Consequences (closed)

[saedo]

The leather chair was plush, but I was far from comfortable. I kept feeling the urge to tug at my collar. Ever since I'd entered Ms. Levitt's office, it seemed to have shrunk around my neck.

I'd had very little contact with Ms. Levitt up to this point. She had to be what . . . three, four levels above me? I was just barely above a secretary in rank, but being fresh out of school meant the secretaries actually had more experience and real world knowledge than I did. I certainly wasn't in league with a junior vice president.

That isn't to say I didn't know who Anne Levitt was. She was young to have her position, but she already had a reputation for being a rising star. Mclaughlin Manufacturing was just a stepping stone for her. In another year or two, she'd probably get hired by a bigger company. She was a woman who was going places.

But even if she wasn't a big deal in the company, I'd have noticed. Anne Levitt was a stone cold fox. Those high cheekbones and piercing blue eyes just made you want to stop and stare. She wore her brown hair long in cascading waves that ran well down her back; it had just enough auburn in it that the afternoon sun from the west side windows made it seem to glow.

And oh my, what a body. She wore tailored business attire, so nothing was ever too snug or revealing, but you couldn't conceal curves like hers. I never really thought of myself as a breast man - my fiancée Lucy is only modestly endowed in that department - but Ms. Levitt's impressive bosom was making me reconsider. She wasn't HUGE, mind you, but in a tight sweater I bet she could stop traffic.

I'd have thought being close to such a beauty would be more enjoyable. Ms. Levitt was barely a few yards from me, seated behind her desk. She was leaning forward expectantly, her fingertips touching, her full bosom almost brushing the desk. Those big blue eyes had an eager vibrancy. She even had a trace of a smile. It seemed almost pleasant.

But it wasn't. Arrayed in front of me were a collection of EPA reports filed over the past six months. Ms. Levitt had just explained to me how each contained the same grievous error that significantly misrepresented the company's waste output of a federally regulated substance. Such a misrepresentation could conceivably be construed as a willful attempt to deceive a federal agency - a class 3 felony subject to fine and/or imprisonment.

She'd then flipped to the final page of the report. On the bottom line, in tight, angular script, was my name: Trevor Jones. I'd signed these reports. The grievous error was mine.

I'd been petrified. I'd screwed up, no doubt about it. The company would fire me for sure. Good luck getting hired after that. And what if I got prosecuted? Prison was too horrible to think about and I had no money to pay fines. Even if I got a slap on the wrist, I was still a British citizen here on visa - I could get deported. Lucy hated English weather; what if she called off the wedding? Disgraced, unemployed, dumped, living with my parents - it was a nightmare.

I swallowed uncomfortably as I willed myself to remain calm. "Ms. Levitt, you said at the start that there might be a way out of this for me. A way that no one has to know."

I swallowed again. I was young, but even I wasn't naive enough to think that such a lifeline was freely offered. I should already be packing up my cubicle while a security guard waited to escort me out of the building. The fact that I wasn't meant something else was at stake here. I just didn't know what.

"If I wanted to get out of this, what would I have to do?"

 

[VixenEV]

I stood, crossing to the other side of the desk. The boy was cute when he squirmed, which made my whole idea seem even better. His employee file said he was 23, over ten years younger than me. I crossed my legs, leaning against the desk next to his chair. Fully aware that as I did so, my skirt inched up enough to allow a glimpse of the black satin garters that held up my knee-high stockings.

"Well, Trevor. Can I call you Trevor?"

I didn't wait for an answer. I crossed my arms, bosom rising with the motion. My blouse dipped low enough that the my chest swelled out, straining the black lace bra that cradled it. His eyes were definitely wandering. Good.

"This is a very serious infraction. I know you have a fiancé, correct? A wedding to pay for. A pretty little girl who you love."

I paused, pursing my plum lips, unabashedly raking my eyes over him. His gray suit was tailored, his tie a solid blue. Lanky, in the way that drove me a bit wild. I passed his desk to and from lunch every day. He sometimes wore these tortoiseshell glasses that I could just see on my bedside table. Fogged. Perhaps you could say that I'd become a bit obsessed with him and those deep, liquid brown eyes.

"And I imagine you'd like to stay in America, too. It would be a shame if upper management saw these records.

But I think we can work something out."

 

[saedo]

I listened to her questions and nodded. Of course she could call me Trevor. She outranked me by multiple levels. She could call me just about what ever she pleased.

