Correlations Between the Physical and the Mental

[Killishandra]

Hello... My name is Killishandra and I am new to the boards, but have been reading the stories on lit for years. I am 22 and a newbie sub.

Introduction aside, I would like to propose a discussion on direct correlations between physical gestures and/or touch and mental states of mind. Here's why I'm so interested in this...

I haven't experienced much D/s behavior in real life, however even in a vanilla context (sex or not) I find that anytime the back of my neck is put into a strong grip or bitten I immediately enter "submissive" mode (regardless of how I was feeling before hand or where my attentions were before it happened.) It occurs in both sexual and non-sexual situations, the difference just seems to be the extent of my reaction.

For instance, if a boyfriend reaches under my hair in public to rub/massage the back of my neck, I immediately turn into an obliging pussycat. So far none of them have been observant enough to take advantage of the fact (lol, thank god) but it happens nonetheless.

At the opposite side of the spectrum, rough neck bitting in the bedroom turns me practically orgasmic. I believe it is the closest I have come to entering that "subspace" I have seen mentioned in some threads. Absolutely all I can focus on is the pleasure rushing through my body, my eyes close, and at times I have even lost conscious control of my limbs... they just kind of flop around while I whimper in pleasure. (So I've been told... I don't recall anything but the feeling I was experiencing, LOL.)

So, if anyone else (subs but Doms also) have experienced any similar reaction... where a certain kind of purely physical touch correlates immediately to an altered mental state, I would be fascinated to hear about it! (By the way, physical stimulation of the genitals resulting in orgasm doesn't count, people... I am looking more for things OUT of the norm here. )

On a side note, thank you for taking the time to add to my first thread! I look forward to reading the responses and hearing about any similar experiences you have had.

Respectfully,
killishandra

 

[Killishandra]

Totally off subject

On another side note (sorry!) I love the way lit has added "Virgin" under my handle. If I'd known beforehand that this was all I had to do to regain my virginity, I would have joined lit years ago! *runs off with it before one of you rogue Doms tries to take it from me again*

 

[rosco rathbone]

I find that anytime the back of my neck is put into a strong grip or bitten I immediately enter "submissive" mode (regardless of how I was feeling before hand or where my attentions were before it happened.)

That's the lions again. *nodsnodsnods*

 

[Marquis]

That's the lions again. *nodsnodsnods*

MUFASA!

 

[rosco rathbone]

oooooh say it again

 

[Marquis]

MUFASA!

 

[Marquis]

To answer your question Killishandra, I think grabbing a female in such a way as that you're not holding her down per se, but rather keeping a tight and uncomfortable grip on the person such that if they do move, it is painful, puts most subs into submission mode.

I have been lambasted for this before, but it is one of the reasons I think it is usually helpful to be bigger and stronger than your sub. Meaner is a must.

 

[Killishandra]

Yes, but...

To answer your question Killishandra, I think grabbing a female in such a way as that you're not holding her down per se, but rather keeping a tight and uncomfortable grip on the person such that if they do move, it is painful, puts most subs into submission mode.

I have been lambasted for this before, but it is one of the reasons I think it is usually helpful to be bigger and stronger than your sub. Meaner is a must.

Yes, I agree with all that you just stated.
However, I am pointing out that for me it is also more than that. Or perhaps I didn't clarify enough... It is not only submission, but instant and intense sexual arousal (when the grip or bite is strong enough.) I guess the arousal is strongly linked with submission. *shrug* I have never experienced it as painful or uncomfortable, but I imagine a Dom could use it as such.

hehe, my lab partner Kevin is trying to read over my shoulder, so I must drag us both back to our cage now (aka the microbiology lab on the 2nd floor of Snyder Hall )

 

[shy slave]

To answer your question Killishandra, I think grabbing a female in such a way as that you're not holding her down per se, but rather keeping a tight and uncomfortable grip on the person such that if they do move, it is painful, puts most subs into submission mode.

I have been lambasted for this before, but it is one of the reasons I think it is usually helpful to be bigger and stronger than your sub. Meaner is a must.

*Gone weak at the knees *

 

[TaintedB]

I've never had anyone bite my neck before, but there are lots of kinds of touches that make me hot (and to me hot is always connected to a submissive response of some sort). But first a question, K: do you like the back of neck biting because its a kind of vampire thing to do? I know some people who like it for that reason, so I was just wondering.

Touches that make me hot are ones that make me feel controlled or demeaned. An example of the former is to be grabbed firmly by the upper arms from behind, especially when you aren't expecting it, and then turned and marched in the direction someone wants you to go in.

