Creating a Dom......

[bustyblondebombshell]

Hey, I'm sure this has been talked about before, but I wanted to ask the question in my own way so hopefully I can take as much out of your replies as possible.

My dilemma is this........ I have only been in the VR scene for a short time, I have had the privelige of my first online Dom being very experienced and very in tune to my needs as a new sub. However, pressures of life and distance pulled us apart.

I have since been in contact with someone who has the potential to be a fantastic Dom with a little more experience. The thing that I want to know is how do I help this kind man learn more about the lifestyle without appearing to be bratting or switching?
Everything is there already, he is commanding and authoritative, but I just feel he needs to learn a little more to become my perfect Master.

How can I do this without appearing to be over stepping the mark. I am aware that everyone is different, and that I shouldn't be trying to engineer the situation to my advantage, but I feel lost in wanting to please him, but without him really knowing what to do or protocol for certain things.

Oh.............. if anyone out there knows what I am trying to say, PLEASE help me!!

Thankyou kindly in advance....

BBB xx

 

[SlvrTongueDevil]

I know this is truly simple-minded ... but have you discussed this with him?
I mean, might be worth a shot before some elaborate ruse.

 

[bustyblondebombshell]

We have talked about our relationship becoming full time and RL, I have mentioned that I would like to send him some articles and links for him to read through, but I don't know whether it is right for me to be coaching him. He had a RL slave for a few months, but like all Dom/mes are different, subs are different too. Our expectations are the same, but sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be saying...."and this is what you do next".

Sexually he has got it down to a T, but I like to be mentally and emotionally owned as well. I just don't know that I am executing my point very well. Maybe I should try posting when I can articulate myself a bit better.

I want to submit everything to him, but I also need to look out for my own well being until I feel he is experienced enough for me to trust him completely with my life.

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[bustyblondebombshell]

Thanks - I went straight to Amazon and ordered it - lets hope I can learn something!!

 

[NCShin]

From your post i think that you feel that he is already dominant.

If that is the case, he may just need a bit of education. Point him to this site (the library) or some other D/s related sites.

Once he reads up a bit he may naturally bring it to the next level.

 

[FungiUg]

Education is good. Reading fantasies can be good too -- as they are more engaging to read, and you often come out of a good read with "now, I wouldn't mind trying THAT!"

The other thing is just to encourage him to socialise with other BDSM people -- go along to munches in his area, perhaps. Some BDSM groups (including the local one here) often run "how to" sessions as well.

So basically, to learn, he needs to get out there and start doing things.

Oh... and if you as a sub are pushing him into things, I'd say you need to seriously re-evaluate just how Dom he is.

 

[Guest]

A good BDSM resource that has helped me through my own trials and tribulations in the BDSM lifestyle and that has an excellent look at BDSM from both pespectives is http://www.castlerealm.com . I highly reccomend it for both of you. KingDom for him, subspace for you/ It's a pretty nifty little site. It was put together by a real life couple in the BDSM lifestyle and while jade, the submissive, unfortunately passed away a couple years ago it is still a most valuable resource. It definitely points out some of the more ridiculous things in the lifestyle, specifically in terms of internet BDSM, and puts BDSM in a serious view at times, mixing the perfect amounts of humor into it. It definitely shows Doms and subs how to have a real relationship built on a solid foundation of love and trust, yet still have that balance that is neccesary for TPE. Good luck with your potential Dominant!

 

[bustyblondebombshell]

SWNC,

Thankyou very much for the link, I just visited the site (sooooo much information!!) and I think I will point my new Dom in that general direction and see what happens.

I have also suggested that he visit the Lit Library and visit several discussions including ones that talk about aftercare and the use of safe words. Hopefully this is the beginning of a very nice journey!!

I appreciate the advice you guys have given so far, and welcome any more with open arms.

BBB x.

 

[wickedwanda]

The biggest obstacle I've had to face when broaching the subject of my longing for a D/s relationship with my husband of 32 years is his strong sense of 'right and wrong'. He was taught that it is just plain wrong to physically hurt a woman - even for her pleasure.

He's trying but it sometimes feels absolutely ridiculous to be explaining to the 'dominant' about what he could do next.

I'm sure our fumbling towards ecstacy often comes damn close to topping from the bottom - but it seems to be working for us.

On the more positive side - I've bought him some books and he's getting quite a bit more inventive. Sometimes those really great caring guys out there need a little push to help them find their sea legs.

 

[WildRose40DDD]

Books

I jsut finished reading The Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet w. Hardey. (Thanks to my bestest friends in the world who saw it and said "OMG we *must* get this for her!" LOL ) It's got a lot of great information including negotiating for wanting more from your top and how to work together to get it. You might try to find a copy?

There is also one called "The Topping Book" that is really good.