Jacobo_Curious
Dark Magician Girl
- Joined
- Sep 16, 2002
- Posts
- 4,060
Dear Diary,
Quiet.
Do you hear that?
It's silence.
Beyond our world is the vast emptiness known as space. Nothing can survive out there. Space is a vaccum, an emptiness that cannot be filled. In space, there is no oxygen, no friction, no sound. Just silence. The silence of peace. The silence of death.
We, as a people, cannot survive in space. We build ourselves homes where we are safe, tucked away from the vast emptiness that is beyond us, looking away from it to focus on our own lives. We, as a people, constantly strive to fill ourselves, to fulfill ourselves, living quickly and impatiently, and either dying unsatisfied or resigning ourselves to the fact that the emptiness inside of us is just as real and as necessary as the emptiness that cradles our planets, our cities, our homes.
We, as a people, cannot have silence. We surround ourselves with our needs and our desires and strive for perfection -- strive to feel the voids inside of us. Some search for so-called "inner peace". Some envelop themselves in a life of pure hedonism. Most simply involve themselves in day-to-day working life so they don't have time to think about such wide-ranging and unnecessary questions. They all die the same. Human. Flawed by necessity and perfect in a way that only the universe itself could understand.
But some refuse life.
In life, that which is whole must be broken, and that which is broken must become whole. A cycle of life and death -- of love and strife. People have crises and are happy. People run away and then must return. No one is immune. Emptiness is death, and action is life. Life is running away from our emptiness, and throwing things in its path. But we all die. The cycle, even if it is meaningless, is always there, and the wheel will always turn. And no one can survive the chaos of their own so-called egos, their deluded and desire-infected minds, alone.
But some try.
Wait... do you hear that?
Yes. It's silence.
Don't listen too long. You'll go crazy.
And then you'll die.
***
Lena May was committing suicide.
Then she put out her cigarette on the control panel.
Admittedly, it was a lengthy, painful, and habit-forming kind of suicide. But at least it was socially accepted -- at least in comparison to the more merciful kind. And that's what counts.
Right, Lena?
"I don't even like these anyway," she said to herself, tossing the pack of cigarettes over her shoulder. "They taste bad."
The more expensive ones probably taste better.
"Bullshit. I'm eating smoke."
You're also talking to yourself.
"Fuck you."
Actually, you'd better stop. I hear it makes you go blind. Or is that only for boys?
Even Lena couldn't stand silence. So she talked to the rational voice inside of her that kept babbling on -- the thing most people call their mind. It holds memories, which give you personality and knowledge, and also lies a lot through what's called "perception". The funny thing was, Lena knew something that most people didn't seem to recognize:
She really was just arguing with herself.
"I can't escape it. I am you, aren't I? However much I try to hope that I have my own personality, that I have some sort of center, that you're some sort of ghost to my machine that advises me, I really am just you, aren't I?"
Well, it doesn't seem that way, does it? I mean, you're talking to me. But it's not like I can disagree with you or anything.
"Weren't you just lecturing me on masturbation?"
Yeah. What of it?
"I think this is masturbation too. I'm going to stop arguing with myself."
Lena May closed her eyes slightly, raised her eyebrows, and leaned upward to look at the metal ceiling of her ship, the Pleroma. Her straight dark hair fell back behind her chair and curled around her tanned skin, complementing her white t-shirt and blue jeans. She was probably of Hawaiian ancestry, but she had never seen the place. Martian, through and through. Ugh.
Not even two months, and she was already talking aloud. Maybe she hoped someone would hear her.
"I'd scream, but you know, it's really only fun when other people can hear."
Silence.
"You know, how ever much I hate to admit it, I just can't stand this. Why do I need other people? If I just stayed here, nobody would hurt me, and I wouldn't hurt anybody. There's always a balance, right? Helping someone hurts someone else, right? So why not just sit back and let everything be equal? It's what's going to happen anyway."
That's why you became a bounty hunter, though, right? To make things equal.
"I can't even call myself that. I haven't done jack shit. And you know why? Because I'm alone. I'm fucking alone, and I can't do anything by myself. I need help. Isn't that just the ultimate irony? I get out here just to remove myself from the ups and downs, and I feel the urges to drag myself back in."
Everyone needs to leave once in a while, but they always go back.
"I feel so pathetic."
You should. But don't worry. So's everyone else. So you're fine by comparison.
"Not good enough."
Yes, it is.
Silence.
"I'm going back. I'll need some help for this one. My fund will cover me for a few more years, but it can't stop me from getting bored."
Or hoping.
"Whatever."
Maybe with a bit of noise you'll stop being insane. At least you'll stop bothering me so much.
"Right. And you can get back to bothering me all the damn time."
