Confess Your Embarrassing Boner Stories!

[LizVegas79]

A few of you who are fans of my Pervy Things My Husband Does For/To Me thread have encouraged me to start this thread.

I think the title is pretty self-explanatory.

I know you guys have lots of embarrassing boner stories, but surprise, surprise! some of us ladies do too.

So ... embarrassing boner stories!
Let's hear them!

 

[writerperson]

-snip-

 

[LizVegas79]

Okay, I don't know how embarrassing this one really is. Actually, it was probably more embarrassing for me since I was the one who was sober and staring at the time.

A few months ago I was in one of the elevators at work going up to check on one of our guests and an attractive married woman in her early 40's got on with a guy with a wedding band about her age and two younger guys they had obviously just picked up in one of the bars downstairs.

Her hair was a mess and her skimpy designer dress was practically falling off of her curvy mom from Iowa body. The guys were trying to be discreet about pawing her, but it was pretty obvious from the bulges in their pants what was about to go down.

Or up depending on how you looked at it.

Halfway up she stopped telling them to stop and just kind of shrugged and smiled guiltily at me as the six hands devoured her. I just smiled back at all four of them and wished them an enjoyable evening when they got to their floor.

I know she definitely had a busy evening ahead of her!

 

[Solsurfer]

Gotta go

Many years i was in bed with this super cute blond. Cheerleader type, you know. So we're making out for the first time on her bed. It gets hot and heavy and we are totally dry humping while making out. I'm wearing athletic shorts and she's in boxers and tank top. We were both pushing our sexual limits, being young and religious and all. Well, I was so worked up, there was no stopping it. The trigger was pulled and the bullet left the barrel. I unloaded in my shorts. Yep. There it was. I freaked out and said I had to go to the bathroom. I tried to wash it off my shorts, to no avail. I came out and gave her a kiss and said,"I gotta go" and left. No explanation. I was too embarrassed. Funny times.

 

[Ubiquitious_too]

A couple of years ago I met a guy I thought was Mr Right. He was always a perfect Gentleman, always dressed impeccably, always cheerful, very masculine and handsome.
Two days after meeting, he called me for a date- we had a wonderful evening together at a nice restaurant getting acquainted. He took me home, walked me to the door- always perfect.

Two, three, four, five dates and the guy never made a move on me, and I'm accustomed to being hit on at least the second date. I was really perplexed. Each time I invited him in for a night-cap, "No, I must be up early tomorrow..." I really began to wonder about this guy...

Finally on the sixth date he invited me to a fancy dinner dance at his club. I got to meet several of his friends, their wives, gf's. Very nice. Great progress, I thought... but not enough.

Desert was served to our table of 10 and I turned to him and said, "Gee...I feel a draft; I wish now I'd worn panties this evening..." He dropped his fork and his eyes bugged out of his head in astonishment. I immediately excused myself, went to the ladies room, took off my panties and stuffed them in my purse. As soon as I returned, he said, "Care to go to my place for a night-cap?"

I grinned, looked down and it was raging. I chucked out loud and flashed a big smile. "Please walk in front of me as we exit", he whispered.

He's now my husband...

(Pay attention, JT)

 

[awired50]

A couple of years ago I met a guy I thought was Mr Right. He was always a perfect Gentleman, always dressed impeccably, always cheerful, very masculine and handsome.
Two days after meeting, he called me for a date- we had a wonderful evening together at a nice restaurant getting acquainted. He took me home, walked me to the door- always perfect.

Two, three, four, five dates and the guy never made a move on me, and I'm accustomed to being hit on at least the second date. I was really perplexed. Each time I invited him in for a night-cap, "No, I must be up early tomorrow..." I really began to wonder about this guy...

Finally on the sixth date he invited me to a fancy dinner dance at his club. I got to meet several of his friends, their wives, gf's. Very nice. Great progress, I thought... but not enough.

Desert was served to our table of 10 and I turned to him and said, "Gee...I feel a draft; I wish now I'd worn panties this evening..." He dropped his fork and his eyes bugged out of his head in astonishment. I immediately excused myself, went to the ladies room, took off my panties and stuffed them in my purse. As soon as I returned, he said, "Care to go to my place for a night-cap?"

