Cutting (a new fad?)

[red_rose]

Unable to sign onto Lit during the day at work, I went in search of new ways to occupy my time. I found this free online diary site and thought that sounded interesting, so I signed up.

I then realized that the site was pretty much overrun with teeny boppers.

Being bored to all hell, I read anyhow.

What I found was quite disturbing.

Apparently the latest "in" disorder is no longer anorexia or bulimia - it's "cutting".

Reading some of these girls' diary entries made me so sad - I hadn't realized what a serious problem this had become. There are even some kids who will cut themselves just a time or two to look "cool" for their friends.

Do any of you have daughters who are in their teens? Have you heard of this problem? Have you made yourself open to your kid if they might have a problem?

God, so many of these girls are hurting so badly. It just makes me sick.

I posted a couple of questions asking them why they do it, if they consider it a cry for help, etc.

I will post some of the responses I received shortly.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Cutting is as old as emotional dysfunction. It's not a fad. Several lit members that you know are involved or have been involved in this.

It's not fun.

 

[Raina]

My step brother used to do that. I think it was mostly for attention. I don't think it was the "in" thing at school, but I could be wrong. I think he was doing it to freak out my stepfather.

It's scary if it's becoming a trend.

 

[red_rose]

a guy wrote to me about his ex-girlfriend

More on the cutting from my perspective... I never was really into it... I mean once or twice instead of something a little more extreme... But I happened to fall in love with someone who was really bad about it, she still bears many scars... which still make me want to cry when I see them... she was abused more than she would want to think when she was younger and after you start, it becomes more and more difficult to stop... once she was at the point where she wouldn't realize she was cutting until the morning after, staring into her hacked wrists. It is often is a product of self hate... near suicidal tendencies... luckily she has escaped most of it. On a few ocasions she has begged my permission to do it again, showing that she is suffering from a need other than want of attention... Age 16

 

[brokenbrainwave]

I have heard of this, and thankfully in my little corner of the world it does not appear to be a problem, but I cant be sure about it. I am not sure exactly what is going on with todays youth, all I do know is I pray my sons grow up with enough self respect and esteem that they do not feel pressured into whatever the fad of tommorow will be. Is it me, am I simply getting older, or is each and every batch of teenagers falling more deeply into dispair?

 

[red_rose]

Cutting is as old as emotional dysfunction. It's not a fad. Several lit members that you know are involved or have been involved in this.

It's not fun.

I know it's been around for ages, but it was never this "popular" when I was younger (as in, just a few years back).

 

[ScarlettRose]

Yep, its old news, a need for control i think, or at least that's what someone close to me who used to do it told me. Its really really hard to live with. Maybe harder to live with someone that's trying to quit, but doable.

 

[Guest]

Cutting has always been a tough issue for me to deal with as a counselor.
When a person hurts so badly, but can't verbalize this pain, a physical result is sought. Mental Illness can't be seen like a physical ailment.

A tangible reason for pain is easier to accept than emotional hurt. It's visible, whereas depression or anger isn't.

And there are people that seek self-abuse. When I worked with incest survivors, that was an issue.

 

[DustyWolfe]

My step brother used to do that. I think it was mostly for attention. I don't think it was the "in" thing at school, but I could be wrong. I think he was doing it to freak out my stepfather.

It's scary if it's becoming a trend.

No... it's not for attention in most cases. Alot of people never mention that they are cutters. Alot of people cut in places that no one would ever see.

Cutting is a sign of emotional distress/depression and a whole host of other things.

It's a coping mechanism for many, albeit a very bad one.

 

[red_rose]

A girl's response

When I cut, it was never a cry for help. At least, not consciouly. I was devasted when someone would find out and I went out of my way to try and hide. I was totally embarassed about it. Of course, when I did do it in high school, I had no outlet. It wasn't even recognized as a major problem back then. It was totally a way for me to release all the emotion I held on so tightly inside. If I could create a physical hurt then the hurt I felt inside would go away. At least for a little while. It's such a misunderstood and complicated disorder. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I have been "Recovered" for 4 years now but I still have my days where I really want to start again. Then I look at my arms and I just can't deal with anymore scars. Also, I just don't want to deal with the energy of hiding them anymore. My arms were the primary place I'd cut and I don't know if I can do it anywhere else. Plus, I'm married now and it would be too hard to hide from my husband. It's a bittersweet thing.
Age 27


BTW - if anyone's wondering, these entries are all posted for public display so I am not infringing upon any of their rights.