Lena changed course.
"I'm not crazy, by the way."
You're not now.
Quiet.
Do you hear that?
It's silence.
Beyond our world is the vast emptiness known as space. Nothing can survive out there. Space is a vaccum, an emptiness that cannot be filled. In space, there is no oxygen, no friction, no sound. Just silence. The silence of peace. The silence of death.
We, as a people, cannot survive in space. We build ourselves homes where we are safe, tucked away from the vast emptiness that is beyond us, looking away from it to focus on our own lives. We, as a people, constantly strive to fill ourselves, to fulfill ourselves, living quickly and impatiently, and either dying unsatisfied or resigning ourselves to the fact that the emptiness inside of us is just as real and as necessary as the emptiness that cradles our planets, our cities, our homes.
We, as a people, cannot have silence. We surround ourselves with our needs and our desires and strive for perfection -- strive to feel the voids inside of us. Some search for so-called "inner peace". Some envelop themselves in a life of pure hedonism. Most simply involve themselves in day-to-day working life so they don't have time to think about such wide-ranging and unnecessary questions. They all die the same. Human. Flawed by necessity and perfect in a way that only the universe itself could understand.
But some refuse life.
In life, that which is whole must be broken, and that which is broken must become whole. A cycle of life and death -- of love and strife. People have crises and are happy. People run away and then must return. No one is immune. Emptiness is death, and action is life. Life is running away from our emptiness, and throwing things in its path. But we all die. The cycle, even if it is meaningless, is always there, and the wheel will always turn. And no one can survive the chaos of their own so-called egos, their deluded and desire-infected minds, alone.
But some try.
Wait... do you hear that?
Yes. It's silence.
Don't listen too long. You'll go crazy.
And then you'll die.
***
Lena May was committing suicide.
Then she put out her cigarette on the control panel.
Admittedly, it was a lengthy, painful, and habit-forming kind of suicide. But at least it was socially accepted -- at least in comparison to the more merciful kind. And that's what counts.
Right, Lena?
"I don't even like these anyway," she said to herself, tossing the pack of cigarettes over her shoulder. "They taste bad."
The more expensive ones probably taste better.
"Bullshit. I'm eating smoke."
You're also talking to yourself.
"Fuck you."
Actually, you'd better stop. I hear it makes you go blind. Or is that only for boys?
Even Lena couldn't stand silence. So she talked to the rational voice inside of her that kept babbling on -- the thing most people call their mind. It holds memories, which give you personality and knowledge, and also lies a lot through what's called "perception". The funny thing was, Lena knew something that most people didn't seem to recognize:
She really was just arguing with herself.
"I can't escape it. I am you, aren't I? However much I try to hope that I have my own personality, that I have some sort of center, that you're some sort of ghost to my machine that advises me, I really am just you, aren't I?"
Well, it doesn't seem that way, does it? I mean, you're talking to me. But it's not like I can disagree with you or anything.
"Weren't you just lecturing me on masturbation?"
Yeah. What of it?
"I think this is masturbation too. I'm going to stop arguing with myself."
Lena May closed her eyes slightly, raised her eyebrows, and leaned upward to look at the metal ceiling of her ship, the Pleroma. Her straight dark hair fell back behind her chair and curled around her tanned skin, complementing her white t-shirt and blue jeans. She was probably of Hawaiian ancestry, but she had never seen the place. Martian, through and through. Ugh.
Not even two months, and she was already talking aloud. Maybe she hoped someone would hear her.
"I'd scream, but you know, it's really only fun when other people can hear."
Silence.
"You know, how ever much I hate to admit it, I just can't stand this. Why do I need other people? If I just stayed here, nobody would hurt me, and I wouldn't hurt anybody. There's always a balance, right? Helping someone hurts someone else, right? So why not just sit back and let everything be equal? It's what's going to happen anyway."
That's why you became a bounty hunter, though, right? To make things equal.
"I can't even call myself that. I haven't done jack shit. And you know why? Because I'm alone. I'm fucking alone, and I can't do anything by myself. I need help. Isn't that just the ultimate irony? I get out here just to remove myself from the ups and downs, and I feel the urges to drag myself back in."
Everyone needs to leave once in a while, but they always go back.
"I feel so pathetic."
You should. But don't worry. So's everyone else. So you're fine by comparison.
"Not good enough."
Yes, it is.
Silence.
"I'm going back. I'll need some help for this one. My fund will cover me for a few more years, but it can't stop me from getting bored."
Or hoping.
"Whatever."
Maybe with a bit of noise you'll stop being insane. At least you'll stop bothering me so much.
"Right. And you can get back to bothering me all the damn time."
Lena changed course.
"I'm not crazy, by the way."
You're not now.
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