Curious about thoughts on Cuckolding

[Tony_Stark]

Not trying to be discriminating here, but I am mostly interested in the female perspective... and that of being the person with another man...

I have always had this (what I consider to be weird) fantasy with past girlfriends and my wife of watching them being fucked by another man while I either watch or hear about in detail after. I was utterly shocked to learn that I am not alone and that there is even a 'term' for it! (Guess I am a little inexperienced here)

I can't help but wonder if it manifested psychologically as these things sometimes do. My first "love" and "sexual encounter" cheated on me throughout highschool and I was completely aware of it, but too "stupid" to break it off. I think I may have somehow turned it into something else, a vehicle if you will, to "accept" it and continue to be with her. I would ask her about "him" during sex and ask for vivid detail and I would lose my mind in a good and bad way. The adrenaline was insane. Unfortunately after I came, the reality feelings set in and that was never good.

I have mentioned it to past girlfriends and even my wife and they were not into the idea at all... which I think would be the norm, however you're getting a free pass to fuck someone else.... so?

Anyone (females please) have experience with this where they slept with another man (woman doesn't count) for the benefit of their significant other? Thanks folks!

 

[Ramone45]

This is seriously a case where you want to keep this a fantasy. The reality of this would be devastating. No one is capable of handling it. Keep your fantasy..enjoy it. I have this fantasy and it is great. But some things are really meant to stay fantasy... and this is one.

 

[Tony_Stark]

Thanks so much Ramone... I really appreciate the advice. If I were ever to venture on this, it would have to be with a stranger, not from around here and when we were drinking... but I think you're right, not worth the risk of hurting my marriage. Thanks again.

 

[Ramone45]

No problem, man. Happy to help.

 

[satindesire]

Obviously the blanket statement "NO ONE is capable of handling this" is patently false. There are hundreds of couples 'out there' that enjoy open relationships, cuckhold relationships and polyamorous relationships and are completely content and happy.

This is not a question of no one vs. everyone. PEOPLE ARE INDIVIDUALS, and -some- people will be able to 'handle' and actually enjoy relationships beyond the norm, such as a cuckold relationships. -Some- people will not be able to handle it.

The best thing you can do is bring up your fantasy to your partner and gauge her reaction. You are not risking your marriage to speak about a fantasy unless your wife is a grating harpy bitch with a totally out of control temper. If she is a normal, emotionally stable woman and your relationship is healthy, bringing up a fantasy will be perfectly harmless and may end up surprising you with the results.

 

[bugzapper]

I also have had this fantasy for several years, and have had it with past gfs, one in particular. I do not know how this manifested at all. I am in my early 30s. I have NEVER been in a cuckolding relationship, but it is a fantasy.

If I was going to be in a cuckolding relationship, I probably would want to make it a mutual agreement with the girl BEFORE going into a serious relationship. Id have a hard time dating someone for a long time, and THEN deciding to cuckold.

And yes, MANY couples seemingly do live this lifestyle, and enjoy the hell out it.. from what ive read online.

 

[Tony_Stark]

Again, great feedback from everyone. Satin does bring up a good point as well. Where as I do not think the idea would be considered the "norm" I guess you never know. I'll give it some thought and maybe toy with the idea... thanks all.

 

[silverwhisper]

tony, you're gonna find that as a general rule, HT is frequented by people who are happy to tell you their opinion as fact. the trick is in discerning opinion from fact.

cuckolding has its very own lit category (loving wives). there's been a lot of discussion re: the drivers behind the category's adherents but i don't think there's been any consensus as yet. my belief is that for most people, the prospect of sex without any kind of personal connection with the partner in question would be hard to do. i know it would be for me.

there was a film years back called breaking the waves, about a couple. the man suffers some kind of injury and is incapable of sex so he eventually urges his wife to find other sexual partners, which she ultimately does. but the difficulty she has with accepting the idea is, i think, likely the reaction the vast majority of folks would have. in some states in the US, infidelity is cause for divorce.

at one time, i persuaded my then-GF to have a threesome with myself and a male friend of mine. we had a MFM threesome, which was fun. but afterwards, i wished i hadn't: i was incredibly jealous, and it led to some big fights. after that, i had another few threesomes, but then i was a lot more mature and sure of myself, so no jealousy.

my point in telling you all of this: it isn't for everyone. it isn't for most. it may
or may not be for you. and ultimately, there's really no way to know without being in the situation, IMHO.

ed

 

[NomadLady]

Obviously the blanket statement "NO ONE is capable of handling this" is patently false. There are hundreds of couples 'out there' that enjoy open relationships, cuckhold relationships and polyamorous relationships and are completely content and happy.

This is not a question of no one vs. everyone. PEOPLE ARE INDIVIDUALS, and -some- people will be able to 'handle' and actually enjoy relationships beyond the norm, such as a cuckold relationships. -Some- people will not be able to handle it.

