Comments wanted...

[trendyredhead]

On my knees, begging for comments

I posted a story earlier this week which has done great in votes, but I'm baffled that there have been no public comments. Being the feedback whore I am, I'm going to publicly grovel for your opinions and comments.

Please.....give them to me.....

The story is Band Guy.

trendyredhead

 

[dr_mabeuse]

That was a great story, Trendy, beautifully written and hot. It's funny,. but I've had the same thing happen regarding votes and comments; great votes, hardly any comments on my last couple of stories. I think it has something do with the lack of kink.

I liked the way the story was organzied into vignettes. That kept it fast and fluid. I also thought your use of detail was superb: her red nails against her pink flesh, the squealing tires as he pulls away from the light. It was really masterfully done..

But I have to say I'm kind of confused as to the entire point. Is this just the story of a pick-up and fuck? Then why make Catherine so contrary and difficult to bed? I confess I was expecting it to turn into one of those I-picked-up-a-vampire stories where she ends up biting his neck or something, I mean, her difficulty in the bar didn’t lead to anything, so why even mention it?

I also wonder about the switching back and forth of points of view—first it's her story, then his, then hers, then all of the rest is his. Why'd you do this? If you kept the camera on him, say, she would have come across as more attractive and mysterious.

Well, she's mysterious anyhow. I can't figure out what she's after, and it almost has the feel of a chapter in a larger work.

I was surprised you called it "The Band Guy" too. Catherine is obviously the star of the story. Pete comes across as something of a lox if you ask me.

Good job.

---dr.M.

 

[trendyredhead]

That was a great story, Trendy, beautifully written and hot. It's funny,. but I've had the same thing happen regarding votes and comments; great votes, hardly any comments on my last couple of stories. I think it has something do with the lack of kink.

I liked the way the story was organzied into vignettes. That kept it fast and fluid. I also thought your use of detail was superb: her red nails against her pink flesh, the squealing tires as he pulls away from the light. It was really masterfully done..

Thank you. I worked hard to have it come across that way.

But I have to say I'm kind of confused as to the entire point. Is this just the story of a pick-up and fuck? Then why make Catherine so contrary and difficult to bed? I confess I was expecting it to turn into one of those I-picked-up-a-vampire stories where she ends up biting his neck or something, I mean, her difficulty in the bar didn’t lead to anything, so why even mention it?

I also wonder about the switching back and forth of points of view—first it's her story, then his, then hers, then all of the rest is his. Why'd you do this? If you kept the camera on him, say, she would have come across as more attractive and mysterious.

I wanted him to THINK he was in control, but I wanted the reader to know that she was playing him. A different perspective, certainly, than the majority of stories on here. I chose to write from a third-person omniscient perspective which apparently worked for votes/reads, but not so well if I wanted comments, apparently.

Well, she's mysterious anyhow. I can't figure out what she's after, and it almost has the feel of a chapter in a larger work.

I was surprised you called it "The Band Guy" too. Catherine is obviously the star of the story. Pete comes across as something of a lox if you ask me.

Good job.

---dr.M.

I wrote it for a friend - loosely based on Pete - who would really like to be controlled while maintaining the illusion that he is in control. Even the title was designed to give that impression - it looks like it's all about him, but it's not.

The way this story was done is probably not a method I'll use again - at least, not for lit. I've decided that simpler is probably better for this audience, and trying to be too complex isn't going to get me the comments I'd like to see filling my inbox. (See, it's really all about me - not Catherine, and certainly not Pete!)

Thanks very much, Dr M, for your insight and reactions. I was beginning to wonder if my post was actually invisible and I had somehow been transported to that writers' purgatory, where we put out but nothing comes back...where there's no echo when we call....

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I wrote it for a friend - loosely based on Pete - who would really like to be controlled while maintaining the illusion that he is in control. Even the title was designed to give that impression - it looks like it's all about him, but it's not.

Ah! I see! That puts a very different spin on it. In that case--if it was written for an actual Pete--then it makes a lot more sense.

Just don't tell him I said he was a lox.

---dr.M.

 

[trendyredhead]

Just don't tell him I said he was a lox.

---dr.M.

That comment's safe with me.