Crying...Good or bad?

[Ganesha Lover]

I'm fairly new to dominance and submission. My boyfriend and I like rough sex. He likes to slap my face, pussy and inner thighs, pinch my nipples, pull my hair, etc. I love being dominated and controlled this way however, what my boyfriend really wants is to make me cry. He wants to hit me long enough and hard enough that I will break down and cry. I asked him why and he said he wants hold me while I cry and put me back together. He was in a previous relationship where he did this to his girlfriend and she liked it.

I have to say, I'm afraid of this. For one thing, I'm very in control of my emotions and to cry like that is not something I do very often even when I'm alone. The thought of crying in front of someone is terrifying. On the one, hand it is also very appealing because I think it could be very cathartic for me to loose control like that in front of him and because I want to please him. I worry that if I allow this to happen, that I won't feel the same way about him. That I might be afraid of him or will reject him. When he starts to get really rough (which probably isn't that rough to you experience people out there), it does scare me a little. He has assured me that he is in control and I believe him because when I express any concern or seem to not be enjoying it anymore, he stops and he always asks me if I'm alright. It's me and my fear. As much as I would like to be able to let this happen, I just can't let it happen. Part of the issue is that I'm afraid to completely submit myself to him. I worry that he might change me and make me submissive in my non-sex life, which I'm not and I don't want to be.

I welcome any thoughts anyone might have to offer from doms to subs. For Doms, what does it mean to you to make someone cry? Where is the pleasure for you? For subs, do you like to cry? Is this something that happens a lot and is "normal" for Dom/sub sex? Does this mean I'm not really a submissive since I don't really want to completely submit to him?

Thanks in advance for you replies.

GL

 

[trodas]

I quess it depends on the Dom and Sub, if they like to get into the cry thing or not. For me, personally - I don't seek it. If it happen and the bottom is okay, it means that I did a very good job and this cry is sort of cry from excitment and happines, mixed with pain.

But I could imagine the need to push Sub to cry like a little bejby, so... What is wrong with it anyway? I don't think it is wrong at all, to let the emotions spring and flow with the cry out.
So I would quess that you one day alow to let it happens - maybe you need just a more trust or courage to get bound and be tormened untill cry

If I was you, I will be probably currious, at what point I will cry

 

[catalina_francisco]

Perhaps pat of the attraction for him is that itis not something you do easily, a challenge to open up that part of you and possibly in the process bring you both closer in n emotional sense. It cold be he feels you need this. Could he possibly be correct?I know for me I was also like you, never cried for anything or anyone, but it has certainly become something we both enjoy the process of now and has released parts of me that were (un)safely locked away before now. Of course there is also the chance your Dominant is turned on by tears and isn't sure how to explain that without perhaps seeming to be cruel or heartless in your eyes.

Catalina

 

[AngelicAssassin]

For Doms, what does it mean to you to make someone cry? Where is the pleasure for you?

Hello. i'm AA, and i'm a dacryphiliac. http://aaotracker.4players.de/Images/smilies/angel.gif

i enjoy the paradox of painfully pleasuring someone. Watching my partner's natural pain response to pull away get subjgated by said partner's willingness to submit (or even better, ask for more) sets off a vicious (pun intended) circle. The trick remains, as always, to stop short of breaking the toy.

The tears arouse a desire to bring more. While i may enjoy the cuddling thereafter, i rarely don't "turn on" when i've drawn tears from a partner through pain. If i can get said partner to scream herself hoarse into a snot dripping, bawling her eyes out mess, all the better. Whether i do so as a surgeon in a methodical, meticulous, layer by layer, stripping to the core ordeal; or claw for the heart of the matter all at once depends on my mood.

 

[Miss Diva]

AA sometimes you scare me. Ok you scare all the time, always...

 

[Silverlily]

Once again, I find myself agreeing with AA.

Tears mean I have reduced him to his utter base level. I have stripped away the walls and laid open an inner core. Not the fake, squeezed out tear or two, but the uncontrolled stream. When the flush of embarassment is added, all the better for then I know they sincere.

