critiques and advice

[inka]

I haven't posted anything new here for almost a year. I'm currently working on something unlike anything I've ever written before. I would like to ask for some advice to better my writing over-all, my writing style never really differs. I know there are flaws, and I would like to fix them if possible. I know that most of the stories I have posted have a red "H" beside them, but there have been very few readers to rate them.

I know that some of the stories have spelling errors that slipped past my spell-check and that of my editor. But that aside, I'm more interested in what I could do to improve the plot development, flow, characters, etc...

I should tell about the stories before I post link; it is primarily erotic horror vampire fluff, some of it is non-human and non-consent (where it wasn't too violent). It is unfinished as of yet, needing two more “chapters” before I will be satisfied to let it rest, but this other project is forefront right now.

Please feel free to PM me or post any critiques you have to offer here. I'm not easily offended, and truly would welcome any advice that will better me as a writer.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=472642&page=submissions

Thanks.

 

[NervousGuy]

If you would be able to, could you post just a little bit of info regarding your new stories of the type that "You have never tried to write before"? It might help me a little bit to give you some more information to work on after I'm done reading your series.

 

[Guest]

I read your entire series, and that is damned fine writing.

My only critique (other than the typos and grammatical issues that you've already acknowledged) is that the pace of your protagonist's transformation seems rushed. You do a good job of portraying her nervousness and hesitation at trusting her new Master, her profound distrust of pleasure, and her need to martyr herself for others--traits that have been ingrained by some five years of nearly unimaginable pain and degradation--and then they vanish within what I'd estimate to be 24 hours of narrative time.

Even with the assistance of a magical-but flawed sidhe, that seems to strain credulity.

I think this narrative needs to grow up to become a novel where you can adjust the pacing to allow your characters to evolve more naturally in a most unnatural situation. As well, you can build in some subplots to help the process along.

The foregoing notwithstanding, excellent job. This is not a genre I normally read, and yet I look forward to more from you.

 

[inka]

Thank you, GnomeDePlume. For taking the time to read my story though it is not a genre you normally enjoy, and more so for giving indepth feedback.

I agree, the evolution was rushed. I may, after I have finished this series as well as the current work, edit what I have to slow down the process and lengthen the tranformation process (yay more sex... )

My thanks again.