Constructive Analysis & Criticism

[bigblue]

I've been fortunate to have had three submissions accepted and posted here. Two are fairly early pieces with some obvious flaws.
One seems to have more depth and development than the others here or the others that I have written elsewhere.

I am looking for an analysis and criticism of this piece to help me build skills toward larger and more involved work. Please advise ... Thanks very much!

Please link to:

http://literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=36390

The piece is "Enough?"

 

[mishap00]

I only caught three errors. Two mispelling and one incorrect use of possesives. They are as follows:

Gentile instead of Gentle

Prostrate instead of Prostate.

models instead of model's (like a model's)

 

[Ray Dario]

The story line is good and the story itself is erotic. It would have been helped by breaking to a new paragraph for dialog and doing a better job of paragraphing. Long endless paragraphs are hard to read and tend to tire the reader. Breaking them up into smaller better paragraphs makes the story easier to read and therefore more enjoyable.

Your word usage is good and the story moves quickly and stays on track well. You should consider using the voluteer editors that so selflessly give of their time here on Lit. Believe me they can really help you learn as a writer.

Hope this helps you out some.

Ray

 

[bigblue]

Thanks for the input. I appreciate the suggestion of volunteer editors. I'll try it.

Thanks again!