I grinned, looked down and it was raging. I chucked out loud and flashed a big smile. "Please walk in front of me as we exit", he whispered.

He's now my husband...

(Pay attention, JT)

Great Story

 

[crashD]

I used to go to conventions at some very nice resort hotels.

went to one a few years back at one of the places outside of Tucson.

Finished early one day, went to the pool.

I had a white gottex brief that I wore then at appropriate pools.

ABout speedo size, but much thicker material.

I got to the pool, laid all my stuff out - then walked into the men's room. Gave a few tugs on my cock for a little heft, then stuffed it back into the suit.

As i left the room, a girl walked out of the ladies - 20ish, great ass - and wearing a thong.

Walking right in front of me - boing!!!

I managed to keep myself inthe brief but that thing now way hid my boner.

Made it back to my chair, and got the towel in place...

sheeeshhh...

 

[LizVegas79]

Great stories!

 

[Paul_Chance]

My Boner is writing a tell-all, called "Tales of My Boner" (it's determined but not particularly imaginative)

The first thing that popped to my mind - I was out late one night drinking with a friend of mine who was a notoriously charming womanizer. This night, he had way too much to drink and so after closing time we went back to his place. For drunk reasons known only to him, he decided to go to sleep in the basement. I headed off to the guest room and stripped down and climbed into the guest bed, where I promptly fell asleep.

About four in the morning the door suddenly FLIES open and it's his girlfriend, who was supposed to be away for the weekend. She is all set to confront whatever skank he's been cheating with, drunk and fired up. Instead, she finds me. Since it's a hot night all I have over me is a sheet.

She sits down on the side of the bed and we start talking. I basically talk her down from acts of rage fueled vengeance. But while I am doing so I can't help but notice that a.) she's hot, b.) she's wearing a leather motorcyle vest, and c.) it's unbuttoned low enough I can see the full curve of her breast and the dark aureola of her nipple.

Cue the boner. With nothing on but a sheet. Lengthening and rising, rising and lengthening. Normally, I'd shift to hide it, but because the way she's sitting on the sheet, if I shift I am going to lose the sheet completely.

We just keep talking. Neither of us says a word about the totally inappropriate shrouded tower of joy.

 

[PrymeNumeric]

so... a couple of years ago, I was playing soccer and someone was knocked into my lower back and I felt an immediate twinge. And in the next few days it got worse and worse until I was having trouble getting out of bed. I finally went to see my doctor and he promptly sent me to a physical therapist.

When I arrived at the PT, I found a tall, elegant, and willowy woman named Matilda (names changed to protect innocent, etc., ...) She was taller than me and had long, brown hair in a ponytail and large, brown eyes. I was immediately attracted to her and when she smiled, I knew that it would be difficult to keep my thoughts in check.

She reviewed my chart and very professionally talked about injuries of this nature, asking what I had done so far to alleviate the pain, etc.,... I did my best to pay attention and nodded a lot and said "yes, uh-huh" a bunch of times. (The PT office had called me prior to the appointment and instructed me to wear compression shorts and a t-shirt underneath my clothes.)

But I was having a hard time concentrating while looking into her warm, brown eyes. They were calm and inviting and made me feel really comfortable. I had broken up with a girlfriend several months ago and was particularly lonely-- and I realized, very horny. She finished the intake and had me take off my pants and shirt off and wearing the compression shorts, hop up on the table.

I noticed that the drape had opened and another attractive woman had joined us. "This is Sam, and she is training in PT and if it is ok with you, she will be joining us."

"Sure." I said. Relieved to see someone else to break up the tension I was clearly feeling. However, I quickly saw that Sam was shorter, quiet mannered and had a curvy body and large breasts- "This was not going to be easy." I thought to myself.

She and Sam began to "talk shop" as Matilda worked. It helped put some distance between them and me and I began to feel less excited and began enjoying the relief on my back as Matilda worked on it. She began by probing my lower back and asking me questions, then teaching Sam. She then mentioned that she was going to move lower as she had told me previously and I muttered, "uh-huh..." and she then I felt her strong hands move deep between my ass cheeks and press deeply toward my hip socket. Electric jolt. I had not been thinking too clearly enough to realize that lower than my lower back meant my butt.

I jumped when she started kneading my glutes and she laughed out loud while speaking, "Oh dear, are you uncomfortable with that?"

