Comments on my stories

[Igorovich]

Well, I guess I just have to beg for punishment. Please read my stories and post some comments about them. The stories are Dinner for Two and You Naughty Girl!!

BOth of them are fantasies developed in an on-line romance, affair, whatever. I would certianly love to see them become real, but I doubt that will happen. The lady ahs no intention of cheating on her husband and I have no intention of doing anything that will break up a marriage. But I can have fun!!

there are about 3 more stories yet to be posted in public. Which brings me to a question. When I log on, the story list is always an old one, which can be told by the number of new stories. When I change the user cp settings to "From the beginning" I get more. But i have a sneaking suspicion that my stories have been posted but for some reason I cannot see them. Any ideas or suggestions?

thanks and I look forward to your comments, favorable or otherwise.

Igorovich

 

[dr_mabeuse]

The first thing you probably want to do is post a link to your stories. Here it is:

http://www.literotica.com:81/storie...s=&author=Igorovich&Submit=Search+The+Stories

I looked at them but I really shouldn't review them, because they're both in second person ("I/you") which I always find very annoying. As far as I could tell from looking at them though, they're your fantasies of sex with a perfect women, and so there's no rhyme nor reason to the things she does; she just does what your fantasy wants her to do.

In other words, the stories come off as your own private sexual daydreams, so it's kind of like reading about you thinking about sex, which just doesn't do it for me. I'm not saying that other people might not like it, and maybe like it a lot, but it's just not my cup of tea.

---dr.M.

 

[Igorovich]

REply to comments

Dr. M: i have read your comments and I understand that all people will not like all stories. And you are certainly entitled to your opinion. At the risk of letting my defensive nature show through, I only have a couple of answers.

First, aren't all fantasies just a recitation of our sexual daydreams? After all, what is a fantasy?

As for a daydream about a perfect woman, the lady described in the stories is a very real person who has described herself very much as i have described her. I will not go into what she has said about her husband because that is too personal to get into. But she enjoyed both stories very much. She has told me that she truly enjoys showing her body off to others and would love to have an audience while she is engaged in sxual activity.

I have had another person comment also that he/she really enjoyed the Dinner for Two. So I guess you are outvoted 3-1 (Me, Mia and the other commentator). But you are entitled to your opinion and I appreciate all comments.

Igorovich

 

[Rainbow Skin]

Sorry, but when I hear the "You're entitled to your opinions, but..." defence, it just says to me "I'm away in my own little world and no-one else's opinions count". So why do you ask for feedback?

They "you" stance is hard to read. It's boring, it's just you having a daydream. Most people will just scan the first paragraph of that and click Back. People who know you personally won't, they'll say "oh it's very nice" and be polite.

Some people just write their fantasies here. Others of us try to write. We think stories and people are important, and we try to convey them. We know not everyone gets off on stories and people. But for us, it's important. Creating something a little bit more than a momentary daydream is worth doing.

 

[MaxSebastian]

Sometimes, I come on here with the intent to help others with their stories by telling them what I think and there's Dr M, and damn if he hasn't already said what I was going to say! So I don't give any feedback, since the man's already said it. Perhaps I should.

In this case, he's spot on again. I think you can write, Igorovich, you can get ideas across and it could be readable fairly easily if you weren't writing "you" this and "you" that all the time. Fantasy it might be, and you did say it was a fantasy in your request for feedback, but what you said was "please read my stories and post some comments about them". So you cannot bite back at anyone who comments on them as "stories" rather than fantasies. Worst of all, you say to Dr M he is entitled to his opinion and that some random punter happened to like the stories just the way they are thank you very much. As though you only came on here to get some flattery and you have no intention whatsoever of learning the craft.

I hope that's not the case, I hope you are aiming to learn more about the craft - we all have to learn, and none of us can ever really stop learning if we want to fulfill our full potentials as writers. It's hard work, although it really does help to find out what others have already learned.

I read your stories, now do you want my opinion on them as stories or as fantasies?

As a writer, if you can get away from just writing about the little fantasies you have from time to time, you'll get more people interested. I mean you may get a nice comment from someone who has never read much erotica before - when I first started reading adult stories, I thought it was really hot if a piece of writing merely included naughty words like 'cock' and 'pussy', no matter what kind of drivel surrounded those words.

Those of us that have read more than a couple of raunchy tales - and you'll find a lot of people are like this on these boards where you're posting your request for feedback - can find it a little dull reading some guy's simple fantasy. Invariably there's little very surprising in these random fantasies since the basic human sexual drives really don't alter much however much you tart them up or tie them up.

So you need to disguise the fantasies you harbour with a little bit of cleverness in order to produce the kind of decent 'story' that will bring with it the kind of flattery you desire. The best disguises are plot, character, language, setting and importantly, not writing in the second person.

Being a straight male, I'm not really all that interested reading what you want to do to my c**t. One of the biggest dangers of writing in the second person is that you lose the entire section of potential readers who are not the gender and sexuality of the person being addressed in fantasy.