And of course I wanted to stay in America. My job was here. My friends were here. If things went according to plan, next year my wife would be here. I couldn't bear the thought of being sent back home.

I was on tenterhooks now. Why was she drawing this out? Why not just tell me what was going on?

But I was hardly in position to rush her. I didn't see a way out of this on my own. If she had a way out of this for me, I'd have to be patient.

When she stopped speaking, I cautiously ventured another inquiry. "I would very much like to work something out, Ms. Levitt. What would I need to do?"

 

[VixenEV]

"The way I see it, you have two options."

I ran a hand through his hair, pausing to play where it feathered near his neck, fingernails dancing. My hand trailed away as I did, hips swinging and heels thrusting my ass high and tight. I sat back down.

"I could go to the Board with this. Or...I am in need of a new assistant."

I folded my hands and fixed his eyes.

"This would come with a considerable pay raise, but you will be working a lot of overtime. You will be expected to accompany me on all business trips. If I ask you to wear a certain suit, you wear it. If I want you under my desk, your head under my skirt, during a meeting...you will put your tongue where it belongs and keep quiet. If I want you during a work happy hour, you will meet me in the bathroom and fuck me. If I call you at 2 am, you will do whatever I ask, which perhaps might be coming over just to suck my nipples. If I decide to fuck someone else, you will watch and stroke yourself. My desires will be your only concern."

I paused for a moment, to relish the look on his face.

"You are, of course, still free to marry your simpering miss. But for all intents and purpose, you will be mine."

 

[saedo]

"I could go to the Board with this. . . ."

I gave a start as I realized the import of her words. This information would be enough to get me fired half a dozen other people. Why would her willingness to keep quiet matter? If she didn't get me fired, one of the others would. Unless. . . .

"You're the only one that knows," I breathed. I'd assumed my boss or someone else in the department had discovered my mistake and reported it to her. But she couldn't guarantee everyone else would participate in a cover-up. Not unless she was the only one who knew.

Ms. Levitt merely smiled and sauntered back to her desk. I rather shamefully admit that I found myself staring at her ass as she walked away. Her skirt was a professional length that ended at her knees, but it hugged her rounded buttocks well. I could see the faint outline of her panties beneath, which helped provide definition to her firm cheeks.

I turned my eyes away as I felt the heat rise in me. Now was certainly no time to be letting my baser instincts have free rein. Particularly about a woman who clearly wanted something for her silence.

"I am in need of a new assistant."

I blinked. My future hung in the balance and she wanted a minor staffing change? "I don't understand," I said in confusion.

I could only stare in disbelief as she launched into a diatribe of demands. My head between her legs? Stroking myself while she watched? Sleeping with her? I was to be her personal sex toy?!

I stammered as I responded. "M-me? But why?! You could have any man you wanted." I knew I was hardly the only one on staff who admired her luscious curves. Hell, even a few of the women had admitted to being attracted. If she could get sex from so many others with a fraction of the effort required for this elaborate extortion scheme, what was the point? "Why go after me?"

 

[VixenEV]

"I could have any man--or woman, frankly--but I want you. Stop questioning me, it makes me irritated."

I sighed, shifting. I felt my blouse fall open a bit, but didn't make a move to fix it.

"In all honesty, Trevor, I tire of dating. Men fall in love with me at the drop of a hat. I find you attractive and you're already in love with the tiny blonde, the one with no chest at all. I've seen her. I'm sure she's sufficient, but it seems like a waste of your talents.

That is, if the rumors about you are true."

I let my eyes wander to his crotch, pointedly.

 

[saedo]

"In all honesty, Trevor, I tire of dating. Men fall in love with me at the drop of a hat. I find you attractive and you're already in love with the tiny blonde, the one with no chest at all. I've seen her. I'm sure she's sufficient, but it seems like a waste of your talents.

I bridled at the slight to my fiancée. Lucy was far from flat-chested! Well, maybe not far, exactly. A moderate distance, though. I mean, with the right bra, she can get a bit of curve to peek up along the top.

Of course, as I was thinking this, Ms. Levitt leaned forward and her blouse slipped a button. My height gave me sufficient angle to see a hint of cleavage. Deep cleavage. Very, very deep cleavage. Thinking of Lucy while looking at Ms. Levitt, words "mountains" and "molehills" came to mind. I chose not to voice my objection.

