Critique/feed back for Techno Tanya

[LWulf]

This is my third story submitted here. It wrote out in a day, took of a month of rewrites, reviewed once.
It was intended for this to be a auditory story, and was trying to procure a professional Voice Actor (VA) to provide voices, etc, but that part of it fell through.

Story: Techno Tanya
Author: LWulf
Editor: (none officially)
Description: Futuristic troubled girl looks for alternative sex solutions
Setting: ~100 years in the Future
Word Count: 5, 644
Length: 2 Literotica pages
Subject: Futuristic troubled girl looks for alternative sex solutions
Type of Critique Wanted:

• first is whether the story flow or pace seems smooth and not too slow/quick
• second if I described the concept of "sub-space" well enough (BDSM reference)
• after that, any constructive feedback

Story tags:

• futuristic
• mechanical tentacles
• vaginal penetration
• autoerotica (masturbation via mechanical means)
• light comedy
• X/f spanking

 

[MelissaBaby]

I thought it was a clever idea, competently but not impressively presented.

The use of present tense wobbles, and there are several places where it shifts in and out of past tense.

Tanya felt a flush creep up her cheeks as if the people surrounding her might have overheard Hal.

She placed the screen down by the floor, so she can watch what is going on during the proceedings.

Tanya's eyes widened

I also was put off by some of the colloquial vocabulary. 100 years from now, people may say "wedgie" and "dick", but in context, they seem a bit off.

The most important critique I will offer though is that there is repetitiousness to your construction that quickly became annoying. By my count, your first twenty non-dialogue paragraphs start with a short phrase or clause followed by a comma or semi-colon.

It's spring time,

Tanya can be best described as one part female,

In her youth,

Only now,

Not that she minded the pursuit,

That's just the first five, it goes on and on like that. The result is a sort of passivity. Tanya, even though she is presented as a creative person, and I think the idea behind the story was her transition from the person in control of things to someone surrendering that control, comes off throughout as being acted on, rather than acting.

I did like her, though, she has a quirky charm. I would read more about her, but hope to see her presented in a livelier manner.

 

[KatieTay]

Judging from your profile byline, LWulf, your use of the semicolon seems quite idiosyncratic. It's definitely non-standard, and I think in the story its use is not adequately justified by any creative purpose.

And I agree with MelissaBaby about the use of the present tense, too... definitely odd. It is not really comparable to how some authors, in the manner of stand-up comedians, can shift to the present tense for some narrative tracts to achieve a sense of immediacy for the readers/audience. In this story, it seems inconsistently applied and more like a failing of technique.

 

[beerlovr88]

Perhaps I've merely been brainwashed by both my literary background and all those years I spent within academia -- in which past tense was the standard used all across the board -- but I still have immense difficulty getting through stories written in present tense. To me this approach seems as foreign as it is bizarre, and as much as I'd like to keep an open mind about it (after all, I know that the sex work series used present tense and was still received positively by many readers) it still significantly impedes my ability to derive anything worthwhile from the read.

I thought the sex work series was an isolated fluke but now with this one using it as well... are there really people who for whatever reason believe that writing in present tense might be superior to writing in past tense?

 

[AwkwardMD]

Like most things, present tense has a place. It's a tool, and there are times when it is the right tool. No author should shy away from using the right tool to take their story to the next level.

The best uses I've found for present tense are when circumstances are driving the action of a story rather than character motivation. Present tense can give you that extra little bit of immersion and immediacy, but the story REALLY needs to move like a freight train to justify that decision.

I am recovering from surgery and haven't read this story yet, but hopefully I will have time tonight or tomorrow.

 

[hadruprider]

I don't mind the present tense, but it is painful when it switches to the past:
"Tanya said his name so loud, she draws... ". See also the examples shown by Melissa.
The sentence construction is not good, in particular the use of ; and ...

You asked about pace. I think it is a bit slow. We get that she is a geek and doesn't do relationships well. A bit too much time is spent explaining that.

The story is unconvincing in the sense that if she is as hot as she is described, men would be all over her so she wouldn't have to do anything. Her shyness wouldn't matter.

But I enjoyed the story. It's fun!

 

[beerlovr88]

Like most things, present tense has a place. It's a tool, and there are times when it is the right tool.

Sure, absolutely it has its place... especially when providing specific examples on how NOT to write.

Present tense can give you that extra little bit of immersion and immediacy, but the story REALLY needs to move like a freight train to justify that decision.

