Coming out.. :S

[AussieAngel]

Hey all.

I'm a bit scared at the moment. Thinking about "coming out" to one of my good friends..

she is beautiful

I went around her place on the weekend. We swam in her pool. Me and a few other people. I LOVE her hugs. She swam up to me and put her arms around my neck to tell me a secret. she was trying to set up two of our friends. She had her arms around my neck for about 5 mins. I was holding her like a groom carries his bride accross the threshold.. She snuggled into me. She is a beautiful and affectionate girl.
I feel like i am attracted to women more than men. But havent had a relationship with a woman yet.
I feel like i should tell her that i'm interested in women now. so that if/when i get my first girlfriend it wont be a shock to her. So that she knows. and wont wonder if i was trying to hit on her...

Does that make any sense?

I want to tell her. But i am shit scared that i'd lose her.
i trust her with everything else. and i dont feel right hiding my attractions to women from her..

any ideas of something i could say to her?

cheers
~AA~

 

[naughtyinsilk]

However you do it I hope it turns out the way you want it to.

If I was in your shoes (actually dont get me onto shoes) I would invite her around for a bottle or two of wine, and when you are both relaxed, make sure you are siting apart, tell her the truth, all of it.

Sitting apart will give her the opportunity to come over and hug you, and telling her the truth will stop her looking in your eyes and feeling your hiding something from her.

Be prepared for the fact that you will probably both end up in tears, hopefully of joy and not sadness.

From what you have already said, I believe she already knows, and wants you to know its ok.

Good luck, and when you feel ready please let us know how it went.

 

[Paige.]

I want to tell her. But i am shit scared that i'd lose her.
i trust her with everything else. and i dont feel right hiding my attractions to women from her..

any ideas of something i could say to her?

cheers
~AA~[/QUOTE]

I am sure she must be just as shit scared as you that she will lose you. You have already captured her attention and by hugging you and holding you close she is asking you to tell her it is OK. She has made the first advance and offer.

Take Naughtyinsilk's advice and go slowly. If you say something very simple the fire will start burning. The next time she touches you or hugs you, tell her you like it or that she feels good. You don't have to spill your guts about your feeling towards women. You won't lose her, you will capture her.

Good luck

 

[bi golly]

My late best friend, gone from cancer for several years, told me he was bi one night in a resturant after we had been drinking for most of the day (it was a beach day). I remember thinking that I wished he had told me earlier. I wasn't attracted to him, but I was okay with where he was and I felt a strong bond with him.

Trust is a two way street. I trusted him, and I appreciated the fact that he trusted me.

 

[glamorilla]

not really sure what to say. i've been there myself and hindsight is always 20/20.

best case scenario would be she feels the same way and the two of you live happily ever after...but you also need to be prepared for lots of other things that might happen including that she might tell other people, friends, family, classmates, co workers etc...if youre going to come out you're going to be coming out to the whole world. as liberating an experience as that can be i also suggest only doing it if and when you're in a position to be able to take care of yourself without relying on anyone else.

good luck!

 

[playwithlezli]

Hey all.

I'm a bit scared at the moment. Thinking about "coming out" to one of my good friends..

she is beautiful

I went around her place on the weekend. We swam in her pool. Me and a few other people. I LOVE her hugs. She swam up to me and put her arms around my neck to tell me a secret. she was trying to set up two of our friends. She had her arms around my neck for about 5 mins. I was holding her like a groom carries his bride accross the threshold.. She snuggled into me. She is a beautiful and affectionate girl.
I feel like i am attracted to women more than men. But havent had a relationship with a woman yet.
I feel like i should tell her that i'm interested in women now. so that if/when i get my first girlfriend it wont be a shock to her. So that she knows. and wont wonder if i was trying to hit on her...

Does that make any sense?

I want to tell her. But i am shit scared that i'd lose her.
i trust her with everything else. and i dont feel right hiding my attractions to women from her..

any ideas of something i could say to her?

cheers
~AA~

hey aussie-it sounds like you are wanting to tell her you may be gay, as opposed to saying you want her right? just making sure i have interpreted your post correctly.

It is scary coming out, but it is SOOOOOOOOOOO liberating. I like one of the first responses that you be sitting apart so that it is clear you are speaking as friends and not hitting on her. Maybe you could start by saying you appreciate her friendship and value her support and hope that you can trust in her. Then just tell her you think you are gay, that you haven't started dating women yet, but are getting ready to.

As I told each of my friends, I was not only surprised by their undying support in me, but by the fact, most of them were not surprised, some have waited for years for me to come out, having already guessed where my inclinations lay. And not one has thought I was hitting on them. I have a few left to talk to, including two who are anti-homosexual due to religious reasons, but I will just be asking them to hate the sin and love the sinner. We will see where it goes, but we shouldn't live in hiding just to keep others happy.