I said, "I understand, I just wasn't expecting that."

"Well don't get your hopes up!" she said laughing, "As I explained earlier, I simply need to see if there is a trigger point injury in your glutes that is referring pain to your lower back. And looking thoughtfully at my ass she said, "There is. That is good to know. Now, please turn over and I want to look at your hip flexors. Often, they can be very tight, which makes you susceptible to repeated injuries of this type."

Her completely professional manner betrayed no other interest than treating my back sprain. And I began to feel embarrassed that I was acting like a junior high jock in a physical- "How transparent can I be?" I thought to myself as I flipped over on my back.

Her hand deftly probed my hip flexors, seeking to determine if they were abnormally tight. She spoke to Sam as she did this and even took Sam's hand and showed her where to probe and what to feel for as she manipulated my flexors. As they spoke about the anatomical muscular terms and indications of tightness they acutely studied my anatomy there- as they should have. I was lying there, relaxing and glad to finally be gaining control of my smoldering excitement when suddenly, my evil, horny subconscious decided it would have some fun with me...

"Wow- they are really only about an inch away from my penis." floated up to my consciousness. "There are two, amazing, wonderful, nurturing, healing, sexy women with four hands and four eyes touching and staring within an inch away from my (now rather loose and increasingly relaxed) penis..."

Wow. Don't think about something and what happens? Yep- my mind was suddenly flooded with images of one, both, all of us doing extra-medical activities. "Ok -" I thought to my horny subconscious, "-- you want to play it like that? Fine. I am having a perfectly natural reaction to a situation requiring medical attention to some personal areas. It is healthy, I am sure it is not unexpected, but also manageable. This doesn't mean anything more or less than that. So take that!"

Matilda spoke, "Pryme? Sam and I think that you have extremely tight flexors. This can be a contributing factor and I would like you to do some take home exercises that will stretch them. Sam will go get you a sheet with some exercises that you can do at home to stretch your flexors- it should help decrease your healing time. In the meantime, I am going to work on them and see if we can't loosen them up. Are you comfortable with that?"

"Sure" I said, having quelled my evil subconscious with an affirming self-declaration of non-shame. Confident that I was now the master of my erections, I relaxed and waited for Matilda to loosen my flexors.

I was really quite surprised how strong a lithe woman could be. Matilda grabbed my leg and worked it and rotated it effortlessly, all the while keeping one hand on my offending flexor. I relaxed, repeated my non-shame mantra and realized that Matilda was really right. My lower back felt relief for the first time in over a week, my butt was relaxed and now my hips began to feel so much looser and open. "Wow!" I said to Matilda, "I can really feel a difference. I feel so relaxed in my entire pelvic region."

She laughed at my enthusiasm. "We often don't realize that we carry tension in parts of our bodies for years. Then some event happens, and the area that we have held so rigid and tense is susceptible to injury. Kind of like you in your entire pelvic region. You need to relax and unwind young man! Being loose is actually, one of the best preventative measures against injuries we can take!"

She had no idea.

She laid my leg back down on the table and turned my foot out to rotate my hip and began to work again. Suddenly, I realized that during her moving my leg around, that she had inadvertently moved my cock around as well. It was laying on its side, pointing up -- perfectly next to my hip flexor. Flaccid, but not slumbering by any means. Off in the distance, I could hear the evil laugh of my subconscious....

Matilda looked down and studied my hip for a second and then made a decision to press on. As she worked the flexor, she maintained her professional demeanor. It was clear that she would not be daunted by the appearance of my manhood. She continued to manipulate my flexor with my hip turned out and her hands were brushing against the shaft of my increasingly relaxed cock. I focused all of my attention on just relaxing and not thinking about it and not avoiding thinking about it. It was "next-level anti-boner control" time and I was going to rise to the occasion and prove myself more than just another hard dick.

Then it happened. Somehow, my penis has been perfectly placed, and while not hard, certainly awakened- her fingers brushed across my frenulum. Zoing! And then before I could renegage my rational mind, she pressed down upon my hip flexor. Somehow, my evil subconscious had managed to place my dick such that when she applied steady strong pressure with her fingers to my hip flexor, it also applied directly upon my frenulum.