Care to provide any specific example for the skeptics among us or would you prefer to stay true to your imaginary tendencies? Even if it provided a small bit of 'immersion and immediacy' (which I find hard to believe), in terms of general awkwardness I still think it would be vastly inferior to the past tense equivalent. Too many authors are choosing to ignore too many conventional standards/ rules of thumb for writing. For an example, look at how this earlier guy wanted to write... "My eyes lit up, I knew it was you, and I cracked a wicked grin. As I approached you, you reached out your hand and grabbed my things and nodded for me to follow you."

And I mean, is it just me or does this guy seem immensely confused about who his audience is? I would have went on with my criticism of that story but around here the authors of LGBT stories seem so sensitive that even the slightest bit of disagreement often result in vicious mudslinging and imaginary accusations of bigotry. Best to leave them to their save spaces because after all, all their stories are super amazing and anyone who says otherwise is merely showcasing their bigotry.

 

[AwkwardMD]

Care to provide any specific example for the skeptics among us or would you prefer to stay true to your imaginary tendencies?

I have one, but I try not to share my own work as examples because I think it's disingenuous. I don't want to make it 'about me'. We would end up having a conversation in the middle of this thread about a completely different story, and I don't want to hijack someone else's feedback. That being said, I would be happy to provide a link in PM if you wanted to see.

 

[LWulf]

Thank you one and all for your varied, though somewhat reiterated, comments.

I decided to write this story in the present tense. I'm not one to care about academia, or "that's how everyone else does it," as I'm not a lemming (when it comes to style), and always push my own, or others', envelope. If you didn't like it because of that, all I can say is; oh well.

The trouble is that while I wrote the initial story in present tense, the rewrites inevitably slid in some past tense edits. Two sets of eyes, and I thought I got them all out. Any further use wasn't intended, or if you thought that creativity, it wasn't. Just plain errors.

As to pace (thank you at least one person for addressing this), that is one of my axes I grind on every story of mine. Believe it or not, I harped on how hot, and socially awkward Tanya was in earlier rewrites to the point of "Okay, I get it, the fucking horse is dead already!" and the posted story had much of that trimmed out. Apparently, I needed to trim out much more.

There's a funny thing about our "colloquial" slang terms, most of them were started 100 years ago. So much for us being "so modern," when actually, we are "so antiquated."

As to plausibility; if she is so hot, men would be all over her, I can only use life references of women that are to many; indescribably attractive, yet through a quirk of personality, renders herself unapproachable.

Alarming things mentioned are where I see "someone surrendering that control," or "Her shyness." I must not have written the story well enough to have misguided people to seeing such things.

I'm still chewing over the use of the semicolon. I freely admit, I probably overuse it, but that's only because most people under-use it. I think people are afraid of using it because they themselves don't know when it should be used. When something isn't used often; I pick over it, toss it around, see how it tastes, and get a better feel for when it should, or shouldn't be used. In academia, whenever I've used it, professors would often simply say "don't use it" which, to me, suggests they aren't sure when it should, or shouldn't be used, either. Either that, or they would rather see it allocated to the trash heap. Some professors have also said using a comma before "or," and "and" is a passé trend going out of fashion, as well.

...I have a profile byline???

Again, thank you for all for your time, and thoughts. I find them all to be very illuminating.

 

[AwkwardMD]

first is whether the story flow or pace seems smooth and not too slow/quick

I felt like it had some pacing difficulty in the beginning that disappeared by the end, and in my mind the difficulties were a function of exposition. You told us what Tanya looks like. You told us what Tanya's skills were. You told us how Tanya interacts with most others. You told us about Tanya's lack of sexual experience. You told us about Tanya's kink.

Had you shown a bit more of those, I think the story may have felt a little less stop-start.

On a related note, I wasn't a fan of the raconteuring asides. Raconteuring is a style of storytelling that is designed around the retelling of non-fiction. It counts on asides and narrator flavor to make up for the fact that, as a rule, non-fiction does not have narrative arcs, character growth, or morales. Non-fiction is usually a dry retelling of events, and this home-spun, overly friendly style tries to make up for that.

Fiction does not need raconteuring because fiction is already capable of more complex stories. It doesn't need help. You can make your scenarios unfold in such a way that this information comes out more organically.

