critique a beaver's tail

[My Erotic Trail]

Critique a Beavers Tail

The deer, didn't say two words,
standing there in a snort, literally
stomping their feet. Then put their asses
in the air. That got the 'high'
crows to cackling, a noisy lot,
curious as a cub to a stream,
scared of their own shadow,
in conjunction they fled. When
the tree came crashing down. A page
turned in an Earth quake simile,
enjambment and a dusty metaphor risen.
Sent the squirrels looking for vacancy's, period
No one will notice the re-arranged wood,
like the smell of a skunk in print. But sun
at first light, our differences are shown
in the sky's color each morn, as new
synonyms, kissing all the hawks offspring's
weaving the same trail. Round
as a beaver's tail. Inherent methodical
chattering teeth, editing timber
a beaver knee deep in poetry.

 

[MyNecroticSnail]

Are you asking for critique? Or is this a statement of purpose for the every word I say is silver set
ah, make that gold

 

[WickedEve]

Oh. I was critiquing the poem, but now I see that "critique" is part of the title.
I guess I won't mention any of the boo boos then.

 

[My Erotic Trail]

Oh. I was critiquing the poem, but now I see that "critique" is part of the title.
I guess I won't mention any of the boo boos then.

The poem was written as an experiment with enjambments
another poet here and I were discussing this 'use' and I wrote this poem in a trial of using an 'enjambment'. I figured they would like to see what I came up when they return. And I look forward to what she has to say about what was written from our conversation.

I would like to know what your thoughts are on the poem, but It was an experiment in the use of 'enjambment' so feel free to enlighten me.

 

[MyNecroticSnail]

Your poem has been mentioned in the....

As a matter of record here is the comment, with a score of 50
The perfect Balance
of some good, with some bad. I would tell you, but you wouldn't listen, just whine.

Here's a riddle for you:
What is the difference between a critic and a hypocrite?

Let's examine this for a while. Do you think it is perfectly all right to find fault with people that may find faults in others poetry. What does that say? Poetry is a thing, the critic is not.
Granted, criticism may or may not be on target, but I have yet to have see the perfect poem. The object here is growth in the constuction of poetry, not the growth of the ego of the leader of a band of weak writers.

ANSWERS
1.) the hypocrite has the "H"
2.) the critic has the integrity

I also read the zen of a snail, in the interest of karmic law, here is that comment
________________________________________
Everthing you do comes back to you.
This was left on mine:
"what a load..
00 04/24/06 By: Anonymous
of crap. mocking all Lit poems with another nothing submission / comments that diminish all other comments
-RJ-"

Why say you, Oh Hypocrites?
__________________________________________

The choice is yours, I can crank out "slightly better than yours" crap at the drop of a hat very easily. Or you and your crowd can quit being so rude when someone has something intelligent to say. and a little more respectful of talent. With a handful or writers here, if you really cared about writing, you should be in awe.

 

[MyNecroticSnail]

The poem was written as an experiment with enjambments
another poet here and I were discussing this 'use' and I wrote this poem in a trial of using an 'enjambment'. I figured they would like to see what I came up when they return. And I look forward to what she has to say about what was written from our conversation.

I would like to know what your thoughts are on the poem, but It was an experiment in the use of 'enjambment' so feel free to enlighten me.

In that case, let me soften the response, just a little. Enjambment is a very tricky thing. I perfer a simpler more inclusive description "end line".

"in conjunction they fled. When "
why "when" here?

 

[MyNecroticSnail]

here
Enjambement (also spelled "enjambment") is the breaking of a syntactic unit (a phrase, clause, or sentence) by the end of a line or between two verses. Its opposite is end-stopping, where each linguistic unit corresponds with the line length. The term is directly borrowed from the French "enjambement". (Also spelled "en(d)jambment", with "year", to mark the transition, by way of informally sharing recent ideas and work in a celebratory fashion, from one "moment"--such as a semester, or a school year--to the next. In this usage, the process of thoughtful, collaborative transition is privileged over the more destructive notion of "breaking" unified syntactic units.)

