"Curious" is so inadequate

[slackjawed]

I just came across this site, and have to say it’s a very refreshing change from the usual dreck. You seem like an intelligent and thoughtful bunch. Talk to me, please.

I'm a happily married guy, in my 40s. Sex with the wife is ok, pretty vanilla, and she’s not too interested in spicing things up. I’ve had a few, MM experiences, most recently about 15 years ago. The possibility of a hook-up went dormant for quite a few years, and the Internet revived it by making the possibility a bit more real. My urge to get together with a man comes and goes, and when it comes it comes on strong. I find myself leaking just thinking about it. Like so much in life, the actual experiences I have had were nowhere near as enjoyable or intense as the fantasies I have now. Having a cock in my mouth was good, but also uncomfortable. In my current state of desire, having that cock in my mouth is intensely appealing. In my fantasy, being fucked is ecstatically good; in real life, the few times I’ve had fingers and dildos (never a real penis) in my ass, it was kinda pleasant, but not much more than that. The bi urge is also fundamentally different from the attraction I have towards women. It’s not emotional, romantic, or even sensual; purely sexual, and more intense.

Sometimes I just don’t do anything about it. Sometimes I troll on the net for a likely candidate, but that seems like looking for a needle in a haystack. I weed through the dross to find the possible pals, find one or two that seem like they might work out, set up a first meeting, and they don’t show up. By the time I get through all of that, it’s been such a nerve-jangler, hassle and time-waster that I just quit. Sure enough, though, it comes back around and I’m once again fantasizing about some guy.

So, gang, what do I do with this? What do I make of the fact that the bi urge has endured for many years? It seems much stronger now than it used to. If/when I do this, does it satiate the appetite for MM sex, or stimulate it? How do I find an appropriate partner (thoughtful, respectful, and pretty inexperienced)? Do I just figure the whole thing is inconsistent with happily married middle class life and save it for masturbation time? Thanks for your insights.

 

[simonedb27]

There are a lot of threads about this very situation. Look at 'ok i am bisexual, here i am' and there is another one started by infinityoverzero that i can't remember the name of at the moment. lot's of good insights. you might also want to talk to sdedalus; i know he is going through similar issues.

by the way, have you talked to you wife about your bisexuality?

 

[simonedb27]

another thing....

it seems as though there are quite a few bisexual male members here that are involved long-term with females, so you are not alone.

 

[Madame Manga]

Please consider the danger of STDs in a non-monogamous lifestyle if you decide to take this into skin-to-skin contact. You owe that to your wife, at the very least. It will be a lot less embarrassing and hazardous to the health to confess to her that you are bisexual than it will be to have her discover it in her doctor's office.

BTW, I'm a married straight woman in my forties. I look pretty conservative on the surface; I also find MM very erotic. Don't make unfounded assumptions about your wife's predilections or use them as an excuse for anything you do. Speak to her.

MM

 

[sdedalus]

another thing....

it seems as though there are quite a few bisexual male members here that are involved long-term with females, so you are not alone.

Yea, well that's why it's called bisexuality. She's right though.. I am pretty much in the same boat, except she knows my desires and loves to fantasize with me.

 

[slackjawed]

Please consider the danger of STDs in a non-monogamous lifestyle if you decide to take this into skin-to-skin contact. You owe that to your wife, at the very least. It will be a lot less embarrassing and hazardous to the health to confess to her that you are bisexual than it will be to have her discover it in her doctor's office.

BTW, I'm a married straight woman in my forties. I look pretty conservative on the surface; I also find MM very erotic. Don't make unfounded assumptions about your wife's predilections or use them as an excuse for anything you do. Speak to her.

MM

Good suggestions, and thanks to you (and others). There's no way I'd engage in unsafe sex.

I've considered suggesting a MMF to my wife, as an entry into this discussion with her. I am not confident that it will be well received. I am concerned that if I bring it up and it is not well received, she will forever after be concerned about my behavior, feel that she is sexually inadequate, feel that it threatens our marriage, etc.

 

[Gods_Favorite]

I'm in the same boat, I am bi curious and fantasize about a guy sucking my cock, sucking my nipples, and eating my asshole out. I even fantasize about fucking a guy up the ass sometimes, and even taking it up the ass. I find gay/bi porn exciting, and the erotic stories here on lit, plus my wife has no idea. I've never tried to make this fantasy a reality though, yet.