It is scary, but I have found the journey to be worth it.

Best of luck and keep us posted.

 

[AussieAngel]

Thanks everyone for your responses. I see her again this weekend. If i can work up the guts i plan to tell her then...

{Take Naughtyinsilk's advice and go slowly. If you say something very simple the fire will start burning. The next time she touches you or hugs you, tell her you like it or that she feels good. You don't have to spill your guts about your feeling towards women. You won't lose her, you will capture her. }


As much as i would love for things to work out like that i dare not even let myself think such things.. I love her to bits. i dont want to stuff things up by misreading her actions.

I want to sit her down. like naughtyinsilk said. tell her. make sure she knows how much i trust her and need her as a friend. But what if she doesnt take it well? if i've told her and instead of being good about it, she is disguisted ? what do i do then?

Thanks again for the advice.. And i'll definately be posting how things went..

 

[Devilgrl]

By reading your first post...It sound like she likes you (no offense if she doesn't) but she hugged you for five hours....

About the whole coming out of the closet thing I just recently came out to one of my best friends i.e the thread suggestions.

Now do what naughty silk said and you will be fine

 

[Night_Jasmine]

I think she's either very open with affection or she's showing you that she's interested. Most girls I know don't hold each other like that...even with being silly. It's an intimate position and unless there's attraction there, it's not done.

Take it slow, watch what she does and how she reacts to things. Do you know how she feels about bisexual people and lesbians? Find out...if her stance is a good one, that's another great sign.

 

[naughtyinsilk]

Thanks everyone for your responses. I see her again this weekend. If i can work up the guts i plan to tell her then...
I want to sit her down. like naughtyinsilk said. tell her. make sure she knows how much i trust her and need her as a friend. But what if she doesnt take it well? if i've told her and instead of being good about it, she is disguisted ? what do i do then?

Thanks again for the advice.. And i'll definately be posting how things went..

The fear of rejection is universal, when it comes to opening up our feelings to others, however it should never be allowed to stop you going forward or achieving happiness.

By telling her that you are a lesbian, you are also giving her an excellent and safe opportunity for her to reveal her feelings for you.

Good luck for this weekend, I believe wholeheartedly you are going to be ok

 

[playwithlezli]

On a humourous note...

When I came out to my family recently, no-one was upset, both my mom and my sister had been expecting it, my sister for years.

As a funny sideline, when my sis and I talked about what mom would say, we figured she just say she wasn't going to be the one to tell our ever disapproving aunt.

So, my mom's comment? "I thought so, but if you don't mind, I am not going to be the one to tell your Aunty Mary." I still laff out loud at that one!

 

[AussieAngel]

One of my cousins is a lesbian. she said she figured i was too smart to be totally straight. I figure if i ever tell my family it will be easy. they are always giving hints that they dont care who i chose to love. so long as they treat me right. Which i am sure is them telling me that they already know.

A bi guy friend of mine had a bit of a talk to the friend i am going to tell. he has a good feeling. says she seems good about that kind of thing.

we'll soon find out. next time i am on will be after i have told her..

cheers

~AA~

 

[playwithlezli]

good luck!

 

[bronntanas]

Good luck and take it slow. As Q said, remember that coming out to one person is akin to rolling a snowball down the hill. It gets bigger and bigger, so be sure you're ready to deal with anything. It sounds like she's supportive, and everything will be cool, but you do need to be prepared for the fact that she may not deal with it well.

 

[AussieAngel]

grr. i didnt tell her. Kicking myself.

she had had a heated debate with some of the people we were with. she was frustrated. it wouldnt have worked to have told her.

130 she, myself and 3 of our guy friends went back to her room. the 5 of us loungin around on her single bed. she was laying beside me. i was sitting against the wall. rubbing her back and playing with her hair. she relaxed and calmed down in our company.
we sat and talked and laughed until 4 in the morning. when we finally decided to try and get some sleep. had to wake up at 630 anyway.
the opportunity didnt arise for me to talk to her alone. and after rubbing her back all night it wouldnt have been right anyway. she would have freaked out. thought i was trying to hit on her. which i dont think i am..
on the way back to my room a guy friend of mine pulled me into his room. and was giving me some of the hugs he owes me. we got interupted a few times so i finally gave up and went to my room. just as i was drifting off to sleep he sent me a text saying that his door is open if i wanted more cuddles. i like the guy... but i didnt go. dont know why. but i'm kicking myself.

dont know when i'll see either of them again. still want to tell her. but yeah.

the weekend was fun. but i wish i had been able to tell her.

~AA~

 

[The Neon Wolf]

I'm a ladies fuzzball so I'm pretty sure I can't give any personal experience on how to go about saying this part. I guess just speak from your heart.

Here's hoping things work out for you, I'm sure you will be fine.