The best thing you can do is bring up your fantasy to your partner and gauge her reaction. You are not risking your marriage to speak about a fantasy unless your wife is a grating harpy bitch with a totally out of control temper. If she is a normal, emotionally stable woman and your relationship is healthy, bringing up a fantasy will be perfectly harmless and may end up surprising you with the results.

I agree with Satin on this one....if it is something you really think you want to try, then you should discuss it with your wife. I don't think fetishes or fantasies can ever discussed using the term "normal" because of the individuality of every person and their own personal needs....

 

[vand]

There have been a few girlfriends I have had where, dirty talking led to discussion about the last guy they fucked, in lots of detail, the more the better, while we fucked. It was such a huge turn on and great in a casual context, still good when there are strong feelings, but on a sort of understanding that it isn’t referred to out of context, and in one case so interwoven with elements of fantasy that I wasn’t sure what parts were true or not. Couldn’t cope with doing it with my wife though, just too much to lose.

 

[bugzapper]

Anyone have any insights onto why so many men are into this???

Its quite curious indeed, as the original poster indicated.

Why would I (and so many others) get off on imagining their sig other getting it from another guy.

 

[Tony_Stark]

I think Silverwhisper makes the most sense here and his honest depiction of what he experienced is greatly appreciated. See, I think if I ever were to do venture into this for real, it would have to be a one-off type thing with a stranger where it was strictly sex and nothing more. I don't think jealousy would be an issue because it's why we're in the situation to begin with.

Bugzapper is on the same page as me. Talking about it during sex sets me off as well. The better it was for her, the better to hear.

As for why so many men are into this... Not completely sure... but I liken it to porn. We get off watching porn, watching people have sex, who hotter to see in that situation than you significant other?

Also, there is definitely a sense of... seeing you SO not so sure about the situation or not fully approving, but then not being able to help cumming or getting into it. There is an innocence factor that I think plays a part... hard to explain. Glad I asked though!

 

[Rockitballs]

Honest question?

For the people who are into the idea of cuckholding, do you feel that you maybe aren't giving your S/O enough in the bedroom? Then, in an effort to help bring her to a level of increased satisfaction, you feel the need to bring in someone else who has different sex moves?

Or do you feel that is just the way society is shifting to an increasingly voyeuristic bunch?

I've been fairly curious with this topic lately. Although the idea of it does not appeal to me, but I'm always curious to figure out why or what leads people to certain fantasies.

 

[ivantheterrible]

in many relationships, the two people can give love to each other, and everyday relationship that satisfys them. but the bed room is another story. all because you don't mind your SO fucking someone else, doesn't mean something is wrong with the relationship.

 

[Tony_Stark]

Nah Rockitballs... at least not for me. For me it's just a kink... something taboo and naughty. Nothing more.

 

[bugzapper]

I feel as though I am sufficient in the bedroom. However, I just get my rocks off thinking about being made a cuckold, and being denied while my partner gets hers. Ive no clue how this came about.

 

[Rockitballs]

in many relationships, the two people can give love to each other, and everyday relationship that satisfys them. but the bed room is another story. all because you don't mind your SO fucking someone else, doesn't mean something is wrong with the relationship.

I see what you are saying and I hope I didn't imply that there is something wrong with that type of relationship, that was not my intention. I just like to ask questions so I can better understand where people are coming from.

 

[xssve]

On the contrary, as far as I know, cuckholding couples are reported to be among the happiest of all couples - not all that shocking, actually, when you calculate the amount of stress people subject themselves to worrying about whether or not their spouse has cheated, is cheating, will cheat, etc.

 

[xssve]

I feel as though I am sufficient in the bedroom. However, I just get my rocks off thinking about being made a cuckold, and being denied while my partner gets hers. Ive no clue how this came about.

Psychology Today:
Kinky Cuckolding Fetish Goes Mainstream

 

[xssve]

Re my first post above, another article by the same author: Is kinky sex good for your marriage?

Again and again, these couples told me, "if you can talk about this (having sex with other people), you can talk about anything." These couples' communication skills were extraordinary. And, these couples' sexual practices were enormously empowering to the wives. Women told me that while they knew their husband thought they were beautiful, being desired by other men was even more validating to them; after all, "your husband is supposed to think you're beautiful." These couples had negotiated boundaries, mutual and individual. They described to each other their most base, deepest secrets and sexual desires. Many of the couples I saw had previous divorces, and entered into this marriage accepting that monogamy was not a reasonable goal for them. They knew themselves well enough to say, "this monogamy thing doesn't work for me," and as a result, were able to negotiate marriages from a place of self-acceptance and self-knowledge.
​

 

[xxxcouple]

think about it

I shared my with with a younger guy and it failed miserably on several meetings and we didn't doit again for several years but just resently we desided to give it another go and this time we go out to night clubs and find strangers and it has been a great experance . We have played now over a dozen times and we always practice safe sex my wife is even thinking about getting fucked my more then 2 guys at one time and my fingers are crossed .I HOPE SHE FOLLOWS THROUGH WITH IT HOPE THIS HELPS WITH YOUR FANTASY...... YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE
just remember all who play must be happy the their choice !!!!!