 

[Madame Manga]

I've considered suggesting a MMF to my wife, as an entry into this discussion with her. I am not confident that it will be well received. I am concerned that if I bring it up and it is not well received, she will forever after be concerned about my behavior, feel that she is sexually inadequate, feel that it threatens our marriage, etc.

I wouldn't put a MMF scene as the ENTRY to the discussion. That's the graduate thesis, not the elementary introduction. Take it in baby steps; it's a lot easier to swim back to shore if you haven't already jumped into the deep end.

MM

 

[slackjawed]

I wouldn't put a MMF scene as the ENTRY to the discussion. That's the graduate thesis, not the elementary introduction. Take it in baby steps; it's a lot easier to swim back to shore if you haven't already jumped into the deep end.

MM

Funny! But, what are some good entries to the discussion, with a woman who is not at all adventurous?

 

[explorer69]

From Curious to Bi

I am a MWM who just made the step from curious to bi. I have had a couple M to M experiences basically guys sucking me off. I just had a "nooner" with another married guy who took my anal virginity. I just had to tell somebody...

 

[slackjawed]

Re: From Curious to Bi

I am a MWM who just made the step from curious to bi. I have had a couple M to M experiences basically guys sucking me off. I just had a "nooner" with another married guy who took my anal virginity. I just had to tell somebody...

So, how'd it go? I'm interested in hearing (reading) as much as you'd care to share. PM me if you'd prefer.

 

[simonedb27]

Funny! But, what are some good entries to the discussion, with a woman who is not at all adventurous?

does she watch porn at all? or do you use porn during foreplay/sex? if you do, suggest a bi/gay porn and see what she thinks. if you don't, suggest that you try some porn and start with hetero porn. that is a bit safer than suggesting a threesome. and it reminds me a lot of how a certain someone tried to tell me about his being bi

 

[justchuckc]

Curious is so inadequate

all the gays are straight, all the straights are queer. And the bi's just call everybody dear... cause they know a thrills a thrill; even in paradise" Long John Baldry

Slackjaw! What are you doing with my thoughts in your head?? This has taken identity theft to a new level my friend.
I guess what I mean to say is that you are not alone in your pondering pud pounding problemic position.
The last time I was able to satisfy that desire that my loving wife is just not able to was 3 years past now and as I grow older I sometimes panic with the thought that I am running out of time!
Ikes!! But I hesitate to jump naked into the closest hot tube and fondle the genitals of the nearest man for fear of:#1 getting arrested. #2 getting the shit beat out of me. #3 having the real thing not live up to my fantasy. The 3rd reason is the most complicated, and if anyone can please tell me that their fantasy has duplicated what they thought it would be in reality, please do so now as I am losing hope that you can not get what you wish(fantasize) for in life. And if that's the case, it is most disturbing.
Ohhh no. I do apologise. The second shot of Quervo Gold just set in and there goes any logic I may have had in my vicinity. I will attempt to hit the "delete" button, but just in case I miss and type the "submit post"........please forgive me.

 

[explorer69]

My Recent Experience

This is what happened Slack and may be help JustChuckC as well.

I was on a on-line Bi/gay hook-up site. Which by the way works very well. I started chatting with a more experienced MWM. He had pics (I don't) that looked nice. He wasn't too big if you know what I mean. I also found out he lived in the high rent district of Mpls. Anyway we set up a time for me to meet him at his place. A nooner.
He had an awesome condo overlooking the city. He wasn't the best looking guy but he had a nice body. He suggested we undress. I was pretty nervous. He was very understanding. We kissed which I hadn't planned on. It wasn't terrible. We got on his bed and stroked each other. He then gave me a nice BJ which I promptly returned. I did like the feel of his cock. Nice and hard but not to big. We then 69ed. He played with my butt which was nice. Up to this point we hadn't decided who was going to do who but I made the jump. I asked him if he wanted to do me. Of course he jumped at the idea.
I rolled over on to my stomach. He got out the lube and started working his fingers into me. It felt good. Then he started to put his cock in. It took awhile and yes it hurt at first. Once he got started it was worth it. He had to stop a few times but he evetually rolled me over and shot his cum on me.
I showered up. He said I was hot and would like to do it again. I went back to the office thinking what just happened.

