OK, folks, I need help here. I have a crush on a friend. I know, I know....I'm too old to have crushes, yarite! Anyway, I am in a very sticky situation here, what should I do? Tell him or not? Forget about it and hope it goes away? Some of your own experiences would be helpful.......thanks.
Crush....
- Thread starter Stormy
- Start date
Exactly. For example, if I see a girl I am attracted to I may wanna go up to her. But the moment I see any sort of jewelry on her ring finger, I back off. I don't go for what is not mine.
You have to balance your feelings for this guy with a sense of reality. Realize it may not work or you never know he could be your one. Just proceed with caution to avoid hurting yourself and others.
You have to balance your feelings for this guy with a sense of reality. Realize it may not work or you never know he could be your one. Just proceed with caution to avoid hurting yourself and others.
And however you proceed, balance your friendship against your further involvement. Take it from me, it's lonely losing a friend to a love relationship that fails or simply peters out. Talking it out at every step helps.
Follow your heart and good luck!
Follow your heart and good luck!
The bb needs a lot more detail to be able to help you. Marital status of both of you? Current significant others? How close is the friendship? Work together?
Lots of variables you have left out that greatly affect the answer.
Ok, Cheyenne, I left out a few details on purpose, hun, lol. But, since some of you are so willing to help.....I'll tell what I can....
I am semi-married, meaning that my hub and I have decided to co-exist for the kids until we can financially do what needs to be done for all concerned. My "crush" is involved also. As far the friendship, we've been friends for a long time and talk to each other about things that I have not been able to with others, from trivial things to really deep and life affecting things...
His friendship means way more than anything else to me and I wouldn't want to do anything to damage that.
Knowing me, I'll probably choose to sit on this secret forever....still I want to hear from the BB.
Lots of variables you have left out that greatly affect the answer.
Ok, Cheyenne, I left out a few details on purpose, hun, lol. But, since some of you are so willing to help.....I'll tell what I can....
I am semi-married, meaning that my hub and I have decided to co-exist for the kids until we can financially do what needs to be done for all concerned. My "crush" is involved also. As far the friendship, we've been friends for a long time and talk to each other about things that I have not been able to with others, from trivial things to really deep and life affecting things...
His friendship means way more than anything else to me and I wouldn't want to do anything to damage that.
Knowing me, I'll probably choose to sit on this secret forever....still I want to hear from the BB.
teresafannin
One who hears the Music
- Joined
- Jul 27, 2000
- Posts
- 2,532
Crushes tend to be fleeting, but friendship can be forever. I have a male friend who developed a major crush on me. I didn't realize how serious he was getting about me, he broke up with his girlfriend about the time my ex left me. I told him I didn't want to risk our friendship, but he kept pushing me. We never dated & when I met my fiancee he & I immediately clicked. It has been 4 years, my friend & I don't have what we had before & I miss it. Think very carefully about this. How would your husband react to something like this? It is one thing to be semi married & not involved romantically with someone else, but quite another if a third person is brought into the equation. Good luck with whatever you decide.
GuyJD
"Simply.....the best"
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2000
- Posts
- 4,898
I wouldn't suggest that you "go for it" just yet. Invite him to dinner and/or a movie and tell him that you have to discuss something with him. When it is the right time, tell him how you feel and find out his feelings for you. It is possible that he may want you only as a friend if he is presently involved, as you said. Don't expect it to be like "When Harry Met Sally" but hopefully, it won't be like "Fatal Attraction neither.
DriveSouth
Lepidopterist
- Joined
- Sep 5, 2000
- Posts
- 2,909
and what of his marital status?
Naked Hunny
Postwoman
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2000
- Posts
- 3,260
Jeff726 said:
Shit does this mean I should stop wearing my ring??
TN_Vixen
Rear Window
- Joined
- Sep 24, 2000
- Posts
- 7,710
Crushes are wonderful, aren't they?
Stormy, the most fun thing about having a crush is that it gives you that butterfly in the stomach kind of feeling, and that sometimes wonderful - sometimes painful ache. I understand how you feel about having a crush on a friend and how excruciating it is to imagine more b/c you realize it may f.up the relationship.
My advice? Have fun with it. Don't put too much emphasis on developing more with this person than continuing to build the friendship. Maybe somewhere down the line you'll be alone with this person and the timing will be right, and the little innuendos will develop into something more? Maybe it never will.