The reason I prefer a simpler more inclusive description "end line" is because that is the choice between that and end-stopping
--------------------------------------------------
"stomping their feet. Then put their asses
in the air. That got the 'high' "

I would have reworded this so "high" would have been before "asses", but that has little to do with an enjambent choice and more of a parralel text.

Anyway, if you really are interested, welcome to the club. You will spend the rest of your life trying to figure that one out. Not meant as a slight.

 

[My Erotic Trail]

I may have put this on the wrong thread, since I see you found a tree fallen in the woods in which to crawl into...


Originally Posted by MyNecroticSnail
Ever wonder why you should wear shoes in the forest?

The perfect balance achieved here (average)

Critique a Beaver's Tail
I love the ambiguity of the title, and the comments are on, but I get the feeling he really doesn't want anything more than "I love your wit and humor"

(probably from the same person that hates mine)



Ya know Snail, (twelve)
you continue to paint this picture that I do not want feedback or comments unless they are 'great poem or atta'boy' because I did not cotton to your rude comments and your disgruntled ways that seemed to sway your thoughts on my writes. So you assume I meant all? <grin read my poems, many have commented and critiqued them and the comments are still there, except yours and two others that can not seem to critique with out expressing rude adjectives or spilling their pompous ways. I think you know who I mean.

With out making yet another list of names, there are some nice poets here whom with kindness and encouraging ways guide many poet's poems to become BETTER by editing and showing enlightening proper methods in a helpful and courteous way.

The perfect Balance
05/29/06 by MyNecroticSnail
of some good, with some bad. I would tell you, but you wouldn't listen, just whine.

Here's a riddle for you:
What is the difference between a critic and a hypocrite?


A CRITIC: a fault finder of literature
(I believe that a person's personality makes the difference between a good critic and a bad one, regardless of poetic merits. If you slam a poem with rude comments the poet is less likely to learn anything other than, that person is rude)

A HYPOCRITE: The practice of professing false beliefs,
(well, that sounds like YOU, continually professing that I do not want anything other than ...

...but I get the feeling he really doesn't want anything more than "I love your wit and humor"

when one goes to the extremities of making a name (such as yours) for the purpose of your attacks and rude comments, how can one take you seriously.

thank you
Art~

 

[My Erotic Trail]

Your poem has been mentioned in the....

As a matter of record here is the comment, with a score of 50
The perfect Balance
of some good, with some bad. I would tell you, but you wouldn't listen, just whine.

Here's a riddle for you:
What is the difference between a critic and a hypocrite?

Let's examine this for a while. Do you think it is perfectly all right to find fault with people that may find faults in others poetry. What does that say? Poetry is a thing, the critic is not.
Granted, criticism may or may not be on target, but I have yet to have see the perfect poem. The object here is growth in the constuction of poetry, not the growth of the ego of the leader of a band of weak writers.

ANSWERS
1.) the hypocrite has the "H"
2.) the critic has the integrity

I also read the zen of a snail, in the interest of karmic law, here is that comment
________________________________________
Everthing you do comes back to you.
This was left on mine:
"what a load..
00 04/24/06 By: Anonymous
of crap. mocking all Lit poems with another nothing submission / comments that diminish all other comments
-RJ-"

Why say you, Oh Hypocrites?
__________________________________________

The choice is yours, I can crank out "slightly better than yours" crap at the drop of a hat very easily. Or you and your crowd can quit being so rude when someone has something intelligent to say. and a little more respectful of talent. With a handful or writers here, if you really cared about writing, you should be in awe.

one more thing

in being fair
I did, do and will leave your comment on the snail poem for it is only fair that 'your comment' of 'your poem' be un-deleted

 

[TheRainMan]

IMO, it is not possible to judge the enjambment in a poem as weak and flawed as this one.

there is too little sense in the poem’s meaning, too many poor images, and far too many technical errors of all sorts to make a discussion of enjambment worth anything at all.

my suggestion is to edit the poem first, and then return to the question of enjambment when the reader has something substantive to base their opinion on –

give the poem some focus by clarifying the subject matter –- give the language some respect by repairing the numerous, elementary mechanical errors. i see you have edited and fixed some of them since i read it the first time. there is a lot more for you to do.