I was instantly transported to a new zone of sexual excitement. If there is a record for shortest time to go from flaccid to attaining a once in a lifetime achievement of obsidian like tumescence -- I reached it. It was one of the best boners I have ever had. It would no longer be denied recognition. Nor should it, had I been more confident at the time, I would have held my head high it was an amazing boner. In retrospect, I am fucking proud of that beast!

As Matilda was looking down at my tenting compression shorts and I was hoping that my dick would not pop outside of the elastic band at the top, Sam pulled back the curtain to re-enter the room with the exercise sheet in hand. She took two steps into the room, saw Matilda frozen in indecision, my red face and then she saw the beast- clearly outlined and straining for freedom. Kinda like that scene in Aliens... She froze in her tracks and her eyes were wide as big white circles with a blue dot in the middle. She glanced back and forth between my member and Matilda- awaiting her cue. It was like a moment frozen in time.

For all practical purposes, I no longer existed. Matilda and Sam sprung into action and the they immediately grappled with the beast. Sam grabbed a towel and handed it to Matilda. "Shall we confer on the aftercare plan Matilda?" she nervously asked- keeping one eye trained on my member lest it suddenly burst free.

Matilda continued staring at my erection and replied, "Yes, excellent idea, Sam. Please join me in the room next door." Immediately they vanished. I was alone with my thoughts - and raging erection.

After a few minute, Matilda abruptly burst back into the room and gathered my clothes. She took my hand and helped me to sit up- recognizing that my blood supply was currently severely curtailed. She quickly escorted me out of the room, and guided me to a room with a door instead of a curtain privacy sheet. She sat me on the table and said quickly, "Here. You can stay in this room as long as you need to "cool yourself off."" Big smile. Handing me the towel... "Please take as long as you need and when you are ready, come on out and we can discuss the aftercare. You can just leave the towel in the room." And then just as quickly she was gone again.

I chuckled to myself as I strove to think rationally again. I was not too happy about being routed to this room- however, I wasn't sure what else I expected to happen. In reflection, it was her attempting to be kind and maintain professional standards. I have to admit, after them having made such a big deal about me sprouting a woody, I was a bit embarrassed, but I was also a bit amused. It was like a perfect set of circumstances conspiring to sprout a boner when it was probably not useful. While I appreciated their offer of privacy to "cool down", I quickly got dressed and received my aftercare instructions at the receptionist desk.

As I turned to walk out I was surprised by Matilda following me to the door. As I was about to walk out, she unexpectedly placed her hand on my shoulder, placed her face at my level and gave me a big, warm smile. She was letting me know it was ok, "Please take good care of yourself Pryme!!" She said while looking at me with her big, warm, brown eyes..., ".... and have a grrrrreeeeaaaat afternoon..." she said- emphasizing the word "great".

And so I did.

 

[crashD]

A couple of years ago I met a guy I thought was Mr Right. He was always a perfect Gentleman, always dressed impeccably, always cheerful, very masculine and handsome.
Two days after meeting, he called me for a date- we had a wonderful evening together at a nice restaurant getting acquainted. He took me home, walked me to the door- always perfect.

Two, three, four, five dates and the guy never made a move on me, and I'm accustomed to being hit on at least the second date. I was really perplexed. Each time I invited him in for a night-cap, "No, I must be up early tomorrow..." I really began to wonder about this guy...

Finally on the sixth date he invited me to a fancy dinner dance at his club. I got to meet several of his friends, their wives, gf's. Very nice. Great progress, I thought... but not enough.

Desert was served to our table of 10 and I turned to him and said, "Gee...I feel a draft; I wish now I'd worn panties this evening..." He dropped his fork and his eyes bugged out of his head in astonishment. I immediately excused myself, went to the ladies room, took off my panties and stuffed them in my purse. As soon as I returned, he said, "Care to go to my place for a night-cap?"

I grinned, looked down and it was raging. I chucked out loud and flashed a big smile. "Please walk in front of me as we exit", he whispered.

He's now my husband...

(Pay attention, JT)

very nnice...

not sure there was much to be embarassed about - you married him!! congrats!!