It feels redundant.

second if I described the concept of "sub-space" well enough (BDSM reference)

Yes. Definitely so. Once Tanya was giving in to Hal, this story really hit its stride. Huge kudos here.

after that, any constructive feedback

One of the most common pieces of advice I give is to avoid writing God characters, and that extends to superhumans and, in this particular case, artificial intelligence. It is really hard, for us human beings, to write a character that is inherently smarter than a human being. Their needs and wants operate on a different scale than a human, and it is daunting to try to wrap your head around how alien those motivations would be.

In this case, Hal didn't feel like an AI. He felt human. Now, the case could easily be made that Tanya wrote him to be human-like, but if that is the case then why not simply have a human character that performs this story function? Tanya could just as easily have one human friend with this level of familiarity and emotional detachment.


***

I really liked Tanya as a character. I would enjoy seeing more of her, and I get the feeling that this story is just the tip of the iceberg for this setting.

 

[AwkwardMD]

Also, the problem you ran into with voice actors. Was it cost? I tried to look into that once, and it would have cost me $2400 (US) to get my 72,000 word anthology recorded by the actress I wanted.

 

[LWulf]

One of the most common pieces of advice I give is to avoid writing God characters, and that extends to superhumans and, in this particular case, artificial intelligence. It is really hard, for us human beings, to write a character that is inherently smarter than a human being. Their needs and wants operate on a different scale than a human, and it is daunting to try to wrap your head around how alien those motivations would be.

In this case, Hal didn't feel like an AI. He felt human. Now, the case could easily be made that Tanya wrote him to be human-like, but if that is the case then why not simply have a human character that performs this story function? Tanya could just as easily have one human friend with this level of familiarity and emotional detachment.

Here, I'll generally disagree. I used to talk with one guy in college about AI's (he was a computer science major, who was heavily interested/working on the topic) and we used to talk about what an AI would be like. I was mostly drawing from scifi movies from the 60's to today and some limited knowledge of writing programs, while he was more informed.

An AI would be capable of thought like a human, but because they don't have adrenal glands, etc, they are capable of human thought while not being restricted by human indecision or fears of failures. That alone would make them "seem" superhuman. I didn't try to make Hal into a god-like figure, just a little smarter than Tanya.

Technically, as I stated in the story, Hal was based on Tanya's mentality, and therefore if they thought alike, while Tanya might be restained by human frailty, Hal would blow right through that, and therefore "seem" smarter. Technically, I tried to give Hal as many faults as Tanya because of that, she has a superiority complex and therefore he would too, but because he "seems" smarter, she would feel he shadows her.

Tanya is her own best friend, so therefore...

...I get the feeling that this story is just the tip of the iceberg for this setting.

I tried to foreshadow that there might be more down the pike, but people get downright pestiferous when you don't deliver, so I thought I would do it Hollyweird style and not make any promises, while allowing for loose ended threads. *spoilers* I have at least two more story concepts with Techno Tanya in mind.

Also, the problem you ran into with voice actors. Was it cost? I tried to look into that once, and it would have cost me $2400 (US) to get my 72,000 word anthology recorded by the actress I wanted.

and nobody kindly mentioned that at the top of the story, I said "if you are under 18, please stop LISTENING now."

No, it wasn't cost. Well, in a sense it wasn't. I don't think it's against the rules to mention another website that doesn't parallel Literotica's. I was going to use Oolay Tiger. Besides other VA work, she did the voice over work for the parody cartoon 'The Modifuckers.' She's a pro, and while "it's only a jobbie" for her, she seems professional enough to do quality work (changing her voice for different characters, etc).

She has a price list that seems fairly plain spoken about pricing (posted on her website). Comparatively speaking, her rates are fairly inexpensive for VA which the general consensus on the net for such work, is around $100/minute. Comparatively speaking, based on time/word count alone, your estimate was fairly inexpensive. I estimated her doing my story would have been around $1300. However, I was estimating for 2-3 voice actors, with sound effects, etc. but my script was only 5,600 words to your 72,000.