Some examples of the latter: head patting (especially when accompanied by belittling verbal patter--it's especially good when you're expecting real praise and instead you get the baby talk and the pats), being dragged around ignimoniously by some body part, like nipple or ear or nose or a big pinch of hip that you aren't used to being dragged around by and that hurts. Any touch with someone's bare foot, especially when I am on the ground or lower than him, is pretty hot to me, too.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

So, if anyone else (subs but Doms also) have experienced any similar reaction... where a certain kind of purely physical touch correlates immediately to an altered mental state, I would be fascinated to hear about it!

Something similar to that "touch at the nape" you mentioned, but with knowledge of forethought. Clamping a hand closed, clasping the hair tightly in a fist, will get a partner's attention in a hurry. Slowly turning that face towards you heightens the impending feeling of doom/joy/and a myriad of other things. Slowly forcing a partner to a kneeling position leaves all kinds of options open and lets the imagination run wild in a partner.

Up to you what the next moment involves and that tastes sweet all in its own.

 

[Miss Diva]

Something similar to that "touch at the nape" you mentioned, but with knowledge of forethought. Clamping a hand closed, clasping the hair tightly in a fist, will get a partner's attention in a hurry. Slowly turning that face towards you heightens the impending feeling of doom/joy/and a myriad of other things. Slowly forcing a partner to a kneeling position leaves all kinds of options open and lets the imagination run wild in a partner.

Up to you what the next moment involves and that tastes sweet all in its own.

AA I am at your knees right now...

 

[Marquis]

AA, don't get TOO good now, I might have to start editing your posts. You know I'm a cockblocker.

 

[sunfox]

MUFASA!

Oh god, not the lions again.

Go lie under a tree out of the way while I get dinner.

 

[sunfox]

Something similar to that "touch at the nape" you mentioned, but with knowledge of forethought. Clamping a hand closed, clasping the hair tightly in a fist, will get a partner's attention in a hurry. Slowly turning that face towards you heightens the impending feeling of doom/joy/and a myriad of other things. Slowly forcing a partner to a kneeling position leaves all kinds of options open and lets the imagination run wild in a partner.

Up to you what the next moment involves and that tastes sweet all in its own.

Um.

Sorry, Marquis.. I'm gonna have to go with AA on this one. *fans self*

 

[TaintedB]

I thought of a couple of more erogenous zones of the twisted kind. For me, these would include _front_ of the neck, as in a chokehold. Super sexy to me! And also a hand across the mouth to stifle screams. And another ignimonious hold, of which I've had the misfortune to suffer: getting dragged around by one's tongue. You know how much that hurts besides being a rather embarassing comment on one's, ahem, personhood?!?!

I wish more people would post their examples, rather than just praising the folks, I mean the MEN, who are posting (ahem!).

I remember a queer one from my vanilla days. I was hot for this guy with a pretty bizarre personality and we were lying on my bed on our sides just looking at each other, and he repeatedly stroked the top of my forearm with just one finger while staring at me intensely with this psycho stare he had. Just the forearm and his eyes, and he did it for about an hour or two, and nothing else physical. No kissing, no breast groping, none of the standard sexual moves. But that one little touch made me deleriously lusty.

 

[Killishandra]

I've never had anyone bite my neck before, but there are lots of kinds of touches that make me hot (and to me hot is always connected to a submissive response of some sort). But first a question, K: do you like the back of neck biting because its a kind of vampire thing to do? I know some people who like it for that reason, so I was just wondering.

I do have a fascination with the metaphysical, including vampire and werewolf novels. I think alot of my particular brand of BDSM comes from the inspiration books like these gave me as an adolescent. I used to read of werewolf packs and wish I were part of a group that special and sexual, and I think that is why I am interested in the subject of polyamory. I think vampires are sexy (the Anne Rice and Laurell K. Hamilton kind) and I have a mild fascination with blood, so maybe that ties into my neck thing. I don't enjoy having the side or front of my neck bitten anywhere near as much as I enjoy the back (perhaps because the front and side tend to leave me gasping and choking as a result of hitting the windpipe, which is NOT sexy.)

All of that aside, I really think the neck thing is a result of funny wiring and submission. I am wired funny in other ways. For example, nipple stimulation does two odd things to me. Physically, it makes my molars tingle (like electricity.) Mentally, almost any nipple stimulation makes me incredibly and irrationally angry and irritated (and horny). I have experimented with this on my own and found that I can be perfectly calm and happy then harshly pinch my own nipples to the point of seething rage and the physical desire to lash out at anything nearby. Oddly enough, at times I have done it just for fun cause it's amusing and fascinating to experience the abrupt change.