 

[justchuckc]

Most recent experience

Thank you Explorer69
That was a wonderful story. A question: What about guilt? Any?
I realize you are fortunate to have an understanding wife, but is their still any feelings of wanting to dash before the stains have even dried.
My last experience was with a man I had known for years but had only recently discovered we both wanted each other in a different way. After talking and groping, we undressed and he tried to kiss me (very open-mouthed) which I tried to tolerate as I know each individual has their own likes and dis-likes. So I put up with his in hopes he would satisfy mine, which was; to have a guy cum in my mouth. Something that I still have never experienced. Well he didn't/wouldn't with the explanation that once he cums he is finished for the night, and didn't want the night to end. Ended up 69ing for hours and never attempted anal or any other play. (he just wanted to hear the sounds made by me gagging on his dick, which was easy as he was hung very well)After leaving I felt no good memories with which I could harbor and take to my fantasy masturbation times, I felt only a heavy sense of guilt and frustration. Perhaps I need to travel to one of my favorite cities, Minneapolis, and see if there is an understanding and unselfish guy who can share?

 

[sdedalus]

does she watch porn at all? or do you use porn during foreplay/sex? if you do, suggest a bi/gay porn and see what she thinks. if you don't, suggest that you try some porn and start with hetero porn. that is a bit safer than suggesting a threesome. and it reminds me a lot of how a certain someone tried to tell me about his being bi

who?

 

[simonedb27]

who?

i wonder... *wink* and don't make fun of the way i wink!

 

[simonedb27]

oooo....100 posts! yippiee!

 

[Phil_Anders2]

Alright, You guys are getting me all worked up and hard! I'm starting to masterbate and will stroke my cock 'til I cum, imagining that Slackjaw has contacted me and we are meeting for the first time. I can feel his firm warm hand encircle my cock, as I lower my face onto his sweet seeping erection.!
Slackjaw, call me!!
LOL

TTYS
Phil_Anders2

 

[explorer69]

Guilt

Its kind of weird. If it was not good sex you feel guilty but if it is good sex you don't??

I don't feel guilty for doing it but I may not do it again. I have a good marriage and kids. My wife understands to a point but I would hate to screw it up.

 

[slackjawed]

Serendipity is so cool

does she watch porn at all? or do you use porn during foreplay/sex? if you do, suggest a bi/gay porn and see what she thinks. if you don't, suggest that you try some porn and start with hetero porn. that is a bit safer than suggesting a threesome. and it reminds me a lot of how a certain someone tried to tell me about his being bi

How's this for cool. Appropos of nothing, my wife suggested that watching a porn together (something we have not done before) would be fun. I said ok. Then, she said that a gay porn would be good, because she believes that the men in hetero porn tend to be unattractive (referring to ron jeremy as an example), and that a gay porno would likely have better looking men. I said ok. Actually, what I'd prefer is a bi porn, like an MMF. Can anybody suggest a title? Something not too crude?

 

[simonedb27]

Re: Serendipity is so cool

How's this for cool. Appropos of nothing, my wife suggested that watching a porn together (something we have not done before) would be fun. I said ok. Then, she said that a gay porn would be good, because she believes that the men in hetero porn tend to be unattractive (referring to ron jeremy as an example), and that a gay porno would likely have better looking men. I said ok. Actually, what I'd prefer is a bi porn, like an MMF. Can anybody suggest a title? Something not too crude?

i am glad things are working out for you! i don't know of any good titles myself, but later this evening, try asking sdedalus....he knows lots of titles.

 

[Gods_Favorite]

Thats cool your wife is open to the idea of watching gay porn with you, go to www.adameve.com and check out the gay/bi section, they have some good gay pornos that are hot and raunchy yet tasteful.

 

[sdedalus]

Re: Re: Serendipity is so cool

i am glad things are working out for you! i don't know of any good titles myself, but later this evening, try asking sdedalus....he knows lots of titles.

actually not well versed... i always seem to pick bad ones... i find good pis every now and then online.. i have heard Bitanic is okay... who knows.... if anyone finds good bi porn with ATTRACTIVE people.. preferably filmed RECENTLY... let me know.. sick of watching late 80s early 90s mullet men having sex.... i love the idea, but if they're ugly it can be a turnoff.... so anyone who knows some good MMF let me know too...

SD