 

[InnocentAngel81]

i used to cut myself, not to look cool or anything, i believe i was seriously screwed up, i would cut my arms and hid the cuts with long sleeve shirts, i was under so much pressure to keep my grades high b/c of my probation of low grades, i wanted to graduate on time, i wanted to work because bill collectors were on my back, my mother treated me like shit, and i felt like i was ignored and mistreated by someone else i love. My advisor seen the cuts during a meeting, and eventually she told the dean and i was forced to take a leave of absence, i really wanted to die, but i think i was to scared, especially when my little bro walked in on me with a knife in my hand. he didnt know what i was doing but he said hello gave me a hug and went back in his room. My mom denies i did any of this, and denies she is the source of my depression. I am on medications right now, and will start consoling when i get back in school next week. I dont cut anymore, i sometimes feel like doing again but i refuse to do it.

 

[red_rose]

Is it me, am I simply getting older, or is each and every batch of teenagers falling more deeply into dispair?

My sentiments exactly. It's not just your imagination - unless we're dilusional together!

 

[red_rose]

One more - the most disturbing (for me)

These were excerpts that I was told to refer to on her public diary:

If youwant to see where I cut myself, just ask, don't wait for me to roll up my sleeve while you try to take a peek. If you're that fucking concerned ask about it. Don't pretend like there's nothing there.

and (same girl)

Someone once told me: you cut yourself (non-suicidally) to make yourself feel better because your body stops concentrating on the pain inside in order to heal the pain inflicted outside.

Someone once told him: you cut yourself (non-suicidally) to match the pain on the inside with the pain on the outside...so you're balanced.

My thoughts: when you cut yourself...its like you take a break from your life, from society, from whatever may be bothering you...you concentrate on yourself (not your emotions) in the present....not was has bothered you...is bothering you...or will bother you. when i cut myself....i forget everything that's going on in my life (aka...my family hates me)...I just focus on the moment...the knife...my wrist...the pain...that strong, addictive pain.....its like the overall feeling of sex...its addictive...and its painful, but it feels so good, that you wanna do it again and again....make sense? think about it...its true. some people haev sex to get away from the world...others cut themselves...i'm some of both...its all about the pain...the pain of sex goes away in minutes, hours, days...the cutting pain can last for weeks, months, even years (if you do it right - cut the tendon). "Tell me that you dont drag that blade across your arm and pray for the courage to press down." - anonymous that quote is totally untrue...if you have the courage to pull a blade on yourself and drag it across your arm...then you most defineately have the courage...nay, the desire to press down, and cause the red river of blood ,pain, release, and my.....Oh, what's the word?......SALVATION

Age 17

 

[Raina]

No... it's not for attention in most cases. Alot of people never mention that they are cutters. Alot of people cut in places that no one would ever see.

Cutting is a sign of emotional distress/depression and a whole host of other things.

It's a coping mechanism for many, albeit a very bad one.

Probably not in most cases, I agree. He had lots of other problems, and the cutting started around the time his father married my mother. He never tried to hide it though (that I know of). He cut the backs of his hands and his arms. He would wear short sleeves to show it off, and see what comments my stepdad would make.

It was a short lived thing for him, and I think maybe he knew someone else who did it and used it to garner attention. He's had help for his problems now, and as far as I know he's doing okay.

I can't speak for him though, and for all I know, he cut himself elsewhere and hid it. He was treated for depression later in life.

 

[DustyWolfe]

Yep, its old news, a need for control i think, or at least that's what someone close to me who used to do it told me. Its really really hard to live with. Maybe harder to live with someone that's trying to quit, but doable.

Yes, it's also about control in many cases. For those that can't control parts of their lives. For some people it's the only control they will ever have...

I really hate to do this and further expose myself, yet it's in the link in my sig line.

Thoughts on cutting Before you read this, keep in mind that cutting is my past... It was a symptom of something very serious.. Years of pain.

Secret Shame, resource and information for cutters

 

[red_rose]

No... it's not for attention in most cases. Alot of people never mention that they are cutters. Alot of people cut in places that no one would ever see.

Cutting is a sign of emotional distress/depression and a whole host of other things.

It's a coping mechanism for many, albeit a very bad one.

I was told that most people will only tell other cutters. I can understand that because there aren't many people out there who would be willing to try and understand.

Raindancer - what kind of counselor are you? I'm actually looking into being an adolescent psychologist (someday!).

 

[Sillyman]

I did it too. Bah. So much stupidity.

 

[Guest]

Raindancer - what kind of counselor are you? I'm actually looking into being an adolescent psychologist (someday!).

