Cool Down EL before she Explodes!

[English Lady]

Well I don't like being Angry but right now I so am. Not at anyone here, just generally! (see the "what mood" thread for more enlightenment)


So folks, post things that will make me smile, chuckle or go "ahhhh"...please? Just for me?


Or else some poor innocent by stander is going to get the wrath of EL.

I know its a challenge, but I know you can do it!!!

Many thanks in advance,

EL xxx

 

[Guest]

Go ahhhh...

.

 

[English Lady]

Ahhhhh indeed.

I could do with some dan good bodice ripping actually *chuckles*

 

[shereads]

I know its a challenge, but I know you can do it!!!

Dammit, I knew I should have saved the duck joke for emergencies.

Have I told you the three-legged pig joke?

 

[English Lady]

No I don't believe you have...

I know a joke about a 3 legged donkey...


What do you call a 3 legged Donkey?


A WONKEY!!!


*chuckles*


Ok now yours Shereads...

 

[cantdog]

The one I heard goes like so:

Fella leans on a gate by a stile and talks to a farmer, asking directions. In the yard is a three legged pig with a carefully constructed peg leg strapped on.

"A three-legged pig!" observes the fella.

"That-air pig, now, he saved the life of our daughter, ran out and pushed her out the way of a cah. She'd a been kilt for sure."

"And the car mangled her leg?"

"Nawp, nawp, pig come through fine from that. And then! Y'see that-air well?"

Sure enough, there was an oil well on the property. The fella confessed he did see the well.

"That-air pig, now, he rooted in under a couple rocks and found that oil!"

"And the rocks crippled him up?"

"Nawp, nawp. But mister, a pig like that, you don't just eat him all at once!"

 

[shereads]

No I don't believe you have...

I know a joke about a 3 legged donkey...


What do you call a 3 legged Donkey?


A WONKEY!!!


*chuckles*


Ok now yours Shereads...

A reporter is assigned to investigate an amazing three-legged pig.

He spends hours trying to find the right farm. He finally spots a three-legged pig, scampering around in the yard of a farm house, playing with the children like a pet dog.

He asks the farmer, "What's so amazing about this three-legged pig?"

Farmer says, "That pig saved my son from drowning. My wife saw the boy from the kitchen window, but she would never have made it to the pond in time to save his life. He was going down for the third time when the three-legged pig came running. Like lightning, he ran! Plunged right into the water, despite not being a strong swimmer. Pig risked his own life to pull our boy to safety."

The reporter says, "That's impressive, but one incident doesn't add up to an amazing three-legged pig."

"You want amazing? If it hadn't been for that pig, the whole family would have died in a fire last winter. We were all asleep in our beds and half-conscious from breathing the smoke. Somehow, the three-legged pig sensed we were in danger. He broke out of his stall in the barn, crashed through the kitchen door, ran upstairs and went to each bedroom, rousing us from our sleep. The smoke was so thick we could hardly see, but the pig led us to safety."

"You're right, that's pretty amazing. But you still haven't told me why the pig has three legs."

"Are you serious? Only a fool would eat a great pig like that all at once."

 

[English Lady]

*LOL* and *groans*

I should have seen that punchline coming...thanks cantdog

 

[shereads]

The one I heard goes like so:

Fella leans on a gate by a stile and talks to a farmer, asking directions. In the yard is a three legged pig with a carefully constructed peg leg strapped on.

"A three-legged pig!" observes the fella.

"That-air pig, now, he saved the life of our daughter, ran out and pushed her out the way of a cah. She'd a been kilt for sure."

"And the car mangled her leg?"

"Nawp, nawp, pig come through fine from that. And then! Y'see that-air well?"

Sure enough, there was an oil well on the property. The fella confessed he did see the well.

"That-air pig, now, he rooted in under a couple rocks and found that oil!"

"And the rocks crippled him up?"

"Nawp, nawp. But mister, a pig like that, you don't just eat him all at once!"

My attorneys will be in touch.

 

[English Lady]

uh oh....I think we need to calm shereads down now...


have you heard the one about the 3 legged donkey?


oh of course you have..hmmmm

 

[shereads]

I'm not sure EL's bystander is out of danger yet. In fact, he or she may have a leg amputated after the double three-legged pigs.

I'm too tired to do a whole joke, so here are the punchlines to some jokes:

"Uh-oh. I must have smoked it."

"Rectum? It almost killed 'em!"

"Got any grapes?"

 

[English Lady]

Now then the challenge is to make up the jokes to go with the punchlines...*chuckles*

 

[cantdog]

I like the grapes one a lot.

Willie Nelson, right? The duck in the bar?

 

[cantdog]

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early. "Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."

So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find the female boss in bed with her husband. She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.

"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."

"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."

 

[English Lady]

*LOL* You're doing well cantdog...are you a stand up comedian in your real life?

 

[sincerely_helene]

Re: Go ahhhh...

.

No. That made ME smile.

But, I will allow it.

 

[Guest]

 

[cloudy]

About 1966 or so, a NASA team doing work for the Apollo moon mission took the astronauts to a place near Tuba City where the terrain of the Navajo Reservation looks very much like the Lunar surface. Along with all the trucks and large vehicles, there were two large figures dressed in full Lunar spacesuits.

Nearby a Navajo sheep herder and his son were watching the strange creatures walk about, occasionally being tended by the NASA personnel. The two Navajo people were noticed and approached by the personnel. Since the Navaho man did not know English, his son asked for him what the strange creatures were and the NASA people told them that they are just men that are getting ready to go to the moon.

The man became very excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. The NASA personnel thought this was a great idea so they rustled up a tape recorder. After the man gave them his message, they asked his son to translate. His son would not do it.

They asked several more people on the reservation to translate and every person they asked would just chuckle and then refuse to translate the message.

Finally, with a lot of cash in hand, one of the Navaho translated the message.

It said................

"Watch out for these guys,they come to take your land."

 

[Guest]

Calmed down yet, El? I've posted this before, but perhaps some haven't seen it.
-------------

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.

The chicken is leaning against the headboard, a satisfied smile on its face.

The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

 

[Guest]

I've had a sex change.

 

[English Lady]

Lime..well yours made me groan and roll my eyes *l* but hey it didn't make me any more angry which is good*L*

Cloudy...yours made me titter a bit *grins* very good.

Perdita...funny you posted that...I use it as my sig line on one of my websites


Yes i am much be-calmed now thank you....

though slightly disturbed by Lou's revelation...are you now hyper horny instead of just really horny Lou? That the kinda sex change you mean ?

 

[Guest]

Lime..well yours made me groan and roll my eyes *l* but hey it didn't make me any more angry which is good*L*

Cloudy...yours made me titter a bit *grins* very good.

Perdita...funny you posted that...I use it as my sig line on one of my websites


Yes i am much be-calmed now thank you....

though slightly disturbed by Lou's revelation...are you now hyper horny instead of just really horny Lou? That the kinda sex change you mean ?

You're disturbed!? How do you think I felt when I woke up this morning?

I don't think it would ever be possible for my levels of horniness to rise.

 

[English Lady]

So it happened in your sleep?

I'm not going to sleep for a week after that revelation....

 

[Guest]

So it happened in your sleep?

I'm not going to sleep for a week after that revelation....

Yeah, I didn't feel a thing. Different matter when I woke up, I've always wanted one of these to play with...

 

[English Lady]

be careful you don't play with it too much.it might fall off!