Coming out at work?

[Fallenfromgrace]

Ok, so i have a new part time job which i am starting on monday, and as a newb im gonna face all teh usual questions from co-workers in order to get to know me.

The usual 'so do you have a boyfriend?' question is likely to come up, and well being a lesbian, the short answer is no.

But, how have you all found having to 'come out' in the work place. I know i dont have to, i can just say 'nope, im single!' but it may come a time where t'll just ocme out as it were.

So, has anyone experienced adversity in light of coming out at work? How did people react? did people treat you differently?

In my old job, all my workmates knew, i can't even remember how it happened, it just did! I was the butt of every gay joke or jibe- but in a playful way coz they were all my mates!

So yes, coming out at work- thoughts?

 

[Programmer Cat]

I've recently realized that I'm bisexual, but I haven't said anything about it at work, and have no intention of doing so. Nobody I work with has earned the right to know what kind of sex I enjoy.

 

[Fallenfromgrace]

I've recently realized that I'm bisexual, but I haven't said anything about it at work, and have no intention of doing so. Nobody I work with has earned the right to know what kind of sex I enjoy.

Point...

however i know i'll get sucked into the whole 'so what kind of guy do you go for?'

hmmmmm...

 

[Programmer Cat]

Point...

however i know i'll get sucked into the whole 'so what kind of guy do you go for?'

I recommend saying, "Not your kind. Sorry about that." Then again, why talk to your coworkers at all, if you don't have to? Keep your distance, make them keep theirs, and you don't have to deal with such questions. Then again, my parents still don't know that I enjoy a stiff one up the bum from time to time. And they never will; I don't need them to know.

 

[Fallenfromgrace]

I recommend saying, "Not your kind. Sorry about that." Then again, why talk to your coworkers at all, if you don't have to? Keep your distance, make them keep theirs, and you don't have to deal with such questions. Then again, my parents still don't know that I enjoy a stiff one up the bum from time to time. And they never will; I don't need them to know.

I dont want to come across as hostile, its not the kind of job where i can just get on with my role...we're a team, and have to co-exist and communicate, and as i'll be knew i'll need the support!

I guess i can just try and not get sucked into the question, or lie...ha.

 

[John Doe]

You can communicate and be friendly, but if someone asked me such personal questions then I'd feel that it's out of place, perhaps even innappropriate or unprofessional, depending on the context and manner in which it was asked. Chatting is one thing if the subjects is pop culture, the weather or whatever, but I don't see the point in discussing romance in that environment.

Then again, my experience is mainly with "guy talk". Perhaps "chick talk" is different.

I think the main thing is not to stress about it. I know that sounds obvious, but it's easy to forget in the moment.

 

[Wolfman1982]

Stuponfucious, and Programmer Cat I think you are both right. And Stuponfucious what an awesome Atari avatar I just love old computers like the Atari, Amiga, the Comodore and so forth , from the days when gameplay ruled over graphics any day of the week

Sorry for going offtopic in the topic. But yes as Stuponfucious said, don´t stress about it.

 

[neonflux]

I know that I am lucky living in San Francisco where it's not an issue - although here it was harder for me to come out to gay/lesbian folks as bi than it was to straight folks. I never make a "deal" out of it by announcing it, but if it fits naturally into the conversation, I won't hold back. For instance, if engaged in a converation about romantic partners and I am with a woman, I will use the right pronouns. The older I get, the more likely I am to do the same at conferences, where there might be greater repercussions, but haven't had any real negatives yet (although I do work as a sexuality educator).

Neon

 

[uome1]

Up until eighteen months ago I worked in the private sector so it wasn't an issue, everyone at work knew. Then I took a position as a contractor for the DoD. I always eluded any conversation regarding my gender although I was honest for my clearance. I was working in a very male dominated location and I knew there were comments that were made in reference to my body. One day a straight female Sgt. said "Ya know you really do have a great ass" jokingly. I turned to her and said "you're not my type, first of all your straight...". This was overheard by a couple of people and life was not very pleasant after that. After several months of hostility I referred to one of the people who was creating a hostile working environment for me as a "brown nosing motherfucking dickweed" which was reported. The following day, the funding for my position was removed and I was escorted from the facility.