I'm actually a social worker with a concentration in chidren and family services. But, I did my internship, and continued to work at the agency, as a crisis counselor. With that job, I facilitated a couple of groups. And, I was a Rape victims' advocate.

I'm not doing that type of work, right now. I needed a break. But, I'll go back to it, soon. It's a tough field but so worth it.

 

[red_rose]

I did it too. Bah. So much stupidity.

I've done plenty enough self-destructive things, myself - just never this.

I guess this was just the first thing in a while I'd read about that I really felt passionate about.

 

[cymbidia]

I've never cut myself. I'm not talking about *me* here, okay?

However, i know three very prominent members of Lit (besides the self-outed Dusty) who have been (within the last few years) or still are cutters. None of them is a disturbed teenager. All of them are highly intelligent and articulate people, educated, self-aware, deeply introspective and intuitive.

I admire them all in huge ways - and not because they're cutters - but because they're good people who've become important in my life.

At least one of them still cuts.

I have had to learn to step back from this behavior when it occurs in my friend and breathe and then to remind myself that, when stressed, some of us overeat and some of don't eat at all. Some of us vomit and some of us get depressed. Some of us lash out at others and some of us withdraw entirely for some time period. Some of cry and some of us seem just fine all the time. And some of us cut.

No one dies from this behavior.

All who do it, who have done it, know it's out there in terms of a coping mechanism.

Let's draw back from casting stones of horror and disbelief. Those who do this know it's not a Good Thing, not something that'll take them into placid realms of self-understanding. They know it's not going to be an effective coping mechanism for the long run.

I can guarantee you that they're all reading this thread. Let's not make them feel worse, feel more ashamed, shall we?

It's not a great thing, cutting but it's a damn sight better then being intolerant and judgmental all the livelong day, i think. Those are attributes that really hurt other people. Cutting, well, it just hurts that one person - and they don't even really feel it as "pain" the way you or i would, perhaps. Well, maybe not me. (No, no, no - i'm not calling anyone who has posted here judgmental or intolerant. I'm only trying for some perspective.)

 

[Raina]

You're right Cymbidia. Well said.

I should clarify that I wasn't judging anyone, except maybe my stepbrother, who I have many years of experience dealing with. And yes, he was a messed up teen who genuinely needed help, and got it in the long run. I honestly don't want to upset or hurt anyone's feelings. I don't have any experience with it outside of that one example.

I cope with stress by overeating and smoking, both of which are harmful to my health, so I have no room to judge anyone else at all.

 

[red_rose]

I sincerely hope that you don't think I'm "casting stones of horror and disbelief" - that was nowhere near my intention. I know you say you're not calling anyone here judgemental, but it really does feel like you are. Anyone who knows the least bit about me should know that I am not that kind of person.

I'm disturbed, yes. But I am more interested in the cause of this "disorder" and upset that it's become so popular.

I am concerned about what causes this behavior in the first place. I am worried that there are parents of teens out there who are even less informed than I am.

I don't care if your friend/child/etc is throwing up, overeating, drinking, doing drugs, or cutting themselves - there are problems that lie deeper than the disorder and that is something that needs to be recognized.


Edited to add: I understand that this is not solely a problem amongst teenagers. I am simply targeting them because they are young and the reason behind their pain may be something more recent and something that can be dealt with on some level. Maybe I'm off my rocker.

 

[Sandia]

I cut myself, going back ten, twelve years or so ago, a few times.

My thoughts are that physical pain can be refreshing compared to mental/emotional pain sometimes.

 

[red_rose]

My thoughts are that physical pain can be refreshing compared to mental/emotional pain sometimes.

Not to twist this topic towards sex, but...
That is partly how I got into spankings during sex. When I get a good, solid whack on the ass, I simply can't think of anything else. The pain replaces all other thoughts in my mind.

In this way, I can understand what might be going through someone's mind when they cut, to a point. But that was just a bandaid for the problem. I needed to sort out what was going on *in my head* before I could enjoy sex without getting a good whack on the ass.

 

[cymbidia]

I sincerely hope that you don't think I'm "casting stones of horror and disbelief" - that was nowhere near my intention. I know you say you're not calling anyone her judgemental, but it really does fell like you are. Anyone who knows the least bit about me should know that I am not that kind of person.

No, red_rose . I wasn't calling you names or passing judgements on you in any way. Anyone who knows me at all knows that i really bend over backwards not to do that. Neither of us had anything but the best of intentions.

I was just protecting my friends' feelings, and probably without cause, too, since they're all very capable of taking care of themselves. However, that's what i do for people i care about - i care for them, even in ways they don't really want, perhaps.

So sue me.