Comedy: From woman's point of view of woman taking her man's virginity

[UnkownGhost]

I was wondering if someone would like to write a comedic story of a woman taking her man's virginity (either a husband or boyfriend). I would however like the story be from her point of view.

 

[MatthewVett]

Like, a slapstick style deflowering, or what did you have in mind?

 

[Hypoxia]

How about taking her brother's virginity? Or her son's? I think I've seen a few such stories around here. For (probably) non-incestuous fun, she's a white party girl and he's a shy black intellectual / nerd who doesn't realize the potential of his BBC until she unleashes him. Another common trope: the MILF trophy wife initiating the neighbor boy.

You want comedy? Experienced somewhat-older woman tries to seduce innocent and clumsy young geek who gets everything wrong. Need she bring in friends to help?

 

[UnkownGhost]

Like, a slapstick style deflowering, or what did you have in mind?

You could if want to.I was thinking of making what would normally be a frustrating situation for a woman trying to take her man's virginity funny. Several ways she tries to get him in the sack but then how things go wrong, someone walks in on them etc.

Several things they try don't work out as planned or as well as they do in movies.

True story I came across. Married Couple are trying to have sex [Under aged bits not needed and against rules.]

Hypoxia kind of had a neat idea too. A outgoing party girl meets shy nerd type. The nerd figures he doesn't have what it takes to please a woman when he really does.

Those clashing personalities would make for a great mix. It doesn't have to be a cheating wife kind of thing either. Just someone who never thought a woman would be interested in them. So when the new neighbor takes interest in him he becomes paranoid, starts to wonder what her angle is. His past as a victim of child abuse prevents him letting people get close to him. Sex to him isn't something to given away at random but someone he can trust. And seeing that he doesn't trust anyone. He keeps his pants zipped up. A few people make fun of him naturally but he doesn't care. Sure he thinks about it all the time because he is human. But that is something he's training himself to ignore. Eventually he'll have it his mind that women aren't interested in him, they don't want him. He's not what they're looking for. He's done the research, made the calculations. It's impossible. Why would they be interested him? He'll start to think that women only take interest in him just so they can get something or get somewhere. They have an ulterior motive and he's just a pawn. He's building all the walls up emotionally.

As for her what she sees in him is something completely different. Sure he's reserved. But there are so many good qualities about him that his negativity won't allow him to see. She's experienced, gorgeous, care free. Sex to her is just sex. Nothing emotional about it. A means of enjoying life etc. She gets what she wants and she wants him. She'll just have to overcome a few hurdles... maybe a minefield ... a moat ... and fortifications.

For a non erotic story I really like that dynamic as well. An out going person helping a shy person learn they're better than what they think they are. And the shy person filling the void the outgoing person has. Because there are party animals out there but though they're surrounded by people they still feel alone.

 

[Hypoxia]

For a non erotic story I really like that dynamic as well. An out going person helping a shy person learn they're better than what they think they are. And the shy person filling the void the outgoing person has. Because there are party animals out there but though they're surrounded by people they still feel alone.

That removes the slapstick. Perfectly good story, just not as requested. Not even any tentacles!

Okay, forget the tentacles. A slapstick variant: The school's elite clique of jock-fucking cheers set their sights on a well-formed but naive and shy nerd. It's a contest! Who will be the first to take his virginity? He misinterprets their advances. Odd coincidences prevent intimacy. There's a madhouse Scooby-Doo chase, of course. Eventually the most unlikely co-ed (the story's narrator) snags him. Ah, romance!

 

[UnkownGhost]

That removes the slapstick. Perfectly good story, just not as requested. Not even any tentacles!

Okay, forget the tentacles. A slapstick variant: The school's elite clique of jock-fucking cheers set their sights on a well-formed but naive and shy nerd. It's a contest! Who will be the first to take his virginity? He misinterprets their advances. Odd coincidences prevent intimacy. There's a madhouse Scooby-Doo chase, of course. Eventually the most unlikely co-ed (the story's narrator) snags him. Ah, romance!

That could work too ... I'd like to see both variants. It's a chase Scooby-Doo slap stick comedy and the kind of a comedy where one person is so serious and the other person is so outgoing that just them clashing makes comedy.

Pure silliness, and or extreme exaggerations of what would normally be stressful but the exaggerations make it funny.

 

[Hypoxia]

That could work too ... I'd like to see both variants. It's a chase Scooby-Doo slap stick comedy and the kind of a comedy where one person is so serious and the other person is so outgoing that just them clashing makes comedy.

Pure silliness, and or extreme exaggerations of what would normally be stressful but the exaggerations make it funny.

An incest approach could use similar gags. Mom or older sister(s) see that Sonny is an inept sexual klutz and decide to teach him the ways of the world. But something always happens -- unexpected phone calls, intrusions, accidents, circumstances, whatever. He never gets laid. Hilarity ensues.

 

[astuffedshirt_perv]

and as the climactic moment approaches, Europe is blasting away in the corner with "It's the final countdown" and fireworks go off.

 

[UnkownGhost]

No that song is my head.

I'm just wondering if a comedy along these lines could be done. If someone could type it up I'd look at lit. But I really want the virgin to be hard to get though. It's just an idea yous peoples are the authors and me ... I'm the Ghost ...

 

[Hypoxia]

... I really want the virgin to be hard to get though.

Does he PLAY hard to get, or is he hard to get TO? My prior suggestions aimed at the latter -- he may not be unwilling but fate repeatedly interferes. If the former, I must ask, why? Is he (for some reason) fearful of sex? Is he ashamed of his cock's odd size / shape / color? Is he holding out for some special benefit, some particular person?