 

[suckonsimon]

Warm summer day here in North East England. Weekend in Durham City. There's a very well kept botanical garden with plants from all over the world. We wandered around, talking of our romp in our hotel room the night before. I was commando in 501s, tight short teeshirt. Here's the thing darling: I'm easy about the changing shape at my flies and front pockets. Heck, men get erections! And a lot of people, women and men, who tend to look a fit guy up and down, well, my view is it brightens their day.

But back to my story. Things got a little too heated so we sought out somewhere which was a cul-de-sac surrounded by high shrubs. We found this bench which was simply a split log on stilts. I lay on it. My woman in her flowing summer dress scuttled out of her nickers and straddled me, as I undid the fly studs to ease my pain. Oh her delicious silkiness, strangely cooler than my hot rod which made it special as she accomodated and s a n k onto me. We grind gently, smiling at each other in the sunshine ...

When I'm getting pretty close we discover this is no cul-de-sac! A group of visitors amble towards us from what looked to us like a solid hedge but was a kind of maze entrance or something! We hold still. They say hello! Hell my woman begins a conversation with them and they stop and chat! I shut my eyes. 'Yes, we know it's a gorgeous day and the cathedral is the best one in the whole world but will you move on please and leave me to fuck, eh?' is what I didn't say!

I remember being really chuffed about not losing my erection in the slightest through that. Alone at last I creamed her up, she put tissues in her panties and pulled them on again while I wiped myself with my hand and then my hand on the grass and off we went to find the tea rooms ...

That was the weekend of our 20th wedding anniversary so we were 43 ... and still crazy.

 

[TheOlderGuy]

Okay, I don't know how embarrassing this one really is. Actually, it was probably more embarrassing for me since I was the one who was sober and staring at the time.

A few months ago I was in one of the elevators at work going up to check on one of our guests and an attractive married woman in her early 40's got on with a guy with a wedding band about her age and two younger guys they had obviously just picked up in one of the bars downstairs.

Her hair was a mess and her skimpy designer dress was practically falling off of her curvy mom from Iowa body. The guys were trying to be discreet about pawing her, but it was pretty obvious from the bulges in their pants what was about to go down.

Or up depending on how you looked at it.

Halfway up she stopped telling them to stop and just kind of shrugged and smiled guiltily at me as the six hands devoured her. I just smiled back at all four of them and wished them an enjoyable evening when they got to their floor.

I know she definitely had a busy evening ahead of her!

Knowing you, as well as I do these past thirty some years, you MUST have had some helpful doctorly advice.

 

[Vorpalone]

Several years ago I went to the dermatologist (female) to get a suspicious spot frozen off on my arm. While there they do a skin check. I striped down to my boxers and unbeknownst to be the head of my dick was hanging out of the bottom of my boxers. The doctor said "do I need to look at that". Which I interperated as she was offended. I apologized profusely. She stopped me and explained she meant it in jest as too if there was perhaps something else she needed to freeze off. (The head of my dick)

I'm not easily embarrassed. I was that day.

 

[LizVegas79]

OMG - I thought this thread totally died!

Is it weird that all these stories are totally totally totally sexy to me?

You poor guys!

I've always felt a little sorry for you having to walk around with those things. I know from experience they sort of have a mind of their own - although that doesn't let you off the hook for bad behavior!

 

[Porkwarrior]

I've been shopping for a car...and I took a saleswoman out for a too long boot. I'm finding every roundabout I can, squealing the tires, I did everything but pull a burnout on the highschool lawn. I parked my new red Eyetalion Stallion, pulled the E brake, and just "Ahhhhhhhhhhh" exhaled.

Then the saleswoman patted my boner on the head like a puppy dog and said "I'll just leave you two alone for a minute..."
(I didn't even know I was hard, yes I bought the car)

 

[Irwin34]

Laying on a hospital bed in just a gown having a colonoscopy.

 

[LizVegas79]

I've been shopping for a car...and I took a saleswoman out for a too long boot. I'm finding every roundabout I can, squealing the tires, I did everything but pull a burnout on the highschool lawn. I parked my new red Eyetalion Stallion, pulled the E brake, and just "Ahhhhhhhhhhh" exhaled.

Then the saleswoman patted my boner on the head like a puppy dog and said "I'll just leave you two alone for a minute..."
(I didn't even know I was hard, yes I bought the car)

Priceless!

Laying on a hospital bed in just a gown having a colonoscopy.