However, I might point out I had estimated the story to last 40 minutes. I allowed for special effects throughout (at X dollars/min), and while I had rewritten script for audio (double spacing all text, adding titles for all VA's and sound effects lead into's and out's, etc etc), and gave a fairly concise basic character sheet on each character/voice, researched and supplied what I thought the sound effects would sound like:
Hover Flimsy switch
and while I just gave a basic description of the Narrator as a soft, sultry voice (which is why I wanted the narrator to talk talk talk), I said the voice of the character, Tanya, should be loosely based on Jordan, and Hal should be based on the Hal 9000.
The point being, that while I did a lot of leg work for her/them so they wouldn't need to guess a lot, I also allowed for as much as I could so they wouldn't need to haggle the price. Apparently, I guessimated correctly (or overestimated), because instead of giving me a corrected price, she went looking to see who was available for the project.

The reason I didn't get it done, was because I didn't have a paypal account, so I started one for this project alone and when I tried to put cash on the card/account, got mercilessly jerked around for an hour by paypal to the point of frustrated rage, and canceled the account. The culminating factor was when I was talking to a supervisor and he corrected me to not talk while he was talking, which I allowed, but when he did the same, and I said "Now YOU don't interrupt ME while I'm talking," and he flat out denied that he interrupted me at all. I blew a gasket. Fuck that, I got health problems that I don't need that fucking bullshit in my life.

I also asked one Litster if she would do the Voice Actor work (no sound effects and probably only her speaking the whole script), but she seemed to indicate she was booked up with real life work.

My point is, you got to look around and shop for prices and then realize you can't haggle past a certain point, because then you'll just make the VA's rush through the reading to reduce their costs (they have to book a studio or have all of a studio's equipment, which costs $$$). In other words, realize, it isn't going to be free.

 

[RedJaime]

Perhaps I've merely been brainwashed by both my literary background and all those years I spent within academia -- in which past tense was the standard used all across the board -- but I still have immense difficulty getting through stories written in present tense. To me this approach seems as foreign as it is bizarre, and as much as I'd like to keep an open mind about it (after all, I know that the sex work series used present tense and was still received positively by many readers) it still significantly impedes my ability to derive anything worthwhile from the read.

I thought the sex work series was an isolated fluke but now with this one using it as well... are there really people who for whatever reason believe that writing in present tense might be superior to writing in past tense?

Everytime I see you in this forum you’re always talking about past or present tense. It isn’t about superiority, it’s about preference. So, why do you read present tense? Seems like you’re wasting your time.

 

[AwkwardMD]

If you have a working theory for AI, then stick with it. Just do your best to keep it internally consistent (which is not to say that you didn't do that here) and that will meet just about anyone's criteria for success.

I only recommend avoiding it because people don't usually put in the thought required to keep them consistent.

 

[ElectricBlue]

If you have a working theory for AI, then stick with it. Just do your best to keep it internally consistent (which is not to say that you didn't do that here) and that will meet just about anyone's criteria for success.

I only recommend avoiding it because people don't usually put in the thought required to keep them consistent.

I had a go at writing an AI entity trying to learn her human in my Geek Anthology thing - with several geekoid references for the true Sci-Fi, Apollo, and 2001 fans (I have a shelf metre of books about Kubrick and first saw the movie in 1970 - long before most folk here were a glimmer in anybody's eye, glowing red or otherwise).

It wasn't long before her own personality established itself. She was fun to write, quite sassy by the end of it.

https://www.literotica.com/s/songs-of-seduction-fire-and-ice

 

[ElectricBlue]

I thought the sex work series was an isolated fluke but now with this one using it as well... are there really people who for whatever reason believe that writing in present tense might be superior to writing in past tense?

I think it's just a writer's thing to experiment with, I don't think anybody is saying it's "better" for erotica or worse. This is no different to the endless "debates" whether first person or third person narrative is "better" for erotica or "worse."

It always comes down to a personal preference and the advice, if you're going to choose this or that point of view or tense, just be consistent. As soon as a reader "notices" the tense or view, then there's an argument that something has wobbled. The chosen narrative mode should be invisible, seamless, and chosen to suit the story.

I've written first person, third person, present tense, past tense. There's a place for all, I think, but I tend to agree that present tense can make it unnecessarily difficult - when it doesn't run smoothly, it is more jarring.

 

[beerlovr88]

It isn’t about superiority, it’s about preference.

Right. Just because the vast majority of the populace might prefer a van gogh to the stick figure drawing of a 3 year old, it doesn't mean that the van gogh is superior. Good thing you were here to clear up this very important distinction.

present tense can make it unnecessarily difficult - when it doesn't run smoothly, it is more jarring.

