Curious but Hesitant

[YonHellCat]

I have recently really gotten into BDSM eroticas. I am curious about the lifestyle and have been for awhile. I don't know a lot about it and I am not sure if my boyfriend is really interested. I am also really unsure about what I am interested in. I would really appreciate any advice you have to offer.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I have recently really gotten into BDSM eroticas. I am curious about the lifestyle and have been for awhile. I don't know a lot about it and I am not sure if my boyfriend is really interested. I am also really unsure about what I am interested in. I would really appreciate any advice you have to offer.

About what, specifically? What part(s) of the BDSM culture turn you on? Google "BDSM checklist," fill one out, research some of your higher-rated responses, then come ask us questions related to the activities you're most interested in but still have some questions about.

 

[YonHellCat]

About what, specifically? What part(s) of the BDSM culture turn you on? Google "BDSM checklist," fill one out, research some of your higher-rated responses, then come ask us questions related to the activities you're most interested in but still have some questions about.

Thank you! Do you have any advice on how to pursue the BDSM lifestyle while maintaining a vanilla relationship?

 

[CutieMouse]

Thank you! Do you have any advice on how to pursue the BDSM lifestyle while maintaining a vanilla relationship?

Um... BDSM relationships, are relationships the same way "vanilla" relationships are relationships. Some people keep their kink to the bedroom only; some people make it 24/7. Some people fall somewhere in between.

If you want to add some BDSM to your current relationship, pick something you want to try, and talk to him about it. Sometimes it's less... scary(?) to think about it in terms of Topping and bottoming (one person being the do-er [by agreement] and the other being the do-ee [by agreement]), for a specific period of time.

Honestly, it's not nearly as complicated, different and scary as it probably sounds.

 

[elocin13]

I would suggest the website submissiveloving.com for some good reading.
As mentioned already, much depends on whether you both want bedroom kink or if you want the D/s dynamic throughout the relationship. That's something you need to talk about and agree upon. I am a sub all the time, whether I am with my man or not. I have rules to follow at all times that are not related to the bedroom. But it suits us that way and brings us both much joy, fulfillment, and bonding. Many people, however, "turn it on" for sex only and enjoy that, too. Have fun and be safe!

 

[Cumference]

... And nowadays a light spanking, bondage and some toys have become rather mainstream.

Take it slow, and introduce activities a little at a time.

"Wouldn't it be fun to....."
"the thought of ........ turns me on"
"I have this fantasy....."
"What would you say, if I......"
"Try reading this story, I quite like it!"

Are nice ways of introducing the subject.


If you suddenly appear in the bedroom wearing full body leather, an East German gas mask and a two foot long strap-on, he might be a bit overwhelmed.