Confused

[HeavenCanWait]

Hi

I'd kinda like some advice, maybe some direction. I'm so confused. I know that there are some people who might feel offended by this thread, I hope not. If you are, please don't reply, it won't help.

I'm bi, it took me until the ripe old age of 22 to admit it to myself and my then girlfriend, who was cool. I'm cool with it. So, single as I am I've been seeing this guy lately, let's call him Alan, since that is his name

I like him, we have fun times, I lost my 'virginity' to him. i trust him. He's good looking, clever, kind, intelligent. Everything I look for from a partner.

But he's a guy. I prefer sex with guys. But the idea of actually making him my boyfriend is so...unnatural. It feels like it would be completely backwards and inside out. I feel emptional connections to girls, not to men. I'm not sure if I am begininng to feel this with Alan.

It's not a fear of being in a gay relationship. My fiends and family would be totally cool with it. When my mum dragged me up she always told me "I'd rather you were gay than a mugger". Me too.

Is this a natural reaction from someone who has only ever had girlfriends? Does the fact that I'm Bi mean that i can have sex with both genders, or does it extend to relationships. I just dont know.

I dont know what I expect from this thread really.

Yours, a very very confused fella.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

I a 43 year old female and bi. I came out of a 20 year marriage nearly 2 years ago. i have known I was bi since I was a teenager.

At this stage I feel I want a relationship with a man or male cross dresser. I feel I only want a woman as a friend/fuck-buddy.

BUT

Maybe I only feel that way about women because I have not met one yet I want to enter into a relationship with.

???????????

I know it is confusing. I just go with the flow and keep my options open to who I may have a future relationship with.

 

[Tonnelier]

Don't think so much!

You're thinking too much. Just let it happen. If you enjoy sex more with men, maybe you should try an emotional relationship with one, because sex in an emotional relationship is the best! Besides the only reason it seems unnatural is because of society. At other times, in other cultures, relationships between two men or two women were considered just as natural as a man and a woman. And believe me, there are plenty of us gay guys who have a platonic "girlfriend." And sometimes, those are the strongest and most lasting bonds. If this guy makes you feel good, just consider yourself lucky, and go with it. Good luck!

 

[SweetErika]

Besides the only reason it seems unnatural is because of society. At other times, in other cultures, relationships between two men or two women were considered just as natural as a man and a woman.

I disagree. I think some people are just oriented to have emotional relationships with one gender and sex with another, and that comes in varying degrees. I can have very deep, equal emotions and long-term relationships with both men and women, but I can't really see myself being happy living with another woman in a marriage-type relationship. I might be able to see a female submissive living with my husband and I, but the idea of having the type of partnership that Hubby and I have with a woman just doesn't appeal to me.

My preferences don't have anything to do with societal norms as far as I can tell, as I have no problem going against the grain with polyamory, bisexuality, etc., and would even be happy to have two husbands at some point, which is definitely not normal/okay by society's standards. It seems like my preferences come out of being wired a certain way, much like my sexual preferences are completely organic.

Like T.H., though, I realize there's a lot of value in being flexible, and it's possible I just haven't met a woman I could live happily ever after with. So, while I don't think it'll happen and it's not something I look for, it is something I'm open to should I come across her someday.

As for you, HCW, perhaps it's best just to leave yourself open to emotions and see what happens. If they develop, wonderful, and if not, you might be able to determine a personal preference so you know what types of relationships are typically best for you in the future (but still be open to meeting a guy you fall madly in love with). You may even find you have emotions with guys, but they develop more slowly or something, but any way you cut it, you're fine the way you are.

 

[HeavenCanWait]

Thanks so far guys.

I guess it's a case of 'play it by ear'. I'll see how things develop. I was thinking that instead of it being a case of not finding the emotional bond with a guy. maybe it's more a case of not being totally over my ex gf yet.

Time will tell. Oh Erika, I'm glad you think I'm fine the way i am ;-)