confessions of sexual experience

[intriguess]

in theory one would discuss sexual experience in a limited sense in a commited relationship prior to having sex.

now what I want to know is how to break the news. do guys really want to know that you've have 10+ sex partners, or fooled around with women, or sucked cock but never fucked, where is the line between madonna (the virgin mother) and whore that seems to be every guys fantasy?

Can you get away with just saying you've practiced safe sexual practices and that you've never had aids test or that your last one came out negative?

What about virgins? should they divulge prior to sex or afterwards? does it matter? is it about honesty or sex?

Let me know what you guys think and if you have had any bad or good experience when divulging your sexual history.

 

[Guest]

Honesty & harmless lies.

 

[bigjacknyc]

I would never ask my girl to cataglogue her sexual history, nor am I interested in hearing it. I understand that she has had past lovers, as have I, and I don't have problems with discussions such as telling me about a particularly wild experience from her past, or how she loves sucking cock, or that fact that she's been with another woman. But cataloguing it? No way. Not really any of my business and I'm not curious. Her past is HER past.

One girl I dated told me, completely out of the blue, how she had to go to a clinic when she came back from a vacation cos she'd been with x men in 5 nights. She completely volunteered it. I don't even know how that came up. We weren't talking about sexual histories, cos like I said, I don't bring that stuff up. (I think we were talking about her female roommate come to think of it). I definitely wasn't interested in hearing that.

I understand what you say about the fine line between madonna vs. every guy's fantasy. Suffice it to say, for ME, that was over the line. Maybe for somebody else it wouldn't have been.

 

[BgMma]

Being honest is important.
I may not want the names and you may not want the names, but you have to know the numbers.
You have to know about how safe your partner has been.
All this is vice versa.

ANd virgins should tell that they are virgins before giving it up. I could have avoided a lot of complications had I known one of my partners was a virgin.

 

[ma_guy]

I couldn't care less how many men a woman has been with. It's entirely irrelevant. I don't want a dossier of names, dates and locations... I just don't care to know.

Strictly from a perspective of sexual activty, I'd be more interested in knowing that the woman is disease free (or that specific protection needs to be taken if possible and what those might be..), What she's interested in doing sexually (sex is supposed to be pleasurable right??) and if we're about to try something new for her (including losing her virginity..), I'd want to know just to ensure she's comfortable with where things are going and that she actually wants to go there so that I can react appropriately.

 

[intriguess]

i wan't even thinking of the brutal truth...i don't think anyone wants to hear that their's partner's last lover was better, longer, more exciting...that would be cruel, and if it's true then they are poorly matched.

I was just thinking of terms of numbers and relationship context, say several serious sexual relationships or a string of one night stands (or combination and mix thereof)

 

[bknight2602]

i wan't even thinking of the brutal truth...i don't think anyone wants to hear that their's partner's last lover was better, longer, more exciting...that would be cruel, and if it's true then they are poorly matched.

I was just thinking of terms of numbers and relationship context, say several serious sexual relationships or a string of one night stands (or combination and mix thereof)

Why would you want to know this information? I agree with most of the above, past history is past, if the S/O wishes to share the experiences, that will happen!

 

[Naughty Troll]

Naughtiness on Hold

That is a tough question. I have an interest in her past experiences. I want to know if she were treated right and with respect. Was she taken advantage of? Etc. I care, and it can be a turn on sharing some of your past experiences. But I have found you have to be careful when talking about it. It can be a very good learning experience when shared with a partner.

Ok, Naughtiness no longer on HOLD


Doing the Naughty Dance

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH HHHAAAAA HHHAAAA HHHHAAAAa

 

[intriguess]

I would want to know if the guy i'm fucking is a serial monogamist or fucks any skirt he can get his dick up

(sorry about being crude but you asked)

 

[bigjacknyc]

in theory one would discuss sexual experience in a limited sense in a commited relationship prior to having sex.

Just noticed this intriguess.

I don't know what this says about me but not once have I done that. Never even crossed my mind. Unless flirting, innuendo-type provocative talk on the way back to her/my apartment about what you like to do in bed counts, which I'm sure isn't what you were talking about.

Suddenly feeling very slutty...

 

[bigjacknyc]

I would want to know if the guy i'm fucking is a serial monogamist or fucks any skirt he can get his dick up

A guy who fucks any skirt he can get his dick up and has a history of infidelity might not necessarily be likely to tell you in advance, such would be his morals. And a nice guy who would never cheat on you may have learnt that from screwing up in the past (I know a friend of mine who did that big time - boinked his best friend's fiancee). But his answer might scare you more than the guy who would lie to you.

I think the trust has to be earned and allowed to grow, letting actions speak more loudly than words. And that means realizing that you might get screwed over here and there. It's a tough business this caring for someone thingy.

 

[ma_guy]

I would want to know if the guy i'm fucking is a serial monogamist or fucks any skirt he can get his dick up

(sorry about being crude but you asked)

I read your original post in reverse of this then.. I read it as you revealing to someone else. Not them revealing to you.

