Complete Newbie

[jessica767]

Hello. I am completely new to BDSM and looking for some ideas where to start. Even good videos to watch or books to read. I'm currently single so actually doing any of this isn't possible right now so I guess it's a good time to put myself first, explore some fantasies and find out exactly what it is I like.

I've always known I enjoyed being dominated. So I guess I'm a sub. It turns me on when men call me names, I like being spanked, I like being told what to wear etc - I've had some of that in relationships but I'm interested in taking it further. I've never been controlled. But I think I'd like to be.

I don't want extreme pain, or anything approaching anything illegal etc, it's just a bit of a kink. I'd be open to multiple partners and exploring my bi curious side.

I don't know how deep it all goes but what I'm saying is I feel the need to find out. Grateful for any advice from others who have been on a similar journey. thanks.

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

Hello. I am completely new to BDSM and looking for some ideas where to start. Even good videos to watch or books to read. I'm currently single so actually doing any of this isn't possible right now so I guess it's a good time to put myself first, explore some fantasies and find out exactly what it is I like.

I've always known I enjoyed being dominated. So I guess I'm a sub. It turns me on when men call me names, I like being spanked, I like being told what to wear etc - I've had some of that in relationships but I'm interested in taking it further. I've never been controlled. But I think I'd like to be.

I don't want extreme pain, or anything approaching anything illegal etc, it's just a bit of a kink. I'd be open to multiple partners and exploring my bi curious side.

I don't know how deep it all goes but what I'm saying is I feel the need to find out. Grateful for any advice from others who have been on a similar journey. thanks.

Welcome.

Here you will find some of the friendliest Perverts on the Net. Lots of people will respond to polite PMs. Don't be shy.

Its good that you recognize this as a journey.

There are lots of great discussions and pictures here. Browse through PLP's "Inquiring Minds" thread

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1482371

Plus discussion threads on Body Image:

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1510420

And, Dos and Don'ts:

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1510418

Oh, and have fun!

 

[Smoothshavendad]

Welcome.

Here you will find some of the friendliest Perverts on the Net. Lots of people will respond to polite PMs. Don't be shy.

Its good that you recognize this as a journey.

There are lots of great discussions and pictures here. Browse through PLP's "Inquiring Minds" thread

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1482371

Plus discussion threads on Body Image:

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1510420

And, Dos and Don'ts:

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1510418

Oh, and have fun!

Nice and informative reply, T. Well done.

 

[Bramblethorn]

What kind of books and videos are you looking for? Educational, or "inspirational"?

 

[SimonDoom]

I don't live this lifestyle but I've dabbled in BDSM play and read a lot about it. When I play, I'm a Dom and a Rigger, with a bit of mild sadism thrown in.

I suggest doing some reading to get an overview of the kink/BDSM world. It's not one thing. There is an infinite variety of kinks. I might suggest reading the book The Ultimate Guide to Kink by Tristan Taormino as an introduction, or something like it.

Reading fiction in this area can be stimulating and may help orient you to what turns you on. There are many, many good BDSM stories at Literotica. Scan the toplists in the category and find stories and authors you like. I might also suggest Molly Weatherfield's Carrie's Story, a well-written novel that presents an updated, American spin on The Story of O.

You might try to find places to engage in role play, to find out in more depth how you like to play. There are forums for that here at Literotica.

 

[jessica767]

What kind of books and videos are you looking for? Educational, or "inspirational"?

er, both I think.

 

[jessica767]

I don't live this lifestyle but I've dabbled in BDSM play and read a lot about it. When I play, I'm a Dom and a Rigger, with a bit of mild sadism thrown in.

I suggest doing some reading to get an overview of the kink/BDSM world. It's not one thing. There is an infinite variety of kinks. I might suggest reading the book The Ultimate Guide to Kink by Tristan Taormino as an introduction, or something like it.

Reading fiction in this area can be stimulating and may help orient you to what turns you on. There are many, many good BDSM stories at Literotica. Scan the toplists in the category and find stories and authors you like. I might also suggest Molly Weatherfield's Carrie's Story, a well-written novel that presents an updated, American spin on The Story of O.

You might try to find places to engage in role play, to find out in more depth how you like to play. There are forums for that here at Literotica.

thanks so much, that's very helpful.

 

[jessica767]

thank you for your kind replies and information, that gives me plenty of material and what a wonderful community!

One thing I've always felt rather conflicted about: when I think of clothes I'd like to wear, it is leather, PVC, catsuits, cat ears, masks, leather gloves etc - all of these are clothes I associated with the dominant world. But when I think of how I'd like to be treated I am very submissive.

That confuses me quite a bit and I'm unsure what it means. Is is possible to wear dominant style clothing but behave like a sub? Or am I supressing something deeper?

 

[Lothario1956]

thank you for your kind replies and information, that gives me plenty of material and what a wonderful community!

One thing I've always felt rather conflicted about: when I think of clothes I'd like to wear, it is leather, PVC, catsuits, cat ears, masks, leather gloves etc - all of these are clothes I associated with the dominant world. But when I think of how I'd like to be treated I am very submissive.

