Comments on my first ever story?

[lostinetherland]

Hi,

I've just published my first story onto Literotica, it's really the first one I've ever written to be honest. I have some ideas on where to take it next (deeper character development), but would really appreciate some critique from the many erotica gurus in here.

Gen's Longest Journey

Thanks in advance.

lostinetherland

 

[LordRunes]

I left you a comment. Loved the story, use to ride the bus all the time and have seen worse happen on them.

Keep writing you have the makings of one of the best.

I am not even close to writing as you do. You should submit some to the mags for publishing.

LR


DREAMS

The Scene

 

[garythegreat]

Ye it was decent had a good wank to it

 

[i_jenjen_i]

Very nice

Hi,

I've just published my first story onto Literotica, it's really the first one I've ever written to be honest. I have some ideas on where to take it next (deeper character development), but would really appreciate some critique from the many erotica gurus in here.

Gen's Longest Journey

Thanks in advance.

lostinetherland

I am no guru. But I think you wrote very well. Please write more

 

[Erotos]

I left you a brief piece of feedback. It was a good first effort, short and quick to the point which will appeal to a wide readership here. Of course there were some areas of grammar and formality that could be picked over, but I won't take away from a good first effort.

 

[lostinetherland]

Second part is out! Please let me know what you think.

Gen's Longest Journey - Ch. 02 - Awakening

lostinetherland

 

[i_jenjen_i]

Very good... Cant wait for the third part... I begin to feel like Gen ... LOL

Second part is out! Please let me know what you think.

Gen's Longest Journey - Ch. 02 - Awakening

lostinetherland

 

[LordRunes]

Second part is out! Please let me know what you think.

Gen's Longest Journey - Ch. 02 - Awakening

lostinetherland

Great story keep going with it and you may have a book.

LR

 

[Trumpet39]

Good read!

 

[Bayoububba]

You Have Talent

Very good story, haven't had time to read pt 2, but pt 1 was very good.
Keep going!

 

[Seattle Zack]

I really enjoyed both these stories. You have a breezy, stylish voice to your writing that's quite charming, yet very immediate and intensely sexual. Just halfway through the first story, I was really curious about this character.

The punctuation and presentation could use a little polish, but I wouldn't change too much. The pacing is a little irregular, so maybe draw it out a little more when you want to increase the tension. You have no problem with climaxes, obviously. The action is slightly removed, so it almost reads like a diary or something. Very enticing. You should keep going with this.

--Zack

 

[Ravlicious]

Nice job. I don't really have any advice about the story as you seem to do well with a straight-forward sex story. Keep it up. Both chapters were well done!