These pieces read like emails you've sent to some repressed female. She may well get off on them, but one thing a good writer knows is that he (or she) is writing for a certain audience. To write well that writer must write for that audience. Here it feels like you've written for one person, that woman. The rest of us are not invited. The single biggest problem for me as a reader was that I felt uninvited here. I like to feel the writer wants me to read the story. I like to feel I am invited to get to know the characters and then take an interest in what happens to them. Here, I felt like I was eavesdropping.

So my advice: break out of writing about the occasional fantasies you have and start writing real stories with characters, definitely from another perspective. And don't whatever you do close your mind to learning the craft.

Otherwise, next time post a message saying you've had a little fantasy, would anyone like to share it. You shouldn't really ask for feedback on a 'story' then give grief when you get feedback on your piece as a 'story'.

 

[Igorovich]

Constructive Criticism

Max: Thank you very much for your comments and critique og my stories.

First, my response to the good Dr. is based upon what I perceived as "glittering generality" comments. In other words, he told me what I did wrong, but, in my mind, not what I needed to do to improve. The trouble with postings is that a tone of voice cannot be determined on the board. so a misreading of his intent is very possible, even probable. same with the second commentator. I do truly welcome commens, complimentary and otherwise. I meant no ill will towards the Dr., but I can certainly see where he and others could see it that way.

Now for your critique. You are right that the stories were originally written for a lady friend and theredore in her 2nd person. I now understand why 2nd person does not always work. And I thank you for that. When my additional stories are posted that I have submitted, you will find they are very much like that as well.

With your critique, I believe that I can do a better job and have already begun forming a story in my mind. It will feature the same lady, but without any mention of her husband. As I have told her, I will not do anything to indicate I want her to leave him, whether in conversation or in the stories. She will be a single person and the stories will be in 3rd person. I believe that I have sufficient imagination that I can do this reasonably well. And with your critique, I believe that I can do it in a proper literary form.

Thank you very much for your comments and critique. They have been helpful and I look forward to hearing more as I improve upon my skills.

Igorovich

 

[Guest]

May I help?

You've received very helpful comments so far. Would you mind if I added a few?

#1 Smaller paragraphs, 3-4 sentences
The eyes really need a break when scrolling a story on-line.

#2 Get rid of the "You"
It is so difficult to read a story written in that manner and it is really an easy rewrite.

#3 Start your sentences in a variety of ways - (this goes along with the "you") I copied the paragraph below from one of your stories. Almost every sentence begins in the same way. (You arrive, your skirt, your top, etc.)

You arrive a few minutes and are attired elegantly slutty. Your skirt is very short, black and tight, barely covering your ass. Your stockings show below it and I can see the lace tops. Must have had some real nice comments from the folks in the lobby and the elevator. Your top is very revealing of your large breasts and your nipples are already growing firm and pressing against your top. I let you in and take your purse as you sit upon my couch, one leg drawn up under you. I had looked but saw no panty line and as I walk over to join you I can't help but notice that that is because there is no panty. When I sit down you to me and take my face in your hands and gently kiss me on the lips. My arms reach around you and draw you to me, taking your head in my head and firmly draw yourface to mine and kiss youwith open mouth, probing tongue and my hand sliding down your body to your hips.

This is the first part again - this alone would make an excellent paragraph.
You arrive a few minutes and are attired elegantly slutty. Your skirt is very short, black and tight, barely covering your ass. Your stockings show below it and I can see the lace tops. Must have had some real nice comments from the folks in the lobby and the elevator.

Here is a brief rewrite -
He opened the door to enjoy her slow arrival. Her tight black skirt was very short, barely covering her fine ass cheeks. The lace tops of her stockings were revealed as she walked and he knew she'd given the folks in the lobby and elevator quite a show on her way up.

I haven't really changed that much, just did a bit of reorganization.

(Save "You" for love letters - she'll love it!)

If you can use any of this - great!

Good luck!

 

[Igorovich]

Your comments

Sarah:

Thank you very much for your comments. even though they mirror the first 2 reviewers' comments, I feel they are more helpful because you offer solutions and examples, as did the last reviewer.

and contrary to what some may believe, I do appreciate all comments, even the negative ones. I do learn from them all. As I have said before, I have another story forming in my mind and it will encompass many of your suggestions.

thank again.

Igorovich aka Michael

 

[Guest]

Re: Your comments

Sarah:

Thank you very much for your comments. even though they mirror the first 2 reviewers' comments, I feel they are more helpful because you offer solutions and examples, as did the last reviewer.

and contrary to what some may believe, I do appreciate all comments, even the negative ones. I do learn from them all. As I have said before, I have another story forming in my mind and it will encompass many of your suggestions.

thank again.

Igorovich aka Michael

Well, except for the "You" part, my comments don't really "mirror" dr.M's and Rainbow Skin's suggestions.

I hope you can use the information to your advantage.