Still waiting for someone to provide an example to support this mysterious claim that a 'present tense' story can run smoothly. I asked Awkward for an example and I can't say that it's surprising that not only was the only one she could think of just happened to be one that she wrote wrote herself, but it also just happened to be one that she was unwilling to post publicly. And if you asked me, I'd say that her her justifications for this bizarre behavior are just as imaginary as the story itself.

 

[beerlovr88]

I'm not one to care about academia, or "that's how everyone else does it," as I'm not a lemming (when it comes to style), and always push my own, or others', envelope. If you didn't like it because of that, all I can say is; oh well.

Cute. Though at the same time I hope you realize that the same argument can be made about upholding the basics of grammar. Like who cares if other authors strive to maintain basic standards of grammar that have been defined through academia? If you're not a lemming then you can create your own rules and if people can't get into the story because of repeated grammar fails then oh well.

In general people tend to be overly selective regarding what they consider to be worth reading, and if you want to be a free spirit regarding tense usage or grammar fails then you're needlessly alienating large chunks of your potential audience.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Still waiting for someone to provide an example of this mysterious claim that a 'present tense' story can run smoothly.

Okay, I'll back myself. Here's my present tense story, which was well received by fellow writers, not one of whom mentioned the use of present tense as either a plus or an oddity.

https://www.literotica.com/s/songs-of-seduction-water

Given your apparent prejudice against the very notion of present tense in fiction, are you able to give the story a fair reading, do you think, or will you read it pre-judging, wanting it to fail?

Because, please note, I am NOT putting this here because I want feedback (if I wanted feedback I'd have explicitly asked for it when I posted the story) but because you have asked for an example. It's evidence of existence, nothing more.

Score-wise it's running at 4.65/69, from 8300 Views. Not my best score, but a long way from my lowest.

 

[beerlovr88]

are you able to give the story a fair reading, do you think, or will you read it pre-judging, wanting it to fail?

Wow, what are the odds? As chance would have it I can safely say with 100% certainty that I read it without a hint of bias or prejudgment (at least in regards to 'wanting it to fail'). Indeed, I can safely say this with such certainty because I actually tried reading it well before you linked it in this thread. And I was trying to figure out how exactly this happened until I saw the 'fire and ice' title; you had mentioned this title in another thread and I initially thought it might be a subtle reference to GRRM's 'a song of ice and fire', and so low and behold, I tried reading both stories in the series well before this discussion about 'tense usage' ever took place.

Interesting, though, that not only do you want to openly question my ability to read fairly by suggesting that I might be so susceptible to bias, but also that you want to emphasize that you're not looking for feedback while simultaneously mentioning score and view count. So I get it; you don't care at all for my opinion of the story. Fair enough. And yet, regardless of whatever overall view I may or may not have for it...

Present tense can give you that extra little bit of immersion and immediacy, but the story REALLY needs to move like a freight train to justify that decision.

I still don't think that it gave the story any sense of 'immediacy' or that it in any way 'moved like a freight train.'

 

[LWulf]

Cute. Though at the same time I hope you realize that the same argument can be made about upholding the basics of grammar. Like who care if other authors strive to maintain basic standards of grammar that have been defined through academia? If you're not a lemming then you can create your own rules and if people can't get into the story because of repeated grammar fails then oh well.

In general people tend to be overly selective regarding what they consider to be worth reading, and if you want to be a free spirit regarding tense usage or grammar fails then you're needlessly alienating large chunks of your potential audience.

Again, I wrote it with the intent that it was going to be an audio script. I still might get it turned into an audio book some day. If I do, I don't want a reader following the script and getting thrown off by what is read as opposed to what they hear.

Present tense novels:
Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
House of Sand and Fog by Andre Dubus III
Choke by Chuck Palahniuk
Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk
Ilium by Dan Simmons (some parts)
Olympos by Dan Simmons (some parts)
Rabbit, Run by John Updike
Line of Vision by David Ellis
The Sound of My Voice by Ron Butlin (also in second person)
Half Asleep in Frog Pajamas by Tom Robbins (also in second person)

I was so intrigued by this idea of writing a novel in the present tense that I interviewed Seth Harwood a few days ago to learn more about his reasoning for doing it and learned that other people had also told him that it seemed like a screenplay. But his background is in writing short stories, and he tells me that short stories are more commonly written in the present tense, so it wasn't a big leap for him to write a novel that way. Also, because his book is a crime novel, writing it in the present tense allows the reader to unfold the mystery at the same time as the main character. When Jack is surprised, we're surprised at the same time.