Don't tell him. Just continue on. If he's smart, he'll figure it out anyway eventually. *s*
Stormy, the most fun thing about having a crush is that it gives you that butterfly in the stomach kind of feeling, and that sometimes wonderful - sometimes painful ache. I understand how you feel about having a crush on a friend and how excruciating it is to imagine more b/c you realize it may f.up the relationship.
My advice? Have fun with it. Don't put too much emphasis on developing more with this person than continuing to build the friendship. Maybe somewhere down the line you'll be alone with this person and the timing will be right, and the little innuendos will develop into something more? Maybe it never will.
Don't tell him. Just continue on. If he's smart, he'll figure it out anyway eventually. *s*
Rocky Springs
Experienced
- Joined
- Jan 6, 2001
- Posts
- 95
Stormy.....I'm hurt!
I've been trying to figure some way to get your attention.
Imagine my shock when I read this thread about you having a crush on another. Ugghhh! Right through the heart! What must I do, darlin', to gain your affection?
My advice on the matter is this: If he hasn't noticed that you've got a crush, then drop that zero and get you a hero.....namely me! Hopefully awaiting a positive response.
I've been trying to figure some way to get your attention.
Imagine my shock when I read this thread about you having a crush on another. Ugghhh! Right through the heart! What must I do, darlin', to gain your affection?
My advice on the matter is this: If he hasn't noticed that you've got a crush, then drop that zero and get you a hero.....namely me! Hopefully awaiting a positive response.
Bonnie Wee Lassie
Sweet Beaver
- Joined
- Dec 13, 1999
- Posts
- 1,442
Stormy I read you question and I have been on both ends of your story. I have had a crush on a friend but since he was involved I stayed away. I may have lost having the best thing in my life but now that I think of it my friendship with him will last forever. I have also lost a boyfriend to one of his friends. I can tell you it really hurts.
You should find out how good his relationship is with his wife or girlfriend before going any further. I could help more if I had more details about your relationship with him and her.
If you want to email me to talk I am here!
You should find out how good his relationship is with his wife or girlfriend before going any further. I could help more if I had more details about your relationship with him and her.
If you want to email me to talk I am here!
Samuari
Twice Blessed
- Joined
- Jul 20, 2000
- Posts
- 4,072
First things, first
It seems to me that you have to finalize your current marrage. Thankfully, I have not had first hand experance with this problem, but I have watched friends try do "do right for the kids". And they ended up just spreading the misery arround. When the relationship is dead, it needs to be buried, or it becomes a stinking, rotting cadaver that infects every other relationship that is involved. You can not afford not to divorse, if indeed you marrage is over.
When looking at becoming involved with a good friend, my experance is diferent. I think that I've said it else where but if those who have heard it before will indulge me, I'll do it again.
She was a very good friend, the smartest person that I've ever known. We both needed someone to escort to a halloween party, to oviod the embarsiment of going stag, so we took each other. One thing lead to another, and I was seeing her in an entirly diferent light (I mean like She can really dance!). Turned out later that she confessed that it went pretty much the way she planned it. After several more months of 'growing together' I came to the realization that I simply could not concieve of a future with out her, we became engaged and 26 years ago were maried. She is still my best friend, and is still the smartest person that I know, and she is still at least two steps ahead of me.
Anyway that is my story, and I hope that it helps you out.
It seems to me that you have to finalize your current marrage. Thankfully, I have not had first hand experance with this problem, but I have watched friends try do "do right for the kids". And they ended up just spreading the misery arround. When the relationship is dead, it needs to be buried, or it becomes a stinking, rotting cadaver that infects every other relationship that is involved. You can not afford not to divorse, if indeed you marrage is over.
When looking at becoming involved with a good friend, my experance is diferent. I think that I've said it else where but if those who have heard it before will indulge me, I'll do it again.
She was a very good friend, the smartest person that I've ever known. We both needed someone to escort to a halloween party, to oviod the embarsiment of going stag, so we took each other. One thing lead to another, and I was seeing her in an entirly diferent light (I mean like She can really dance!). Turned out later that she confessed that it went pretty much the way she planned it. After several more months of 'growing together' I came to the realization that I simply could not concieve of a future with out her, we became engaged and 26 years ago were maried. She is still my best friend, and is still the smartest person that I know, and she is still at least two steps ahead of me.
