I had a very interesting discussion with a friend last night, and I thought I would share it, and the question it brought to mind, with all of you and see what you thought.
Some of you might know my Dom and I broke up the day before Xmas eve. The basic idea was, we had reached that point in a relationship where "something" had changed, though neither of you can put your finger on what. You lose that spark, that tension, that "oh goody I get to see them today" feeling. And when that happens, in my experience, the end of the relationship isn't far off.
He says it was my jealousy that broke us up. Yes, I admit that I was jealous, though in hindsight I don't think it was as unfounded as he thought at the time. When he and I first got together, we were each other's first priority, then we got into that comfortable stage where we were STILL the first priority, but if something came up no one was terribly disappointed because we knew we'd see each other soon. Somehow, some way, that changed into him not wanting to do anything anymore, and labeling me "clingy" and "possessive" because I wanted to.
He had more and more things come up, most of which, to his credit, were legit, but he involved me in them less and less. He told me about them less and less. He started spending more time with his friends, one friend in particular, and less with me. I was not happy with the situation, and had considered for a few weeks breaking things off. It was just getting too draining to wonder where the hell he was NOW, or what came up THIS TIME that he didn't call and at lesat have the decency to inform me about. I started to feel more like his mother than his girlfriend. Still, and I know this will sound crass, I didn't end it because our sex life was still a-fucking-mazing. It's hard to find that when you're single, so you keep it around as long as you can.
Anyway, on Dec 23, I had the last straw. We hadn't done anything together in over a week. He had family up, and said he couldn't get away. We were supposed to get together, but long story short I later found him with a female friend (non-sexually...she was and still is just his friend), and blew. He had no time for us, but time to spend with her. He HAD to be with his family, yet he could spend all afternoon with her with not a second glance. That was it. I told him it was over. A few days later, I regretted my decision, and we talked. He said, no, he didn't want to try again, that he didn't want to be in a relationship or committed at all, to anyone right now. We're working on rebuilding a frienship right now, and the real joke is, we get along GREAT now that we don't have the pressure of sustaining an intimate relationship.
The real kicker is, it HURT. And I had no idea why. After all, I hadn't been happy in the relationship either. Talking to my friend last night, he said I was a control freak, and that the breakup hurt so bad because I wasn't in control of it. In the end, I was the reject-ee, instead of the reject-er, and that's why it hurt so bad. And you know what? He's right. That is EXACTLY why it hurt. To do the dumping says "you are not good enough for me". To BE dumped says "I am not good enough." That's why I stayed around in the first place, even though I wasn't happy with the way things were going. Because as long as HE didn't end it, I was still "good enough". Yeesh. Do I have issues or what?
But yet I am a submissive, sexually speaking (who recently discovered VERY slight switch tendencies). But I am WAY more on the submissive end of the scale of things.
For how many of us is that true? How many subs are control freaks in their daily lives, even in their relationships, but submit sexually? Why? Are their any Dom/mes that lean toward being submissive in their day to day relations, or even with their partners, but dominate in bed?
Some of you might know my Dom and I broke up the day before Xmas eve. The basic idea was, we had reached that point in a relationship where "something" had changed, though neither of you can put your finger on what. You lose that spark, that tension, that "oh goody I get to see them today" feeling. And when that happens, in my experience, the end of the relationship isn't far off.
He says it was my jealousy that broke us up. Yes, I admit that I was jealous, though in hindsight I don't think it was as unfounded as he thought at the time. When he and I first got together, we were each other's first priority, then we got into that comfortable stage where we were STILL the first priority, but if something came up no one was terribly disappointed because we knew we'd see each other soon. Somehow, some way, that changed into him not wanting to do anything anymore, and labeling me "clingy" and "possessive" because I wanted to.
He had more and more things come up, most of which, to his credit, were legit, but he involved me in them less and less. He told me about them less and less. He started spending more time with his friends, one friend in particular, and less with me. I was not happy with the situation, and had considered for a few weeks breaking things off. It was just getting too draining to wonder where the hell he was NOW, or what came up THIS TIME that he didn't call and at lesat have the decency to inform me about. I started to feel more like his mother than his girlfriend. Still, and I know this will sound crass, I didn't end it because our sex life was still a-fucking-mazing. It's hard to find that when you're single, so you keep it around as long as you can.
Anyway, on Dec 23, I had the last straw. We hadn't done anything together in over a week. He had family up, and said he couldn't get away. We were supposed to get together, but long story short I later found him with a female friend (non-sexually...she was and still is just his friend), and blew. He had no time for us, but time to spend with her. He HAD to be with his family, yet he could spend all afternoon with her with not a second glance. That was it. I told him it was over. A few days later, I regretted my decision, and we talked. He said, no, he didn't want to try again, that he didn't want to be in a relationship or committed at all, to anyone right now. We're working on rebuilding a frienship right now, and the real joke is, we get along GREAT now that we don't have the pressure of sustaining an intimate relationship.
The real kicker is, it HURT. And I had no idea why. After all, I hadn't been happy in the relationship either. Talking to my friend last night, he said I was a control freak, and that the breakup hurt so bad because I wasn't in control of it. In the end, I was the reject-ee, instead of the reject-er, and that's why it hurt so bad. And you know what? He's right. That is EXACTLY why it hurt. To do the dumping says "you are not good enough for me". To BE dumped says "I am not good enough." That's why I stayed around in the first place, even though I wasn't happy with the way things were going. Because as long as HE didn't end it, I was still "good enough". Yeesh. Do I have issues or what?
But yet I am a submissive, sexually speaking (who recently discovered VERY slight switch tendencies). But I am WAY more on the submissive end of the scale of things.
For how many of us is that true? How many subs are control freaks in their daily lives, even in their relationships, but submit sexually? Why? Are their any Dom/mes that lean toward being submissive in their day to day relations, or even with their partners, but dominate in bed?