Ms. Levitt paused for emphasis, then languidly added, "That is, if the rumors about you are true." She then slowly and deliberately tilted her face downward till she was staring at my lap.

I shifted in my seat and crossed my right knee over my left. It was a patently defensive move and I knew immediately I shouldn't do it, but I couldn't stop myself. She'd rattled me with her dire description of what might happen to me, so her sly barb about my physique had struck home.

"Damn Tonya Baxter and her big mouth," I grumbled. I hadn't even known her name till a month ago; she was just another random unknown co-worker floor who occasionally rode in the same elevator. But apparently that tenuous connection was sufficient to send her scurrying over to introduce herself the one night she spotted me at the gym.

Unfortunately, Tonya's eagerness at seeing a vaguely familiar face from the office caused her to trip on a mat as she neared the leg machine I was on. Unfortunately, she was also carrying a fruit smoothie at the time. Unfortunately, said smoothie tumbled right into my lap and doused my crotch in icy pureed strawberries. Unfortunately, the baggy gym shorts I was wearing tend to become rather clingy when wet. Consequently, Tonya's eyes went wide as saucers as she stared at thick cylinder of flesh that the sodden fabric now revealed to be running along my inner thigh.

Tonya apologized profusely, but the damage had been done. To my dismay, Tonya couldn't bear to keep this discovery to herself. Within days, I became aware that the secretaries in the building were shooting little glances at me in the hall. I'd occasionally hear girlish giggles after I walked past. I'd experienced this before in school, so I knew what was going on.

Fortunately, that seemed to be as far as it went. After a couple weeks, the novelty of "the co-worker with the massive penis" faded and the secretaries paid me no more attention. I had braced myself for the teasing and ridicule from other executives, but none came. I assumed that the secretaries had kept their gossip to themselves. But apparently Ms. Levitt had found out.

I sighed. No point in denying it. "Yes, the rumors are true. It is very big."

I paused for a moment, then tried a different tack. Perhaps I could dissuade her from her plan. "Actually, it's probably too big. I mean, a slender woman like you would probably find it very unpleasant. Painful, even. No, I wouldn't recommend it."

 

[VixenEV]

I heard his grumble, smirked at Tonya’s name. The woman was an incurable ditz and a gossip to boot, but in this case, her antics had brought me that interesting piece of information. I wished fervently I had been able to see him at the gym, caught off-guard, sweaty and exposed. It had taken everything in me to not ask what gym so that I could try to run into him myself.

But even then I had known this was not a man to be gotten by mere seduction. He had a sense of morality and he was very in love with his silly blonde fiancée. Nice enough, certainly pretty, but a waste of his potential. Men of honor were made to corrupt; they were so much more interesting when they let themselves fall into debauchery. Trevor would be only half of what he could be if he married and attempted a white picket fence sort of life.

I watched him, his eyes clearly unable to keep from my chest. As he began his half-hearted protest about the size of his cock, I casually unbuttoned one more button. The lace of my bra was revealed, cleavage swelling so large that my breasts touched each other, as if they were cuddling. His attempt at deflection had irritated me further. No one ever turned me down, much less went out of their way to do it.

But wasn’t that why I had chosen him? Because he wouldn’t become attached?

I had a moment of confused feelings. My eyes swept his face, thin and elegant. I remembered that I was using him and he was an exceptionally pretty and well-endowed toy. Not a man. A toy. My lips formed into a fetching pout.

“Well. If you would rather I don’t put these files into my safe, you are certainly free to go back to your sad little cubicle and eat your lunch out of a bag until security comes to remove you.”

I smiled, with cruelty.

“Your choice, of course.”

 

[saedo]

Ms. Levitt listened to my thinly veiled attempt to dissuade her with almost no reaction initially. For a beat, I thought I might have gotten through to her. Perhaps she recognized the truth in my words?

But then she calmly reached for her blouse and unfastened another button. Despite being fully clothed, her attitude radiated sexuality. Her blouse was still only slightly agape, but her hefty orbs filled the gap with ease.

I couldn't resist the draw of that dark cleft between her full mounds. And when her gaze met mine, it was clear that she knew that as well. She knew that deep down, beneath the veneer of civilization and morality, I wanted her. If I hadn't, then this would all be a waste of time; she couldn't toy with a stone. But since I did have lust in my heart, I was something for her to play with. With just the removal of a single button, she'd established who was in control.

