critical feedback please!

[kristydoll]

My newest story is an attempt of incorporating a new style to my writing. I would appreciate any critical feedback you may have...as to style, content, pace, etc.

My goal (with this story) was to take a character and get in her head. I gave myself 3 hours to just write. One edit. It is an exercise I do to immerse myself into one area. Am actually pleased with the result....(am overlooking 2 mistakes that jump out of me, of course)....but would like to see it dissected to really make it work.

thanks,
kristy

Tell Me About Your Wife
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=61262

 

[Maskman]

Now, that is interesting! I'm hooked!

Very original twist on the old bar pick-up, grabs your attention immediately, and drags you in. I'm not at all sure I'd change anything. Not my particular style, personally, but it's compelling enough to hook me anyway.

Bravo.

 

[disraeli]

I loved the story!

Keep up the good work.

 

[Wicked-N-Erotic]

WOW!

I loved your story. I had read some of your other post that you've mentioned this character and all I can say is I must go read your other stories. I love the way Orchid is so blunt and forceful, so in control. Please keep Orchid coming (no pun intended).
Wicked

 

[Zad]

That's very Cool!! It's not busted, don,t try and fix it. Thank's for the Wood!

 

[the_bragis]

Hi kistydoll,

I pride myself in being totally honest with my feedbacks. So here it goes.

I loved this hot little story of yours! Style, content, pace, etc... all read just fine to me. It's like baby bear's porridge. It's just right!

This story is cheeky and entertaining. The dialog is quick and witty. That's a cute twist at the end too. I like that! What's really intriguing about this story, for me anyway, is that, while Ken and Orchid don't actually have sex, or even come close to it, it's still a very sexy and sensual read.

Men and women readers are going to love Orchid for totally different reasons. I think men couldn't help but fall for her sexy style and uninhibited manner, while women would admire her strong nature and self confidence. One thing is for sure, this story is going have a very wide appeal.

Congratulations girl, in my view, this is a winner.

Have a great day now,

Alex (fem)

 

[kristydoll]

thank you

Thank you all for your feedback and encouragement on this one. I appreciate your time in reading it.

Orchid is a character I would love to keep going with...I only hope I do her justice.

many, many thanks!
kristy

 

[Bodie]

Hi kristydoll,

Loved the story. Three hours and one edit! OMG!

I agree with the_bragis, it will have a wide appeal to both sexes. And I really loved Orchid. (Big surprise - NOT!) Run with that character, definitely!

Look forward to reading more of her. Pleeeeez?

Bodie

 

[ladyphoenix]

Twisted stories

Oh doll,
I RARELY give a five. To me, it means the story has taken some old theme and given it a really new twist, or the author has managed to give us a creative idea.
You get a five.

 

[NoJo]

Five. Hot hot hot.

Now, I'm a really perverted guy , so I'm going to dissect it. This will give me chance to read it in real detail...

..Ok. Here's what I got.

He chuckled, observing in the blonde-haired beauty beside him.
oops. Taking in.


on the 5-inch heels she wore
On five-inch heels. Four words needed.


non-inhibited
uninhibited


That’s it. Just three!

I also found myself answering Orchid’s questions about my own wife. Yes, No, Yes, Yes, No, No, Definitely not, No… Yes…
I lost track of my score. I’m just going to call her.... damn! still not back from her book club!

Really nice story!