 

[Tony_Stark]

Psychology Today:
Kinky Cuckolding Fetish Goes Mainstream

Interesting read! Thanks!

 

[ivantheterrible]

this is why my last relationship ended. only after a month, and i saw that green eyed jealousy monster come out of her.
monogamy is NOT for me. i have no problems with sharing. i have come to accept my kinks, and i see nothing wrong with them. the problem is finding someone who is just as kinky.

 

[silverwhisper]

rockitballs queried:
for the people who are into the idea of cuckholding, do you feel that you maybe aren't giving your S/O enough in the bedroom? then, in an effort to help bring her to a level of increased satisfaction, you feel the need to bring in someone else who has different sex moves?

or do you feel that is just the way society is shifting to an increasingly voyeuristic bunch?

i've been fairly curious with this topic lately. although the idea of it does not appeal to me, but i'm always curious to figure out why or what leads people to certain fantasies.

it's one of my fantasies so i'll try to answer.

for me, i'm quite comfortable in the knowledge that i can bring my wife pleasure--a lot of it. but because my wife tends to be reserved, i find the idea of her being unreserved, even wanton, incredibly arousing. ditto, exhibitionism. so for me, it's a function of who she is.

i'm not sure that society is changing or shifting in any meaningful/substantial way, although perhaps becoming more accepting of acknowledging that interest.

ed

 

[fuckmeat]

The fact is, if your wife is happy and fulfilled by you, she has no reason to agree to include others. For her it's all risk and no gain. She's also right to worry that in the aftermath of something like that, egos will get bruised and trust issues will develop. If this is a huge deal for you, you need to be honest about how deep seated your fantasy is and how many years you've been having those fantasies for. That's not to say you should try guilting her into it because it's something you really want but if she doesn't think it;s a big deal for you she won't take the time to seriously ask herself if she could enjoy an experience like that.

She might not respond well to you wanting to make her your realtime porn star. You should explain it more as a teasing thing, to watch her enjoy another man, to want her but not be able to touch her until after he's gone. If you spin it as one man fucking her and another man writhing in desperate lust for her she may begin to see the attraction. You'll have to tread extremely carefully though, to be able to handle this in a way that doesn't make her feel cheapened. Most men don't have hang ups about promiscuity but many women are raised with the notion that sluttiness reduces their worth, most especially in the eyes of men. You'll have to work to reassure her that you won't view her any differently for doing this or start pushing her into other kinky shit just because she's done this one thing for you. Women see this kind of thing as the thin end of a wedge. You should make it clear that you're not on a mission to try every depraved act under the sun, you just have a huge thing for watching her fuck another guy. While you're at it, try to draw her out regarding her own fantasies and see if there's anything a little alternative that she'd like to explore.

Thanks so much Ramone... I really appreciate the advice. If I were ever to venture on this, it would have to be with a stranger, not from around here and when we were drinking... but I think you're right, not worth the risk of hurting my marriage. Thanks again.

I know why you want the other guy to be a stranger and that a few drinks would help everyone relax into it but to be honest, this is a very risky way to go about fulfilling your fantasy. The stranger may not pick up on what you want to get out of it. He may treat your wife disrespectfully and do stuff she doesn't want him to do, e.g. anal. He may have an STD. Drink and strangers is a sure path to misunderstandings and dissatisfaction.

I suggest you do a search for threads related to 'cuckold' kinks in the BDSM Talk forum. You should be aware that the term 'cuckold' is also often associated with the man being 'cheated' on getting humiliated. Many guys into the cuckold thing want to be told they have a tiny cock or can't satisfy their woman. If you're not into that aspect at all, you need to make that clear. Otherwise you won't enjoy it at all. In fact, if you have no desire for your own sexual prowess to be mocked or challenged, I'd steer clear of the term 'cuckold' altogether to be honest, as the connotations it has with humiliation play are very strong IMO.

There are sites like Fetlife.com which are like kinky facebook sites. You can join Fetlife and look for interest groups related to cuckolding, voyeurism and sharing partners. I'd suggest looking for someone in your area who would be prepared to help you out with this fantasy. That way you can chat with the guy beforehand and lay down ground-rules. If things don't go as you wish, you never need to see the guy again (for the love of God don't invite him to your home or give out detailed personal info that you can't take back). You can get a pay and go SIM for your phone rather than give out your regular number. If you all have a fantastic time though, you have somebody you know you can call on again in the future... or not. Your wife will be able to talk to him direct if she wants to and see his picture or whatever. I imagine she'd die of shame if you tried to ask some guy in a bar back to your place. This has to be handled with more sensitivity than that and you should choose the guy she's going to sleep with carefully so that she enjoys herself too. By all means meet in a bar and have a couple of drinks together but this should be a carefully planned event.

Just my thoughts.