 

[UnkownGhost]

Does he PLAY hard to get, or is he hard to get TO? My prior suggestions aimed at the latter -- he may not be unwilling but fate repeatedly interferes. If the former, I must ask, why? Is he (for some reason) fearful of sex? Is he ashamed of his cock's odd size / shape / color? Is he holding out for some special benefit, some particular person?

You folks are the writers. So he can be whatever you want.

But to answer your question. I was thinking the former. A border-line asexual that views a vagina as nothing more than a mucus-lined membrane. Horrible life experiences from his past prevents him from letting people get close. So he's teaching himself not to feel passion, love, and clear his mind of thoughts of sex. It will most likely lead to more pain. And he's already dealt with enough. So to avoid the pain a relationship will bring the best way is to prevent it from happening in the first place. Besides it's a scientific fact that it wouldn't be a success anyway.

"That's the most medical description I've heard for a pussy," his boss said at looking him with a perplexed expression.

"Well that's what is," John said shrugging.

Silence.

"I don't give a damn what you call it. There must be some magic sprinkled up there somewhere or something." The boss said.

 

[Hypoxia]

I'll revisit the question:

I was wondering if someone would like to write a comedic story of a woman taking her man's virginity (either a husband or boyfriend). I would however like the story be from her point of view.

POV is no biggie. BUT... if he is near-sexless, "a border-line asexual" as you say, how is he "her man"? As her husband, how did he skip the wedding-night consummation? Or does she need to seduce a reluctant groom on their first night?

Possible backstory for the last: Hal and Wanda were both raised in a remote fundamentalist community whose rigorous theology emphasizes chastity and obedience. Wanda is a wild girl who never toed the holy line; Hal is orthodox and slightly retarded. "Sex is bad" percolates through his stunted brain; "sex is great" suffuses Wanda's consciousness. How does she unlock his chastity belt?

 

[UnkownGhost]

HA I forgot about that part. So it might be a good idea to drop the asexual business ... oops!

 

[Hypoxia]

HA I forgot about that part. So it might be a good idea to drop the asexual business ... oops!

Oh no! That's what drives the humor. Woman latches onto a guy, thinks of him as "her man", does her best to haul his ashes. But due to ignorance, or slight retardation, or social or religious conditioning, or immature hormones, or a weird fetish or whatever, he doesn't respond. Hilarity ensues. She dries straight=ahead seduction, and alcohol and cannabis, and aphrodisiacs and stimulants and hypnotics, and sexy foods, and lascivious displays. Does she bring him close(r) to arousal? Stay tuned for the next episode!

One may ask why she's set on this tough target. Maybe he's rich. Maybe he holds dual citizenship in a country she wants. Maybe she's insane. But she's no quitter. Her many attempts will make fun reading.

 

[UnkownGhost]

Perhaps she's just head over heels in love with him. No guy is perfect and the no sex thing is his flaw ... one that she'll try to correct. Perhaps its him that she wants but because of his wealth and dual citizenship he's thinking that's what she's after. Perhaps she gets off taking something so "pure" and making it hers or something I don't know.

The thing I write is action not love and sex.

 

[UnkownGhost]

Out of curiosity. I'm wondering if there are any stories like this ...

 

[MayorReynolds]

At its core, a comedic story of a man losing his virginity is already outlined in a sad reality: a lot of us suck our first time. We either cum too fast, don't cum at all, lose our erections, talk too much, know nothing about rhythm or stimulating erogenous zones, and generally sweat and fumble and act awkward and fall out of her ad nauseum.

Along with looking back on the memory through rose-tinted nostalgia googles—she was hot, it felt fantastic, I'll never forget her or it because no other sexual experience will ever measure up in my spank bank—comes that crushing truth of "Boy, I blew it. SHE was great. I blew it."

"I should have kissed her neck. I should have played with her breasts at least ONCE. Why did I keep apologizing? Why did I ask how big my dick was in comparison to her fourteen other previous partners? Goddammit, if I had a fucking time machine, just one opportunity, I mean god fucking dammit...!"

If you're writing it from a woman's point of view as a comedy, this is the scenario you can expand on because that's what really happens. All those "My first time, I pounded her into a new dimension of screaming orgasms for three hours" stories are for erotica. In real life, we just suck.

 

[Strangebuddy]

That's a fun way to take it. Maybe it could be competing narratives: a guy writing about his fantastic first time followed by his lovers more accurate take.

He talks about how she was soaked from making out with him...she talks about how she hopes he didn't notice that she had lots of lube inside her since she was either playing with a new toy or figured he would be inexperienced and didn't want to get fucked dry.

He talks about how he expertly teased her...she talks about how his cock kept slipping out.

He talks a out how she was shocked by his initial entry....she talks about how he entered her wrong and she thinks she got a bruise from it.

 

[Hypoxia]

All those "My first time, I pounded her into a new dimension of screaming orgasms for three hours" stories are for erotica. In real life, we just suck.

So the slightly more realistic romantic approach has the virgin lovers slowly exploring each other, touching their bodies carefully, learning, expanding... But IRL the lovemaking still sucks for the first few years.

I write stories with young men of estimable maturity who learn how to pleasure women, and young (or older) women who teach them to behave. All bullshit. Young men are animals; young women, too. Thank evolution for that. We only *need* immediate contact to satisfy our reproductive urges. All else is gravy.

But reality ain't erotic. Thus we write and read tales of orgasmic nirvana, yada yada. (Forget the huge cocks & tits & tentacles.) And Scooby-Doo chases. And more fun than Real Life offers. And less pus.