That confuses me quite a bit and I'm unsure what it means. Is is possible to wear dominant style clothing but behave like a sub? Or am I supressing something deeper?

sent you a link - hope its useful!

 

[jessica767]

sent you a link - hope its useful!

yes, very! thank you.

 

[Acktion]

thank you for your kind replies and information, that gives me plenty of material and what a wonderful community!

One thing I've always felt rather conflicted about: when I think of clothes I'd like to wear, it is leather, PVC, catsuits, cat ears, masks, leather gloves etc - all of these are clothes I associated with the dominant world. But when I think of how I'd like to be treated I am very submissive.

That confuses me quite a bit and I'm unsure what it means. Is is possible to wear dominant style clothing but behave like a sub? Or am I supressing something deeper?

Oh, yes. My sweet little spice loves to dress up in leather (when I allow her any clothing at all). This does not make her in the slightest dominant to me. And the only time she holds a flogger, crop, paddle, or whip in her hands is when she is bringing to me. (If I allow her to do so with her hands while walking rather than using her mouth and crawling to me on hands and knees.)

Nor does me wearing a pair of pajama bottoms with a smiley face across the crotch rather than my dark suit and a dark shirt with charcoal silk tie impact my abilities to torment her in all of the most delicious ways one whit.

Clothing choices are only one small component of presentation which in turn is only a small component of the underlying dynamic.

(However, I would not be caught dead wearing a pair of cat ears. And if a certain picture of me wearing glow in the dark unicorn glasses ever comes out, the spanking won't be the fun kind. Just sayin'...)

 

[Bramblethorn]

er, both I think.

Okay then!

Non-fiction recs:
Wiseman's "SM101" (focuses on safety and technique - knots etc.)
Warren's "The Loving Dominant", Miller & Devon "Screw the Roses, Send Me The Thorns": also some technique, but a bit more on the psychological side.
Easton & Liszt's "The Topping Book", "The Bottoming Book": good on discussing stuff with your partner etc.

I haven't gone looking for BDSM non-fic in the last ten years or so, I may well be missing newer stuff.

Fiction: I strongly recommend Stjepan Šejić's "Sunstone" graphic novel series - it's warm-hearted, beautifully written & drawn, and fun as a fairly realistic story about BDSM relationships.

(However, I would not be caught dead wearing a pair of cat ears. And if a certain picture of me wearing glow in the dark unicorn glasses ever comes out, the spanking won't be the fun kind. Just sayin'...)

*fires up the photoshop*

 

[Bramblethorn]

thank you for your kind replies and information, that gives me plenty of material and what a wonderful community!

One thing I've always felt rather conflicted about: when I think of clothes I'd like to wear, it is leather, PVC, catsuits, cat ears, masks, leather gloves etc - all of these are clothes I associated with the dominant world. But when I think of how I'd like to be treated I am very submissive.

That confuses me quite a bit and I'm unsure what it means. Is is possible to wear dominant style clothing but behave like a sub? Or am I supressing something deeper?

Yeah, doms don't get the monopoly on those things. Aside from basic safety/ethics stuff, there's no "wrong way" to do BDSM - different people have very different ways of expressing BDSM. If you enjoy wearing those outfits, go for it.

 

[jessica767]

thanks everyone! looking forward to buying some clothes!

 

[willi1796]

thanks everyone! looking forward to buying some clothes!

Maybe you will show us when you have it.

 

[ouchfeelsgood]

Hello. I am completely new to BDSM and looking for some ideas where to start. Even good videos to watch or books to read. I'm currently single so actually doing any of this isn't possible right now so I guess it's a good time to put myself first, explore some fantasies and find out exactly what it is I like.

I've always known I enjoyed being dominated. So I guess I'm a sub. It turns me on when men call me names, I like being spanked, I like being told what to wear etc - I've had some of that in relationships but I'm interested in taking it further. I've never been controlled. But I think I'd like to be.

I don't want extreme pain, or anything approaching anything illegal etc, it's just a bit of a kink. I'd be open to multiple partners and exploring my bi curious side.

I don't know how deep it all goes but what I'm saying is I feel the need to find out. Grateful for any advice from others who have been on a similar journey. thanks.

Welcome to Lit! One thing you can do, to get your feet wet, is try to find a "munch" in your area, which is a safe, completely vanilla, casual way to meet like-minded kinky people in your geographic area. Munches are usually held at a diner or restaurant and provide a relaxed setting to schmooze with people who are also looking for others who share their interests. And if nothing else comes from it, at least you'll have had a good meal!

You can try this website, http://findamunch.com/ which is a listing of munches around the country. I'm not sure if it's kept completely up to date, but it's a good starting point for finding a social event that's safe in your area.

Good luck!

 

[Eclecticdiversi]

Maybe you will show us when you have it.

Welcome to Lit, Jessica! Think you might like the following thread, Titled Skin Tight Clothing
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=939725&page=138

 

[wallflower6]

Welcome to Lit!!
Like TAN said you can find some very friendly and knowledgeable people here. And there's some "interesting" people here too. Trust your instincts! Don't let the "magic and excitement" try and overwhelm you. Believe me it can!! (Speaking from experience) Yes this is a journey, it can take time. I've been in the lifestyle for about 18 years and I'm still learning things.