Cyber Time: Real or not?

[CeceliaSkye]

Question for everyone: What are your thoughts on relating to people online vs realtime? Do you consider the relationships and interactions you indulge in online to be just as real as those in your physical world? why or why not?

 

[SweetCherry]

My internet friendships/relationships are every bit as real to me as the ones I deal with on an everyday basis. I have a few friends from the net who have graduated from "net chat buddy" to "real and true friends". The ones who do so usually get all my info that they want. Some of them have my full name, my phone number, my home adress and pics of me and my children. I must say tho, that they must earn my trust before I give them my info. There's been times when I've not been online for a longer streach and they will call and check on me to make sure I'm alright.

I think it all boils down to the person. Depends on their level of trust whether or not their net friendships become real to them.

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[erosman]

I think that their genuiness is in direct proportion to the reality that we infuse into them. If you simply masquerade online, then the relationships will have a certain facade about them as well. And that's neither good or bad, in my opinion. Frankly, our online relationships are probably a mirror of our real ones.

 

[CeceliaSkye]

I think that their genuiness is in direct proportion to the reality that we infuse into them. If you simply masquerade online, then the relationships will have a certain facade about them as well. And that's neither good or bad, in my opinion. Frankly, our online relationships are probably a mirror of our real ones.

I would agree with this whole heartedly...

 

[MrBates]

I consider my online relationships to be every bit as real as my real life relationships and friendships.

There are varying degrees of both.

I value each and every one of my 'cyber-friends' just as I do my real life friends.


MrB

 

[juicylips]

Question for everyone: What are your thoughts on relating to people online vs realtime? Do you consider the relationships and interactions you indulge in online to be just as real as those in your physical world? why or why not?

This is a complicated question for me.

Yes, the people I chat with online are real to me. But they are in my cyber realm where Cassidy lives. The realtionships I have with them and interactions affect me more than I would have thought possible.

But my real life and cyber one are totally contradictory to one another. I keep them far apart. It is not an easy task at times. I log off and still think of an interaction or conversation

Cassidy

 

[on_the_verge]

Is it real or is it Memorex?

I try to keep my online friends as tangible as possible and I do welcome the interaction that it plays. Over time it is possible to develop a level or degree of intimacy with another person, where the correspondences and things you share become personal and a part of your life.

I have met a few women from online interactions and after a while we saw it fit to meet in person. Others I still keep in touch with and share parts of my life as they do. It's nice not to have to develop the strings and that a person can be there for you. I like to stay at home and go out from time to time, but it's nice to cozy up to your "friend" and share. You don't have to dress up, spend money (unless you are calling each other.) and you don't have to worry about getting here and there. Other than that, I embrace my real life friends a great deal and spend timme with them at lunch and going out to various places and lavish little clubs for dancing or just spending time with each other.

Online can be as real as anything, you are not sharing the physical in a sense, but the mind and spirit are very poweful beings. In lieu of that, there is also the technical aspect if it is "real" and how one addresses or takes the whole experience. Once it becomes a consumption where it interferes with your "real life," there may be issues.

 

[estevie]

My online relationships are very real. There are 2 people I talk to everyday, they know me better than I know myself sometimes *chuckles* Its hard to make a distinction between cyber and real life because even though I talk with them here, they are part of my real life...I worry about them just like I do my RL friends, I think about them when I see or hear funny things in my RL...so, I don't think of it as cyberlife or real life...its just MY life!

 

[CeceliaSkye]

I have also been pondering the idea that... our thoughts.. words <written> or not.... are all tangible things... there is a quote out there " once you have thought a thing you have done it" or something along that line... Are these as real as our actions?
More to think about ....

 

[Trinka]

My online friends are just as real as the people I see in person, but I feel an openness with them that in some senses I can't share with the people around me (I hope I've said that right). I have online friends who have become offline friends too and at that point, we have had to redefine our relationship both off and online.

I am married to a jealous man who can't stand to see me laughing with another man. (Jealousy is another topic to be saved for another thread.) I am a very warm, affectionate and flirty person towards other people, which is something that causes him pain. Talking to people online allows me to express these sides of myself and be comfortable in our marriage. He knows I need this outlet and knows it won't go any further than "online."

(btw, he just came in and read the post as I was editing it and agreed with what I wrote.)

 

[estevie]

" once you have thought a thing you have done it" or something along that line... Are these as real as our actions?
More to think about ....

Definately...I think of it like this. Have I ever physically had sex with my online lover? no...Have I cheated on my husband with my online lover? yes...to me its not all about actions but feelings.

 

[Guest]

I consider my online relationships to be every bit as real as my real life relationships and friendships.

