Compliance vs. Enthusiasm

[MsWorthy]

What is the difference between compliance and enthusiam, and does it matter as long as you (dom/me) get what you want?

 

[Ebonyfire]

What is the difference between compliance and enthusiam, and does it matter as long as you (dom/me) get what you want?

I must be really lucky, cause my boys are really very enthisiastic.

But who know about the future?

Eb

 

[zipman]

What is the difference between compliance and enthusiam, and does it matter as long as you (dom/me) get what you want?

Long time no see MsWorthy and great question!

For me, the difference is night and day for me. I think compliance is simply submission without emotion. Now enthusiasm, that speaks to desire and passion, conviction and subimission. Compliance absolutely bores me, while enthusiasm makes me sexually intoxicated.

The best analogy I have is when someone is being being compliant and gives you head. It is usually done in a half-hearted manner, and even if it is technically proficient, it is missing something. It seems as though you can tell that they are doing it just to get you off.

Compare that to when someone gives you head and they absolutely love doing it. You can sense their desire, and it turns you on even more. The difference is unbeliveable! As a man getting head, they are worshipping your cock with their mouth, paying homage your manhood. As a woman getting head, they are using their tongue to probe every fold and lick out every drop of fluid they can. Drinking in your taste like they were dying of thirst.

Enthusiasm makes all the difference in the world to me. It is the fire that makes by blood boil. It is the passion which fuels my dominance and it makes all the difference in the world!

 

[A Desert Rose]

Mr. Zipman.....

Do you write erotica? If not, you should be. ~smile~

 

[curious2c]

Zipman7 hit it on the head. Enthusiam takes it over being adequate. Enjoyment is necessary for a great experience otherwise one could just go 'buy' the sub and be done with it.

 

[lark sparrow]

A big, obvious difference between the two would be attitude. The positive aspects of enthusaism has been nicely covered.

I can see certain circumstances where it would please the Dom/me if there was compliance, if not full blown enthusiasm. If the submissive and Dom/me were pushing a former boundary, be it a physical, mental or emotional one - the sub may be willingly complying, and desiring the next level, but still have the hesitation or doubt. Where the attitude, though willing, has not completely caught up to the actions.

In this case, compliance may come before outright enthusiasm, but for full satisfaction in both, the positive attitude must follow, hopefully sooner than later.

 

[artful]

lark

A big, obvious difference between the two would be attitude. The positive aspects of enthusaism has been nicely covered.

I can see certain circumstances where it would please the Dom/me if there was compliance, if not full blown enthusiasm. If the submissive and Dom/me were pushing a former boundary, be it a physical, mental or emotional one - the sub may be willingly complying, and desiring the next level, but still have the hesitation or doubt. Where the attitude, though willing, has not completely caught up to the actions.

In this case, compliance may come before outright enthusiasm, but for full satisfaction in both, the positive attitude must follow, hopefully sooner than later.

I agree,...and point well taken.

 

[~Dream~]

I am Humbly sorry about breaking this rule

but it's for a GOOD cause , COMMUNICATION

Master, PLEASE CLEAN OUT YOUR PM BOX!! TY I will post no more as instructed , sorry

 

[MsWorthy]

Thank you for responding, everyone.

Enthusiasm can certainly make the difference between a *hot* encounter and simply a satisfactory one. But, what about when we push boundaries (as Lark pointed out)? It seems to me that it would be natural for a sub to simply comply rather than respond enthusiastically to something that she/he is not entirely comfortable with.

In this situation (when pushing limits), would compliance be a satisfactory response?

Are there other times when compliance is enough? Or when it is actually preferred over enthusiasm?

 

[zipman]

A big, obvious difference between the two would be attitude. The positive aspects of enthusaism has been nicely covered.

I can see certain circumstances where it would please the Dom/me if there was compliance, if not full blown enthusiasm. If the submissive and Dom/me were pushing a former boundary, be it a physical, mental or emotional one - the sub may be willingly complying, and desiring the next level, but still have the hesitation or doubt. Where the attitude, though willing, has not completely caught up to the actions.

In this case, compliance may come before outright enthusiasm, but for full satisfaction in both, the positive attitude must follow, hopefully sooner than later.

I agree, although just to some degree. What you stated is a valid point. However, I think that sometimes, with a little more patience, compliance can turn into desire which becomes enthusiasm. but not always.

