Compliancy and the sub...

[Quint]

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[graceanne]

Well, I only pick up the phone if I recognize the number. Why? Cause I'm a sucker for sale people. I think their's a huge red circle around our phone number that says 'SUCKER'.

I'm also really bad with doctors. If I have to insist on something or the other (like that time I made them give me a CBC) I usually take K in with me - to be forceful if I can't.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

For example, we asked a plumber to come over the other afternoon to fix our downstairs toilet. Unfortunately, T was at school late and I had to go in to work early that evening, so right when the plumber arrived, I was pulling my car out. I stopped, ran over to them, and apologized profusely for wasting his time. He kept telling me, "Really, it's OK, we work around your schedule, don't worry about it." They never came back and I still kinda feel like it's my fault...

Are you ever too meek for your own good?

You lost me darlin'. How is your example compliant? In my eyes, compliant would have been late to work to stay with the plumber until T got home. or did you mean giving up on getting the toilet fixed so you could go to work?

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[graceanne]

I don't necessarily see apologizing to the ploumber as being compliant, either...

The only thing I know I do in daily Life that might be seen as an outward sign of [generic] complacency, is that I can't for the life of me look powerful men straight in the eyes for more than about 3 seconds. Glance? Yes. Clearly and firmly look them in the eyes? No. LOL

All I can guess is they asked him to come over that afternoon, and since she had to work that evening it was probably several hours later that he got there. *shrug*

 

[Quint]

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[SephStarr]

Was more because I always feel like I'm imposing on professionals when I ask them to do their job. And try to make allowances for them so they don't actually have to do what I'm paying them to do. It comes out clearer in other examples, I promise...

Ahh, now THIS I recognise. I have been known to apologise to housekeeping staff in hotels for not making my bed, apologise to sales staff for buying lots of things all at once, and apologise to my psychologist for talking about myself all the time.

And it's made even odder by the fact that I'm not by nature the meek, modest type at all other than with things like this...

 

[Quint]

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[M's girl]

Ahh, now THIS I recognise. I have been known to apologise to housekeeping staff in hotels for not making my bed, apologise to sales staff for buying lots of things all at once, and apologise to my psychologist for talking about myself all the time.

And it's made even odder by the fact that I'm not by nature the meek, modest type at all other than with things like this...

It's a women's thing. I'm like that too and I know more women who are the same...

 

[Blushing Bottom]

Nope

I'm strong enough to do as I'm told without loss of self. In all things BDSM I comply within the limits I have set. It is relatively easy for me to do so as my on again Dom as some one's signature line states doesn't force me to my knees, he inspires me to go there.

I am in life a persistent go getter. Not to mention a power professional with many subordinates so my answer stands...nope.

 

[museofdragon]

It's funny but still on topic. We (Dragon and i) were doing a monthly inventory where we talk calmly about what has bothered us about the other one.

A few months ago he told me, "You apologize too much."

My immediate response was, "i'm sorry!"

We both laughed ourselves silly over that, but i am currently forbidden to apologize for anything unless i am directly responsible for it.

 

[coy_one]

I'm never too meek for my own good. Especially if it has anything to do with money.

 

[GentleSub_Ivy]

A few months ago he told me, "You apologize too much."

Interesting, as a someone new to this lifestyle (actually still just pondering my place in it) I have this trait. People have always gotten annoyed at how much i apologize. I wonder if that is something common with subs.

Ivy

 

[JFJ_sub]

Shameless threadstealing idea! Mwa ha ha!

I know it's generally a Very Unpopular Theory that submissives are, in fact, doormats. But sometimes I just am!

For example, we asked a plumber to come over the other afternoon to fix our downstairs toilet. Unfortunately, T was at school late and I had to go in to work early that evening, so right when the plumber arrived, I was pulling my car out. I stopped, ran over to them, and apologized profusely for wasting his time. He kept telling me, "Really, it's OK, we work around your schedule, don't worry about it." They never came back and I still kinda feel like it's my fault...

Are you ever too meek for your own good?

i have lived my whole life this way. Everything to me is seen through these sorry to be bothering you type of glasses, even in situations that should not be this way like my daughter's daycare. i am paying them, and yet i always feel they are doing me a favor by taking my daughter to begin with, let alone if i have to drop her off late one morning which messes with her schedule. In social environments even where i should be the most comfortable like a dinner with family, i am always the last one to sit after everyone else has because i don't want to take away someone else's preference of where they wish to sit. Apologized over and over to the coffee shop girl this morning because she was very busy and i asked her to run my debit card. On the other hand, i also gain a great deal in doing for others. i don't wish to be thanked in return, it simply is my personality. If i can be of service to someone, i never think twice about doing so. my usual bartender hurt her back and yesterday could hardly move to work. Within 1/2 hour of being there i was back behind the bar at least 5 times picking up things for her she could not bend over and get herself. It isn't something i think about. It is just who i am, but don't think i ever think of myself as a doormat

 

[neonflux]

Interesting, as a someone new to this lifestyle (actually still just pondering my place in it) I have this trait. People have always gotten annoyed at how much i apologize. I wonder if that is something common with subs.

