Commas.

[Sean]

Are bastards. When I write dialogue the page looks like I loaded a sawn off with the fuckers and fired it at a piece of A4. And they're all, grammatically, correct.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Are bastards. When I write dialogue the page looks like I loaded a sawn off with the fuckers and fired it at a piece of A4. And they're all, grammatically, correct.

You're in the UK aren't you?

Many of your commas probably should be replaced by full stops. Others can be deleted entirely.

Americans have other grammar abuses... The overuse of the comma is especially common with UK writers!

 

[sr71plt]

Perhaps you're including diaolgue slugs to unnecessary levels?

 

[Boota]

Commas are interesting. They can be correct and still not right.

 

[Sean]

They break up the speech exactly the way I want it. I think I'll just find a sympathetic editor.

 

[Stella_Omega]

They break up the speech exactly the way I want it. I think I'll just find a sympathetic editor.

Some people do talk that way, never quite pausing for breath, until you want take a big deep breath for them or, maybe, slug 'em between the shoulderblades before they turn blue...

 

[_Lynn_]

Some people do talk that way, never quite pausing for breath, until you want take a big deep breath for them or, maybe, slug 'em between the shoulderblades before they turn blue...

I know that person.

 

[jomar]

Give us a peek.

 

[sr71plt]

OK, another possibility you might look at. Are you putting a comma in front of every conjunction you see? A common failing in melding to commercial publishing is not to distinguish between two independent clauses and an independent and dependent clause in a sentence. Also, might you be running sentences together just by connecting them with a comma? (Born in Germany, maybe?)

 

[TxRad]

I always thought commas were the common man's period.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

...and then I once had a student who claimed his high school English teacher had taught him "when writing, insert a comma wherever you would pause when speaking." Quite a job to read! My favourite (from a description of a religious service):

"The man, in the fancy clothes, went, to the table, and, picked up, a gold cup."

 

[jomar]

...and then I once had a student who claimed his high school English teacher had taught him "when writing, insert a comma wherever you would pause when speaking." Quite a job to read! My favourite (from a description of a religious service):

"The man, in the fancy clothes, went, to the table, and, picked up, a gold cup."

Captain Kirk!

 

[oggbashan]

I hope your draft doesn't look like my story: Breathless Stargazing

Og

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Funny, I was just puzzling about a particular comma use.

The sentence was something like this one:

Next time she cries out, "Harder!", you'll be able to give her just what she wants.

The comma before "Harder" is technically correct, I believe, but seems superfluous, since this really isn't a direct quote.

The comma after "Harder!" doesn't look right, but the sentence isn't the same without it.

And no, I don't want to reword the sentence. That's the coward's way out.

 

[glynndah]

Funny, I was just puzzling about a particular comma use.

The sentence was something like this one:

Next time she cries out, "Harder!", you'll be able to give her just what she wants.

The comma before "Harder" is technically correct, I believe, but seems superfluous, since this really isn't a direct quote.

The comma after "Harder!" doesn't look right, but the sentence isn't the same without it.

And no, I don't want to reword the sentence. That's the coward's way out.

I'd scratch the first comma and leave the second one. It might not be the correct way, but that's the way it looks best to me.

 

[TheeGoatPig]

Funny, I was just puzzling about a particular comma use.

The sentence was something like this one:

Next time she cries out, "Harder!", you'll be able to give her just what she wants.

The comma before "Harder" is technically correct, I believe, but seems superfluous, since this really isn't a direct quote.

The comma after "Harder!" doesn't look right, but the sentence isn't the same without it.

And no, I don't want to reword the sentence. That's the coward's way out.

I hate sentences like that. I use them all the time and I have no idea how they should be punctuated.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Funny, I was just puzzling about a particular comma use.

The sentence was something like this one:

Next time she cries out, "Harder!", you'll be able to give her just what she wants.

The comma before "Harder" is technically correct, I believe, but seems superfluous, since this really isn't a direct quote.

The comma after "Harder!" doesn't look right, but the sentence isn't the same without it.

And no, I don't want to reword the sentence. That's the coward's way out.

Both commas are necessary, the first, to set off "Harder" as the thing referred to rather than a misquoted modifier of the mode in which she cries out and the second, to set off the independent clause from its introductory dependent clause. The second comma, however, should be placed immediately before the closing quotation marks.

Next time she cries out, "Harder!," you'll be able to give her just what she wants.

 

[sr71plt]

Funny, I was just puzzling about a particular comma use.

The sentence was something like this one:

Next time she cries out, "Harder!", you'll be able to give her just what she wants.

The comma before "Harder" is technically correct, I believe, but seems superfluous, since this really isn't a direct quote.

The comma after "Harder!" doesn't look right, but the sentence isn't the same without it.

And no, I don't want to reword the sentence. That's the coward's way out.

In commercial publishing you could leave out both commas. "Harder" here isn't really dialogue.

 

[soflabbwlvr]

Are bastards. When I write dialogue the page looks like I loaded a sawn off with the fuckers and fired it at a piece of A4. And they're all, grammatically, correct.

Commas are like piss stops on a long road trip: without them its a long, painful journey; too many and you never reach your destination.

 

[Xelebes]

...and then I once had a student who claimed his high school English teacher had taught him "when writing, insert a comma wherever you would pause when speaking." Quite a job to read! My favourite (from a description of a religious service):

"The man, in the fancy clothes, went, to the table, and, picked up, a gold cup."

It is a way of denoting the pause or caesura, like the ellipsis and semi-colon (the latter restricted to poetry.) It's more comfortable looking than the double pipes. However, here it is used to its disuse.