A case in point, I had a sub a while ago who knew that I wanted to have anal sex. She agreed to do it and I said no. She was shocked, and asked why I said no. I told her that in my opinion, she wasn't ready to do it. The more I said no, the more she wanted to do it. After about a month of this, she was practically begging me to do it. When we finally did, it was incredible. My point is that sometimes, making a sub wait can indeed turn compliance into enthusiasm, not always, but sometimes.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Originally posted by MsWorthy
In this situation (when pushing limits), would compliance be a satisfactory response?

I am only speaking for me, not for anyone else. I think the dynamics of encounters with males are entirely different. It is fairly easy to tell if a male sub is enthused about what you are doing to them. Their body betrays them. And along with body language, you can see the results. I do not have a frame of reference with women, cause I do not play with them at all.


Are there other times when compliance is enough? Or when it is actually preferred over enthusiasm?

Again, in my experience with males, they seem to have more enthusiasm over time. What I mean is this: th elonger I know them, the more their limits are pushed just to keep boredom away, so it is unlikely that a compliance response is given.

Call it cummulative effect.

Eb

 

[zipman]

Originally posted by MsWorthy
In this situation (when pushing limits), would compliance be a satisfactory response?

I am only speaking for me, not for anyone else. I think the dynamics of encounters with males are entirely different. It is fairly easy to tell if a male sub is enthused about what you are doing to them. Their body betrays them. And along with body language, you can see the results. I do not have a frame of reference with women, cause I do not play with them at all.


Are there other times when compliance is enough? Or when it is actually preferred over enthusiasm?

Again, in my experience with males, they seem to have more enthusiasm over time. What I mean is this: th elonger I know them, the more their limits are pushed just to keep boredom away, so it is unlikely that a compliance response is given.

Call it cummulative effect.

Eb

LMAO - yes, our enthusiasm is certainly more visible, at least from a distance!

Perhaps the reason your subs are usually enthusiastic speaks less about the nature of male subs and more about your abilities as a Domme! That would be my take on it.

 

[Ebonyfire]

LMAO - yes, our enthusiasm is certainly more visible, at least from a distance!

Perhaps the reason your subs are usually enthusiastic speaks less about the nature of male subs and more about your abilities as a Domme! That would be my take on it.

I do not know everything, but I have learned to pick my subs VERY CAREFULLY! I also have good mentors.

Eb

 

[Ebonyfire]

LMAO - yes, our enthusiasm is certainly more visible, at least from a distance!

Perhaps the reason your subs are usually enthusiastic speaks less about the nature of male subs and more about your abilities as a Domme! That would be my take on it.

Probably the real reason is that my males subs are big sluts!

Eb

 

[Bijoux]

It seems to me that it would be natural for a sub to simply comply rather than respond enthusiastically to something that she/he is not entirely comfortable with.

In this situation (when pushing limits), would compliance be a satisfactory response?

Great Question MsWorthy.

So I know mainly dom(me)s have been responding to this query but I thought I'd throw my take in on this one. As far as pushing limits go I think the enthusiasm falls over to the pain/pleasure receptors. If you are doing something that pushes your limits you are probably a little scared (be it vanilla sex, anal, electrotorture...whatever you flavor is) and slightly excited. You aren't necessarily excited by the event but by the risk which sends our bodies an adreniline rush and puts us on edge.

Adreniline makes us different animals, our eyes glass over, body temperature picks up, the pupils narrow - very similar to good sex...but this is just the warm up. Now the bodies are more sensitive, more easily injured and more easily brought to pleasure - all at the control of the dom. by merely agreeing to do something that pushes their limits the sub also puts other wheels moving.

Doms enjoy a good mindgame (meant in a good way, I promise) what could be a bigger turnon than knowing that the sweat glazed, bound submissive you have before you is straining to touch you and pull away at the same time...to beg you with body movements and whimpers for mercy....but still trusting you to never hurt them and loving you enough to face their fears for you.

I guess I don't see this as a matter of enthusiasm because the subs agreement is, in itself, an enthusiasm to perform well for their dom...and if things turn out well and the dom makes it enjoyable then true enthusiasm will follow

okay, I've rambled enough, sorry guys

B

 

[Cirrus]

I realize I'm a sub and this question was mostly for Dom/mes, but I think I have something to contribute. I agree with what everyone else has said...that desire to do something is infinitely better than doing simply because your partner wants to. Still, I'm wiling to compromise sometimes. If I'm not totally into something, unless it's a hard limit, I will usually do it anyway, with the knowledge that in the future, my guy will probably reciprocate and do something that I want to try or enjoy that he's not all that into.