line break considerations are a final, not initial step.

you can’t put a roof on a house that has no walls.

i do not think, as a poet, you are ready to enter a discussion of enjambing lines that would do you any benefit. enjambment is an advanced skill. you cannot run until you know how to walk, cannot move from fifth grade to college as if what is taught in between has no point.

i have watched you ignore so much sound advice in the past, all from poets of far greater skill level than yourself, as they tried to teach you to jog, and help you cover sixth through twelfth grade poetically, because you viewed their very constructive criticisms as personal attacks . . .

what has been the result? you are still making the same simple mistakes they told you about two years ago.

and i may be wasting my time giving you advice again, since you’ll probably do the same ignoring now as you have in the past. you already are doing that with Snail, who likely has already forgotten more about poetry than you will ever know.

that said, i put three red asterisks at the end of only the lines that i think are poorly broken to the extreme. there have been enough discussions about line breaks in these threads in the past that you should know why those are poor, if you’ve been paying attention to the people who have the best credential of all – they know how to write.

many other line breaks are also poorly considered, i think, but there would be reasons to argue for them. the breaks in the asterisked lines have no defense, IMO.

(and still, this opinion matters little because there is so much other work to do on the poem that most lines should bear no resemblance to their present structure when that work is completed.)


The deer, didn't say two words,
standing there in a snort, literally ***
stomping their feet. Then put their asses
in the air. That got the 'high' ***

crows to cackling, a noisy lot,
curious as a cub to a stream,
scared of their own shadow,
in conjunction they fled. When ***

the tree came crashing down. A page ***

turned in an Earth quake simile,
enjambment and a dusty metaphor risen.
Sent the squirrels looking for vacancy's, period ***

No one will notice the re-arranged wood,
like the smell of a skunk in print. But sun
at first light, our differences are shown
in the sky's color each morn, as new
synonyms, kissing all the hawks offspring's
weaving the same trail. Round
as a beaver's tail. Inherent methodical
chattering teeth, editing timber
a beaver knee deep in poetry.

 

[WickedEve]

The poem was written as an experiment with enjambments
another poet here and I were discussing this 'use' and I wrote this poem in a trial of using an 'enjambment'. I figured they would like to see what I came up when they return. And I look forward to what she has to say about what was written from our conversation.

I would like to know what your thoughts are on the poem, but It was an experiment in the use of 'enjambment' so feel free to enlighten me.

Nothing to say. I just read Rainman's post, which pretty much says it all. You are fortunate to receive advice from Pat and the caustic 12stepsnailprogram.

 

[My Erotic Trail]

IMO, it is not possible to judge the enjambment in a poem as weak and flawed as this one.

there is too little sense in the poem’s meaning, too many poor images, and far too many technical errors of all sorts to make a discussion of enjambment worth anything at all.

my suggestion is to edit the poem first, and then return to the question of enjambment when the reader has something substantive to base their opinion on –

give the poem some focus by clarifying the subject matter –- give the language some respect by repairing the numerous, elementary mechanical errors. i see you have edited and fixed some of them since i read it the first time. there is a lot more for you to do.

line break considerations are a final, not initial step.

you can’t put a roof on a house that has no walls.

i do not think, as a poet, you are ready to enter a discussion of enjambing lines that would do you any benefit. enjambment is an advanced skill. you cannot run until you know how to walk, cannot move from fifth grade to college as if what is taught in between has no point.

i have watched you ignore so much sound advice in the past, all from poets of far greater skill level than yourself, as they tried to teach you to jog, and help you cover sixth through twelfth grade poetically, because you viewed their very constructive criticisms as personal attacks . . .

what has been the result? you are still making the same simple mistakes they told you about two years ago.

and i may be wasting my time giving you advice again, since you’ll probably do the same ignoring now as you have in the past. you already are doing that with Snail, who likely has already forgotten more about poetry than you will ever know.

that said, i put three red asterisks at the end of only the lines that i think are poorly broken to the extreme. there have been enough discussions about line breaks in these threads in the past that you should know why those are poor, if you’ve been paying attention to the people who have the best credential of all – they know how to write.

many other line breaks are also poorly considered, i think, but there would be reasons to argue for them. the breaks in the asterisked lines have no defense, IMO.

