Creative Lies

[scheherazade_79]

It's one of those things that parents or people working with kids excel at, and I'm curious...

What lies / tall stories were told to you as a child?

Do you find yourself making up these lies / tall stories as you get older?

If so, why? Is it out of boredom, embarrassment, fear, or downright devilry?


As we're all writers with naturally creative minds, I'm expecting impressive things

 

[scheherazade_79]

How I came to grips with the real world is a complete and utter mystery, considering the whoppers that were told to me as a kid.

My infant school had a Magic Mirror that reported back to the headmistress whenever someone forgot to flush the toilet.

A little robin used to bring me packets of sweets, which he left on my pillow for no reason at all.

There was a policeman who patrolled my neighbourhood, looking specifically for little girls who refused to go to school. He also did some Sunday patrols, where he was on the lookout for little girls who wouldn't take a bath.

My pet dog communicated through my mother from time to time. He never talked to me, but he often had a quiet word with my parents when he noticed I was upset, or wanted me to wear a particular dress, or have my hair cut in a specific way.

And the worst one of all, which I do feel annoyed at my parents for... It took me until I was 13 to realise that babies didn't come out of a woman's arse.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To be perfectly honest, I've told so many whoppers to kids that I've lost track. Most of them are absolute devilment, though - random stories about people who got bitten by cobras in the local carpet shop; the spider who hid in a woman's beehive hairdo and then ate through to her brains... That kind of thing.

Sometimes I'd make up a story to highlight the danger of doing something if I knew that "Don't do that" wouldn't be effective. Like the girl who ran down a flight of stairs with a glass bowl in her hands, and ended up severing an artery in her neck when she fell and the bowl broke. Or the boy who ended up in a wheelchair after the legs of his chair broke when he was swinging on it.

 

[BlackShanglan]

I think the main thing I love about Jonathan Swift's Directions to Servants is the reeling litany of lies that he recommends to servants eager to get out of work, trouble, or both. Amongst the lies and excuses that every servant should have ready to hand at every moment just in case he happens to be a trifling two or four or six hours late coming home from an errand are "My father sent me a cow to sell, and I couldn't find a man to sell it until nine o'clock at night," "I had to go see my cousin being hanged," "A fellow-servant I had loaned money to was shipping for the Barbados, and I had to run and get the money from him before the ship sailed," and (my personal favorite), "I heard that your honor had gone into a tavern and come to some unhappy accident, and my grief was so great that I have inquired for you in a hundred taverns from Pall-Mall to Temple Bar."

 

[cloudy]

I had my oldest son convinced for years that when a woman had children, a second set of eyes opened up in the back of her head, hidden by her hair. They're called "mommy eyes."

 

[CharleyH]

It's one of those things that parents or people working with kids excel at, and I'm curious...

What lies / tall stories were told to you as a child?

Do you find yourself making up these lies / tall stories as you get older?

If so, why? Is it out of boredom, embarrassment, fear, or downright devilry?


As we're all writers with naturally creative minds, I'm expecting impressive things

Outside of Santa and the tooth fairy, I think adults attempt to tell children the truth in the way they can. However, children think differently than we adults. Example: A child falls in love with their teacher. The child does not get the concept of age. A child says "When I get bigger, I will marry you."

A teacher might attempt to say I will always be 20 years older, but I do not think children get the concept of age. Just a thought among many.

Tall fairy tales and legends and myths are what we grow up with and out of naturally, me thinks. I wouldn't say I lie as a writer, although as a story teller I naturally embellish. Adornment is the fodder of a good story, no?

 

[English Lady]

I've told Boo that stone/wooden statues come alive at night and she does very much believe it.

But then in my heart, I want to believe it too

 

[Vermilion]

I've told Boo that stone/wooden statues come alive at night and she does very much believe it.

But then in my heart, I want to believe it too

did she watch that Dr. Who episode "blink"?



x
V

 

[English Lady]

did she watch that Dr. Who episode "blink"?



x
V

Oh Lord, no. She's petrified of Doctor who, bless her. She's kinda sensitive likeher mother. I saw it -it was spoooooky.

 

[Stella_Omega]

To be perfectly honest, I've told so many whoppers to kids that I've lost track. Most of them are absolute devilment, though - random stories about people who got bitten by cobras in the local carpet shop; the spider who hid in a woman's beehive hairdo and then ate through to her brains... That kind of thing.

My daughter is NOT amused by this-- she points out that children are very good at scaring themselves without grownups helping out so enthusiastically.

 

[maggot420]

The biggest lie that they told me was "Everything will be all right."

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

I had my oldest son convinced for years that when a woman had children, a second set of eyes opened up in the back of her head, hidden by her hair. They're called "mommy eyes."

I did this to my kids too! I was so good at it, that I would have them stand behind me and hold up fingers. I would guess correctly every time! But how. . . I made sure we did this in the kitchen, where I sat where I could see the reflection of them in the microwave. *snickers*

 

[mysticmoon]

The biggest lies I was told...