Oh my! I hope you're okay!

Nurses/Medical Pro's out there - is that pretty common?

 

[LizVegas79]

A Story From Someone Too Shy To Post >>>

Someone who was too shy to post sent me this story in a PM and it reminded me of the fact that girls almost always mature faster than boys!

I have to tell you I do have a boner story. So one night in high school me and my friends are out at the Mcdonalds by our highschool getting dinner after the friday night football game. My buddy John's girlfriend sits down next to me suddenly and without a word starts rubbing my right thigh and without knowing it my cock though my jeans. When she she feels my cock she starts rubbing it only and hard. I about ripped the fixed table off the seat trying to get away from her and then was blushing so red when felt how hard she got me. Worst part was none of my friends saw this happen just me come running around the corner where I was sitting with her chasing me while I am pitching a tent.

 

[suckonsimon]

Not embarrassing, not even sexual really, but a good experience I had:

I was staying over with the son of my best friend from college days. This young man by then a student, taking a year out in voluntary service and we supported him some that year, hence my visit. His dad was so much the lover boy those years back when we were students, forever running out of his twelve-pack of condoms before the week was out - I liked his style then, as now!

And here's his son. I was up before him getting a breakfast together. He walks in, yawning and arms up at the ceiling, the tent of his morning glory in his boxers truly splendid on this tall blonde fit handsome offspring of my much-fucking best mate. I liked that he was so totally at ease with me, a really good friend of the family, and I liked the evidence that he had the best of his dad's genes!

The young man's married now and his lovely wife has a radiance about her always which I adore to see.

 

[suckonsimon]

Another from me, and very sexual:

Soho, London. 'Fifty and Dean' one of the excellent licensed sex shops of London and in the basement an aladin's cave of masculine equipment including - why I was there - a huge array of junk bling of all kinds.

I'm browsing and a dude from the counter comes over to offer advice. "Yeah I'm looking for day-wear stuff, handsome bulge and all that." "You seen the perfectfit cockarmour range?" He led me there and gave me a really helpful low-down on them, I made my choice and purchased. "You got a fitting room?" "Sure. This way."

So I come out of there, having just been able to get my fly studs through their button holes, with this lear on my face and a 'fuckin hot wowsers this feels good' goin on in my brain. The dude's stood there, three yards from me. "Good choice, eh?" I nod, and smile, and thank him.

Upstairs, out into the street. Soho early evening, summer, guys in jeans and shirts no more, just like me. If there's a place where it's totally fine to walk around the way I was just then, it's Soho!

 

[Irwin34]

Oh my! I hope you're okay!

Nurses/Medical Pro's out there - is that pretty common?[/QUOTE]

It was just a routine check up because of a medical condition I have. I was laying on the bed having had sedation when this hot nurse starts talking to me saying to just relax, it will be only slightly uncomfortable. Then I feal a hand part my ass cheeks, rub lubricant across my hole and slide a finger in. At that point having not cum for a week and being very relaxed my cock sprang straight up and tented the gown I had on.

 

[Muhndoggie]

This may sound odd but I had one occur during a deep dental cleaning. She smelled great, she had a very low cut blouse on under her clinical jacket. Her leaning over me just pretty much inspired a wonderful tent, pretty sure she knew it was there.

 

[Cumference]

Not really an embarrassing boner.

I had participated in a run (10k, horribly hilly route, but as always some nice asses around).

Fast running is not exactly the way to erections, and I do not remember having the slightest bit of it.
But on the photo from the finish line I had a big silly grin on my face and the folds and shadows (it has to be them!) made me look like someone who was trying to smuggle a medium size salami across the Canadian border.


Lady C considered it "entertaining".

 

[LizVegas79]

Not really an embarrassing boner.

I had participated in a run (10k, horribly hilly route, but as always some nice asses around).

Fast running is not exactly the way to erections, and I do not remember having the slightest bit of it.
But on the photo from the finish line I had a big silly grin on my face and the folds and shadows (it has to be them!) made me look like someone who was trying to smuggle a medium size salami across the Canadian border.


Lady C considered it "entertaining".

Yeah, I wouldn't think running would make those things of yours very happy - unless of course you were running in silk jogging pants I guess.

Were you running in silk or satin running shorts you naughty boy?