Comparison of two sentences of a translation

[gxnn]

After I wrote this in my homework in China,
"Indeed, our achievements, which have won the approval of our people and global recognition, will be remembered in history."

My teacher (also a Chinese)said that the above looks like a sentence heavily influenced by Chinese thinking, and that the following of his is much better or close to the idiomatic usage of native speakers:
"Indeed, our domestically approved and globally recognized achievements will go down in history. "

I think both structures have their own respective strength, but if you can share your opinion, it would be much appreciated.

 

[Jada59]

After I wrote this in my homework in China,
"Indeed, our achievements, which have won the approval of our people and global recognition, will be remembered in history."

My teacher (also a Chinese)said that the above looks like a sentence heavily influenced by Chinese thinking, and that the following of his is much better or close to the idiomatic usage of native speakers:
"Indeed, our domestically approved and globally recognized achievements will go down in history. "

I think both structures have their own respective strength, but if you can share your opinion, it would be much appreciated.

I like your better.

 

[JJA122]

I don't know the context here, so I cannot really say anything. It sounds non-native on it's own, particularly the "our people" in conjunction with "our achievements" part, but in the right context I could easily imagine an American saying this sentence.

I like yours better, his reads like legal jargon.

On the other hand, "Indeed, our achievements, which have won the approval of the public and global recognition, will be remembered in history." I think could work.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I prefer the second sentence because it is written in active voice vs passive. Both work and are easily understood, however.

 

[njlauren]

I think they both work, though to be honest to my ears both are kond of cold.i kind of like JJA's version of it even more, I like 'the public' better than "our people" or "Domestically", for whatever reasons to me it is warmer than the other two.

Me I would probably (and just me, writing in English, not trying to sound like anything) might say something like "The accomplishments we as a people are proud of and the rest of the world generally respects will also be remembered historically as well"

 

[gxnn]

Thank all of you above who have offered the kind help to me. I do learn a lot from you guys.

Other friends are still welcome to give your comment.

And I would also like to ask another question, which is of the same nature, as follows:

One of my friends works in an institute which is newly established within a university. The name of this institute in English is "China-ASEAN Institute of Financial Cooperation". But I don't think this translation is good or it is simply misleading, because it is not funded by the governments or joint ventures or partnership program of China and ASEAN, but by a university located in China, with only its major content of eduation and research covering financial cooperation between China and ASEAN(Assciation of Southeast Asian Nations), so the name should be "Institute of China-ASEAN Financial Cooperation". But this may sound awkward, perhaps you can give some idea how to rename it so that it would not be misunderstood and more concise.

Thank you.

 

[aetherdrift]

I agree that "China-ASEAN Institute of Financial Cooperation" sounds like the institute is a joint venture between China and ASEAN to promote financial cooperation.

As an English speaker, I'd suggest:

"The Center for the Study of China-ASEAN Financial Cooperation"

I realize this is even less concise, but it does a better job of getting at what the institute really is.

 

[ElectricBlue]

After I wrote this in my homework in China,
"Indeed, our achievements, which have won the approval of our people and global recognition, will be remembered in history."

My teacher (also a Chinese)said that the above looks like a sentence heavily influenced by Chinese thinking, and that the following of his is much better or close to the idiomatic usage of native speakers:
"Indeed, our domestically approved and globally recognized achievements will go down in history. "

I think both structures have their own respective strength, but if you can share your opinion, it would be much appreciated.

Your version is more precise, I think - I'd write that, I wouldn't write the second version.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Duplicate

 

[njlauren]

I might suggest something like The Center for the Study of China-ASEAN Financial Cooperation at <university name>, to add onto what aetherdrift suggested. It shows it is clearly an academic institute and also of course helps with the schools branding. This is done commonly, like "The Kennedy School of Government of Harvard University" or "The multi media lab of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology"

 

[gxnn]

Thanks, folks.

Yesterday I talked to a friend who applied for a translation job. He had translated the phrase "in the early 1960s" into "as early as 1960s" and believed they are the same in meaning. I pointed out that he was wrong because these two phrases are not of the same meaning. But he said the main point is "early" and that as long as the translation could express the point, there is actually no difference.

Do you agree with him?