: Are you ok?
HF: My face is turning purple.
SCS: Can I help?
HF: I’m running to the kitchen, choking and gasping for air. I’m opening your cupboard doors wildly, searching for a glass. Where do you keep your glasses?
SCS: The cupboard to the left of the sink, up above.
HF: I’m gulping down about 5 glasses of water. There, that’s better. I think I swallowed the hair. Ew!
SCS: Come back to me, lover.
HF: I’m just gonna wash the glass out first.
SCS: I’m moaning your name, wanting you desperately.
HF: I’m drying the glass now. Now I’m putting it back in the cabinet. Now I’m walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it’s dark, I’m lost. Where’s the bedroom?
SCS: Down the hallway, last door on the right.
HF: I found it.
SCS: I’m tearing your pants off you. I’m moaning in anticipation and my pussy is dripping wet I want you so badly.
HF: Ditto.
SCS: I kiss you passionately, our naked bodies pressed together.
HF: Your face is pushing my glasses into my nose really hard. It hurts.
SCS: Why don’t you take your glasses off, baby?
HF: Well, okay. But I can’t see very well without them. I put the glasses on the nightstand next to your bed.
SCS: I get on my hands and knees for you and run my fingers through my juicy pussy, waiting for you to mount me.
HF: Whew. After all that water, I think I had better pee first. I’m fumbling my way across the room toward your bathroom.
SCS: Hurry back, lover.
HF: I find the bathroom and it’s dark. I’m feeling around until I find the toilet. I lift the lid.
SCS: I’m waiting eagerly for your return.
HF: I’m done now. I’m feeling for the handle to flush the toilet, but I can’t find it. Uh-oh!
SCS: What’s the matter now?
HF: I just peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry. I’m walking back to the bed now, with my hands out in front of me fumbling to find the way.
SCS: Mmm, yes, come here, baby.
HF: OK, now I’m going to put my . . . you know . . . thing . . . in your . . . you know . . . girl thing.
SCS: Yes! Do it! Do it, baby!
HF: I’m touching your smooth butt. It feels smooth. I kiss your neck. It feels just like a neck. Now I’m . . . well, I’m . . . I’m having a bit of trouble here, to be honest.
SCS: I’m moving underneath you, writhing in desire. I can’t stand it another minute! Put it in me! Fuck me, baby! Fuck me now!
HF: It went soft.
SCS: WTF!?
HF: Limp as a noodle. I've had trouble sustaining an erection since my head injury.
SCS: I’m looking at you incredulously. Now I’m getting up off the bed.
HF: I’m shrugging with a sad puppy dog look on my face, my wiener all floppy. I’m going to get my glasses to see what’s wrong. I’m fumbling around, trying to find the night table. I just knocked the lamp over. Sorry.
SCS: Never mind. I’m getting dressed. I’m putting on my underwear. Now I’m putting on my ripped, nasty wet blouse.
HF: I’ve found my glasses. When I put them on, I see that I knocked over a candle, too. The curtains are catching on fire. I’m pointing to it with a shocked look on my face.
SCS: GO TO HELL! I’M LOGGING OFF, LOSER!
HF: Now the carpet is on fire. Oh, noooooo!!! Arggghhhh, I’m suffering third-degree burns on my legs!!! Help! Fire! Help!
NOTE: SexyCyberSlut may not respond because she appears to be offline.
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