Keep in mind, my subs are male. For me to push a man to the point of tears means I have taken him somewhere he cannot go himself, after all boys don't cry. In a way, he is gone and there is only me for a moment. I put him there, I took him apart, I exposed him, and only I can put him back. What's not to like? *grin*

 

[Marquis]

Dacryphiliac huh?

You know some cool words for someone who doesn't know what raillery means AA.




I too am a fan of making little girls cry. Ever since I was a kid actually.

Man, I fucking disgust myself sometimes.

 

[sincerely_helene]

Hello. i'm AA, and i'm a dacryphiliac. http://aaotracker.4players.de/Images/smilies/angel.gif

Cool. I didn't know there was actually a name for it. I think I must be a reverse dacryphiliac 'cause I get annoyed when they stop just because I'm sobbing like a baby.

"Am I hurting you, princess?"

Isn't that the general idea, sparky?

 

[AngelicAssassin]

You know some cool words for someone who doesn't know what raillery means AA.

Actually i did. i simply asked you a more pointed question. Go play nicely Georgie Porgie.

 

[Marquis]

Actually i did. i simply asked you a more pointed question. Go play nicely Georgie Porgie.

 

[dolf]

this thread has really turned me on.

i want to be made to cry, fucked with tears streaming down my face then cuddled better...the thing that scares you most {losing emotional control} is what i crave. i can hand over physical and mental control but emotional control has to be ripped from me.

you & your bf? i'm totally jealous

 

[shy slave]

Hello. i'm AA, and i'm a dacryphiliac. http://aaotracker.4players.de/Images/smilies/angel.gif

i enjoy the paradox of painfully pleasuring someone. Watching my partner's natural pain response to pull away get subjgated by said partner's willingness to submit (or even better, ask for more) sets off a vicious (pun intended) circle. The trick remains, as always, to stop short of breaking the toy.

The tears arouse a desire to bring more. While i may enjoy the cuddling thereafter, i rarely don't "turn on" when i've drawn tears from a partner through pain. If i can get said partner to scream herself hoarse into a snot dripping, bawling her eyes out mess, all the better. Whether i do so as a surgeon in a methodical, meticulous, layer by layer, stripping to the core ordeal; or claw for the heart of the matter all at once depends on my mood.

*gulp*

sigh

 

[dolf]

*gulp*

sigh

don't flirt with the scary man *hauls you away by an ear* you're going to bite of more than you can chew one day y'know.

 

[shy slave]

don't flirt with the scary man *hauls you away by an ear* you're going to bite of more than you can chew one day y'know.

Please dolf let me stay, I like the biting thing

AA is a sweet person, really he is just misunderstood!

 

[LadyNatasha]

Hello. i'm AA, and i'm a dacryphiliac. http://aaotracker.4players.de/Images/smilies/angel.gif

i enjoy the paradox of painfully pleasuring someone. Watching my partner's natural pain response to pull away get subjgated by said partner's willingness to submit (or even better, ask for more) sets off a vicious (pun intended) circle. The trick remains, as always, to stop short of breaking the toy.

The tears arouse a desire to bring more. While i may enjoy the cuddling thereafter, i rarely don't "turn on" when i've drawn tears from a partner through pain. If i can get said partner to scream herself hoarse into a snot dripping, bawling her eyes out mess, all the better. Whether i do so as a surgeon in a methodical, meticulous, layer by layer, stripping to the core ordeal; or claw for the heart of the matter all at once depends on my mood.

Ding ding ding! WINNER! WINNER!

You always seem to dig in my brain and state very succintly what I'm thinking.

 

[dolf]

Please dolf let me stay, I like the biting thing

AA is a sweet person, really he is just misunderstood!

1) bite him and you'll be in a scolds bridle for a year.

2) bollocks! he's a scary monster and that's all there is to it.

