I may be missing something but in the stories while there is plenty about girls going down on guys either willingly or unwillingly, there is nothing at all about the reverse. Is this because of a prepondederance of male writers? I'd like to write about a woman's first experience of this activity, but I know my ability is crap so I won't inflict it on anyone here.
Cunnilingus
- Thread starter Lapin
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So are most of us (especially CENSORED). Write on and we'll all comment and help. Nobody could be worse than some of the authors on here.Lapin said:
Couture said:
I am guessing you are responding to Lapin rather than I. A sad indictment of men in either case? For some reason the lesbian section usually seems to have particularily dull characters though. I suspect it is particularly chocker with male authors.
Chicklet
plays well with self
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- Apr 8, 2002
- Posts
- 12,302
peterpan said:
<smacks peter upside the head>
Sorry, but you deserved that. Never tell Lesbian authors that the characters in their category are dull!!!!
Okay, so, male on female oral sex. I'll see what I can do. Meanwhile, Lapin, you write your stuff up too. There are many volunteer editor's who will help you get it right, and then there will be more oral sex stories. Meanwhile since I'll be writing one, yours won't be the only one and you can read one for enjoyment.
Chicklet
Chicklet said:
Oi! I think you missread me, Chicklet.
"For some reason the lesbian section usually seems to have particularily dull characters though. I suspect it is particularly chocker with male authors."
I was refering to all the tales in which character development consists of breast size, and employment is inevitably one of: cheerleader, nurse, dorm-mate, and they are ALL called Cindy. This is probably an overstatement, in fact complete fabrication, but it is just the impression that was left with me upon glancing through the titles once.
Actually, I glanced through the titles more recently and it is not nearly that bad. But definitly a lot of guy authors.
ReturnedOne
Experienced
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- Jul 9, 2001
- Posts
- 53
My own particular fetish...
Ladies and gents of the thread...
In view of the fact that the subject of this thread is my particular fetish (if one can truly categorize it as a fetish), you might want to peruse a few of my stories.
They contain quite a few reference to and descriptions of male-female cunnilingus.
It is by far the most controlling avenue for sexual adventure. Think of the power one has when his lips, teeth and tongue have captured a woman's softness....!
Edward
Ladies and gents of the thread...
In view of the fact that the subject of this thread is my particular fetish (if one can truly categorize it as a fetish), you might want to peruse a few of my stories.
They contain quite a few reference to and descriptions of male-female cunnilingus.
It is by far the most controlling avenue for sexual adventure. Think of the power one has when his lips, teeth and tongue have captured a woman's softness....!
Edward
This is it uncut and unadulterated as it were
Just the skeleton but just so you can see how crap my writing skills are:
Richard was the first man with whom she had done anything more than kissing and cuddling. The excitement of moving in with him, which had had its practical motives as well as those of their relationship, had completely blown away mundane arrangements such as where she was to sleep. Naively, she had been taken slightly aback when her boyfriend’s answer had been simply “come to bed”. Still filled with excitement, and despite her catholic upbringing urging against it, she had, after a token protest, complied. It was warm in his bed, and warmer still in his embrace. She had climbed in still clothed modestly in her bra, panties, and, it being still spring and the nights carrying a nip, socks. Chuckling gently, Richard divested her of the first two and proceeded to tease her about wearing socks to bed until she, embarrassed, removed them. Instinct was quickly gaining the upper hand and she cuddled closer to him as the night air tinged her most private places. He kissed her and his hands began their intimate exploration of her body. A complete novice at this level, she followed his lead, kissing him back and shyly running her hands over his body. He clutched her increasing closer to him, and slowly left her mouth and began kissing other parts of her face and neck. Ingrained modesty prompted her to push his hands away when they eventually reached between her legs. He softly laughed but did not push her.
