Countdown Clock (or, Googling Yourself)

[Oblimo]

There was one for Emma Watson. More for Mary-Kate and Ashely Olson. And if the web were around for Shirley Temple’s 18th birthday, there would have been dozens for her too.

Counting down to a female child celebrity’s 18th birthday has been a (kinda nasty) mainstay of pop culture news for decades.

Then the web came along and people started putting up websites actually showing countdown timers to female child celebrities’ 18th birthdays, and that just punched up the creep factor.

Well, I’ve got a story hook that turns that on its ear, but I’m still drawing blanks on the actual plot.

It’s a brain fizzle for a by-the-numbers high concept horror B movie. The hero is an “average nobody” 17 year old boy, whose most noticeable differences at the beginning is that he’s got a rather unique name, is only a light social media user, and is just a weekend away from turning 18. He is goaded by his visiting friend to commit the sin of hubris and Google himself.

And one of the things he finds is the web domain HerosNameCountdownClock.info, counting down the seconds until he turns 18.

The short Act One is a low-budget technical thriller, as he and his friend use their (limited, but desperately ramping up) knowledge of how the internet works to figure out who the fuck is behind the site, as well as some inept real world sleuthing.

And in growing desperation with one day to go, they bring in a 3rd character, who at least pretends to be a hacker, although in truth the 3rd character may simply know what “.onion” means and how to use one.

Of course, the third character will be the most likely suspect in a savvy reader’s mind, and I was thinking to give him or her (although the law of porn-story requires it to be a girl) conflicted motives and secrets, but to keep her as a red herring love interest.

And then the midnight of his birthday arrives, nothing happens for hours, the hero laughs off his anxiety as his friends call him stupid for worrying over nothing, he gets a few hours sleep and then heads to high school.

And, of course, shit hits the motherfucking fan in epic fashion. Or, to quote the eminent Joe Bob Briggs, “Zaniness ensues.” With lots of sex, god willing.

But I keep brainstorming for different flavors of fan-hitting shit and haven’t yet found anything that really zips. Anyone got ideas they’re willing to share?

...

I probably should not have used shit-flavor as a metaphor for plot.

 

[LupusDei]

Just thinking out loud.

Reason for such a clock is the sexual age of consent of course. Then, most laws around the world provide exclusion of that for peers (so called R&J defence, raging from one to up to three years of age gap, I think). So, while it is fun game, it isn't really a necessity for peers. Also, while lone stalker is more than enough to set up such, it has more sense and fun if they're not alone.

What I'm trying to say, somehow there must be a group of mature women routinely masturbating over his image. That's also something that may come totally out of left field for the main hero, but still be at least acceptable.

The techviz girl may be in collusion with them, and even the friend originally pointing to the purpose put up site may, knowingly or not, be part of the complex seduction scheme set up by the group of cougars; the very clock intended to plant the thought that he is wanted, meant to be found. More people around him may be involved, but he still should step into the 'trap' willingly. So, perhaps a hazard of overdoing global conspiracy exists, but would be fun if he got that feel at some point, that everyone steering him somewhere unknown.

On the second thoughts, that may be yet another false lead. While the cougar conspiracy exists, and they are not against having fun in the process, the true goal of the group is to pair him with the incredibly shy valedictorian, who they think in need of self image boost a good boyfriend could deliver.

 

[Oblimo]

Hm. The overelaborate plot get the valedictorian a guy is pretty funny. I think we’d need her mother as the kooky antagonist who set the whole thing up. She’d need to have a larger-than-life personality to explain why she went to such Rube Golbergian extremes. Maybe she is a James Bondian archvillain type.

I was also thinking of a Twilight Zoney Truman Showy, celebrity-but-he-doesn’t-know it kinda thing, a la the Cougar Cabal as you suggested. Of course, there needs to be a reason why it’s him, even though he needs to be an Everyman to make the fantasy clasically porny.

 

[LupusDei]

I was also thinking of a Twilight Zoney Truman Showy, celebrity-but-he-doesn’t-know it kinda thing, a la the Cougar Cabal as you suggested. Of course, there needs to be a reason why it’s him, even though he needs to be an Everyman to make the fantasy clasically porny.

Probably he somehow become a celebrity for a quite limited public he don't care about, with a deed he didn't think much off; got his fifteen minutes of fame without noticing, doing something he probably even did not really want to do.

He might, I don't know, play cello since forever, but doesn't have soul in it, just parents made him do that at some point and he keeps it up and is reasonably good even, but he don't brag about, thinking peers will not understand and take it too well. But he had been coerced to perform at some social event, charity fundraiser or whatever, and cougar cabal noticef and marked him as local celebrity for them. Maybe cello is too much, maybe he just as much as declaimed a poem in a school function. Or something else entirely happened, but to the same effect.

Hm. The overelaborate plot get the valedictorian a guy is pretty funny. I think we’d need her mother as the kooky antagonist who set the whole thing up. She’d need to have a larger-than-life personality to explain why she went to such Rube Golbergian extremes. Maybe she is a James Bondian archvillain type.

Some larger-than-life personality there is all right, but it's not quite as crazy if it grows from the previous, if they already regard him as celebrity when this idea forms. Also I think, while V. Mom may very much be part of the cougar cabal, still she may rather be overprotective of the girl. It's more likely a crazy aunt who wants to play matchmaker and has yet to convince the mother it's a good idea (or alternatively, even want to do it in spite of her).

It's either to that effect, or probably someone else in the group insists, to 'test drive' the guy first. That add complexity, but somehow got included in the master plan as feature, maybe as one of ways to pump guy's virtual value up, in their own eyes at least if not the target girl's (they may have flawed assumptions there as well). Something like that, it's chaotic ball of desires rather than clean supervillain's plan, knowing debauchery justified by 'higher goal' of questionable good cause.