Technically I am still employed by the contracting organization, I just don't have an income or benifits. They are trying to place me in another funded position but that may be months, so I am looking to go back to the private sector as I am not independently wealthy.

I have an attorney who specializes in employment discrimination and he has filled out the forms to file complaints with the EEOC and the Florida Commision on Human Relations. That alone cost me $2500, it's going to cost me $300/hour from this point on. I have asked my attorney to wait on filing the complaints because I am interviewing for a very good job in industry. I don't want to take any chances on not getting this job.

As far filing the complaints, legally the ONLY organization I can go after is the company I am affiliated with, and technically I am still employed. It was the customer who removed the funding because I behaved in an unprofessional manner in my comment about my coworker, doesn't matter that I had endured several months of bullshit and filed several complaints with my company.

My attorney says I have a very good case but I think there are too many layers of crap to go through. The ultimate organization responsible for my current situation is immune because of my position as a contractor (contractors don't have many rights at all). He believes that I still have a pretty good shot because I had made several complaints about a hostile working environment to my company.

If I get this other job I am just going to cut my losses and haul ass.

My advice to you is to be careful even in this day and age.

 

[naughtyinsilk]

I dont want to come across as hostile, its not the kind of job where i can just get on with my role...we're a team, and have to co-exist and communicate, and as i'll be knew i'll need the support!

I guess i can just try and not get sucked into the question, or lie...ha.

Try the subtle approach, put a picture off your G/F on your desk or hang a calendar of your fav actress on the wall, give themm a few clues and they will work it out for themselves.

Alternatively if you want to be blunt about it, on your second day, rate your female coworkers on a scale of one to ten, and pin the list to the office wall. Ok they may never speak to you again, but they cant say they didnt realise

Seriously though, however you deal with it good luck, I hope it goes smoothly for you, and good luck with the new job.

 

[Fallenfromgrace]

Up until eighteen months ago I worked in the private sector so it wasn't an issue, everyone at work knew. Then I took a position as a contractor for the DoD. I always eluded any conversation regarding my gender although I was honest for my clearance. I was working in a very male dominated location and I knew there were comments that were made in reference to my body. One day a straight female Sgt. said "Ya know you really do have a great ass" jokingly. I turned to her and said "you're not my type, first of all your straight...". This was overheard by a couple of people and life was not very pleasant after that. After several months of hostility I referred to one of the people who was creating a hostile working environment for me as a "brown nosing motherfucking dickweed" which was reported. The following day, the funding for my position was removed and I was escorted from the facility.

Technically I am still employed by the contracting organization, I just don't have an income or benifits. They are trying to place me in another funded position but that may be months, so I am looking to go back to the private sector as I am not independently wealthy.

I have an attorney who specializes in employment discrimination and he has filled out the forms to file complaints with the EEOC and the Florida Commision on Human Relations. That alone cost me $2500, it's going to cost me $300/hour from this point on. I have asked my attorney to wait on filing the complaints because I am interviewing for a very good job in industry. I don't want to take any chances on not getting this job.

As far filing the complaints, legally the ONLY organization I can go after is the company I am affiliated with, and technically I am still employed. It was the customer who removed the funding because I behaved in an unprofessional manner in my comment about my coworker, doesn't matter that I had endured several months of bullshit and filed several complaints with my company.

My attorney says I have a very good case but I think there are too many layers of crap to go through. The ultimate organization responsible for my current situation is immune because of my position as a contractor (contractors don't have many rights at all). He believes that I still have a pretty good shot because I had made several complaints about a hostile working environment to my company.

If I get this other job I am just going to cut my losses and haul ass.

My advice to you is to be careful even in this day and age.

wow, thats fucking shit, good luck with whatever you chose to do with regards to your complaints and legal processes...i hope it all works out for you in some way. good luck with the new job prospect...

I've decided that i'm not even going to get into that side of things at this new job...just because like someone said up there ^^ none of them have and will earn the right or privelidge to know what kind of sex i enjoy.

 

[Fallenfromgrace]

Try the subtle approach, put a picture off your G/F on your desk or hang a calendar of your fav actress on the wall, give themm a few clues and they will work it out for themselves.