His caresses were beginning to weave a spell over her, as gradually he worked his way down. His hands returned to her breasts where they proceeded to tweak her nipples. He paused momentarily in his kissing to salivate on his fingers so they would be moist as they played with them. The pinch caused her to gasp and arch her back, as he moved quickly and closed his mouth over one of them and began to suck and lick it. The displaced hand recommenced its exploration of her mid section, working ever closer to her private place. His other hand continued to play with her other nipple, pinching and twisting it. The sudden attention of his mouth on her breast had heightened the sensations she was receiving from that area, causing her to buck again, gasping, her eyes rolling back in their sockets, unconsciously straining to offer herself. He smiled over her reaction, and after giving that one plenty of attention, swapped hands and mouth to favour the other one, but he had discovered the perfect decoy, this time when she bucked, the hand that had been amusing itself with her second breast, shot between her legs and started giving her box some attention. This time he was ready when she recovered enough to try to remove it, instead, he took his hand off her breast, imprisoned one of her hands beneath her and guided the other down to join his hand which by now was wet.
He deftly positions her hand around his, indicating that she follow it on its reconnaissance of her. Her protests being to weaken now as the sensations from her box and breasts betray her with pleasure on a plain she’s never experienced before. Without warning, he leaves her breasts, scarcely giving her pause, as he pushes home his advantage following with his mouth the course of his intrepid hands. Teasing, and enjoying her moans, he skirts around her sacred place and instead continues down her leg, down the top and back up on the inside, pausing to tickle and play with the sole of her foot, he pauses what his hand is doing at her apex, long enough to kiss right up the inside of her thigh, before, with infuriating, teasing slowness, he moves to repeat the process on her other leg. This time however, he again uses the hunter’ best weapon, surprise, this time, the pause in his handiwork is finished by his tongue first on, then suddenly inside her, she gasps and her hands fly to his head, but he’s grinningly busy invading her, and her hands with which she had clearly intended to stop him, end up betraying her completely and hold him there, pressing him onto her, as she gathers herself and pushes herself onto his face. She now has no more control, gushing like a sylvan spring, her moaning for the first time becomes intelligible, in gasps ‘yes, yes, yes, oh, god, yes’
Just the skeleton but just so you can see how crap my writing skills are:
Richard was the first man with whom she had done anything more than kissing and cuddling. The excitement of moving in with him, which had had its practical motives as well as those of their relationship, had completely blown away mundane arrangements such as where she was to sleep. Naively, she had been taken slightly aback when her boyfriend’s answer had been simply “come to bed”. Still filled with excitement, and despite her catholic upbringing urging against it, she had, after a token protest, complied. It was warm in his bed, and warmer still in his embrace. She had climbed in still clothed modestly in her bra, panties, and, it being still spring and the nights carrying a nip, socks. Chuckling gently, Richard divested her of the first two and proceeded to tease her about wearing socks to bed until she, embarrassed, removed them. Instinct was quickly gaining the upper hand and she cuddled closer to him as the night air tinged her most private places. He kissed her and his hands began their intimate exploration of her body. A complete novice at this level, she followed his lead, kissing him back and shyly running her hands over his body. He clutched her increasing closer to him, and slowly left her mouth and began kissing other parts of her face and neck. Ingrained modesty prompted her to push his hands away when they eventually reached between her legs. He softly laughed but did not push her.
His caresses were beginning to weave a spell over her, as gradually he worked his way down. His hands returned to her breasts where they proceeded to tweak her nipples. He paused momentarily in his kissing to salivate on his fingers so they would be moist as they played with them. The pinch caused her to gasp and arch her back, as he moved quickly and closed his mouth over one of them and began to suck and lick it. The displaced hand recommenced its exploration of her mid section, working ever closer to her private place. His other hand continued to play with her other nipple, pinching and twisting it. The sudden attention of his mouth on her breast had heightened the sensations she was receiving from that area, causing her to buck again, gasping, her eyes rolling back in their sockets, unconsciously straining to offer herself. He smiled over her reaction, and after giving that one plenty of attention, swapped hands and mouth to favour the other one, but he had discovered the perfect decoy, this time when she bucked, the hand that had been amusing itself with her second breast, shot between her legs and started giving her box some attention. This time he was ready when she recovered enough to try to remove it, instead, he took his hand off her breast, imprisoned one of her hands beneath her and guided the other down to join his hand which by now was wet.