(and still, this opinion matters little because there is so much other work to do on the poem that most lines should bear no resemblance to their present structure when that work is completed.)


The deer, didn't say two words,
standing there in a snort, literally ***
stomping their feet. Then put their asses
in the air. That got the 'high' ***

crows to cackling, a noisy lot,
curious as a cub to a stream,
scared of their own shadow,
in conjunction they fled. When ***

the tree came crashing down. A page ***

turned in an Earth quake simile,
enjambment and a dusty metaphor risen.
Sent the squirrels looking for vacancy's, period ***

No one will notice the re-arranged wood,
like the smell of a skunk in print. But sun
at first light, our differences are shown
in the sky's color each morn, as new
synonyms, kissing all the hawks offspring's
weaving the same trail. Round
as a beaver's tail. Inherent methodical
chattering teeth, editing timber
a beaver knee deep in poetry.

thank you Pat

I did not concider the factor of the poems correctness toward the study of enjambment but rather dabbled in enjambment as a tool to write with. I focussed on creating enjambments in order to create the poem, rather than create a poem and add enjambments.

I do/did appreciate the time you took to look this over, bows humble (~_~)

 

[Liar]

Enjambment or no emjambment, (I even had to resort to a dctinary to figure out what that meant, hell I just beak lines wherever the mood strikes and it looks good.) I have only one thing to say about this poem:

Um...what is it about? It's pretty damn cryptic imagery coming from a guy who sometimes call mine and others' poems 'guess-what-I'm-saying poetry'.

 

[cherries_on_snow]

a dawning idea

something this poem has that is valuable is the beginning of a real idea. there is a metaphor here between beaver and critic and the disruption of natural order. nothing, to me, is more important than a poem's original thinking or use of language.

It is true that technical errors disrupt clarity and so one must be careful to eliminate them. They are the most deep-rooted weeds in a garden. They come back again and again, so it is best to learn the rules to avoid them as much as possible. I wrote most of my poems when I had a weaker understanding of grammar and rewrote them years later. I recommend teaching English as an excellent way to learn grammar. No putting it off then.

Any writer is lucky to have a place where true critique is given, but criticism is also an art, one I'm not practiced in. I am not a critic. I'm a teacher, so my responses are shaped by the processes of teaching. Here's what I think.

Keep polishing the idea. Find ways to make it more accessible for the reader by eliminating technical errors and watching for future errors. I can help you avoid one.

Run through every temptation to use an apostrophe by rephrasing the word in an "of the" construction to test if it needs one. example: the teacher's pen becomes pen of the teacher. I will put the apostrophe after the last letter of that construction (teacher's pen). Likewise, the lounge of the teachers becomes teachers' lounge (going after the last letter). If it can't make an 'of the' construction, it doesn't need an apostrophe (unless one is mentioning plural letters that might also spell a word such as A's and M's, but that's nitpicky). The general rule is that plurals do not need apostrophes unless they are also possessive.

Even though this needs work, I liked the fact that you were working on an interesting idea and am interested in seeing it develop. I'd like to see it worked out and the meaning allowed to shine through more.

I got the use of enjambment here to draw attention to the allegory by employing words about writing. It seems that the writer is talking about upheaval in a forest of poets. Ignoring the possibility that it is written about people here at Lit (I don't really wanna get into that stuff) if we look at it, it seems to be that the central character is disrupting the forest, editing timber. I really like that image. This poem has the potential to work on two levels and I hope you keep working on it.

