Coping with long term illness

[bustydee]

I'm sorry if I've posted this in the wrong place, but having lurked around here for a while I thought it was the friendliest and most helpful place to get advice.

If your partner suffered from a chronic condition, and you knew that making love with them would cause them a few days illness, would you still do it?

Thanks to anyone who takes the time to answer this.

 

[sunandshadow]

If they wanted to, yes. I know a lot of people who would consider getting to enjoy having sex to be worth a few days of not feeling well.

 

[Anjasa]

Yes, I'd definitely ask if they wanted it, and if they did, I'd try to comply to their wishes.

As well, there's multiple ways to have sex - not all penetrative.

I think in a situation like that, you're forced to become a bit more creative and open minded with your idea of what sex means.

 

[chipcarver]

I am one with the chronic illness. To me it is more than worth it to suffer for a small time of love. It takes my mind off my suffering, makes me feel wanted, and lets me feel "normal" even if it's just for a short period of time.
I only wish I could convince my SO of this. My answer to you is yes and as often as possible.

 

[bustydee]

Thanks to everyone for the replies

Chipcarver - I too am the one with the chronic illness. I have a hard time convincing my husband that I really do want sex. He seems to feel that I'm only doing it to please him. I need to try to convince him that the intimacy and pleasure of making love are well worth the discomfort and pain I may suffer later.

 

[NippleMuncher]

I have a hard time convincing my husband that I really do want sex. He seems to feel that I'm only doing it to please him. I need to try to convince him that the intimacy and pleasure of making love are well worth the discomfort and pain I may suffer later.

Can you have open and honest communications with your husband? If so, then you need to sit him down and explain the situation to him. Also, I'm certain that it's going through his head that he's hurting you and he doesn't want to do that, hence his thinking that you're only trying to satisfy his needs.

As was said earlier, there are many forms of sex, positions, and implements of satisfaction that can be used to ease your post coital discomfort. Explore your creativity and options.

 

[chipcarver]

Thanks to everyone for the replies

Chipcarver - I too am the one with the chronic illness. I have a hard time convincing my husband that I really do want sex. He seems to feel that I'm only doing it to please him. I need to try to convince him that the intimacy and pleasure of making love are well worth the discomfort and pain I may suffer later.

If your husband knows you're on LIT show him this thread. Otherwise you need to sit him down and explain things to him. Like it was said there are many positions that tend to minimize discomfort. As said before me, explain to him about the positions where you are in charge and can progress at your own pace.
I do wish you luck especially since it hasn't worked for me. I hate to see someone else emotionally hurting like I do. Do you have a toy? If not buy one and leave it out where he can see it. When he inquires tell him if you won't help me I'll take care of myself.
I do wish you luck. PM me if you want to discuss this in greater detail.

 

[boredVAwife]

Like a lot of women, I have cramps the entire next day - sometimes longer - after a prolonged sex session. It got so bad when I was with my ex that I asked my Dr. about it and he said it was being caused by my cervix and sometimes my IUD. It was not a lack of lubrication issue so there was actually very little that could be done. There were times I could hurt to the point of wondering if it was worth it but in the end I did it every time he wanted and would do it again. Guess it's just what we go thru for those we care about. I am sorry for your discomfort truly and wish you the best in dealing with it.

 

[sparc101]

I have a hard time convincing my husband that I really do want sex.

Do you initiate the sex? Or is he just unwilling to initiate with the thought that he may be hurting you?

If you initiate the sex, I can't imagine why he would put the brakes on. If anything, he might ask, "are you OK with it?".

But if you haven't been able to communicate to him your desire, he may think he is respecting your handicap.

 

[subwannabe]

It would help more if we had better details but I understand if you have gone as far as you want to. Is it possible that some types of sex would not bother you at all or very little and you could concentrate on them and stay away from ones that really do bother you?

 

[bustydee]

The illness that I suffer from is M.E. and its also led to me suffering from depression too. I know that some people don't believe in M.E. and I don't want to get into that argument. M.E. is the diagnosis I was given so thats what I live with.

My husband never initiates sex, and when I do he constantly asks if I'm ok and do I want to stop. I can understand him not wanting to start anything when I've been in my pyjamas for three days because I haven't had the energy to shower and dress, but when I've had a few 'normal' days it would be nice to feel sexually attractive.

 

[sparc101]

The illness that I suffer from is M.E.

I wasn't sure what you meant by M.E. However, googling it I came up with myalgic encephalopathy/chronic fatigue syndrome. I am guessing this is what you are referring to. I am not sure why anyone would have issues with a diagnosis like this.

It sounds to me that better communications is necessary between you and him. Thats a problem, I too have..

But you might tell him that you would feel better if he would treat you differently.

Maybe others have more or better advise. Best of luck.

 

[GrrlFriday]

There's relatively little information out there for sex and women with disabilities, and it can be really difficult being the carer, especially when it just comes 'out of the blue', as ME can do. He might feel guilty that he 'makes you feel sick' when he makes love to you... perhaps even feel bad for any feelings of desire he has?

Perhaps he needs to talk to someone about his perceptions of disability, celebrating what you're still capable of, that feeling 'normal' can really really help, and that being able to have sex when you're feeling good helps with that? Ideally, he could be sold on the idea of sex being a fun physical therapy for you... Your docs still tell you that any pleasurable form of exercise is good exercise, right?

I'm sorry, this feels rather flippant, it must be a world of frustrating for you both... Best of luck in talking to your husband.

 

[bustydee]

Again, thank you to everyone for the replies. I really appreciate you all taking the time to reply to me.

My husband and I have a very strong relationship and we do talk about this. We do have sex. It can vary from one a week to once every couple of months depending on what is going on in our lives.

I keep trying to imagine how I would react if the roles were reversed. Would I want to make love to him if I knew it would make him ill?