He deftly positions her hand around his, indicating that she follow it on its reconnaissance of her. Her protests being to weaken now as the sensations from her box and breasts betray her with pleasure on a plain she’s never experienced before. Without warning, he leaves her breasts, scarcely giving her pause, as he pushes home his advantage following with his mouth the course of his intrepid hands. Teasing, and enjoying her moans, he skirts around her sacred place and instead continues down her leg, down the top and back up on the inside, pausing to tickle and play with the sole of her foot, he pauses what his hand is doing at her apex, long enough to kiss right up the inside of her thigh, before, with infuriating, teasing slowness, he moves to repeat the process on her other leg. This time however, he again uses the hunter’ best weapon, surprise, this time, the pause in his handiwork is finished by his tongue first on, then suddenly inside her, she gasps and her hands fly to his head, but he’s grinningly busy invading her, and her hands with which she had clearly intended to stop him, end up betraying her completely and hold him there, pressing him onto her, as she gathers herself and pushes herself onto his face. She now has no more control, gushing like a sylvan spring, her moaning for the first time becomes intelligible, in gasps ‘yes, yes, yes, oh, god, yes’
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NoJo
Happily Marred
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- May 19, 2002
- Posts
- 15,398
Youre writing is not "crap" at all. The problem is, you're worried about it being crap, so you make the sentences complicated.
I think you should use a more conversational style. Try not to write anything that you wouldn't say. This is of course not a general rule of story-writing, but it applies with your writing, because sometimes it seems as though you're trying a bit hard to get it "literary."
When you talk, do you say "Richard was the first with whom she had done anything more than kissing and cuddling" when you talk? You'd probably, for one thing, say "the first man", or the first guy, or person. Little changes will make the story an easier read.
Compare how you use words when you post:
I may be missing something but in the stories while there is plenty about girls going down on guys either willingly or unwillingly, there is nothing at all about the reverse.
With how you use words in your story:
Deftly, he positioned her hand around his and indicated that she follows it on its reconnaissance of her
You really don't need to suddenly put on a literary "hat" when you write stories. Just use pretty much the same language you use when you post.
I think you should use a more conversational style. Try not to write anything that you wouldn't say. This is of course not a general rule of story-writing, but it applies with your writing, because sometimes it seems as though you're trying a bit hard to get it "literary."
When you talk, do you say "Richard was the first with whom she had done anything more than kissing and cuddling" when you talk? You'd probably, for one thing, say "the first man", or the first guy, or person. Little changes will make the story an easier read.
Compare how you use words when you post:
I may be missing something but in the stories while there is plenty about girls going down on guys either willingly or unwillingly, there is nothing at all about the reverse.
With how you use words in your story:
Deftly, he positioned her hand around his and indicated that she follows it on its reconnaissance of her
You really don't need to suddenly put on a literary "hat" when you write stories. Just use pretty much the same language you use when you post.
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Rainbow Skin
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jun 15, 2002
- Posts
- 514
Huh? Crap? I had to scroll up to the top to confirm that this good writer, better already than half the people who post stories, was the same one who described their writing as crap.
The first paragraph is close to perfect. Anyone who can get the commas right in 'in her bra, panties, and, it being still spring and the nights carrying a nip, socks' knows how to write with ease.
However, you get tangled up later. The third paragraph contains 'Teasing, and enjoying her moans, he skirts around her sacred place and instead continues down her leg, down the top and back up on the inside, pausing to tickle and play with the sole of her foot, he pauses what his hand is doing at her apex, long enough to kiss right up the inside of her thigh, before, with infuriating, teasing slowness, he moves to repeat the process on her other leg.', which I hope you can see changes grammatical construction mid-way through. The main clause starts out as 'he skirts', conjoined to 'continues', then qualified by 'down...' and 'back up...' and 'pausing to tickle...', all joined with commas.
But the next clause, 'he pauses...' isn't connected to the previous ones by 'then' or anything. It reads as if you'd started the sentence as 'Pausing to tickle... he pauses...'. So not only has the 'pausing' clause suddenly changed what it's grammatically attached to, but you've said in effect 'Pausing, he paused'.
You only use one semicolon in the whole extract, and no colon. You need these. If you want long sentences with multiple clauses, you need to break them up in a more structured way: semicolons for the main division, and commas at the level below that, on either side; or if it's more complex even than that, use a colon for the top division and semicolons for the next level down.
Some nice imagery, as in 'His caresses were beginning to weave a spell over her'; but a few expressions are unhappy choices. To 'milk something for all it's worth' is figurative: it doesn't work if you apply it to breasts, because unless he's deprived her new baby of its next meal, he didn't literally do so, and the juxtaposition of milking with breasts forces you to think of the literal meaning.