Also, I have a belly-button related fear. I know my little sister used to poke me there when I was a child until I'd cry, and I don't know if my phobia came before that or as a cause of that. But to this day, I absolutely freak on having my bellybutton touched or poked, even lightly. I don't even like touch NEAR my belly-button. Boyfriends have tried to get me past this by jokingly holding me down in bed and sticking fingers in there, or slowly trailing circles around it... (which is the fucking worst.) This has ended every time in an extreme emotional response from me that required lots of "aftercare." (I have, however, had ONE very erotic incidence where it was tongued... and I was lying in bed with him, but he wasn't holding me down. He just got me really hot and bothered, then slowly licked, sucked, and thrust into it with his tongue. It felt almost as good as neck biting, but didn't send me quite into that "sub space".)

Please, someone tell me I am not the only oddball out here with idiosyncrasies like this!

 

[AngelicAssassin]

AA, don't get TOO good now, I might have to start editing your posts. You know I'm a cockblocker.

i've always been that good stud. You can cockblock all you wish. i'm secure in the knowledge you don't stand a snowball's chance in hell with my partner ... http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-8/363868/2cool2.gif

BOT, i personally enjoy most things about a woman's hair, to include the wild ones that tickle your nose while you spoon. If i feel sadistic, i can always clamp teeth on the one or two stray hairs and "nod my head." That sharp prick of pain in the right person's scalp can send them reeling before they know what hit them.

Feel a little agitated, but don't like your current control level? You know what i mean ... that live wire feeling looking for an outlet. Instead of bending over the coffee table shoving chips and salsa in your mouth, put your partner on her knees between yours (or off to the side if you prefer an uninterrupted view) while you sit comfortably. Simply raking your fingers through your partner's hair can lessen that "agitation" until you regain control. If your partner purrs (like most will), it's like owning a cat with fuck benefits. Something you're watching pisses you off? Clamp your hand in that hair and yank. Save wear and tear on the furniture and the walls. She can grow more hair.

Now, let's go way out in the deep end, as in performing a service as a PYL for your partner. We can start small and add a hairbrush to the scenario. 100 strokes a night for a head of glossy hair as the old adage says does wonders for everyone involved. If you wish to think of the act in a wicked way, think of it as grooming a horse you intend to ride (or have ridden) hard. Add the element of "i've scratched your back, now, i intend to whip it with the same instrument," and you've got mindfuck possibilities galore.

i recently added dyeing hair using henna to my repertoire. i can't describe the satisfaction of a job well done at the end of this 90-120 minute exercise. From the smallest adjustment of the subject's head to do what you wish, to the requirement said partner does exactly what you wish to accomplish the task, for however long you wish; i can't offer many other non-genital experiences to match, save a pedicure/manicure (and i prefer the receiving end of nail pampering).

 

[TaintedB]

Hi there,

I like the Rice and Hamilton style of vampires too, although I find the animal/changlings described in that sort of fiction more appealing than the cold bloodsuckers. I could definitely be part of a wolf or cat pack. (yes, sigh, lions AGAIN)

You aren't weird about having physical oddities like that. I too cannot stand nipple play--and so it's been used more as a torture than an erotic device with me. It doesn't make me angry, but it makes me extremely antsy to have my nips played with. I feel as if there's these strings attached to their insides that stretch all the way through my body and when the nips are pulled those strings go taut and it's not the least bit hot or sexy. It makes me want to scream with frustration! It's also about the only thing that makes me very hyper.

I don't have the belly button fear but I was tickle-tortured by my mean dad many times, so I have a pretty big phobia around that sort of thing.

I think pretty much everybody has weird physical things they cannot stand. I once knew someone who didn't like to get anything black or dirty on his fingers. Not knowing that fact, I played a practical joke on him once. Needless to say, I never did that one again!

Regards,
Another Oddball

I do have a fascination with the metaphysical, including vampire and werewolf novels. Please, someone tell me I am not the only oddball out here with idiosyncrasies like this!

 

[Miss Diva]

i've always been that good stud. You can cockblock all you wish. i'm secure in the knowledge you don't stand a snowball's chance in hell with my partner ... http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-8/363868/2cool2.gif

BOT, i personally enjoy most things about a woman's hair, to include the wild ones that tickle your nose while you spoon. If i feel sadistic, i can always clamp teeth on the one or two stray hairs and "nod my head." That sharp prick of pain in the right person's scalp can send them reeling before they know what hit them.

Feel a little agitated, but don't like your current control level? You know what i mean ... that live wire feeling looking for an outlet. Instead of bending over the coffee table shoving chips and salsa in your mouth, put your partner on her knees between yours (or off to the side if you prefer an uninterrupted view) while you sit comfortably. Simply raking your fingers through your partner's hair can lessen that "agitation" until you regain control. If your partner purrs (like most will), it's like owning a cat with fuck benefits. Something you're watching pisses you off? Clamp your hand in that hair and yank. Save wear and tear on the furniture and the walls. She can grow more hair.