 

[playwithlezli]

grr. i didnt tell her. Kicking myself.

she had had a heated debate with some of the people we were with. she was frustrated. it wouldnt have worked to have told her.

130 she, myself and 3 of our guy friends went back to her room. the 5 of us loungin around on her single bed. she was laying beside me. i was sitting against the wall. rubbing her back and playing with her hair. she relaxed and calmed down in our company.
we sat and talked and laughed until 4 in the morning. when we finally decided to try and get some sleep. had to wake up at 630 anyway.
the opportunity didnt arise for me to talk to her alone. and after rubbing her back all night it wouldnt have been right anyway. she would have freaked out. thought i was trying to hit on her. which i dont think i am..
on the way back to my room a guy friend of mine pulled me into his room. and was giving me some of the hugs he owes me. we got interupted a few times so i finally gave up and went to my room. just as i was drifting off to sleep he sent me a text saying that his door is open if i wanted more cuddles. i like the guy... but i didnt go. dont know why. but i'm kicking myself.

dont know when i'll see either of them again. still want to tell her. but yeah.

the weekend was fun. but i wish i had been able to tell her.

~AA~

given the circumstances, you probably made a wise choice, but it is frustrating when you work up the nerve and the world doesn't agree.

as to why you didnt go to that guys room, could it be because you are a lesbian?

 

[AussieAngel]

given the circumstances, you probably made a wise choice, but it is frustrating when you work up the nerve and the world doesn't agree.

as to why you didnt go to that guys room, could it be because you are a lesbian?

I've never really been with a woman.. i know i'm interested in them. but i'm not sure where i stand on guys..
When he was hugging me it was good. i hadn't seen him for ages. and i was glad to see he was alright.. i dont know if i felt anything though.. I'm starting to wonder if i am all out lesbian.. A perfectly good guy from work keeps inviting me round his place for movies. i have been once.. he likes me.. i mean. shouldnt i be jumping at the opportunity? and as i'm not is this me trying to give myself a huge hint?

*shrugs shoulders. shakes head*

i dont know.

~AA~

 

[playwithlezli]

I've never really been with a woman.. i know i'm interested in them. but i'm not sure where i stand on guys..
When he was hugging me it was good. i hadn't seen him for ages. and i was glad to see he was alright.. i dont know if i felt anything though.. I'm starting to wonder if i am all out lesbian.. A perfectly good guy from work keeps inviting me round his place for movies. i have been once.. he likes me.. i mean. shouldnt i be jumping at the opportunity? and as i'm not is this me trying to give myself a huge hint?

*shrugs shoulders. shakes head*

i dont know.

~AA~

ahhhh,, confusion, well darlin', just follow your heart, gay, straight or somewhere in between, sometimes it just takes time to tell. And things do sometimes change over time, the decisions you make right now don't have to be for a lifetime you know

 

[AussieAngel]

YAY


Told her. Went to a gathering at our friends place.. and after we said goodbye to one of our mates who left we stayed outside to talk while the others went back in.
She was great about it.. BIG relief.. nothing has changed. which i guess i already knew would be the case.. Still got my awesome hugs off her. when we went back in to watch the rest of the movie i typed her a message on my phone.. (its just something we do.. write the texts to talk to eachother privately.. without sending them..) explained to her that i wanted to make sure she knew not to stress and that i wasnt going to try and make a move on her.
she wrote back: oh damn. poor me..

so yeah.. she is still just as awesome as ever.. she said she totally understands.. and that guys can be assholes anyway..
so she knows now. the only other person i want to tell at this point in time is another friend of mine.. but we will see if i ever get around to that..

 

[naughtyinsilk]

YAY


Told her. Went to a gathering at our friends place.. and after we said goodbye to one of our mates who left we stayed outside to talk while the others went back in.
She was great about it.. BIG relief.. nothing has changed. which i guess i already knew would be the case.. Still got my awesome hugs off her. when we went back in to watch the rest of the movie i typed her a message on my phone.. (its just something we do.. write the texts to talk to eachother privately.. without sending them..) explained to her that i wanted to make sure she knew not to stress and that i wasnt going to try and make a move on her.
she wrote back: oh damn. poor me..

so yeah.. she is still just as awesome as ever.. she said she totally understands.. and that guys can be assholes anyway..
so she knows now. the only other person i want to tell at this point in time is another friend of mine.. but we will see if i ever get around to that..

Congratulations, she may end up nibbling your earlobes sooner than you expect

 

[Betticus]

This is the most adorable thread ever!

 

[RowanMist]

Congrats on coming out to her and everything being great! If only all coming outs were that good... Good luck on telling your other friend!

 

[AussieAngel]

Congratulations, she may end up nibbling your earlobes sooner than you expect

Oh god i hope so

This is the most adorable thread ever!

Thanks!

 

[naughtyinsilk]

Oh god i hope so


Thanks!

well dont forget we will want daily updates