Ivy

I was this way after I got back from living in Japan. There people apologize for everything! Even meeting you or opening a door!

 

[catalina_francisco]

Many of the situations I see described here are explained away by psyches as a way of drawing attention to oneself, becoming the center of attention. It is not a pleasant thought, but it can become that way with people who continue to go on and on apologising and making sure everyone knows they are stepping side for them and averyone else...it simply does draw attention to you and make you the focus of attention. F says I am too shy as I tend to fade quietly into the background whenever possible, but OTOH, he knows if something needs doing, or I have to deal with tradespeople etc., I can and will do it without hesitation. It has not always been that way, but it is one of the advantages of getting older and seeing things from a different perspective.

Catalina

 

[FurryFury]

Shameless threadstealing idea! Mwa ha ha!

I know it's generally a Very Unpopular Theory that submissives are, in fact, doormats. But sometimes I just am!

For example, we asked a plumber to come over the other afternoon to fix our downstairs toilet. Unfortunately, T was at school late and I had to go in to work early that evening, so right when the plumber arrived, I was pulling my car out. I stopped, ran over to them, and apologized profusely for wasting his time. He kept telling me, "Really, it's OK, we work around your schedule, don't worry about it." They never came back and I still kinda feel like it's my fault...

Are you ever too meek for your own good?

No.

LOL.

I am never too meek for my own good. Not for at least a decade has that been a problem.

Fury

 

[graceanne]

I've never been told I apologize too much. lol

 

[FurryFury]

I've never been told I apologize too much. lol

Heh, I have that habit from my ex.

I will say I'm sorry at the drop of a hat.

Of course it doesn't mean this is my fault. A lot of people say, "Well it's not your fault." No duh!

Usually it's a, "Hey, I'm sorry you're hurting, unhappy and so on" sort of thing. It's more of an empathy thing. Hell if someone bangs themselves into a wall or something I tend to say, "ouch" like it happened to me. LOL. I'm that empathic.

Sometimes it's just being responsive.

Other's it's more of a break the moment thing. Someone has to take responsibility here ya go.

But it's not really a submissive thing, for me.

Fury

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[graceanne]

I had a friend who apologized for everything. I broke her off it, slowly.

Once I was not being careful, and I accidently poked her with a pencil. Before I could apologize, she did! So I poked her (gently, but on purpose this time) again. She apologized. I did this three more times, before she turned around and gave me a look. I shrugged and said 'i wanted to see how many time you'd apologze for something that's my fault'. She grabbed a pillow and hit me with it. LOL

 

[FurryFury]

I had a friend who apologized for everything. I broke her off it, slowly.

Once I was not being careful, and I accidently poked her with a pencil. Before I could apologize, she did! So I poked her (gently, but on purpose this time) again. She apologized. I did this three more times, before she turned around and gave me a look. I shrugged and said 'i wanted to see how many time you'd apologze for something that's my fault'. She grabbed a pillow and hit me with it. LOL

My ex used to make me apologize for every fucking thing. I would do it but I'd be thinking, "I'm sorry you are such a dick head piece of shit, oh boy am I sorry!"

LOL!

Fury

 

[FurryFury]

I used to apologize so often, it was almost as if I was apologizing for exsisting; I also put myself last 98% of the time.

Then I turned 30. Turning 30 was good for me.

Good for you!

I'm working on that second thing, taking time for me. It's not easy. Now that I have to take time for my health it's really a bitch!

Fury

 

[Netzach]

I tend to roll with most shit and save the world conquest for the people who matter.

 

[maybenicegirl]

If I do apologize to service professionals, it is only out of politeness or to make them feel better.

Otherwise, I am pretty much a hardass particularly when it comes to plumbers, electricians, etc. - especially men who I have hired to do work for me. I just know that I have to be on top of them or they might take advantage of me by not properly doing the work I am paying them for. And I wouldn't give a second thought to aggressively confronting them if I thought they were dicking me over.

The only person I would ever truly be compliant to is a man that I belonged to.

I used to apologize to people much more, even when it wasn't my fault, but I grew out of it, I guess.