"Very well," I relented. "I will be your assistant." I swallowed the lump in my throat, dreading already the answer to my next question. "Is there anything you need me to do for you, Ms. Levitt?"

 

[VixenEV]

I smiled. A small success, the first success.

"There are many things I need you to do for me."

Opening a drawer, I produced the files that held my schedules. I placed a new iPhone on top of them and slid the stack over.

"The files are everything you'll need to start, and that is your new phone. It comes equipped with all the numbers you need. You'll need to clean out your other desk and relocate to the space right outside of my office.

Congratulations, Trevor. That small mistake just gained you an enviable position."

 

[saedo]

"The files are everything you'll need to start, and that is your new phone. It comes equipped with all the numbers you need. You'll need to clean out your other desk and relocate to the space right outside of my office."

I numbly took what was offered to me into my hands. I couldn't believe this was happening to me. I rose from the chair and exited the office.

Like every executive of her status, Ms. Levitt had her own secretary. Donna's desk area was directly opposite Ms. Levitt's door. Her pale green eyes looked up at me as I approached.

"Uh, hi," I began. "Ms. Levitt told me that I'm going to be assisting her, starting immediately."

Donna tilted her head to the side. "Really?" she said, somewhat dubiously. "She wants you to assist her?"

I blanched. I'd had the job less than 5 minutes and already someone was questioning my competence.

Donna's expression softened. "Sorry, it's not you . . . though you do seem a bit young for the job. It's just that Ms. Levitt has never had one before. All the directors are allowed to have one - some even have two - but she's always said she had no need for one." Donna shrugged. "I guess she must think you've got some really big potential."

I was pretty sure that my big potential wasn't what Ms. Levitt was after, but I held my tongue.

Donna rose to her feet. She was tall and slender, with impressively long legs. "That'll put you over here." She strode across and opened a door just down the hall from Ms. Levitt's office. "Unfortunately, since she's never had an assistant, we've been using it to store old files."

The office was significantly smaller than Ms. Levitt's, but it would be a slight upgrade from my current cubicle. I could make out a desk, chairs, and file cabinets, but most of the available space was filled with cardboard file boxes.

Donna offered to call some interns to help me clear it out, but I declined. My encounter with Ms. Levitt had left me a bit emasculated; I wasn't about to further that by asking for help to move some paper. I had Donna show me where to put the boxes and rolled up my sleeves.

Donna had gone home by the time I finished moving. I stretched my aching back and wondered if I perhaps I hadn't needed to be quite so manly and independent. The new storage area was a bit of a hike and that much paper is surprisingly heavy. By the time I cleared all of the files, my shirt was sticking to my lower back and I had streaks of dust all over my clothes from the long dormant files.

Still, I had managed to uncover a window. Most folks worked for a a few years before they even got an interior office, but I had a windowed office (albeit a small one) after after mere months. Perhaps this deal with Ms. Levitt wouldn't be so bad.

 

[VixenEV]

I felt triumphant when Trevor left my office. I took the file that contained the tools of his undoing and locked it into my safe. Smart boy, deciding to take my offer. The parting look he had given me was defiant, but it only served to turn me on further.

I got back to work, taking a conference call and only half paying attention. I imagined the boy was cleaning out his new office at the moment, likely too proud to ask for help. With any luck, he was also realizing that the new arrangement could be quite beneficial to him.

Donna entered my office, frowning. "Did you promote that secretarial pool guy? Trevor?"

I scowled, my eyes turning to her. "I did. You will be available to help him adjust, of course."

She put her hands on her hips, jealousy in her eyes. "You could have promoted me."

I waved a hand. "Don't even start. You refuse to finish your degree, Trevor has an early masters."

And a huge dick, I added silently.

She huffed, but acquiesced, as I knew she would. All of my direct employees were quite devoted, it was a well known fact.

The clock approached 5 and I sent a quick text to my new assistant:

My office. 5 minutes.

 

[saedo]

I gathered up my few belongings. What has started as another day at the office had turned into quite the tumultuous afternoon.

An unfamiliar beep sounded as I reached for the door. I checked my phone, but it showed no activity. Odd.

Then I remembered. She had given me a phone. I rummaged for it and looked at the screen.

Damn. I was being summoned.

I dusted myself off as best I could. I was still a bit bedraggled, but it would have to do.

I exited my office and went to hers. I rapped softly, then poked my head inside. "You wanted to see me, Ms. Levitt?"