 

[My Erotic Trail]

Enjambment or no emjambment, (I even had to resort to a dctinary to figure out what that meant, hell I just beak lines wherever the mood strikes and it looks good.) I have only one thing to say about this poem:

Um...what is it about? It's pretty damn cryptic imagery coming from a guy who sometimes call mine and others' poems 'guess-what-I'm-saying poetry'.

laughing... your kidding <grin

first off I simply wrote this to play with enjambments


I noticed the other day some crows cackling at me while I mowed the back fourty acres, which caused me to think of this poem while working. Each forest animal expressing noisy commentarys to other forest aniamals and I tried to relay that in this poem in a way that shows (all animals are critics, in a sense) I found this humorous and helpful in understanding that we all have a say and usually comment on others regardless of what they are doing.


first, "the Beaver's tail" plays as well with 'tale'
but the symbolic focus is what comes around, as round as a beaver's tail <grin

The deer, didn't say two words,
standing there in a snort, literally
stomping their feet. Then put their asses
in the air. That got the 'high'
crows to cackling, a noisy lot,
curious as a cub to a stream,
scared of their own shadow,
in conjunction they fled. When
the tree came crashing down. A page
turned in an Earth quake simile,
enjambment and a dusty metaphor risen.

the first half are comments and critique of the forest animals opinions of what the beaver is doing. Each with their own style and charactor. So perhaps a break to create two stanzas should have been used here. The mingle of literary tools (simile, enjambment and metaphor) with the story was to show the creation of the poem, in the beaver's poetic way.


Sent the squirrels looking for vacancy's, period
No one will notice the re-arranged wood,
like the smell of a skunk in print. But sun
at first light, our differences are shown
in the sky's color each morn, as new
synonyms, kissing all the hawks offspring's
weaving the same trail. Round

this is where it became tricky...

I tried to paint Poets of the past/ present and the future (of all walks of life)
synonyms, kissing all the hawks offspring's
as different as colors, weaving the same poetic trail
weaving the same trail. Round
round and round as years, cycles and even history repeating itself
from the poems that stink to the poems that soar
like the smell of a skunk in print
the re-arranged wood are the edited versions
rarely seen till the final outcome that is displayed or final.
I tried to paint the yin and yang of poetry, good and bad
and differences of each poet/person/animal, as a cycle.


as a beaver's tail. Inherent methodical
chattering teeth, editing timber
a beaver knee deep in poetry.

ties the poem to the beaver's inherent charactoristics and poetic way,
and it was what the forest animals were chattering about, (critiques).


(now how far off were you from understanding the poem?)

 

[My Erotic Trail]

something this poem has that is valuable is the beginning of a real idea. there is a metaphor here between beaver and critic and the disruption of natural order. nothing, to me, is more important than a poem's original thinking or use of language.

It is true that technical errors disrupt clarity and so one must be careful to eliminate them. They are the most deep-rooted weeds in a garden. They come back again and again, so it is best to learn the rules to avoid them as much as possible. I wrote most of my poems when I had a weaker understanding of grammar and rewrote them years later. I recommend teaching English as an excellent way to learn grammar. No putting it off then.

Any writer is lucky to have a place where true critique is given, but criticism is also an art, one I'm not practiced in. I am not a critic. I'm a teacher, so my responses are shaped by the processes of teaching. Here's what I think.

Keep polishing the idea. Find ways to make it more accessible for the reader by eliminating technical errors and watching for future errors. I can help you avoid one.

Run through every temptation to use an apostrophe by rephrasing the word in an "of the" construction to test if it needs one. example: the teacher's pen becomes pen of the teacher. I will put the apostrophe after the last letter of that construction (teacher's pen). Likewise, the lounge of the teachers becomes teachers' lounge (going after the last letter). If it can't make an 'of the' construction, it doesn't need an apostrophe (unless one is mentioning plural letters that might also spell a word such as A's and M's, but that's nitpicky). The general rule is that plurals do not need apostrophes unless they are also possessive.

Even though this needs work, I liked the fact that you were working on an interesting idea and am interested in seeing it develop. I'd like to see it worked out and the meaning allowed to shine through more.