But, if a woman were to ask me how many others I'd had sex with I'd probably be a bit offended. I'm also not sure it's necessarily significant to what you are looking for unless the people involved are very young.

If she was interested in whether or not I had actually developed relationships or not I guess I say that you should ask how long they saw the people that they have had sex with. I might date a woman for several weeks or months and only have sex with her once.. (which might have been a reason for terminating the relationship in itself but thats another story..).

If you seek info on whether they do the one-night stand thing or not then it's best to just ask that - It's the relationship instead of the sex, and I'd think you have better luck in getting honest responses.

 

[SimGuy]

In the context of a committed relationship, honesty is most important. Absolutely every detail isn't necessary.

With my former spouse, I was led to believe something entirely different about her sexual history than what was true. When the truth did come out - about a year or so later, there was a huge undermining of my trust - a huge feeling of being deceived. Would knowing the 'entire' story up front have made a difference? I honestly don't know, but I do know NOT knowing the story made a huge difference.

 

[bknight2602]

I would want to know if the guy i'm fucking is a serial monogamist or fucks any skirt he can get his dick up

(sorry about being crude but you asked)

Would that change your attitude towards him? If you love the guy, the past is gone. If you can't trust him from previous experiences, does this effect his current behavior after meeting you? There are so many choices that you might make. My wife had many many more sexual partners than I did, but it only mattered what happened after we met. I did not ask unless she volunteered the information. That was the point I was trying to make. Sorry if it didn't come out that way.

 

[ridddder]

honesty is a must

Honesty is a must, and sure you don't need intricate details of all someone's sexual past. However, even though guys like the idea of having an experienced partner, when the number is excessive I think it is not very attractive. I know when my then girlfriend admitted to having 4 abortions, and sleeping with over 20 men I wasn't very pleased. Actually I was sickened, but that was just me.

 

[milkman4300]

I would have to say that I would like to know some, but not all the gory details. My wife and I know about each others past, but it is not something we talk about on a regular basis. AND, we never discussed the details of every time either.

 

[RastaPope]

Re: honesty is a must

Honesty is a must, and sure you don't need intricate details of all someone's sexual past. However, even though guys like the idea of having an experienced partner, when the number is excessive I think it is not very attractive. I know when my then girlfriend admitted to having 4 abortions, and sleeping with over 20 men I wasn't very pleased. Actually I was sickened, but that was just me.

Dead on.

 

[intriguess]

you are right, i was as a woman asking about how and what to tell a sexula partner about my experiences but the question got all turned around as guys answered about them telling a woman and then i got bitchy. I apologize i guess in the end it's about trust, a little morality, and the lessons learned in life.

Though being able to tell the guy that you've had some bad experiences would

a explain a lot about reluctance
b help him understand what you need
c tell him that being a little rough will probably make you freeze up

this is more what i was thinking of.
because i know of very few people that woud discuss their sexual wants and desires in any length prior to sex. Part of th fun is learning what makes the other go ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmyyyyyyyyyyygooooooodddddddddddddddddddddddd

though i suppose if there were some major turn off they should be mutually understood if not expressed

I'd hate to see sex, fucking, making love, or whatever you want to call it culled down to a contract of what you can and can not do

 

[BgMma]

I must amend what I said earlier.

It isn't that important if the relationship isn't serious or it's a one night thing. You get what you pay for, really. That is how I think of it.

But, if the relationship is going somewhere and you are in it for the long haul, then disclosure is a must. Not every last detail, no. My worries would be how safe was my partner, how many partners. That is important to me because it gives me a good idea of who I am with.

Now, STD's aren't important, unless it's a current malady or AIDS. Everyone is entitled to a mistake.
Abortions isn't an important issue. That also has nothing to do with the person. Just the decisions that person made and they had nothing to do with you.

What I am really trying to say is that you have to be honest when your partner asks!
Don't just volunteer something because you never know what will flip someone out. Be careful and be truthful.

 

[Hamletmaschine]

Originally posted by intriguess
where is the line between madonna (the virgin mother) and whore that seems to be every guys fantasy?

Zero. Unless they've been married, then it's six.

Can you get away with just saying you've practiced safe sexual practices and that you've never had aids test or that your last one came out negative?

No.

What about virgins? should they divulge prior to sex or afterwards?

Prior to. Unless they've been married, then no.

Let me know what you guys think and if you have had any bad or good experience when divulging your sexual history.

A former debater's tip: Never ask a question you don't already know the answer to.

 

[sunstruck]

Re: Re: confessions of sexual experience

A former debater's tip: Never ask a question you don't already know the answer to.

Words to live by.

 

[lavender]

Re: Re: confessions of sexual experience

 

[Hamletmaschine]

It's the low pressure system moving through here this morning.

 

[sunstruck]

Glad to know you haven't been washed away to sea.

 

[Hamletmaschine]

Nope. I'm a whole 15 ft. above sea level. Water runs downhill.