 

[VixenEV]

"Come in," I called from the office, behind a partition I used to make quick changes at work. I often slept at the office: for all my sexual proclivities, I was a damn hard worker and serious about my career.

"Lock the door."

I stepped out, watching Trevor flick the lock shut, a look of trepidation on his face. His hair was slightly dusty; he must have been moving the boxes from his new office.

I had changed into a tight black dress, as I was about to go for a drink. It hugged every curve, covering at the same time it made one's imagination race. A favorite of mine.

"Do you have plans this evening?"

 

[saedo]

"Lock the door."

I did not care for the sound of that. I could envision all manner of reasons that she might want a locked door. None of them were good.

Still, what could I do? I turned and flicked the deadbolt.

When I turned, Ms. Levitt stepped from behind a silk screen. I found myself silently mouthing "Wow."

Her current attire was vastly different from her business wear. The level of skin on display hadn't really changed; in fact, the collar fit closer to her neck than her blouse had. However, the black fabric clung to every curve almost as if painted on. The effect was very enticing.

She turned away from me as she adjusted an earring. Seeing her in profile, I realized she was far curvier than I'd realized.

"Do you have plans this evening?"

I swallowed uncomfortably. For the briefest instant, I felt the urge to lie and say I didn't. That was disconcerting.

"Well, yes, I suppose. Lucy and I are having dinner tonight. It's her turn to cook." I was rambling. Shift the focus. Shift the focus. "But you look like you're on you way out. Do you want me to walk you out?"

 

[VixenEV]

"Tell her you'll be late. Have a drink with me. To celebrate."

It was not a request, but it could be construed as one. I walked slowly toward him, knowing his eyes were on my body. For a moment, it felt like real seduction, not blackmail.

I stopped in front of him, my fingers tugging lightly on the bottom of his tie. We weren't quite touching but with the heat between us, we may as well been. Sharing molecules.

"One drink, Trevor."

 

[saedo]

"Tell her you'll be late. Have a drink with me. To celebrate."

I couldn't see a reason to refuse. I had just gotten a promotion. Celebrating would be the natural thing to do.

"Okay. Let me give her a call." I withdrew my phone from my suit and dialed.

"Hey honey....oh, that sounds nice.... Listen, I'm going to be running a bit late tonight. I just got a promotion.... Yes, it was a surprise to me, too.... Anyway, my new boss wants to take me out for a drink to celebrate.... Oh, an hour maybe? I'll call if it'll be later. Okay.... Thanks, honey. Love you, too."

I hung up. "Okay, I'm ready."

 

[VixenEV]

I listened to the phone call with pursed lips. "Honey." Ugh. "Love you too." Blech. I looked down at my perfect fingernails to ensure my expression didn't change, but inside I felt something like jealousy. It couldn't be quite that. I was not a jealous person, and certainly not now, suddenly, in reference to my inexperienced assistant.

It didn't matter. He was coming with me tonight.

Okay, I'm ready.

I doubted he could be ready for the ways in which his life had changed, so I just smiled and slipped my arm through his.

We walked down the hallway of the deserted building, most of the lights off. In the corridor that led to the street, one of the neon lights flickered overhead, giving the very air a surreal feeling.

"We'll just go down a few blocks. No need for cars. There's a bar called Spencer's, have you been? They have a back room, not rightfully a VIP room, but invitation only. The longer you stick around me, you'll find I always have an invitation.

Anywhere."

 

[saedo]

We'll just go down a few blocks. No need for cars. There's a bar called Spencer's, have you been?"

I shook my head. "No, I haven't."

"They have a back room, not rightfully a VIP room, but invitation only. The longer you stick around me, you'll find I always have an invitation."

I shrugged. "Okay, lead the way."

I followed Ms. Levitt the short distance to the bar in question. She walked a few paces ahead, clearly in the lead. Trailing behind, I found it all but impossible not to notice how her ass swaying beneath her dress with every step.

The Spencer place was upscale. Soon after we entered, a tastefully dressed brunette with dark eyes strode toward us. "Ms. Levitt, so good to see you again."

Her eyes flicked to me. "Will your guest be waiting for you at the bar? Or will he be joining you in the members section?"

 

[VixenEV]

I smiled warmly as the hostess approached us, kissing her lightly on both cheeks. Lingering a little. I liked Danica. A lot.

"Yes, this one comes with me. Is one of the private rooms open?"