 

[catalina_francisco]

LOL, nice to see we are not alone....I don't think I can remember a time when my tears have not had an instant turn on effect for F. It has moved beyond just pain as the instigator to now anything he can do to induce tears, uncontrollable sobbing even better. It covers the full range from giving pain (which always turns him on anyway, with or without tears) to emotional and/or psychological triggers for my tears. Fortunately I am finding joy in the process myself so he doesn't fall into the trap of stopping just because my eyes fill with tears, usually he sees it as a sign to turn up the heat and push me out of control. He can be very tender and loving afterward if and when it is needed, but doesn't let it interfere with his pleasure and sometimes starts the whole process over again.

Catalina

 

[shy slave]

1) bite him and you'll be in a scolds bridle for a year.

2) bollocks! he's a scary monster and that's all there is to it.

I want the Scary Monster

*Stamps foot*

 

[shy slave]

LOL, nice to see we are not alone....I don't think I can remember a time when my tears have not had an instant turn on effect for F. It has moved beyond just pain as the instigator to now anything he can do to induce tears, uncontrollable sobbing even better. It covers the full range from giving pain (which always turns him on anyway, with or without tears) to emotional and/or psychological triggers for my tears. Fortunately I am finding joy in the process myself so he doesn't fall into the trap of stopping just because my eyes fill with tears, usually he sees it as a sign to turn up the heat and push me out of control. He can be very tender and loving afterward if and when it is needed, but doesn't let it interfere with his pleasure and sometimes starts the whole process over again.

Catalina

I understand this Catalina.
Once I have been moved to tears I seem to settle into the pain and can then relax. I have also discovered I want less 'aftercare' if I have cried.
Not sure why I need less care instead of more, its as if the emotion has been drained out of me.
In a discussion about aftercare a pyl on here said she did not like it but wanted left to recover on her own, after crying thats how it is for me.

 

[dolf]

I want the Scary Monster

*Stamps foot*

well in that case...
stamp your feet and cry

 

[catalina_francisco]

I understand this Catalina.
Once I have been moved to tears I seem to settle into the pain and can then relax. I have also discovered I want less 'aftercare' if I have cried.
Not sure why I need less care instead of more, its as if the emotion has been drained out of me.
In a discussion about aftercare a pyl on here said she did not like it but wanted left to recover on her own, after crying thats how it is for me.

We are both highly emotional and physical beings so aftercare is a time of closeness we enjoy, even if it means just wrapping around each other as wel fall asleep. I don't usually think of it as aftercare as it seems to be more a mutual appreciation and celebration of the experience more so than a making it better type action. We seem to be well matched in the need for painplay department , not to mention a few others.

Catalina

 

[shy slave]

We are both highly emotional and physical beings so aftercare is a time of closeness we enjoy, even if it means just wrapping around each other as wel fall asleep. I don't usually think of it as aftercare as it seems to be more a mutual appreciation and celebration of the experience more so than a making it better type action. We seem to be well matched in the need for painplay department , not to mention a few others.

Catalina

Mutual appreciation is a much nicer term than 'aftercare' which always reminds me of the kind of a lotions used after leg waxing!

 

[Marquis]

I have also discovered I want less 'aftercare' if I have cried.

Very odd, I've noticed the same in my subs.

 

[babiesmiles]

Maybe cause tears are a ( after /during ) care you ( impersonal meaning ) give to yourself in such an intense moment. So reassuring yourself by tears , releasing your emotional side , you dont need someone else's aftercare . At least not to satisfy that particular need.

But this it's just a sudden hypothesis which came to me now reading the thread, so take it for that it is worth .

 

[dolf]

Maybe cause tears are a ( after /during ) care you ( impersonal meaning ) give to yourself in such an intense moment. So reassuring yourself by tears , releasing your emotional side , you dont need someone else's aftercare . At least not to satisfy that particular need.

But this it's just a sudden hypothesis which came to me now reading the thread, so take it for that it is worth .

i need extra aftercare if i'm crying...but i'm just a big baby