Anyway that is my story, and I hope that it helps you out.
Naked Hunny
Postwoman
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2000
- Posts
- 3,260
Jeff726 said:
dont tease me dear!
DriveSouth
Lepidopterist
- Joined
- Sep 5, 2000
- Posts
- 2,909
Tell him, how could he resist a woman who eats raw oysters and rare steaks....
Stormy said:
Stormy,,, what the hell has age got to do with anything??!!??
Friends ARE harder to come by than crushes,,, and it is rare, but not impossible, that a friendship survives a sexual relationship,,, if this is a true friendship, then talk with him,,, see what, if anything, he is feeling.
No personal experiences to relate, just witnessed several of my friends go thru this conflict over the years,,, never seems to work out for the best.
Renegade
Strange and Disturbed
- Joined
- Aug 1, 2000
- Posts
- 21,768
Deja Vu
Less then two months ago I started a thread very much like this one about my own crush. It was a crush on a board member that I RPed with alot that I had became friends with and developed a crush on. I had many of the same worrys as you. She was alot of fun to talk and post with as friends but I wanted us to be more. I talked to her one day about these feelings that I had for her. After some talking, we decided to get together but also to try and stay friends if(heaven forbid)we did break up later.
Today, we're still together as a couple and doing our best to keep this working. She's told me many times that I'm the best boyfriend that she has ever had and I know that she's the best I've had. But still, every now and then I worry about what would happen if we did break up. Would we be able to stay friends after this? It's a risk that we've both taken that has been more then worth it so far.
My point is, you will be taking a big chance if you do become more then friends. It could be one of the best things that you've ever done or the worst. We can give you advice, but the choice is up to you. With my crush, I had waited for months before saying anything because I thought it would pass. It never did.
Talking to him and seeing how he feels towards you would be the best. Just don't pressure him or put him in a situation that MIGHT make him become involved with you out of fear of hurting you by saying no. It will be better for you both if you make sure it has a chance before trying to get involved.
And most of all GOOD LUCK to which ever you choose to do. May you both find happiness together as either friends for life or partners in love.
Less then two months ago I started a thread very much like this one about my own crush. It was a crush on a board member that I RPed with alot that I had became friends with and developed a crush on. I had many of the same worrys as you. She was alot of fun to talk and post with as friends but I wanted us to be more. I talked to her one day about these feelings that I had for her. After some talking, we decided to get together but also to try and stay friends if(heaven forbid)we did break up later.
Today, we're still together as a couple and doing our best to keep this working. She's told me many times that I'm the best boyfriend that she has ever had and I know that she's the best I've had. But still, every now and then I worry about what would happen if we did break up. Would we be able to stay friends after this? It's a risk that we've both taken that has been more then worth it so far.
My point is, you will be taking a big chance if you do become more then friends. It could be one of the best things that you've ever done or the worst. We can give you advice, but the choice is up to you. With my crush, I had waited for months before saying anything because I thought it would pass. It never did.
Talking to him and seeing how he feels towards you would be the best. Just don't pressure him or put him in a situation that MIGHT make him become involved with you out of fear of hurting you by saying no. It will be better for you both if you make sure it has a chance before trying to get involved.
And most of all GOOD LUCK to which ever you choose to do. May you both find happiness together as either friends for life or partners in love.
Wish me luck, all, please!
Ok, think I'm gonna go for it and talk to this friend who is also my crush and I sincerely hope I don't lose him as my friend!!! Damn, this is hard to do.
I'm not scared of anything, usually. But, this is scaring me to death. Keep your fingers crossed for me everyone. And thanks for your replies. Hugs.
Ok, think I'm gonna go for it and talk to this friend who is also my crush and I sincerely hope I don't lose him as my friend!!! Damn, this is hard to do.
I'm not scared of anything, usually. But, this is scaring me to death. Keep your fingers crossed for me everyone. And thanks for your replies. Hugs.
Sparky Kronkite
Spam Eater Extraordinare'
- Joined
- Aug 15, 2000
- Posts
- 8,921
Burning bridges???????
Or getting up the courage to simply crossing them?
And once courage is found - how hot the trail left behind?
Or how cold?
What ever happens - just be careful..... beautiful.
Or getting up the courage to simply crossing them?
And once courage is found - how hot the trail left behind?
Or how cold?
What ever happens - just be careful..... beautiful.
Similar threads