Getting/giving head is a great example. When I was younger I hated it...HATED it. I still did it because I thought it was "expected", but was damn near repulsed the whole time. Not by a penis itself, but about hygeine, my comfort, things like that. When I got older and started dating older men who were a little more considerate I thought it was so-so.

My opinion changed with my ex-Dom though. I told him I didn't really enjoy giving head. He respected that, and made sure he was clean beforehand, and let me assume whatever position was comfortable for me. He never ONCE forced me or pushed me, never even put his hand lightly on my head while I was sucking him, and let me do it for as long or as short as I wanted to. We'd talk about it outside the bedroom, and he told me what he liked to the letter. I began to enjoy it a lot more knowing I wasn't under any pressure or obligation and that I could do things I knew he really liked. By the time we split up, I had started to find it sensuous for me too and sometimes even desired to do it.

So there's something to be said for compliance on occasion...sometimes a certain activity, position, etc is an aquired taste...no pun intended.

 

[lark sparrow]

I agree, although just to some degree. What you stated is a valid point. However, I think that sometimes, with a little more patience, compliance can turn into desire which becomes enthusiasm. but not always.

A case in point, I had a sub a while ago who knew that I wanted to have anal sex. She agreed to do it and I said no. She was shocked, and asked why I said no. I told her that in my opinion, she wasn't ready to do it. The more I said no, the more she wanted to do it. After about a month of this, she was practically begging me to do it. When we finally did, it was incredible. My point is that sometimes, making a sub wait can indeed turn compliance into enthusiasm, not always, but sometimes.

This made me giggle, because it can certainly be true. It is another way to handle certain fears or hesitations, and it works really well with the right person, right situation. In part, I believe, because it takes the sub off the defense, and all she/he is left with is her/his own curiousity, the desire to please her/his Dominant, and of course some people simply hate to be told no - whatever the case may be, the seed has been planted.

Still, I can think of deeper struggles in a relationship, outside of the sexual arena where this would not work, and in an area the Dominant is not willing to make any adjustments and feels their sub needs to step up to the next level, it is simple - Her/His way or the highway.

 

[MsWorthy]

Thank you, Cirrus and Bijoux, for responding.

I always want everyone's perspective/opinion on topics I post. I didn't realize that I had worded my topic specifically to dom/mes, although I see now that it does appear that way.

In the future, please ignore any wording that appears dom/me-only oriented and post freely. And, I will make more of an effort to word my topics more inclusively. ~smiles~

Orginally posted by lark sparrow
Still, I can think of deeper struggles in a relationship, outside of the sexual arena where this would not work, and in an area the Dominant is not willing to make any adjustments and feels their sub needs to step up to the next level, it is simple - Her/His way or the highway.

Lark, I agree, and think this happens quite a bit in 24/7 relationships. I think compliance is the best that can be hoped for (at least in the beginning) with regard to some speech requirements, dress requirements, limits on free time/computer usage, diet, exercise, sleep schedules, and any other area where the dom/me feels that her submissive's preferences/ideas are either not good for her or simply something the dom/me strongly prefers done a certain way.

Additionally, as a sadist, I sometimes prefer compliance to enthusiasm as I want to see real fear/discomfort/anxiety in some *scene* play and enthusiasm would spoil the effect I am looking for. *Scene* (pretend) rape would be one example of this.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Interesting topic of discussion.

Catalina

 

[graceanne]

*eek* It's the mad bumper! Run, everyone, run for your lives! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Oh, seriously. I hate giving head. I do it cause he wants me to. I think he'd have me do it more often if I enjoyed it. Their is a huge difference between compliance and enthusiasm.

 

[ownedsubgal]

interesting topic. i think that some Dominants do not care about enthusiasm, and others do not wish to be served without enthusiasm. so like everything else it's very individual.

Daddy usually prefers one or the other based on his mood, and sometimes dependent on the particular activity/circumstance. there are times he wants to see no suffering or deadness in my eyes, and a little bit of lightness in my step, because he may be feeling especially happy/cheery and wants to see something similar with me. at these times, he wants enthusiasm, and will just not bother if it's not there. but most of the time he simply wants compliance, obedience, devoted and focused service, and any enthusiasm on my part is not needed or even welcomed.