Anyway, my take away from reading about verb tense in novels and from talking with Seth Harwood is that some people think writing in the present tense is modern and other people think it is trendy and annoying. It's kind of a risky move if you're trying to get your first novel published, but it didn't stop Seth.

Mignon Fogarty (aka Grammargirl) is a professor of journalism at the University of Nevada, Reno, and a former science writer...

The present tense is often associated with literary fiction, short stories, students in writing programs and workshops, and first novels. The past tense is used in most genre novels.

Let me stress that neither choice is right or wrong on principle. You can use either present or past tense for telling your stories.​

 

[KatieTay]

Just wanted to say, LWulf's examples are all correct, and only a very tiny sample size of how the present tense is perfectly usable in narrative. To find it strange is frankly akin to finding capitalisation of proper nouns strange. It's just... normal.

Most readers would have no issue with accepting that the use of the present tense in a narrative, or a switch to it, does successfully create a sense of immediacy and immersion. Obstinately denying this, at this point, is akin to flat-earthism.

But I do think, LWulf, that in this particular story it hasn't really been used correctly. Neither is the semicolon.

The semicolon is used primarily as a clausal separator, when the second clause/phrase is in some way an elaboration of the preceding. It can also be used when listing things (as in the pages-long sentence in Les Miserables). It is not usable as a substitute for the comma.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I still don't think that it gave the story any sense of 'immediacy' or that it in any way 'moved like a freight train.'

I made no claim that it would move like a freight train or be more immediate - those are MDs words, not mine, and those are her views. It's fair to say that MD and I have polar opposite writing styles and approaches, but we can still have polite discussions about the craft of writing, which is the broad purpose of this forum.

I offered the story merely as evidence (and others have also provided evidence) that present tense does appear, is legitimate - and as noted in another post, often found in short stories. Your stance has been that there is no place for it in fiction, which is an opinion, not a critique. The scoring was offered to illustrate that the story was not unfavourably received. That is all.

 

[beerlovr88]

Present tense novels:
Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
House of Sand and Fog by Andre Dubus III
Choke by Chuck Palahniuk
Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk
Ilium by Dan Simmons (some parts)
Olympos by Dan Simmons (some parts)
Rabbit, Run by John Updike
Line of Vision by David Ellis
The Sound of My Voice by Ron Butlin (also in second person)
Half Asleep in Frog Pajamas by Tom Robbins (also in second person)

Ah, maybe that's why I couldn't get into some of those stories you listed. Speaking of which, do you know what else I can't get into? Novels that fail miserably with basic grammar:

Lakota Woman by Mary Brave Bird (of course in her defense maybe that's because the author couldn't follow her own advice: "If you plan to be born, then make sure you are born white and male.")
Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
Fifty Shades of Gray by E. L. James

'Some of the most popular books aren't necessarily well-written, and you definitely don't want to take a page from them and re-produce the bad grammar.' Or in other words, I just can't get on board with people who say that it's perfectly fine to fail miserably with grammar or write bad stories and then cite Twilight as an example to argue that it's 'perfectly normal.' Speaking of which...

To find it strange is frankly akin to finding capitalisation of proper nouns strange. It's just... normal.

Slow down there, tiger. Let's not redefine what 'normal' means or otherwise struggle immensely with simple analogies. Capitalizing proper nouns is typical, and novels that use present tense are by definition atypical, in a similar manner that novels that fail at grammar -- while they certainly exist -- would also be atypical (i.e. according to relative frequency). Just because there have been commercially successful stories that have struggled with grammar doesn't mean that we should strive to imitate that quality.

the present tense in a narrative, or a switch to it, does successfully create a sense of immediacy and immersion.

And I've repeatedly asked for a specific example that would help support this mysterious claim and to date no one has been able provide one. Electricblue66 tried to provide an example (couldn't link the story without openly questioning my ability to read the story without bias, I might add) and I think there might have been some confusion because he later admits that he 'made no claim that it helped his story be more immediate'.

Again, maybe I've just been brainwashed by all those years I spent in academia where citing examples to support claims was the standard, and all the people here who desperately want to deviate from this trend remind me of the people who wildly parroted that the earth was flat; a lot of great talk but still physically incapable of supporting their claims with anything remotely concrete.

 

[AwkwardMD]

You misuse a lot of words for someone who 'spent a lot of time in academia'.