Now, let's go way out in the deep end, as in performing a service as a PYL for your partner. We can start small and add a hairbrush to the scenario. 100 strokes a night for a head of glossy hair as the old adage says does wonders for everyone involved. If you wish to think of the act in a wicked way, think of it as grooming a horse you intend to ride (or have ridden) hard. Add the element of "i've scratched your back, now, i intend to whip it with the same instrument," and you've got mindfuck possibilities galore.

i recently added dyeing hair using henna to my repertoire. i can't describe the satisfaction of a job well done at the end of this 90-120 minute exercise. From the smallest adjustment of the subject's head to do what you wish, to the requirement said partner does exactly what you wish to accomplish the task, for however long you wish; i can't offer many other non-genital experiences to match, save a pedicure/manicure (and i prefer the receiving end of nail pampering).

AA now I am fanning myself...I am at your knees anytime

 

[babiesmiles]

*waits her turn (im)patiently in a queue for AA 's attention at sub's hair and formally promises to behave , be respectful to Masters and don't tell cheeky jokes or sarcastic puns anymore *

 

[Killishandra]

Hi there,

I like the Rice and Hamilton style of vampires too, although I find the animal/changlings described in that sort of fiction more appealing than the cold bloodsuckers. I could definitely be part of a wolf or cat pack. (yes, sigh, lions AGAIN)

TaintedB, let's go live in Hamilton's world, wanna huh do ya do ya???!

1) Richard is keen, but until he shapes up more let's put Jean-Claude in charge. I also prefer changlings, but I think JC makes a much better master. hehe. We'll make Richard the president of the town's ethics committee so he feels he's doing something worthwhile with himself.

2) But we'll let him fuck us whenever he wants to. *GRIN*

3) I dunno about you, but Anita can Domme me anyday! woohoo!

4) Finally, what kind of lycanthope shall we be? I'm going with werewolf, but am open to the large cats. Just not a swan...!

 

[sunfox]

I was going to post something profound, but then Killi derailed me with her talk of Hamilton books, and dammit, I want the new one to come out NOW.

Anyways, I forgot what I was going to say, but it was something along the lines of "I agreed with AA because someone gripping my hair, particularly at the nape of my neck, turns me on bigtime." for TB, so I'd actually given an example.

Doesn't hurt me, though, unless you grab near the front.. I have very thick hair, and after years of my mom pulling at my scalp, and me pulling at my scalp every day.. it just is pretty near nerve-dead. So if you want to hurt me, that won't work.. but it does turn me on.

 

[Killishandra]

I was going to post something profound, but then Killi derailed me with her talk of Hamilton books, and dammit, I want the new one to come out NOW.

Anyways, I forgot what I was going to say, but it was something along the lines of "I agreed with AA because someone gripping my hair, particularly at the nape of my neck, turns me on bigtime." for TB, so I'd actually given an example.

Doesn't hurt me, though, unless you grab near the front.. I have very thick hair, and after years of my mom pulling at my scalp, and me pulling at my scalp every day.. it just is pretty near nerve-dead. So if you want to hurt me, that won't work.. but it does turn me on.

Not to derail further from profound conversation, but....

Were you as disappointed as I with the last Meredith Gentry novel?? I never thought I could be disappointed that a book contains nothing but meaningless sex. So disappointing. Where was the plot? *cries on your shoulder*

I hope the next one has more character development.

Also... not to scare you, but... *whispers* I heard she's only going to write one or two more Blake novels. !!!!!!!!

 

[TaintedB]

TaintedB, let's go live in Hamilton's world, wanna huh do ya do ya???!

1) Richard is keen, but until he shapes up more let's put Jean-Claude in charge. I also prefer changlings, but I think JC makes a much better master. hehe. We'll make Richard the president of the town's ethics committee so he feels he's doing something worthwhile with himself.

2) But we'll let him fuck us whenever he wants to. *GRIN*

3) I dunno about you, but Anita can Domme me anyday! woohoo!

4) Finally, what kind of lycanthope shall we be? I'm going with werewolf, but am open to the large cats. Just not a swan...!

Hmm... This might be kind of fun.

Richard is a hunk but his attitude pisses me off bigtime so I won't be letting him near my ass.

OK, JC is in charge, due to his seniority. He's not sadistic enough for my tastes but maybe after all these millenea, he can learn a few tricks.

I like the big kittycats a lot, they're kind of deranged-damaged like me, so I'll be one of the pard, I think. I also kind of like Anita's dominant cat lover-pard leader. I agree, being a swan would suck. So would being one of the rat people. If I were a rat changeling I'd gross myself out!

What you said about the recent Meredith book (those are her fairy series, right?) was similar to what I felt about the latest Blake book. I did not like the last one at all, because the first two thirds was all one big boring relationship problem after the other. Very little of the crime-fighting violence and guilt-ridden pervo sex that made the the other books so hot. I think Laural Hamilton needs to bring back Edward. Now he's an interesting character! Just my type of psychopath.