I got the use of enjambment here to draw attention to the allegory by employing words about writing. It seems that the writer is talking about upheaval in a forest of poets. Ignoring the possibility that it is written about people here at Lit (I don't really wanna get into that stuff) if we look at it, it seems to be that the central character is disrupting the forest, editing timber. I really like that image. This poem has the potential to work on two levels and I hope you keep working on it.

exactly <grin... thanks cherries_on_snow
The poem directs instantly the forest animal's expressions to what the beaver is doing regardless of rather it was liked or not. Each doing/being what they are, animals of expression.

not exactly pointing any fingers of those at lit but as the world of literature and creatures of habit as a whole.

I admit my fault of writing to create enjambments rather than write the poem and then add them to the final touches. Learning to fall is also learning to dust one's self off and climb back on that horse <grin I thank you for your time and for the note of 'How to' (~_~) bows humble

 

[cherries_on_snow]

(now how far off were you from understanding the poem?)

Where I got lost was the noone will notice part. Here the camera seems to move from a focus of the deer and other animals to a human absent from the scene. (certainly the squirrels would notice (poor squirrels)).

The poem did make me smile, though, Art, at the image of the beaver editing trees: beaver as poet. (what a sexy beaver!) hehe.

 

[TheRainMan]

thank you Pat

I did not concider the factor of the poems correctness toward the study of enjambment but rather dabbled in enjambment as a tool to write with. I focussed on creating enjambments in order to create the poem, rather than create a poem and add enjambments.

I do/did appreciate the time you took to look this over, bows humble (~_~)

you're welcome.

good luck with it, whatever you decide to do.

 

[Liar]

(now how far off were you from understanding the poem?)

Pretty damn far. But thanks for the explanation.

I couldn't decide of it was some kind of metaphor between animal characteristics and that of critics/artists/audience going on... that would require some major leaps of faith for the reader. But that's the only theory I had.

Now, if it's straight on observation of nature and a little anthromorphing of animals, then I think you managed to make the required leap of faith even longer, because there's not much that suspends my disbelief in the similies. The poetic way of a beaver? A beaver is a beaver is a beaver is what a beaver does. And critiquing critter? Would they? Do they? Sorry, it doesn't come through to me.

 

[Rybka]

MET, I agree with several of the others that you may not be ready to use enjambment with complete success. In "Critique a Beaver's Tail" I feel it actually weakens, rather than adds to the poem. Enjambment is usually an additive, an embellishment that jumps out at the writer as a way of connecting or separating thoughts/phrases. It is not something that should be the main purpose of a published poem. (IMHO)

All that aside, I will say that I do think you are a greatly improved writer from what you were when you first came to Literotica and it is good that you are willing to try new techniques and artifices. ~ I do still think that you are too sensitive to criticism, too defensive, and this is off-putting to those who would help and whose writings and advice you should seriously study.

PAX, Rybka

 

[The Mystery Valiant]

At First Glance

When I first read the poem I couldn't track just what you were doing. Especially since I have never encountered the word "Enjabment". I went to the dictionary and that cleared a small portion of the poem up. Then as I read the comments and post's, it became more distinct. Now I have it pretty well figured out..., it is one hell of an experiment! But I can only come to one conclusion on a poem like this. In order for this poem to be comprehensible, the reader must have an extensive knowledge in English Literature. And don't mean 4, 5 or eight years. Therefore the experiment becomes the pain of the very same crucifix it pins its design on. Now there is nothing wrong with experiments of such intricate and originative matter. But it just won't find very much usage in even intellectual circles, strictly because of its architecture of exclusivity. But I'll state pure and simply, it borders on genius..., and desrves circulation within literary institutions.

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y169/whistlemaker/earthlights_dmsp_bigpipe.jpg

 

[champagne1982]

What on God's green Earth are you all talking about?

A beaver's tail has many purposes in life, one of which is to drag on the ground.

It slaps mud, pounds a warning and stores fat for the leaner months of winter.

There are too many images to focus on one in this poem and the tree metaphor leaves me feeling a little let down. Art, if you were to develop the tree thing more you'd have a much stronger analogy. As the poem reads now, it's more mixed up than a menagerie at feeding time.