Another metaphor that doesn't work: 'the path already well travelled by his intrepid hands'. Hands don't travel paths, feet do. You can say his hands travelled over her ('travelling' is one metaphorical distance away), but you can't say (not even metaphorically) that hands trod a path. And 'intrepid' seems to be attached to the metaphorical traveller on a path; whereas it's not really figurative at all: he really is being intrepid in putting his hands there.
Gushing like a fire hydrant is a sudden descent into an unwelcome image. Gushing forest streams, perhaps?
I'm afraid I have to strongly disagree with the previous poster: don't cut out all your excellent command of written language to make it 'conversational'. People can and often do write 'with whom' and 'from which'. This is normal: this is how we expect things to be written. I get tired of reading stories that sound as if some college dude is just reminiscing into a microphone.
You can write high-quality prose; many can't. Take advantage of it and improve it, but don't ditch it.
Oh, an afterthought: I do agree that that sentence with 'deftly' and 'reconnaissance' in it is one of the awkward ones. You're switching between related metaphors of hunter, intrepid traveller, reconnaissance, but the mental mage conjured up in the reader gets blurred because they're not the same and you can't really just switch between them, unless you do it in the Shakespearean way: 'like a traveller gazing down at..., or like a great hunter who...'.
The first paragraph is close to perfect. Anyone who can get the commas right in 'in her bra, panties, and, it being still spring and the nights carrying a nip, socks' knows how to write with ease.
However, you get tangled up later. The third paragraph contains 'Teasing, and enjoying her moans, he skirts around her sacred place and instead continues down her leg, down the top and back up on the inside, pausing to tickle and play with the sole of her foot, he pauses what his hand is doing at her apex, long enough to kiss right up the inside of her thigh, before, with infuriating, teasing slowness, he moves to repeat the process on her other leg.', which I hope you can see changes grammatical construction mid-way through. The main clause starts out as 'he skirts', conjoined to 'continues', then qualified by 'down...' and 'back up...' and 'pausing to tickle...', all joined with commas.
But the next clause, 'he pauses...' isn't connected to the previous ones by 'then' or anything. It reads as if you'd started the sentence as 'Pausing to tickle... he pauses...'. So not only has the 'pausing' clause suddenly changed what it's grammatically attached to, but you've said in effect 'Pausing, he paused'.
You only use one semicolon in the whole extract, and no colon. You need these. If you want long sentences with multiple clauses, you need to break them up in a more structured way: semicolons for the main division, and commas at the level below that, on either side; or if it's more complex even than that, use a colon for the top division and semicolons for the next level down.
Some nice imagery, as in 'His caresses were beginning to weave a spell over her'; but a few expressions are unhappy choices. To 'milk something for all it's worth' is figurative: it doesn't work if you apply it to breasts, because unless he's deprived her new baby of its next meal, he didn't literally do so, and the juxtaposition of milking with breasts forces you to think of the literal meaning.
Another metaphor that doesn't work: 'the path already well travelled by his intrepid hands'. Hands don't travel paths, feet do. You can say his hands travelled over her ('travelling' is one metaphorical distance away), but you can't say (not even metaphorically) that hands trod a path. And 'intrepid' seems to be attached to the metaphorical traveller on a path; whereas it's not really figurative at all: he really is being intrepid in putting his hands there.
Gushing like a fire hydrant is a sudden descent into an unwelcome image. Gushing forest streams, perhaps?
I'm afraid I have to strongly disagree with the previous poster: don't cut out all your excellent command of written language to make it 'conversational'. People can and often do write 'with whom' and 'from which'. This is normal: this is how we expect things to be written. I get tired of reading stories that sound as if some college dude is just reminiscing into a microphone.
You can write high-quality prose; many can't. Take advantage of it and improve it, but don't ditch it.
Oh, an afterthought: I do agree that that sentence with 'deftly' and 'reconnaissance' in it is one of the awkward ones. You're switching between related metaphors of hunter, intrepid traveller, reconnaissance, but the mental mage conjured up in the reader gets blurred because they're not the same and you can't really just switch between them, unless you do it in the Shakespearean way: 'like a traveller gazing down at..., or like a great hunter who...'.
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