She smiled, knowingly. "For you, of course. Number 3 is all yours."

Danica slipped me a key. I could practically feel Trevor's questions and relished the feeling of him being willing to blindly follow me. He was silent, taking everything in.

I started down the hallway, his eyes darting to my ass. I threw him a look that conveyed I caught him and ran a hand down my torso, deliberately, coming to rest on my hip.

"And Danica?" I called back. "We'll need a bottle of the best champagne in the building, it's a special night."

 

[saedo]

After a quick exchange with Ms. Levitt, the brunette lead us deeper into the club. She pointed down a dim hallway and directed us to a door on the left.

Ms. Levitt ordered us champagne and then opened the door. I followed inside.

The room walls were draped in heavy curtains - probably to absorb noise. An L-shaped sofa dominated one corner. It was heavily padded and further festooned with cushions. A few low coffee tables sat in front of it. A large flat-screen TV was mounted on the opposite wall. The lighting was dim and tinted slightly purple.

I stepped inside and took a seat on the couch. I'd expected a drink at the bar. This seemed to promise something different.

 

[VixenEV]

The champagne was brought quickly, set in its ice bucket on the table by the couches. It was so freshly popped that the neck of the bottle still steamed slightly.

I arranged myself across from Trevor, crossing my legs. This, I knew, created a tantalizing cavern into my dress, though nothing could be seen. I poured our flutes and leaned forward to hand him one.

"To new beginnings. Cheers."

Our glasses clinked, but I could not read the look on his face. Time to stop dithering. I took a long sip of the fuzzy liquid.

"I'd like to know a little about your sexual history. Not too much detail. Just how much experience you have. I need to know how to pace your development, per our arrangement.

I think you'll be surprised by my benevolence."

 

[saedo]

"I'd like to know a little about your sexual history."

I had to set down my champagne as I struggled not to do a spit take. That was not a question I expected.

Ms. Levitt continued on as if my sudden cough hadn't happened, though I think I saw a trace of amusement on her lips. "Not too much detail. Just how much experience you have. I need to know how to pace your development, per our arrangement."

Development? There was a certain ominous note to that word. I felt decidedly uncomfortable.

Still, I was in no position to refuse. She was merely asking questions. By her own words, she did not require explicit details. On balance, it was a fairly mild request.

I cleared my throat and responded. "Ah, well, I have had a small number of . . . partners. Nothing very adventurous."

Her eyes gazed at me with placid curiosity. I found myself sharing more than I intended. "Actually, it was all rather tame. I mean, as you know, my. . . ." I trailed off as I glanced towards my crotch. "Ah, um, my, uh, size. . . . It can be difficult to handle." I felt the color rise in my cheeks at this admission. I reached for my flute and drained the champagne to cover my discomfort.

 

[VixenEV]

I refilled his champagne glass, smiling softly. I liked the blush, liked that he was already caught off-guard. I hadn't even said anything provocative. At least...not in my eyes. I would definitely have fun easing him into debauchery.

I caught the glance at his crotch. It widened my glossed smile. I struggled not to lick my lips. Since the blush pleased me the first time, I decided to be frank.

"I imagine for some women it might be daunting. How big is it, may I ask?"

I took a sip of my champagne again, surprised that I was already wet. Since I wasn't wearing underwear, it was immediately apparent to me. I hadn't expected to start Trevor's extracurricular work that evening, but he was turning me on, without even trying.

 

[saedo]

"I imagine for some women it might be daunting.

I gave a derisive snort. "Daunting," I muttered. "If only."

Unpleasant memories rose unbidden from the depths. That first time in high school. Belinda. The shock and revulsion in her eyes. I shook my head and poured myself more champagne. Anything to distract from the memory.

"How big is it, may I ask?"

She just wouldn't relent, would she? But she'd made clear her intentions from the start and I had agreed to her terms. I took another drink before I began.

"I. . . I cannot say for certain. I have never measured it. The women that have . . . that have seen it. . . . They've all said it was the largest they'd ever seen. Some of them. . . Some of them . . . ." No, I couldn't finish that sentence. I wasn't going to share that with her.

"Lucy says it's not the length that matters," I transitioned. "She says what's tricky is the circumference. She told me that she'd had a couple of boyfriends almost as long as me, but says that they were slender, like a banana. Easy to hold onto. But she has to use both hands for me - and even that's just barely enough."