Alternatively if you want to be blunt about it, on your second day, rate your female coworkers on a scale of one to ten, and pin the list to the office wall. Ok they may never speak to you again, but they cant say they didnt realise

Seriously though, however you deal with it good luck, I hope it goes smoothly for you, and good luck with the new job.

lol. 2nd day was today...fuck i'd give my manager 100/10 lol...she's fucking hot *slaps self* it's a shop btw ;-) i cud graff on the toilet wall lol...

 

[naughtyinsilk]

lol. 2nd day was today...fuck i'd give my manager 100/10 lol...she's fucking hot *slaps self* it's a shop btw ;-) i cud graff on the toilet wall lol...

lol

Well to celebrate the end of your first week at work, invite your boss for a platonic drink at your local girly bar.
Not only will it give her a definitive answer to your sexuality, but if she accepts it happily, then noone else at work really matters if they have a problem with it. Plus if she is that hot, you may be lucky

 

[Fallenfromgrace]

lol

Well to celebrate the end of your first week at work, invite your boss for a platonic drink at your local girly bar.
Not only will it give her a definitive answer to your sexuality, but if she accepts it happily, then noone else at work really matters if they have a problem with it. Plus if she is that hot, you may be lucky

she'd smack me if i even tried to ask her for a drink lol...she's a tough cookie. a fit tough cookie...it's fun to work and watch her at the same time...just wanna grab her ass

 

[naughtyinsilk]

she'd smack me if i even tried to ask her for a drink lol...she's a tough cookie. a fit tough cookie...it's fun to work and watch her at the same time...just wanna grab her ass

Well dip a cookie in something nice & hot and they soon moisten up and become more enjoyable to eat

 

[Fallenfromgrace]

Well dip a cookie in something nice & hot and they soon moisten up and become more enjoyable to eat

haha! good one...i guess i shall have to see how things go ;-)

 

[alisonwunderlnd]

Ok, so i have a new part time job which i am starting on monday, and as a newb im gonna face all teh usual questions from co-workers in order to get to know me.

The usual 'so do you have a boyfriend?' question is likely to come up, and well being a lesbian, the short answer is no.

But, how have you all found having to 'come out' in the work place. I know i dont have to, i can just say 'nope, im single!' but it may come a time where t'll just ocme out as it were.

So, has anyone experienced adversity in light of coming out at work? How did people react? did people treat you differently?

In my old job, all my workmates knew, i can't even remember how it happened, it just did! I was the butt of every gay joke or jibe- but in a playful way coz they were all my mates!

So yes, coming out at work- thoughts?

veryy good question.
Im BI and i sometimes feel like i too should"come out".NOT to announce my business,,,BUT because i am not ashamed of who I am.
Im sorry you've gotten trouble from this Fallen,,many of my friends have as well
I have one friend that has been with the same parter for 12 years and is still in the closet,

 

[alisonwunderlnd]

Up until eighteen months ago I worked in the private sector so it wasn't an issue, everyone at work knew. Then I took a position as a contractor for the DoD. I always eluded any conversation regarding my gender although I was honest for my clearance. I was working in a very male dominated location and I knew there were comments that were made in reference to my body. One day a straight female Sgt. said "Ya know you really do have a great ass" jokingly. I turned to her and said "you're not my type, first of all your straight...". This was overheard by a couple of people and life was not very pleasant after that. After several months of hostility I referred to one of the people who was creating a hostile working environment for me as a "brown nosing motherfucking dickweed" which was reported. The following day, the funding for my position was removed and I was escorted from the facility.

Technically I am still employed by the contracting organization, I just don't have an income or benifits. They are trying to place me in another funded position but that may be months, so I am looking to go back to the private sector as I am not independently wealthy.

I have an attorney who specializes in employment discrimination and he has filled out the forms to file complaints with the EEOC and the Florida Commision on Human Relations. That alone cost me $2500, it's going to cost me $300/hour from this point on. I have asked my attorney to wait on filing the complaints because I am interviewing for a very good job in industry. I don't want to take any chances on not getting this job.

As far filing the complaints, legally the ONLY organization I can go after is the company I am affiliated with, and technically I am still employed. It was the customer who removed the funding because I behaved in an unprofessional manner in my comment about my coworker, doesn't matter that I had endured several months of bullshit and filed several complaints with my company.

