Constructive criticism needed please...

[janiexx]

I'm working my way through a "novel" at the moment called "Staring At The Sun" (nearly finished chapter 6).

I've had some great and valuable comments from readers, but chapters 2 & 3 are not exactly setting the world on fire.

I would welcome anyone taking the time to read and give me feedback on these two chapters (well, all of them if anyone has the time). Specifically I'm looking for whether the writing is relevant, whether they can be shortened at all or any thoughts on how they fit in with the rest of the chapters.

I know this may sound a little vague, but any thoughts would be welcome. For any authors reading, I would be more than happy to reciprocate

Btw - this is not a sneaky way of raising the voting - I really would appreciate any and all thoughts, whether they're good or bad. Please don't be afraid to be honest with me. I'm a big girl, I can take it...

The link to all the chapters is in my sig line.

Thanks
janiexx

 

[WhiteWave48]

*****

 

[janiexx]

Thank you!

Hello whitewave48,

Thank you very much for taking the time to read and comment.

I do agree with you about the sex scenes - I'm not sure whether they fit into the story or not. You've put into words the thoughts I've been having!

I do wonder whether the story would work better if I left them out... or as you say, worked more of the conflict the two main characters are feeling into them.

This does happen in Chapter 5 where there is more emotion and conflict. I'd like to hear your comments on that to see whether I've made a good job of it.

I hope you continue to enjoy the story and I really appreciate your thoughts.

janiexx

 

[WhiteWave48]

*****