cyber sex from hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Darkknight2010]

cyber sex from hell!! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

I just saw this on a b-board on Yahoo. And we've all gone through this at one point. lol!

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high
heels.
I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are
36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on
a
pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Wal-Mart. I'm also
wearing
a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it
smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the
stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into
your
eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins
to
fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk
slides
off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and
rubbing.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a
hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My
soft
breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's
stuck.
Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back
undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my
breasts.
My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting
the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your
tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know,
breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm
nibbling
your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and
phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains
of
my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with
a
plop.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your
hard
tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over,
in
and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling
through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your
cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed aching for you.

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the
cabinet.
And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost.
Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so
badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked
bodies pressing each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the
glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room
and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for
the
toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle,
but
I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper.
Sorry
again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in
your...
you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss
your
neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand
it
another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look
on
my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my wiener all
floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my
underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night
table.
I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray,
picture
frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of
our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm
pointing at
it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

Sweetheart: <logged off>

 

[Saoirse]

I saw that one too Knight... its hilarious!!!

I havent had such an awful experience... but havent we all had ones where you just know after a few lines that this is going absolutely nowhere!!!!

That's where the doorbell or the phone ringing comes in very handy!!! hasty exit stage left!!!!!!

 

[Darkknight2010]

I saw that one too Knight... its hilarious!!!

I havent had such an awful experience... but havent we all had ones where you just know after a few lines that this is going absolutely nowhere!!!!

That's where the doorbell or the phone ringing comes in very handy!!! hasty exit stage left!!!!!!

OMG, no kidding. That feelilng of 'Ok... well... are you... ok... you're going therre... um... honey, what the hell... oh FORGET IT! Ya know what, I have a headache. '

Quite true about the phone. 'Yeah... important... um... my... MOTHER IN LAW!'

 

[Saoirse]

OMG, no kidding. That feelilng of 'Ok... well... are you... ok... you're going therre... um... honey, what the hell... oh FORGET IT! Ya know what, I have a headache. '

Quite true about the phone. 'Yeah... important... um... my... MOTHER IN LAW!'

Laughing.... how true!!! Any excuse!!!

I remember cybering with someone who kept on leaving longgggggggggg gaps in the conversation...... and then type really short nonsensical sentences... interspersed with "uhhuh"... "Mmmmmmm".. and such suitable noises. You just soooo know that they are talking to someone else at the same time. Whats that about? No-one is being satisfied!!

 

[done_got_old]

This isn't about cybering, but the lonnnnnnnnng pause reminded me of ........

I was chatting with a guy once on yahoo. There were long pauses and other times the comment didn't make any sense. I asked him if he was holding two conversations, and he said no.

The problem got worse. He was asking me what I meant by simple phrases. Not wanting to hurt his feelings by asking if he was stupid, I said, "What, are you blind?"

Yes was the response. He was using a computer that read back what I typed. If the computer hadn't been 'taught' the words, he didn't understand.

I'm glad it wasn't cyber sex.

 

[Saoirse]

Oh Noooo.... that is just cringe material!!!!

 

[done_got_old]

Oh Noooo.... that is just cringe material!!!!

We chatted several more times and the results were much better. His children had just bought the computer for him and I was one of the first people he chatted with.

 

[Saoirse]

We chatted several more times and the results were much better. His children had just bought the computer for him and I was one of the first people he chatted with.

Phewwwww..... a happy ending!!

 

[done_got_old]

Usually when I put my foot in my mouth it's done on purpose. I learned not to assume that everyone online can see.

 

[Saoirse]

I suppose assuming anything about someone on line is dangerous.

 

[Darkknight2010]

We chatted several more times and the results were much better. His children had just bought the computer for him and I was one of the first people he chatted with.

I'm glad it worked out in the end. Daaaaaaaaaaaaaang...

 

[alwaysawake]

I suppose assuming anything about someone on line is dangerous.

Lights fire under Sao's bed, then gives her that hot, smoky cybersex from hell! (Until the mattress turns to ashes) LOL j/k Have a great day....hugs!

 

[Saoirse]

Lights fire under Sao's bed, then gives her that hot, smoky cybersex from hell! (Until the mattress turns to ashes) LOL j/k Have a great day....hugs!

YIKES!!!!... why does my ass suddenly feel hot!!????

Hugssssss AA!!!

 

[Missingmeds]

Now you all know why I don't cyber....that is just to funny. Done I have chatted with someone that is blind and it can be a pain at times especially when they are just starting to build their dictionary on the computer.

I have a friend in another state that I helped do that.

But I do agree with assuming anything about anyone, be it online or offline.

 

[done_got_old]

Now you all know why I don't cyber....that is just to funny. Done I have chatted with someone that is blind and it can be a pain at times especially when they are just starting to build their dictionary on the computer.

I have a friend in another state that I helped do that.

But I do agree with assuming anything about anyone, be it online or offline.

I don't cyber either. I guess I'm too old to see the point.

 

[Missingmeds]

I don't cyber either. I guess I'm too old to see the point.

It isn't that I don't see the point. I just want the real thing to much.

 

[done_got_old]

It isn't that I don't see the point. I just want the real thing to much.

That's pretty much what I meant. I came of age in the 60's - free love and all that. I like the real thing and only the real thing.

 

[WantonWitch]

*Bump* just cos it made me laugh

 

[Darkknight2010]

Ok, I wandered around the ooooooooooooooooooooooooooold posts and found this one I put up ages ago! It's just funny stuff.

 

[INeedLove]

Ok, I wandered around the ooooooooooooooooooooooooooold posts and found this one I put up ages ago! It's just funny stuff.

LOL!!! It is an old one!!

Good thing cyber/phone isn't that way most of the time

 

[Darkknight2010]

LOL!!! It is an old one!!

Good thing cyber/phone isn't that way most of the time

OMG I started to laugh when I re-read it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Veeeeeeeeeeeeeeery true.

 

[MsTexas]

LMAO

That looks vaguely familar

 

[Diamond_Girl]

I just saw this... Toooooo funny!
The beauty of cybering is, (1) oh yeah, you can fake it, and (2) not only can you fake enjoyment, but they can never hear the phone not ringing when you suddenly need to leave to "take a call."