Think about why a beaver gnaws at a tree. It's not to weaken it and tear it apart, but to peel away the bark and get at the cambium beneath. Once they've accomplished that, then they bring it down to feed on the tender leaf buds at the ends of the twigs. Only after all the food value has been exhausted will a beaver then move the trunk into its dam or lodge to become part of its shelter.

In my opinion, you'd have a better poem.

 

[sugarmountain]

What on God's green Earth are you all talking about?

A beaver's tail has many purposes in life, one of which is to drag on the ground.

It slaps mud, pounds a warning and stores fat for the leaner months of winter.

There are too many images to focus on one in this poem and the tree metaphor leaves me feeling a little let down. Art, if you were to develop the tree thing more you'd have a much stronger analogy. As the poem reads now, it's more mixed up than a menagerie at feeding time.

Think about why a beaver gnaws at a tree. It's not to weaken it and tear it apart, but to peel away the bark and get at the cambium beneath. Once they've accomplished that, then they bring it down to feed on the tender leaf buds at the ends of the twigs. Only after all the food value has been exhausted will a beaver then move the trunk into its dam or lodge to become part of its shelter.

In my opinion, you'd have a better poem.

Who'd have thought? not only a wonderful poet, but a beaver afficionado as well.

 

[MyNecroticSnail]

The poem was written as an experiment with enjambments
another poet here and I were discussing this 'use' and I wrote this poem in a trial of using an 'enjambment'. I figured they would like to see what I came up when they return. And I look forward to what she has to say about what was written from our conversation.

I would like to know what your thoughts are on the poem, but It was an experiment in the use of 'enjambment' so feel free to enlighten me.

Part of your problem IS, you DON'T ask, you and the other poet. You both know.
In this thread, at least three showed up who can tell you something about 'enjambment'.

Here is a serious suggestion (which you probably dismiss because of your NPD disorder)
Read Robert Pinsky's - The Sounds of Poetry, a Brief Guide. He has a chapter
on Syntax and Line. One of the examples he gives is William Carlos Williams' To a Poor Old Woman

munching a plum on
the street a paper bag
of them in her hand

They taste good to her
They taste good
to her. They taste
good to her

You can see it by
the way she gives herself
to the one half
sucked out in her hand

Comforted
a solace of ripe plums
seeming to fill the air
They taste good to her.

Same line. Notice how the tone changes, with the change in the end line.

Another suggestion Read Lu Chi's Wen Fu, it will be easier for you than Horace's Ars Poetica - Oh shit!!!! look what it says in Sam Hamill's preface

Although well acquainted with the literati of his period, he was, a decidedly a private man who numbered no close friends other than his younger brother, perhaps because of his barbed criticism.

You would probably dismiss him as being lacking in "social skills". He would probably have cut your head off (those were different times).

Now Rude Boy
"when one goes to the extremities of making a name (such as yours) for the purpose of your attacks and rude comments, how can one take you seriously." who does this really sound like?

Now who does Lu Chi sound like? Senna? 1201?

As for either twelveoone or Senna Jawa, where are they? Both attacked personally attacked by you or yours. I admit to doing the same to you, (I am funnier) just so you feel it too. It ends when you quit your bullshit.

You are lucky Rainman and Rybka stuck around.

 

[My Erotic Trail]

What on God's green Earth are you all talking about?

A beaver's tail has many purposes in life, one of which is to drag on the ground.

It slaps mud, pounds a warning and stores fat for the leaner months of winter.

There are too many images to focus on one in this poem and the tree metaphor leaves me feeling a little let down. Art, if you were to develop the tree thing more you'd have a much stronger analogy. As the poem reads now, it's more mixed up than a menagerie at feeding time.

Think about why a beaver gnaws at a tree. It's not to weaken it and tear it apart, but to peel away the bark and get at the cambium beneath. Once they've accomplished that, then they bring it down to feed on the tender leaf buds at the ends of the twigs. Only after all the food value has been exhausted will a beaver then move the trunk into its dam or lodge to become part of its shelter.

In my opinion, you'd have a better poem.

good point champ~
thanks for the additional knowledge of a beaver's tail. Seems the beaver has many poetic qualities <grin