My attorney says I have a very good case but I think there are too many layers of crap to go through. The ultimate organization responsible for my current situation is immune because of my position as a contractor (contractors don't have many rights at all). He believes that I still have a pretty good shot because I had made several complaints about a hostile working environment to my company.

If I get this other job I am just going to cut my losses and haul ass.

My advice to you is to be careful even in this day and age.

DAMN
hard to imagine this shit still exists,,,,,,,,HUUGS and best wishes

 

[southernsky]

i would say something in a light and friendly sort of way that says something to the effect of "Well, i really prefer not to discuss things that personal at work, you know?" That is a professional response that nobody can argue with without sounding like an ass. Good luck!

 

[Jaxbi]

I started my previous job in the closet. But by half way through - most people knew. Moved overseas for 3 months, for a new start....was out.

On my return to my home country, and starting new jobs, my partner and I decided that it was a new start, our families knew about us, and were happy, and unless we felt that there was some danger to us to being honest, then we would be honest.

So, in my job that I've been in since July - everyone pretty much knows. didn't stand up and say "Im Jax and I'm gay/bi" - if they asked about partners, partner's job etc....then I'd subtly drop "Oh, She works as an OT" - after they had asked "What does he do?". And most smiled and apologised for getting it wrong - which is NOT what I want them to do - but it's a human reaction - to apologise for assumptions. But all have been great.

They all want to meet Kate, so...Xmas party on Friday - they will meet her!

One person asked
"Hey Jacqui, who do you reckon out of you and Nicky will get pregnant first?"
(Nicky - another new staff member, who I used to work with at other job!) (lots of staff geting preg at the moment!)
I answered immediately "Nicky."
The other was like "Oh, so has she got a boyfriend?"
"Dunno - but my partner's a woman."
"Oh....ha!" And grinned....no problem

I'd suggest - be honest, but don't make a scene - eg - if they ask, tell them the truth (if you are comfortable with them - eg no danger to you). But don't necessarily blurt it out.

Jax

 

[Night_Jasmine]

I like Jax's way of handling it. Most companies have a don't ask don't tell type of policy, especially since lawsuits can and will happen if a person is nudged out after 'coming out.'

 

[tanyachrs]

I don't know what kind of environment you work in but I don't see why someone gay or bi should have to be any more explicit or any more obtuse about their sex/dating life than anyone else. If asked personal questions, answer them the way anyone else would, that is don't answer inappropriate questions and answer appropriate questions appropriately. If it's not insulting to ask a straight person about their current marital status, it's not insulting to ask you. Just answer in the same vein, i.e. "I have a girlfriend" or "I'm not dating anyone right now."

And I'd leave the boss alone. Gay or straight, hitting on the boss is bad business.

 

[PredatorSmile]

It's not always a good idea to come out at work. I've had a homophobic female boss use a lame excuse to fire a gay employee.
I advised him to sue, but he found a better offer someplace.

 

[bi_asian_guy]

*****

 

[Anniejustagirl]

My girlfriend recently started working for a small family-owned business in our small mid-western town. The family is actually Dutch Reform and very straight-laced and stereotypically homophobic. Was rather surprised that they hired her in the first place as they knew she was gay through an employee that knows us. Really surprised when we found out that a couple different folk had asked, "You're not going to hire her are you?" and he still gave her a shot. One of the people that made the comment actually told P that she had questioned the owner. Told P that she was taught to hate the sin and love the sinner and let P know that she was praying for her. P has been having a tough time with that info, but appreciated the honesty. And they did let her know that she was welcome to bring her "Significant Other" to the Christmas do ... as long as we didn't get too "cozy" *LOL*

P had to be out... she doesn't feel comfortable living any other way. I'm out at my place of work... they were told before they hired me and i think the comment made was, "I can see that." I'm a tad butch. Many of my customers know, but it isn't an opening line for me... as mentioned before... people need to earn the right to know about my life beyond my profession.

Just thought i'd share...

and as for should you or shouldn't you... Listen to your head and follow your heart. Cover your ass and be true to who you are and who you need to be. Good luck Fallen!