Craving Mexican

[al_Ussa]

Hi y'all. I've gotten quite a few stories posted on here since I first started writing but I always like to think that my writing is improving. So I thought I would ask for your opinion on my latest work:

Craving Mexican.

It is really the first Lesbian story that I've written for this site, and while it is a little on the short side, I was hoping you could give it a quick read and tell me what you think. The plot is about a girl being seduced by her boyfriend's mother, a hot older Mexican woman. Spicy, hot and a little dirty. The story was inspired in part by my little thing for older Latina women (including a woman who works at a local Mexican restaurant I've been known to frequent).

So let me know what you think. Was it hot? Spicy? Sexy? Did it get you going? I've wanted to write Lesbian sex for some time now and I would hope it rings true, even if I did intentionally exaggerate elements. I'm curious to know if people would read more of such a story. And I'm especially curious if any Latina readers have thoughts. I don't want people to feel that my work is racist or stereotypical. I want them to be turned on and enjoy the characters.

 

[Hotcappucino]

I hope you don't mind if I speak rather frankly...

Minor point: clean up the punctuation a little.

Major point: a good lesbian story should read like it was written by a woman, even if the author is actually a man. This one reads, well, like it was written by a man, a very horny young man.

Not that Mrs. González was that bad looking either. No, quite the contrary, she was a smoking hot fox! ... Nell could still make out the woman's luscious curves.

I can't think of any straight woman who would refer to another woman as a "smoking hot fox," and since this paragraph is from Nell's point of view, I can't picture her thinking of Mrs. Gonzalez as "a smoking hot fox," or of Mrs. Gonzales' curves as "luscious."

It's pretty much the same way throughout the story. You have two extraordinary characters doing, thinking, and saying very extraordinary things under ordinary circumstances. And when I say "extraordinary," I mean "out of the ordinary" in not a good way. The characters don't act, think, or say things the way you'd expect from an 18 year old girl and a 40 year old woman.

In my opinion, the best stories have ordinary characters that the reader can relate to, who somehow do interesting or extraorinary things under extraordinary circumstances. There's no need for Nell to be a tall red-headed Swede and no need for Mrs. Gonzalez to be a former Mexican actress. Do these types of people exist? Yes. But the story can be just as effective, even more effective, if Nell, for example, were just an average-looking Irish-American with red hair and a smattering of freckles on her face (and, as we may discover later, running up her arms and legs) and Mrs. Gonzalez an average middle-aged woman who waits on tables at a local Mexican restaurant.

And there should be a stronger impetus to two women, who are normally straight, to suddenly do something totally foreign to both of their natures in such an ordinary setting as sitting around in a kitchen then having a "strange" feeling come over them. Perhaps the boyfriend/son has died and the two women come together in their shared grief. Maybe the three of them take a trip to visit the university before the school year begins and the two women are forced to share the same bed in a hotel. Ordinary people put into extraordinary circumstances allow them to behave in ways that can be more believeable to the reader.