My kindergarten teacher told us that the school resource officer was there to arrest little kids who misbehaved and we'd go to jail where all we did was practice numbers.

One of the ones I always hated was going to the Dr and they'd tell us that shots "don't hurt a bit".

That there were no monsters under the bed. I would've believed that, but then my mom kept giving me monster repellent spray, and a special crystal to put on my nightstand so that they'd stay away. Um, hello? Mom, if there's no monsters under the bed why do I need this stuff? One of my baby sitters finally set me straight by moving my bed one night, and we took it apart (lifted the mattress and box springs off the frame) too and checked. SHE was right, there no monsters under the bed.

That good girls don't get "hurt" by bad men.

That girls who wear skirts, shorts, make-up, jeans, no make-up, do their hair, don't do their hair, wear a bra, don't wear a bra, deserve what they got....

We have custody of a youngster in our family, and I've always been honest with her. When she got her school shots this year, the Dr was all "Don't worry, it's just a little poke, like this" and gently pokes her with a finger. I said "Excuse me Dr, but lying to her won't help any. Kiddo, it's gonna hurt, and it might leave a bruise, but it won't last very long. You can yell if you want to, but we'd prefer you didn't so you don't scare the other little kids out there." She cried a bit instead, but was all cool. I swear, it's not the shot that bugged me when I was a kid, it was the lying. I mean, you told me this shot wouldn't hurt, and it did, so whenever I heard that in the future, I expected something bad to happen.

I did lie to her about the monsters under the bed though. Like me, she was firmly convinced there were monsters under the bed, and all the monster spray in the world just reinforced that. We were not the ones who gave her monster spray and talismans (talismen?) and such. She came to us with the belief. We took the bed apart, but she still believed it. Finally, I told her "yep sweetie, there's invisible monsters under the bed. But they don't eat little girls. And they make good watch dogs, too." She says "Oh, I thought he was going to eat me! What do they eat?" My partner started cracking up, giving me this "way to go, Einstein" look. I told her that I didn't know for sure, but I suspected it was stray socks, loose puzzle pieces and wandering Lego blocks, since all of the above disappear quite often in our house. She was cool with it. Now she says goodnight to him, and remembers him in her prayers.

 

[impressive]

Snowflake was a guard guinea pig.

Seriously. No monsters could get anywhere near our house when Snowflake was on the job ... as evidenced by the fact that she saw none.

 

[Frank Noir]

The biggest lie that they told me was "Everything will be all right."

The good news is: No-one ever told me that.

The bad news is: As a result I grew up not believing it.

 

[mysticmoon]

We need one of those piggies...

 

[maggot420]

The good news is: No-one ever told me that.

The bad news is: As a result I grew up not believing it.

"I'd much rather be happy than right any day."

"And are you?"

"Ah, no. Well, that's where it all falls down, of course."

 

[elsol]

1. Male Menstruation a.k.a. Anal Drip.

Let's just say that I went to college with some REALLY naive freshman girls. How the fuck parents would do that their children, I won't ever know.

2. Secret Catholic Doctrine: The Sex of All Things

Again freshman year... some girls were taking spanish and they were confused that there is no neuter. Everything is either male or female and they wondered how anyone knew.

So I sold them on the concept that it was a catholic thing... spaniards and latinos being mostly catholic.

Then of course, there's the classic.

"I'll only put the head in!"

 

[slyc_willie]

I was robbed . . .

My parents made it pretty clear to me how 'real' the world was. My illusions about Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny were all shattered by the time I was eight years old. I knew very well that Mom and Dad were all those things, alas.

Maybe that's why I go out of my way when I interact with the little kids who come into the restaurant. I do the whole 'I've got your nose!' trick with them, and if it's around any festive time of year, I ask them what they're going to be for Halloween, or what they asked Santa Claus for.

But it's not my place to make up grandiose stories for them. However, when I have kids of my own . . . my grandfather's monicker of "Baron Munchausen" will ahve some serious competition

 

[Boota]

The only lies my parents toldme were the Santa/Easter Bunny sort. I was a very critical child, though, and had it figured out before I started kindergarten. It just didn't seem plausible.

I tell my girlfriends kids stories all the time, but I don't consider them lies because I don't expect the kids to believe them. I tell entertaining lies.

My girlfriend's niece, Nikki, is 18 now, but we were together before back when the niece was first born. We had her more than her parents did. Nikki was scared of monsters under her bed and in her closet. Nothing and no one could convince her that there wasn't one. So I got a pencil and a sketch pad and went into her room and drew her monster. I colored it in and gave it to her. I made it very scary and mean looking.

"There's your monster. I saw it. But you shouldn't be scared of it. It's your personal monster. No one else has one like this."

She tacked the picture up over her bed for a long time and slept just fine.

 

[glynndah]

I remember reading a short work (poem or essay, I think) years ago about just such a subject. Not much of it stuck but this sentiment: I apologize to you, Captain Kangaroo, for all the lies I told in your name.