comfort here

[throbbinurgency]

well, this is my brave rendition of who i am, & my take of what literotica, as a site, presents to me (hope i don't ramble too much)

i'm a 44 male, married, 3 kids, that has found himself in somewhat of his mid-life crisis, i suppose,,,
since turning 40, i've found eroticism to be an alternative to the oft-times frustrations of real life sexuality, meaning,,
my sex drive is on 95%, while my wife's is somewhere in the neighborhood of 10 - 15%, when coaxed by me,,,
i realize life is a journey, but i often wonder if i'm with my true soulmate (i believe there are some that find their "true" soulmate, & some that don't), or not,,,
the different views we have towards sex makes me wonder this,,
mismatched mates are common, i know, but, why?

i've lurked here at literotica for a little while, so, it's nice to see other's views, & other's sensuality being revealed, that fact somehow brings a comfort to me, knowing i'm not alone in the "frustration" part of marriage,,,

any posts to help deal with my situation are welcome,
i'm open, honest, & a compassionate person,,,

 

[Georgia Girl]

Welcome to our addiction....

its nice to see you here. Hopefully you will find some stress relief, some compassion and maybe some answers. If nothing else, maybe you'll laugh.

Dawn

 

[Thor69]

There are alternatives...answers..

and quests to be found. I have been married over 26 years and I might understand your situation except I am with my sole mate. It's just the sexual activity isn't there...various medical/physical reasons. I too, even at the ooooolllllllddddd age (ha!) of 54, horny daily. My outlook...sex and love are not the same thing. Cuddling with your wife/husband at night is love and the many examples of what love is.

If you can separate the two, you will start to have a clearer picture of life and who you are. Not everything is for everyone. If you have checked out the many Threads in Lit., you will have noticed that there are many people who have found alternative activities to experience and enjoy. I am not promoting any of those to you since I obviously don't know you. But open your mind up and be curious...curiousity is the beginning of learning. I decided recently to finally act on my bisexual curiousity and after being very selective, have met two other guys around my age who were in the same situation...very decent, level headed guys you'd do business with or go fishing with. By opening that door, we have come to appreciate a different and exciting new day. We asked ourselves, why didn't we try this before?

Just my thoughts, but you can have your cake and eat it too.

PEACE.

 

[whspr]

There are alot of us out here who understand you...
both men and women.....I think I'm just mismatched
and there is happiness out there somewhere...but
then that is my situation......we all are different....
Hopefully, you will find some fun here....welcome to
Lit.

Soft Kisses,
Whspr

 

[flashyfish]

mismatched

Yes, the hardest part is finding someone who is yor equal and match...People are so complex that its tough ...but...

You must believe its possible...I know this sounds corny and un-guyish but you gotta believe in love and happiness...

Without love the world is less bright...

Fish

 

[whspr]

flashyfish...

I thought that sounded very sweet.....I like a guy
who doesn't surpress that side....

Soft kisses,
Whspr

 

[flashyfish]

Soft kisses

I don't know if you read my other post, but everytime you write that I get this feeling of...I don't know if I have the words...

I do know that I don't want you to stop writing that...

Kisses and a snuggle for you,
Fish

 

[whspr]

RE: Soft Kisses

I read that post Fish....and don't worry...I won't
<wink>

Thanks for your sweetness.

Soft Kisses,
Whspr

 

[lakritze]

Yes,I am sure that many of us sacrificed looking for our true soul mates in order to hurry up and reach a socially correct goal of marriage and family values...To start over again knowing what I know now.....I would not compromise an inch.

 

[throbbinurgency]

Yes,I am sure that many of us sacrificed looking for our true soul mates in order to hurry up and reach a socially correct goal of marriage and family values...To start over again knowing what I know now.....I would not compromise an inch.

those words ring true,,, perhaps many of us did, in fact, start our marrital lives without giving thought to the term 'soul-mate',, but after a 3 yr courtship, i, for one, figured the time was right to start a family,,,
certain aspects (such as the kids, & when we DO make love), i'd never trade for anything, but there are times when i get so frustrated, i wonder,, just wonder!

 

[cutie pie]

not to be redundant

but many of us here are experiencing similar frustrations. My reasons for being here are varied, but I can say that Lit has provided me with an outlet to explore certain aspects of my sexuality that have recently come to the surface. In doing so, I have made several new friends who share similar thoughts and opinions. It truly does help when you can talk to someone who understands what you are thinking/feeling.

Welcome to Lit - may you find some comfort, make some new friends and have some fun as well.

 

[LipstickKitten]

I don't know that I can add much to what's already been said. My situation is such that I feel I'm beginning to peak sexually and my husband is at a very different level. Sexual frustration is rampant on my part so I use Lit as an outlet, way to express my sexuality and my sensuous spirit.

My marriage is a good one, full of love, laughter, wonderful compatibility. I do have a soulmate for a husband. But that doesn't mean the frustration fades away. It's still there but my friends at Lit help me when I need it most. I believe it's made my sex life with my husband better.

So take the comfort you can and use it for better in your marriage. Who knows? You might see an improvement in your wife's sex drive because of it. I know it's helped in my house.

 

[april45]

i've lurked here at literotica for a little while, so, it's nice to see other's views, & other's sensuality being revealed, that fact somehow brings a comfort to me, knowing i'm not alone in the "frustration" part of marriage,,,

any posts to help deal with my situation are welcome,
i'm open, honest, & a compassionate person,,,

throbbinurgency

As you very well know, since we have been talking, that I can relate to what you are saying.. and yes it was helpful to me to read what you had to say to let me know that I am not alone.
I am on the other side of the coin, most generally I am the one with the 10% sex drive, needing to be coaxed.
I guess I am taking this opportunity to open up to some new friends like you and share.
I am 46, married to a man with a very high sex drive, with desires that do not do as much for me as he wishes they did. I respect his desires and try my best to satisfy him, but usually with results that just aren't what he would like.
I have been accused of living in a fairy tale world. I have told a few that my saying is,"if you give me what I want, you can bet that I will give you just about anything that you want"and enjoy it.. I may not ask for it but if you let me know what you need I will be more than happy to help you out if I am taken to the place that I love. But I am not getting what I want and need, leaving me without much disire..
So do I have any ideas?? coming from the other side of the coin?
Do you know what her desires are?
Does she need passion to help her get the desires back.
Is it possible that her desires are on the kinkier side and she is not comfortable sharing them with you. just because I need passion to get me started doesn't mean everyone does.
Would she ever go into a site like this? If so encourag her to. but be aware if she does and she finds something to help her desires come out, be open and do what you can to share in those desires.

I used to think that it was a shame that men had to put forth so much effort to get a woman worked up enough so that they could get what they wanted but the more I read.. I guess there a lot of woman out there that really do think of sex a lot and it doesn't take them much to have a great fuck.. The hard part for my husband is that when we met, I was going through a stage in my life that I was one of them woman.. I wonder why it changed?? Could be that I like things that don't interest him as much and he likes things that don't interest me as much. I am a giver, a pleaser, if I have pleased my man that is 3/4 of my excitment.. and as I stated earlier it is very hard for me to please him sometimes.. leaving me unfulfilled and I am not getting that 1/4 that I need to keep my desires there.
Soul Mates??? Yes I think they are out there. But like someone said "sometimes we don't take the time to find them". But on the other hand, I have a commitment to my marriage, sometimes it may seem like it is only in the choice that I decide to make but other times it is all worth it.

PS.. still waiting for you to take me someplace in my mind that will make me burn with disire.... Your Fantisy Lover April