There are varying degrees of both.

I value each and every one of my 'cyber-friends' just as I do my real life friends.

I've been online since the early part of the 90's, a very long time when one realizes that there was no such thing as real time chat in *any* form (no chats, no irc, nothing "real time") back then.

I've got friends, still, from almost the beginning of my online tenure, and without exception they've all graduated from online friends to telephone buddies to real life, meet-for-lunch-and-come-visit-me-in-my-home-and-meet-my-kids kinda friends.

It seems a natural progression, at least for me, this moving of friendship from online to everyday life, step by small step.

As was discussed in another thread recently, flesh calls to flesh (http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=52142 ). We are animals of the senses. For a friendship or a love relationship to progress and mature we have to spend face time with the other person. It's not enough to be open online, it seems. After some time has passed, we hunger for more from our friend and need to give more to our friend. We begin to talk on the phone. Eventually, if at all possible, we begin to spend real time with that person.

I've seen and been part of wonderfully close, supportive, loving friendships and love relationships that never moved from online, that stayed here. It seems to me, in my experience anyway, that online-only friendships, of whatever stripe, eventually flatten out, lacking the almost-indefinable vitality that real, living, face-to-face interaction provides us in our regular-life friendships.

Or so it is in my life.

In any case, online-only friendships are certainly valuable, whether or not they ever evolve out of the slipstream and into the sensate world.

Do any of us really have so many friends that we can afford to cut one loose simply because s/he exists only here in the e-world? If so, that person is indeed fortunate.

 

[cymbidia]

Sorry - the above was me and the Unreg part was unintentional.

 

[CeceliaSkye]

Definately...I think of it like this. Have I ever physically had sex with my online lover? no...Have I cheated on my husband with my online lover? yes...to me its not all about actions but feelings.

I wonder if this is more a woman thing? I feel the same way....

 

[estevie]

I wonder if this is more a woman thing? I feel the same way....

good point, I wonder too....I believe my lover thinks like I do, but he is unique I wonder how men, in general, feel about it?

 

[Calamity Jane]

I tend to consider my online friends as much a part of my life as the ones i see face to face everyday. I also find that I am more free to be myself online than I often am in real life. There are different expectations, and no preconceived ideas. I am ME as opposed to my child's mom, my husband's wife or the friend of so and so.

I haven't quite figured out if an intimate online relationship is 'cheating' on my spouse. I used to feel that there was no way that it could be considered cheating. Now I'm not so sure. But that may be another thread altogether.

 

[Guest]

good point, I wonder too....I believe my lover thinks like I do, but he is unique I wonder how men, in general, feel about it?

Can't say that what I might think would be a preponderance of male thought. I think that the whole idea of cheating is more of an effort to hide something. For me, the online relationships that are developing(note my virgin status) fulfill a need that my wife is unable to, and vice versa. The personality that my genetic code has thrust upon me, coupled with behavior patterns acquired over the years leaves me with a longing for intimate emotional connection as well as the physical connection found in sex. My wife(of 23 years) on the other hand, enjoys sex equally as much as I do, but doesn't have the capacity for the emotional connection. So we meet quite well at one level, and rarely connect on another.
Now my point: I do not try to hide the emotional connection, support and even intimacy that I share with my online lady friends. My wife sees them as giving something to me that she is unable to give. She also sees the benefits to both of us when the emotional support and stimulation that I want brings about a satisfied emotional climate. Translate- I'm a much nicer guy when my emotional climate has experienced a connection.
I think that my wife and I would say that the key to our viewpoint is grounded in a true interest in the other person's highest good, not in an insecure need to possess. Being open, not hiding, neutralizes the cheating element when both parties
are secure in themselves. (hope I didn't put anyone to sleep! lol)
As you can tell, I love to wrestle with the philosophical, emotional, physiological and even spiritual and how they inter-connect. That might separate me from the 'preponderance of male thought'. Great discussion though!
I'm leaving on a short trip early tomorrow, so I'll hope to catch up on this thread the middle of next week. I hope you ladies have a great weekend!

 

[erosman]

Sorry - the above was me and the Unreg part was unintentional.

Same here! Sorry about not seeing myself unregistered.

 

[cuz cracker]

if you do it it's real.

 

[ManOSafety]

In my six or seven years of on-line interactions, I'd have to say that I have not had the same type of relationships online as I have in real time. For example, tonight is the first time I've posted at Lit in a couple of months and while I'd have said that I had made some friendships here, I did not hear from anybody asking what had happened or anything. I know that if I dropped out of sight of my realtime friends for several months I'd have heard from quite a few people checking to see what was the matter.